On My Honor
by the ramblin rose
Summary: Sometimes just deciding you're ready isn't enough...you've got to prove that you deserve what you want out of life, prove that you've got what it takes... Cyreese, eventual Caryl, other possible relationships and group involvement.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: You need to read this to decide if you want to read this fic.**

**So basically, as far as I have this planned, it will end up being a Caryl fic, but there are going to be other relationships along the way (though I'll make no promises one way or the other about how in depth they are going to be). If you're one of those people, then, who doesn't like to see Carol in other relationships, this is not the fic for you. Daryl will not be in other relationships, except for maybe a little failed flirting for spicing things up. **

**Also, things are not going to be easy for Daryl because I don't want them to be easy for him. I have frustrations with the character and I'll be working them out here so that they don't bleed into my other fics (Caryl) where I don't want those emotions. So if you're prone to "poor Daryl-ing" over every time that he doesn't get everything he wants with his minimal efforts, this won't be the fic for you. It will hurt your feelings because he'd going to have to work for things.**

**This fic is somewhat AU. It picks up at least a year (I'm vague with timelines) after the end of season 4. I will use and ignore parts of the season depending on what I need them for. Some of the story is admittedly going to be unrealistic (especially in regard to timing, perhaps), but I'm not interested in realism here as much as I'm interested in just telling the story that I want to tell and working out some of my frustrations with TPTB of TWD. This is somewhat experimental, I guess you could say. **

**Nasty anon trolls will be ignored and deleted.**

**I own nothing from The Walking Dead. I only own the characters and scenarios that I make up, etc. I don't get paid for this. The only payment I receive are reviews from my readers. That's it. And personal satisfaction, of course.**

**If you have decided to stay on and read, I hope you enjoy! If not, no hard feelings. Let me know what you think! **

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Tyreese put his palm flat on the table and swayed the piece of furniture from side to side. Carol frowned at it, a little disappointed that it would betray her so much by giving way to the gentle push. But apparently Tyreese found it amusing, because he chuckled at the rocking motion.

"Carol…the table…" He started and stopped, cut off with his own amusement. "Our table is drunk," he finished after a second.

"It is not!" Carol responded, faking annoyance at his suggestion that the item that she'd worked so hard to drag all the way to the house on her own was less than perfect…even if it was the truth.

He sighed.

"Do you like it?" He asked.

Carol shrugged.

The truth was she had no particular affection for this particular piece of furniture…but she wanted a table and he knew that…and pickings were slim.

"We don't have a table," she said. "I just thought it might be nice to eat…" she stopped and shrugged, "I thought it might be nice to eat a table…like normal people."

Tyreese sighed again, nodding his head at her. He swayed the piece of furniture once more and considered it.

"I'll look around…I can brace it," he said. "It won't take much."

Carol smiled at him and crossed the small kitchen quickly, opening her arms to him so that he could wrap his around her, pulling her to him in a hug. He kissed the side of her neck and pulled away, a smile on his face that matched hers.

"I've got to work," she said. "I'm on perimeter duty for the next shift."

Tyreese nodded again, scratching at the back of his neck.

"Yeah…I've got construction…" He said.

"Barn or house?" Carol asked since both structures were currently under construction in the community.

"House," Tyreese said. "But the good news is that the walls will be up today…probably have the new people moving into it within three days…Wally's going to work on getting them some panels up after that."

"Oooh, roughing it," Carol teased.

Tyreese nodded his head again.

"For a few days…but coming in off the road, I don't think they mind," he responded. "Dinner together?" He asked.

Carol smiled and nodded.

"Of course…" she said. She cocked her head to the side and pursed her lips at him. "If you brace the table after work…I'll pick up dinner and bring it here…we could break it in."

Tyreese chuckled.

"I'll brace your table," he said. "See you tonight…"

He leaned to kiss her and Carol met him. After they broke apart, she saw him out the door and she strapped her knife on and checked her gun to make sure it was loaded in case of emergency. Satisfied that she was all set, she stepped out the door of the little house, closing it behind her, and started with a determined pace toward the front entrance to the community where she would be meeting with Michonne for perimeter duty.

They had been in the community for at least a year now...though Carol only knew that by the changing of the seasons and the realization that having cycled through them once meant that a full year had probably passed…maybe even more, actually.

The community was called Oasis…and Rodney, the man who was something of a mayor, perhaps, but more or less just a loudspeaker for the decisions made at community meetings…as well as the head of the "welcome wagon"…joked that they had decided to call it that because it was almost too good to be true.

And it was almost too good to be true…except that it was true.

When Tyreese and Carol had neared Terminus so long ago, they'd heard what sounded like, and there was no other explanation for it, war waging inside of the place.

And quickly they'd both agreed that it didn't sound like the sanctuary that it was supposed to be and it didn't sound like the kind of place that they wanted to venture into with Judith in tow. So they'd just gone on, accepting that the place was just another pipe dream.

And they'd travelled, off and on throughout the days, stopping at night to rest and take shelter against Walkers, for about two weeks before they'd stumbled upon Oasis like it was some sort of mirage in the desert.

At first, when they'd arrived, they'd been concerned that the place would turn into just another nightmare in a lullaby's garb.

They'd agreed to stay together in the same house, the place boasting housing for anyone who came, and they'd masqueraded as a new couple with Carol's young daughter, while they'd gotten a feel for their new environment.

Oasis, it seemed, was everything that they could only dream of finding.

The community had grown since they'd arrived by leaps and bounds, but it was already a decent sized community of almost fifty people when they'd gotten there. It boasted, among other things, houses equipped with solar panels that allowed for limited electricity, fully functioning bath houses, a commissary that served three full meals a day, a hospital and clinic of sorts, community events for down time, and schools for the children.

People in the community were assigned jobs on rotations, each man and woman going where their specialized skills were needed if they had them to offer and going anywhere they might be placed if they were flexible. Once a week there were community meetings where anything that needed to be addressed was brought up for anyone who wanted to be in attendance, and final decisions were made by a panel of twelve people and Rodney who served as a loudspeaker and a tie breaker when necessary.

It hadn't taken very long at all for Carol and Tyreese to find themselves relaxing in the space and taking the opportunity provided to them to shake off some of the stress of the world that they'd left behind…a world that they'd thought they only shared with each other.

Until the new arrivals had come about three months after their own arrival in Oasis.

And when they'd joined the others in the community, making their way slowly toward the entrance to the place to catch a glimpse of those who would be joining them, neither of them had attempted in any way to hide the shock and the disbelief that washed over them at the dirty, disheveled group that came passing through the heavy doors of the front entrance like a bunch of holographic figures or hallucinations.

Even when they'd pushed their way through the crowd…even when they'd dared to touch some of the others in front of them, staring back at them with the same disbelief that Carol and Tyreese wore on their features, it was still difficult to accept that they were really real…that they were just as solid and as human as anyone else.

Because they'd given them all up for dead…they'd given them all up for nothing more than ghosts, lost to them as much as any other that they'd seen fall themselves.

The group had told them a story about Terminus…about what they'd missed by hearing the gunfire and the war raging and turning their own steps away…and they'd told them about the losses that had been suffered…though Carol and Tyreese didn't even know who two of the people they'd lost had been and counted Beth, also reported as gone, as having been lost along with the vast majority of the family that they'd known at the prison.

Now…though…a year into living in Oasis, life seemed dramatically different for all of them than what they had known in the past.

Perhaps it would have been oversimplifying their experiences to say that it was "easy" now…but it was certainly much easier than it had ever been before and everyone was overcoming the gun shy sensations that they'd had.

They were able to sleep at night…they were able to eat without fear that it was their last meal…and they were even able, for once in a very long time, to think of grand notions that had once seemed ridiculous to them…like the future.

And somewhere along the line, the pretended relationship between Carol and Tyreese, although exposed when Carol returned Judith to Rick, much to his shock and disbelief, had budded into something that wasn't fake at all.

In fact, it was something much more wonderful than Carol thought she could have even imagined…because in each other they'd managed to find the companionship that they were both searching for, the promise of having a partner through even the harshest things that might come their way, and branching off of that and growing like a flower out of the mud of a battleground, they'd managed to find someone to love them both.

And they embraced it…when they realized it was there…with open arms because life was too short to turn one's back on love and proven acceptance. And both of them felt like, now that they'd found something good, they had to give everything they had over to making up for all the time that they'd spent without it.

As Carol neared where Michonne was standing, waiting to go outside into the fenced off strip just outside the fences that they called the "runway", she smiled at the woman and called out to her, picking up the pace of her steps a little.

"You beat me here!" Carol called.

Michonne turned and smiled at her.

"Not by much," Michonne admitted. "I was on breakfast duty this morning…so I snuck in a quick change of clothes and…maybe a nap."

Carol laughed.

"I didn't have anything this morning…so I picked up my table," she said.

"Which one did you get?" Michonne asked.

"The only one that had four legs," Carol admitted. "The one that Parker was giving away wasn't even a table…the thing only had two legs and he insisted you could just prop up the other side if you really wanted to…it was kindling."

"And who had the one you got?" Michonne asked.

"It was a throw out," Carol admitted. "From the expansion? They brought it in for firewood…but I talked them out of it."

Michonne laughed then, shaking her head.

"I'll have to come and see it…it isn't everyday someone gets new furniture!" Michonne teased.

Carol made a face.

"Ty's got to brace it," she admitted. "You should wait until he does…I'd hate for someone to lean on it and end up in the floor."

Carol looked around to see if anyone looked like they might be joining them, but she didn't see anyone who looked to be doing the run of shame when they were late for their job.

"Are we the only ones?" Carol asked.

Michonne nodded her head.

"I think so," she said. "I think most of the extra hands are being put on expansion…so that means that we're doing with as few as possible for perimeters…but it's not that bad."

Carol shook her head.

"No…we'll be fine…and we can dawdle just a little bit to see what we can see of the expansion. I haven't been over there yet and I'm curious about the new houses…" Carol said.

"Thinking of moving?" Michonne asked, raising her eyebrows.

Carol shook her head.

"No…nothing like that. Besides, I heard their full family homes…I just want to see them. What about you and Rick? You could upgrade…get Judith her own room?" Carol asked.

Michonne sighed and nodded.

"We're filling out the application tonight," Michonne said. "It'd be worth having a kid just to get special consideration if that's what it takes…we're crammed up under each other as it is."

"They are promoting it, you know…perks all around…" Carol pressed as she followed Michonne out the front gates and slipped into the chain link gate at the entrance of the runway.

"You're sounding as pushy as Maggie now," Michonne said.

Carol laughed and started to work, falling in beside Michonne as they moved along, quickly due to the fact that this was routine to them, putting down the Walkers that bothered to come and press themselves against the chain link surrounded area.

Maggie was almost eight months pregnant...and in the community that was promotion growth with all kinds of perks that they had to offer, that meant that she wasn't working more than a couple of hours a day and that even then her jobs were the fluffiest of jobs available...so she had a wealth of time on her hands and she was always trying to get someone to dilly dally at what they had to do and keep her company.

And she was also steady harassing Michonne about when she and Rick were going to seal the deal in their relationship and be the next honored couple of the community promising to bring in new life in the short span of nine months.

"I'm not pushing," Carol said to Michonne. "I'm just teasing…and Maggie's just bored because the only woman she gets to spend most of her time with these day is Emily Walden."

"There's nothing I want or need around here enough to make me spend my time with Emily Walden," Michonne declared. "Nothing…"

Carol laughed.

"Ditto…" Carol responded.

"So are you guys breaking in your new table tonight?" Michonne asked.

Carol smiled and paused a moment to pass the back of her arm over her forehead to wipe away the splatters of Walker mess that were already starting to build up…splatters that would leave both of them dripping when they got done and shuffled toward the showers before dinner.

"We are," Carol responded. "Nothing like a nice, romantic dinner at home."

Michonne sucked her teeth and then snickered.

"I was afraid once that I'd never be able to say that again," Michonne said. "But you're right…there really is nothing like it."

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**AN: So, as I mentioned, part of this is already planned out, but as always I leave the details open to go where the story wants to go. I'll update when I can.**

**Also, coming soon for those who are interested, I will have (I'm not sure how soon) another fic that will be quite different than this one and it will be a completely Cyreese (Carol/Tyreese) fic…so stay tuned for that if you're interested. **


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: OK, so we're still setting things up, obviously, since I'm building sort of a whole new world here. **

**This chapter is from Daryl's POV. For a while in the story we'll have something from him occasionally, but not super regular stories…later…there will be more from him.**

**Again, though, we're still working on setting things up.**

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! **

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Daryl sat on the benches outside the shower house with his sack of shower stuff between his feet. It was rush hour at the shower house and it was about to be rush hour everywhere. Right after the last day shift there were always lines…lines to take a shower…lines to get food to eat at the mess hall…lines to spend your credits at the post…lines if you were waiting to get into what they called the center, which was really an old gym or something, to do whatever the community event was that was planned.

You spent most of your life waiting in lines for shit.

At least outside the shower houses they had benches so you could sit your tired ass down and wait for your shower.

Daryl didn't hate Oasis…it wouldn't be fair to say that…but he wasn't always crazy about it. It was everything and then some when it came to the things that they'd talked about and the things that they dreamed about.

It was safe, it had most of the pleasantries that life before had, and every day it seemed it grew a little bit more and it got a little bit better. They lost people, a good deal actually, on runs and "missions" as they called them…and sometimes they lost them to accidents in construction and other jobs…but for the most part, they didn't have nearly as much casualty as life had afforded them before.

And for Daryl the worst parts were that there were just too many damn people that he had no interest in getting to know and, now that things had calmed down, there were just too many hours in the day sometimes.

Daryl had, as a result of this, racked up more credits than probably anybody else in the community.

The community's monetary system was a credit system, and they kept records of it and each household kept a credit book.

Every person in the community was given a certain daily "credit" simply for being alive. It was based on your age, your gender, and your relationship status. From there, you earned credits for the different kinds of jobs you worked. The more challenging the job…or really the more likely you were to croak in the process of doing it, the higher the number of credits that it paid. The more you worked, the more you made.

There were other ways to earn credits too…some people wanted to earn, some they didn't, and some just sort of seemed to happen on accident.

When you were assigned to run teams, and they tried to be fair about handing out those assignments so that everyone got a chance to be in the line of fire as long as they were able, you were given a list of things that you were responsible for acquiring, depending on the nature of the run. Anything extra you got you could keep, give as gifts, whatever was the case, or you could turn the extra stuff in…for credits.

The credits were used to buy any and everything…and as it turned out, there wasn't too much that Daryl wanted or needed in his life…so at the end of the world, the only thing that he had coming out of his ass was credits.

Daryl scuffed his foot in the dirt and wondered what the hell they might have for supper and who the hell he might eat with.

After all this time they were supposed to be integrating into one big, happy family, but Daryl didn't care too much about getting to know anyone. It just made your stomach churn when you found out someone didn't make it back from a run or it made you want to try to help them if you were on a run together. He stuck, in general, to just trying to know the people that he'd come in with…since he was already, to some degree, emotionally invested in them.

While he was sitting there wondering if he might get dessert…if it was decent…since it could be bought with credits and he had more than enough to spare, Carol came walking up, almost dripping Walker much, and carrying her red plastic basket over her arm.

"Is there a line to shower?" She asked as she walked up.

"Nah," Daryl grumbled, looking at her. "I'm just sittin' out here…workin' on my damn tan…"

Carol nodded her head and sat beside him on the bench, bending over and rearranging a few of the things in her shower basket around the pile of clean clothes.

Daryl had been surprised…more surprised than he could have imagined…to arrive at Oasis, their group plucked off the road by having run into one of the groups on a "mission" and to find that Carol, who he had begun to be pretty sure was probably dead, had arrived safe and sound at the place before them…and that she had Judith with her…and, especially, that she was with Tyreese.

And Tyreese had not killed her…not like Rick had suggested that he might…though he apparently knew what had happened with her and with Karen and David. Tyreese, it seemed, had forgiven her.

And the two of them were one of those damn couples that made you throw up in your mouth because they looked for any excuse to talk to one another…to hold hands…to mention each other. It was, as Merle would have said, disgusting how the hell they carried on.

Daryl told himself that's the reason that it bothered him to be around Carol and Tyreese these days…it was because they acted too damn childish with each other…and that was the reason that it bothered him.

The truth was, though, if he'd bothered to admit it to himself or anyone else, that it drove him crazy because, in the back of his mind, he'd always thought that he'd end up with Carol. He'd almost thought…even though he'd never said anything or done anything about it…that they were already a couple or something. They were just a couple that…well…didn't do any of the things that couples did.

But he wasn't like Glenn and he wasn't going to act like he did with Maggie…their first kid due sometime soon…and he wasn't like Rick and he wasn't interested in playing house with the little damn kiddies and the wifey that he'd seemed to find, making Michonne an interesting type of stand in for Lori…and Daryl wasn't like Tyreese either…always being so damn touchy feely all the time.

So when he'd thought that, somehow, by some secret merit, he and Carol had been in a relationship…he'd thought that maybe she'd just know and she'd just not expect anything like that from him. Essentially…she'd not expect anything more than what he'd been giving her…

And now it was clear that, at least to Carol, there was nothing there if there ever had been. Because she was still his friend, but you would have been hard pressed around Oasis to find anyone who didn't know that she was with Tyreese.

"They're showing a movie tomorrow tonight, at the Center. You going?" Carol asked, obviously trying to make some idle chat to pass the time it took for people to finish up inside and come out of the shower house.

Daryl looked at her and sucked his teeth.

"What the hell movie is it? Prob'ly showed the damn thing six or seven times," he grumbled.

"I don't care what movie it is," Carol said quietly. "I just like…going to see the movie."

"Yeah well, I'll pass," Daryl said.

"Suit yourself," Carol said.

When people came out of the shower house and stopped to talk to Michael, the young man who was "on duty" for regulating the traffic there, Daryl looked at Carol.

"You can go," he said.

"No…you were here first," she said with a smile. "I've got time…go ahead."

Daryl shook his head.

"Ain't like I'm in no damn hurry ta get nowhere," Daryl declared.

And it was true. Where was he going? To get something to eat and then back to his tiny little "apartment" house…he didn't have shit to do really.

But someone else walked out a moment later, virtually ending the discussion and Carol got to her feet and picked up her basket with a smile.

"Now we can both go," she said.

And she walked around Daryl and into the entrance to the shower house with him following a few feet behind her with his sack in his hand.

Once you were inside the shower houses it was nothing special. There was a row of five sinks, all of them had mirrors, and there was a row of benches for leaving whatever the hell you didn't want to take in the stall with you. The showers, and there were usually ten of them, but sometimes one or two would go down, were just stall showers with sliding curtains to keep you from being exposed to everyone else in there.

Most people didn't care too much about modesty or decorum anymore anyway, though, and would change right out in the areas in front of the benches without a second thought to the fact that they were surrounded by whoever else was in there…male or female.

Daryl wasn't one to do that very often, though, and he knew that Carol wasn't either. Both of them put their shit on the benches, gathered up everything they'd need to take into the shower and a towel to grab to come back for dry clothes, and stepped into their respecting stalls.

Daryl piled his dirty clothes in the corner of his shower stall and turned on the water, letting the warm water…since it never really got hot…run down over him for a second before he began to lather up his bar of soap.

Around him he could hear the sounds of people passing in and out of the room…chatter between people who knew each other well enough to chat in the showers…sometimes the talking and laughter of couples who came in together claiming that they were saving water, when he wasn't really sure how much water either of them saved…it was the same old thing day in and day out.

He jumped a little from the surprise when he heard the distinct sound of Carol shriek, and then he heard the bubbling and rolling laughter of Michonne.

"Whoops…I thought those were your feet," Michonne teased, obviously having snatched the curtain back on Carol.

"Michonne! You wait until I get out…" Carol announced, her voice echoing through the hollow sounding space.

"Too late…everyone in here that wants to see it has already seen my ass," Michonne declared with a laugh. "Jude's coming in with you…drop her off on your way out…"

Daryl finished washing the shampoo out of his hair, cursing a little under his breath when it ran in his eyes and burned like hell, and then he turned off the water, toweling dry before wrapping the towel around his waist and stepping as quickly as he could out of the shower to make a dart for the benches.

He nearly bumped into Carol, her towel wrapped around her, ushering a naked and dripping Judith from her shower stall into one of the others with Michonne's feet visible and a flash of her body visible as Judith slung the curtain open and darted inside.

And Daryl grabbed his clothes and stepped into his stall again to get dressed, trying to wait long enough that he didn't have to come out and run into Carol…the image of her in her towel, something he'd seen a thousand times, burned into his mind…because he didn't need, too, the image of her still somewhat wet, her clothes clinging to her, to go with it.

He'd wait it out and go from here to drop his shit off before supper alone…that's how the hell he operated anyway…it was easier that way anyway.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Here we go, another little chapter. Still doing all kinds of set-uppy type things.**

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!**

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"So…not too bad," Tyreese said, rocking the table a little with both his hands once they'd settled down to eat the plates of food that Carol brought over from the commissary.

"It's perfect," she said. "Now we just need a table cloth."

Tyreese hummed around his food.

"I don't think I'd say perfect…I wouldn't sit on it…but it'll hold for eating I think," he responded.

"Did you write the braces down? In the credit book?" Carol asked, glancing toward the kitchen counter where they usually kept the book so that they didn't replace it. It had to be updated daily if you were every going to have any hope at all of keeping track. Otherwise you were going to have to go down to the post each day and ask before you started doing any shopping around.

Tyreese shook his head.

"Mmm mmm…salvage," he said. "Where'd you get the table?" He asked.

"Salvage," Carol responded.

Between the two of them, they were pretty thrifty. They ended up mostly spending their credits, when they spent anything, on the basics like soap, shampoo, lotion…extra food and sweets…community events, and things of that nature. Nearly everything their house was furnished with had been salvaged and Tyreese had done a good bit of the craftsmanship himself.

"I did get you something today," Tyreese said. "Down at post…the group got back."

Whenever groups came back from runs, there was always something of a mad dash to get to post first and get first pick of all the best items that came in…all the extras they brought to drop off. Carol had missed the coming in of the new group today, though…probably because she and Michonne, while doing perimeter duty, were in the part of the community to hear it.

"They've been gone a while," Carol said.

Tyreese nodded his head, chewing through a bite of food and got up from the table, obviously to bring her whatever it was that he had picked up for her.

"Did they say if everything went alright?" She asked, watching him go into their little living room area and burrow behind the cushions of the couch.

"Three casualties," he responded. "Didn't know any of the names. I'm guessing they were new. Said they got caught in a kind of tight spot or something…"

Carol sighed.

The casualties happened often…but it was never nice to hear about them. They'd all lost and they'd all lose again, but every time she heard that someone had died on a run or a mission…every time she went to one of the community funerals or heard someone talking about what had happened…she always remembered that these people, whether she knew them or not, were somebody's someone…and someone was suffering the loss and feeling it just as real as any of the ones that they still struggled with on a daily basis.

Tyreese came back and sat at his position across from her at the table and she smiled at him just because he was smiling at her…whatever the surprise was, it wouldn't be much, but it wasn't what it was that mattered to her.

"We need chairs too…" she commented. "It's fine to drag the chairs from the living room in here sometimes…but it would be better to have chairs for the table…"

"I know they got chairs down at salvage," Tyreese commented. "I could have picked you up ten today if you'd told me you wanted chairs before work. Doesn't matter, though, I'll get them tomorrow…I'm working in the expansion tomorrow."

"I have commissary duty tomorrow," Carol said.

"Do you want your present or not?" Tyreese asked, holding whatever the crinkly sounding thing he had behind his back in his lap now.

Carol smiled.

"What did you get me?" She asked, swallowing down her food.

Tyreese put the item on the table and slid it toward her. She smiled and shook her head.

A bag of assorted suckers.

Carol thought back, briefly, to a time in her life when people had considered such things not to constitute as gifts at all…gifts had to be extravagant and remarkable…the kind of thing that someone could brag to anyone and everything that would listen that they'd gotten an amazing gift…something so expensive, so breathtaking…diamonds and jewelry and all things like that.

It wasn't the same these days and gifts really were anything that you didn't absolutely need…and sometimes they were things that you did need even.

And Tyreese knew that she liked sweets…so their house was never without something sweet.

"Thank you," Carol said sincerely.

"You're welcome," Tyreese responded. He got up from the table, depositing his now clean plate in the dish bucket that Carol would carry over with her in the morning to return to commissary. She picked up her plate and offered it to him.

"You want the rest?" She asked.

She always saved him part of her meal. She didn't eat as much as he did…couldn't if she tried…and she always teased him that she'd rather him not be put on any strict community enforced diets.

He took the plate, chided her on eating more as usual, and finished off what was left while he leaned against the counter, finally depositing her plate in the bucket with his.

Carol got up from the table, running her fingertips over it, and appreciated for a moment how much she liked this…how nice it was just to live a life that they'd never imagined they'd have a chance at again…a life that was mostly quiet and mundane.

There was a lot to be said for boredom and the everyday things.

Carol ripped the corner of the bag of suckers with her fingertip and poked through them.

"I was going to get you chocolate," Tyreese said. "But Rick got in line before me and he cleaned them out…"

Carol laughed.

Michonne was a chocolate addict and everyone knew it. If there was chocolate to be had, she was interested in acquiring it. Carol liked it, but not with the same intensity, so she'd often save hers for Michonne if she got it anyway.

"What flavor?" Carol asked.

"What?" Tyreese asked.

"What flavor do you want?" Carol asked again. "I figured we'd probably end up sharing."

Tyreese smiled at her and shook his head.

"Surprise me," he declared.

So Carol plucked one of the suckers out of the bag, deciding to surprise herself as well, and turned quickly to slip into the little bedroom of their house.

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Carol lie in the bed, twisted in the sweat damp blankets, propped on Tyreese's chest with her eyes closed while he rubbed lazy circles on her back with the hand…his arm partially trapped under her. She heard the crinkling and looked at him and he was trying, with the hand that he still had control of, to open the sucker that she'd forgot about with his teeth.

She laughed at him and reached up, freeing his arm and balancing herself on her elbow, to take the sucker and unwrap it, offering it to him.

He took it and sucked on it a moment.

"What flavor?" Carol asked.

He hummed and tore the stick with his teeth, offering her the destroyed end of the stick to go with the wrapper and she dropped it over the side of the bed to get later.

And then he wagged a finger at her and she came to him, kissing him and allowing him to pass her the loose ball of the sucker.

For a few moments they kept the kiss and the game going strong between them, wrestling back and forth, transferring the candy from one owner to another and back and until Carol finally passed it back to him and pulled away…always the first to lose her breath, never having managed the circular breathing that he seemed to have so much more control over and that required him to come up for air much less often.

"Mmm…" she hummed. "Butterscotch."

She licked her lips at the taste that had well coated her mouth at the moment…the sweet, sticky flavor seemed so much stronger these days when they'd gone so long without things like sugar and spices…things that they'd once taken for granted.

"It's good," Tyreese said, tucking the candy into his cheek. "But I think…you might be sweeter."

Carol felt her cheeks grow warm and she smiled at him.

She didn't know if she'd ever get used to his compliments…to the little things that he seemed to look for opportunities to say. She didn't know if anyone ever got used to things like that…but if it was possible, she was sure that he was conditioning her for just such a thing.

And whether or not she was used to it, and whether or not it still made her blush when he said them, especially when he said them in the presence of someone else, she appreciated them.

Because she'd never imagined, after being married to Ed, what it would feel like to have someone who spent as much of their time making laundry lists of all the things that they loved about her…pointing out even the smallest things in an ongoing list of things that they thought were wonderful about her…and it was a sharp contrast to the lists that her ears could still hear that Ed had made of all the things that he hated about her.

Carol moved again to loom over him, and she brought their lips back together and accepted for another round the sweet butterscotch candy before passing it back to him.

"You're the sweet one," she said, breaking away.

She started to get out of the bed and he reached out, catching her by the wrist.

"Where are you going?" He asked.

She looked at him over her shoulder.

"I thought we might…go another round? It's not that late," Tyreese said.

"No…it's not that late…" Carol admitted. "And I think that sounds like just what I might need…helps me sleep better. So I'm going to brush my teeth so I don't have to get up again later."

Tyreese sat up quickly, throwing back the cover so that it made a pile in the middle of the bed that they'd have to sort through later, and slid off his side of the bed.

"Just call me the sandman," Tyreese teased. "I'll brush mine too…I don't want to have to get up later either."

In the bathroom, crowded as it was, they brushed their teeth together and Carol purposely bumped Tyreese from time to time so that he would make faces at her through the mirror.

"You'll be off for the movie tomorrow, right?" Carol asked.

"What?" Tyreese asked after he swished out his mouth with a cup of water. He passed her the cup. "I've got no idea what you just asked me, but I'm going to plead the fifth until you clarify."

Carol laughed, almost spewing toothpaste on him and finally rinsed her mouth out, drying it on the towel she was offered.

"Movie? You're off work for the movie? Tomorrow?" Carol asked.

Tyreese nodded his head.

"Of course…I wouldn't sign up to work on a movie night. I remember how sour you were the last time I did that," Tyreese said.

Carol frowned at him and leaned against him, wrapping her arms around him and sinking into the hug that he offered in return.

"I wasn't sour…" she said. "I don't get sour over things like that."

Tyreese hummed, the sound echoing in his chest where she had her ear pressed and rubbed her back with the somewhat scratchy palm of his hand…everyone's hands took a beating with the labor that they put in these days.

"Well…you weren't sour," Tyreese said. "But…you were kind of mopey…so I guess that's about as sour as we can get these days."

He paused and Carol felt him rub his face against the top of her head and he moved, swaying both their bodies slightly in the confined space.

"No…I'm not working tomorrow night…and I checked today. They're showing Grease again," he finished after a moment.

Carol smiled from her position leaning against his chest.

"I love that movie," she said.

Tyreese chuckled.

"I know you do…" he said. "Come on…Sandra Dee…let's go to bed…you can help reform me and my bad boy ways."

Carol laughed at him, but she pulled away to allow him to go into the room, slapping him on the ass as he passed by her so that he turned quickly.

"What was that for?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"For being a bad boy," she teased.

He chuckled.

"Oh…OK…I see how we're playing now…" He said. "You called it."


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Here we go, another little chapter.**

**I think I should let it be known, in case anyone needs to know it, that there will be a good deal of group involvement in the story. **

**Also…reminder that characters may be seen as OOC. As with any story, I adapt them as I need to or see fit to.**

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!**

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Daryl was eating his breakfast with Rick when Tyreese sat down and joined them. He suffered through the small talk because there was little else to do and it would be obvious if he got up and moved elsewhere…even though there really wasn't anywhere else to go in the place that he wanted to move to.

"Carol said you and Michonne are trying to move to one of the houses in the expansion…have you been over there to look at them…or you just upgrading on principle?" Tyreese asked.

Rick swallowed the stuff that they called hash browns and shrugged.

"We haven't been over there…but we heard three bedrooms and we thought we should get on that. The couples housing here…it's just too small for four people," Rick said.

"I hear ya," Tyreese responded. "You're tripping over each other with two people in the house…three might be OK…but four would get too crowded."

Daryl sucked his teeth.

"We come from livin' in prison cells…barns…warehouses…everybody on top a' everybody else an' now people are scramblin' ta get the new and improved," he said. "Guess don't nothin' change."

Tyreese hummed.

"If you can have it, why not? I mean we've all walked some pretty ridiculous roads to get here…but I don't see anything wrong with enjoying what you can have," Tyreese said.

"Agreed," Rick said. "And Michonne's actually talking about us considering a baby…we've got good health care, we're self-sufficient for food…after the next parts run we'll be producing bullets…I, for one, am willing to admit that I'm enjoying the lifestyle."

"Me too," Tyreese commented, stabbing at his food. "Live it up…what's the saying? Tonight we drink for tomorrow we die. None of us are going to escape it…but I don't mind enjoying as much as I can before it gets here."

They ate in silence for a few moments and then Tyreese tapped his finger near the edge of Daryl's tray.

"Don't you enjoy it here? Don't you like sleeping with both eyes closed for a change?" Tyreese asked.

"Gettin' soft, that's all I'm sayin'," Daryl commented. "Bottom falls out…everybody hits the road again…you don't remember how ta live."

Rick laughed that time and Daryl made a face at him.

"Come on Daryl…you need to relax," Rick said. "It's a good feeling…you know? Carl's got himself a little girlfriend…Judith goes to school…it's a good feeling to relax and just enjoy…normal…for a change."

"This ain't nothin' like my normal," Daryl said, shaking his head. "Gotta go…I got work…I'm on expansion."

Daryl started to get up and Tyreese did too, packing his mouth as quickly as he could even as he rose up from the table.

"I've got expansion too," Tyreese said. "We can walk over together. Rick…good day?"

Rick nodded, his mouth full, and Daryl walked off, figuring that Tyreese would end up catching up with him on the way across the community. And now, so he'd heard, he'd end up spending the day with him working over at the new expansion.

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"You find a seat…I'll get snacks," Tyreese told Carol when they got into the area of the Center where they were showing the movie. It was already crowded, but she'd been slowed down by being on commissary duty for the day.

"Floors, chairs? Do you care?" She asked.

"Whatever you like," Tyreese said. "But…back wall's always nice if there's a spot…"

Carol nodded.

He went off in one direction and she went off in the other, stepping around people, getting caught up in a quick conversation here…a quick something there. She was beginning to become overwhelmed with trying to find a spot when she heard someone call her name and jerked her head up to see Sasha and Bob standing near the back wall, calling her name, and waving their arms in the air to get her attention.

Carol smiled and waved at them, letting them know that she'd found them, and then she made her way toward them, relieved to see that they'd done the work of finding a spot large enough for them all to share.

"Where's Ty?" Sasha asked.

"Snacks," Carol said. "What do they have tonight?"

She settled down on one of the cushions that they'd brought with them…almost always thinking to bring enough for her and Tyreese when they came, and looked over to see what they were snacking on.

"Disgusting lemon…or lime…or something drink," Sasha said, making a cringing face.

"And popcorn," Bob said. "Not buttered…but you can close your eyes and imagine."

Carol laughed. It didn't matter to her really what the movie nights were like. She didn't mind if she didn't like the movie…she didn't mind if she couldn't see it or hear it well…she didn't mind when the snacks were nothing but water and pretzels.

For her, it was really just the glory that they were at movie night that made it so great. It was the whole idea that they ended their work day with a shower and a trip "out" to go see a movie.

Bob stood up when he saw Tyreese making his way through the people crowded together and he shouted out at him and waved his arms much like they'd done to get Carol's attention. Tyreese spotted them after a moment and the made his way over, stepping around people and apologizing as he went, before he passed the snacks to Carol and took a seat beside her, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and pulling her to lean against him.

He moved his hand, long enough to playfully thump Sasha so that she turned and looked at Carol first, who could do nothing but smile and shake her head, and then Sasha slapped at Tyreese.

"Didn't see you at all today," Tyreese said. "Where were you hiding?"

"Excuse me?" Sasha said, a smile creeping onto her face. "I have legitimate skills…I'm not working over in expansion moving shit from one location to another. I was helping get things working in the armory because some people are incompetent."

Bob leaned around Sasha, already smiling and indicating he was about to say something that might get him trouble when they got home after the movie.

"And by skills…she means that her hands are small enough to fit in all the tight spaces," Bob said with a laugh, making Carol and Tyreese both laugh with him and making Sasha elbow him with a warning.

When the lights got cut out, suddenly, they were bathed in a darkness that kept you from seeing hardly anything until your eyes adjusted. There was a good deal of shushing that hissed through the group gathered there, and Carol eased into her position, waiting for the flickering of the projection screen they used to start, indicating that it was show time for everyone who was waiting to watch the movie that had been shown more than a few times.

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"Ty and Rick both are up for the parts run," Michonne said to Sasha as they worked perimeter duty. "Hopefully this one goes as planned…no mishaps."

"Last time I was out it was a clear run," Sasha said. "I'm coming up…one of the next rotations. I think I'll probably end up on missions. I hate those, though."

Michonne hummed.

"I'd rather go on three runs to one mission," Michonne agreed. "And I hope the run goes smoothly too. It's the first one that Rick's been on since we got here…so I'm a little…I hate to say nervous."

"Well, oh…sorry," Sasha said, excusing herself quickly for stepping to the side too fast and stepping on Michonne's foot, almost causing her to fall in her sidestep.

"No…it's fine," Michonne said, hopping to the side to put more distance between them. "What were you going to say?"

"I was going to say that I can imagine you're nervous," Sasha said. "Wouldn't you end up with the kids if something happened to Rick?"

Michonne grunted.

"Yeah…I would," she said.

She had come to think of Carl and Judith as her own children, or at least as much as it was possible. She lived with them…she was the one that got up with Judith in the middle of the night when she couldn't sleep and she spent a lot of her free time in the evenings sitting with Carl and talking him through things.

The return to normal was wonderful for all of them, but each and every one of them, when they bothered to admit it, which most of the time they didn't, had a lot of problems with the return to normal too because it was difficult to trust the feeling of not worrying. When you didn't worry, you felt like you should worry about the fact that you weren't worrying.

It was natural these days to feel that way. It was natural to wait for the shoe to fall because it had fallen before…and it had fallen hard. They had every reason in the world to believe that Oasis was strong…stronger even than anything else that was out there by merit of their numbers and by merit of all the minds that were gathered together to build it stronger every day…but it was hard, sometimes, to trust that your ship might have come in.

And even though there were therapists there, and even though many of them took as much advantage of the therapy offered to them as was possible, it was a slow process to come back from some of the darker realms of their minds where they'd been. They were all crawling out of them…but it didn't mean that they didn't slip back in from time to time.

"It's not even that," Michonne admitted after a few moments. "It's really just that…if something were to happen out there? I guess I worry that it might be too much for Rick…and he's come a long way with therapy since we got here."

"We all have," Sasha said. "And Rick's going to be fine…you know me, Michonne, and you know that I'm not going to sit here for a moment and tell you that life is all about rainbows and sunshine…"

She paused and slammed her knife into the head of one of the Walkers that was pressing against the chain link fence nearest them, snatching her knife loose and letting the body fall with a hard thud against the ground and against the other Walkers that were already piled there…waiting for the clean-up crew to come along and drag them off to be burned.

"It certainly wasn't for that guy," Sasha said. "But we're doing good here…and every day we're doing better. Rick's not going to lose all of that because of a run gone bad. Just like you wouldn't…and I wouldn't…and Tyreese wouldn't. We're all stronger than that."

"No…you're right," Michonne agreed. "I guess that I…still get stuck worrying that something's going to happen…another Governor…another bad group or bad situation."

Sasha chuckled lightly and pushed at Michonne, playfully urging her to pick up the pace of how quickly they were putting down bodies.

"Bad groups…bad situations…they're bound to happen," Sasha said. "But look at it this way…Oasis? All of us? We could handle a Governor and we're not playing around. There's too much to lose this time."

Michonne hummed again and decided to change the subject. Talking about the possibility of bad things that may never come to pass or may come to pass before the sun came up on another day wasn't how she wanted to spend her time. It wasn't how she had decided to spend her time now.

"So…you and Bob…" Michonne started, "is it true what I've heard rumors of? Do we have a wedding in the future?"

Sasha turned and smiled, the first full smile she'd offered Michonne since they'd locked themselves inside the chain link cage.

"Maybe," she said. "I know it doesn't matter…I mean we live together and nobody cares anyway…but I think we'd like to do a ceremony. We just haven't decided for sure yet."

The community promoted relationships and it promoted reproduction…growth to the population. So one of the things that they offered as just a sort of "thank you" to anyone who was looking to make something official about their relationship was "the ceremony".

And Michonne had gone to a few of them even when she hadn't known the people well because they were lovely and she had a soft spot for weddings…and a soft spot for love, no matter how much it might damage her image to be seen that way.

And the thing about love these days was that it was very different than the notions that they'd had of love in the past. There wasn't any stress put on the same decorum that they'd guarded before. It happened hard and it happened fast. No one was under the impression any longer that there was time to waste.

People these days didn't ask the ridiculous questions any longer and didn't hold ridiculous expectations. There wasn't the question of is it true love? Is it your only love? Is it the love of a lifetime? There wasn't the thought that widows and widowers didn't grieve long enough or hard enough before seeking comfort…whatever they could get…in the arms of a new love.

Because as long as it was love, no matter its shape or form…and as long as the comfort and affection that the person needs was there…it was love. And it was the kind of thing that you'd have to be a fool to waste on account of some antiquated belief systems.

So the ceremonies, though they called them marriage ceremonies, were nothing like the ones of the past…at least not vow wise…and Michonne had even been to a few where the couple had chosen to have no vows at all. Rather they simply declared their love and devotion to each other…promising nothing for the future and instead stating only what there was now. And they were all beautiful and unique.

"What about you and Rick?" Sasha asked. "Don't think that people haven't wondered when you're going to be stepping up to the plate."

Michonne smiled and shook her head.

"Oh…we've talked about it," Michonne said. "And…we've decided that if we get OKed…for the new house? We're taking that as our sign…we're going to do the ceremony and we're talking about adding to the family…"

Sasha stopped and raised her eyebrows at Michonne.

"Going all the way, huh?" Sasha asked. Michonne shrugged slightly, not having too much more of a response besides what she'd already said. "It makes sense," Sasha said after a moment. "Get what you can, right? You'll get one of the houses…if you put that down on your application."

Michonne laughed.

"Oh…we did," she said.

"You should start writing vows then," Sasha said with a snicker. "Maybe you'll give me some ideas…because right now all we've got is 'thank you for all coming…we're gathered here to say we'll keep doing what we're doing…and because they're making cake.'"

Michonne laughed.

"That's why I go to so many of the things…cake," Michonne declared.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Here we go, another little chapter. **

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! **

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"It's only a three day mission," Carol said, propping her elbow on the table and resting her chin on her hand to attempt to make it appear as even less than it was so that Tyreese would stop looking so frustrated about the whole thing.

"I don't like it," he said again, shaking his head. "I don't know why you would do something like that…why would you sign up for a mission?"

"You're going on a three day run," Carol said.

"It's my turn…I'm following rotation," Tyreese said. "I didn't sign up for it…they signed me up for it. And it's just a parts run…it's not a mission."

Carol sighed.

She wasn't going to pretend that she didn't know why he was bothered. Missions could be touchy and most people avoided them with everything they could…to the point that you more or less got drafted in to them most of the time.

Runs were simple enough. Each run was comprised of a team and the number of people on the team sometimes varied, but usually each team was made up of five people. You got picked on rotation…drafted in…whatever it was that you wanted to call it. As with anything in the community, if you liked doing runs, and some people really enjoyed it, then you could sign up as often as you liked and you weren't ever really "chosen" for a team unless you requested it.

Each person was given a list of things to acquire on a run and they travelled to a location. Some runs took longer than others because they were long distance runs, others were short runs and took much less time.

Missions were a little different. They were a form of recruitment. Missions teams were typically started as voluntary with five to ten slots for each team, though Carol had never known a mission to have a full team of ten.

The point of missions was to recruit people for the community. Sometimes they were successful, and sometimes they weren't. They were given a region to cover, a number of days to dedicate to their search, and their goal was to find any travelers on the road in that area and recruitment them to come to Oasis…thus expanding the numbers and further building the community.

Missions were voluntary unless no one signed up. If it was clear that no one was going to sign up, then they worked on the same kind of rotational assignments as runs.

The reason that people didn't like missions was pretty obvious…it meant dealing with other people. It could mean, if you were lucky, meeting with tired and docile groups that were looking for the safety and shelter that they offered…but if you weren't lucky, it could mean meeting up with people who were of a different caliber.

So people on missions often considered themselves "prepared to fight" if they had to…whereas it was assumed that going on a run might only lead you into Walker danger and not into dealing with possibly damaged people.

Carol wasn't sure why she'd signed up for the mission, but she'd passed by and overheard some people talking about it while she was stopping by to see what she was assigned for work the next day…and while she was there she'd just decided that the mission was something she wanted to go on. It had been a spur of the moment decision.

"It'll be fine," Carol insisted. "I can handle myself."

Tyreese shook his head.

"It's not that I doubt you can handle yourself," he said. "It's that it's not necessary for you to go. There are plenty of other people that could go."

Carol chuckled.

"And I'm sure they'd feel that way about me," she said. "I don't know why…but I wanted to go on the mission, so I signed up for it. It's just a three day mission…a short mission…and it'll be fine."

Tyreese frowned deeply at her, but didn't respond verbally and she shook her head at him.

"Don't look at me like that, OK?" She said. "It'll be fine. I'll go on the mission…we leave out tomorrow…you leave out the next day on the run. I'll be home before you get back."

She smiled at him and raised her eyebrows, dropping her hand to the table.

"I'll be here waiting to welcome you home," she said.

Tyreese didn't change his expression, but he did rub his hand over his face. Carol got up from where she was sitting and came around to him.

"Let's go to bed?" She asked.

He stared at her a moment and nodded his head, getting up with a sigh. She smiled at him and nodded her head at his decision to go with her and he leaned, blowing out the oil lamp on the table.

"Lamp's low," he commented, his voice sounding duller than it had before, brought down by her confession about the mission.

"I picked up another bottle at post today," Carol said. "I'll fill them up tomorrow…"

When they got into the bedroom, Tryeese lit the lamp in there and Carol went to the bathroom, brushing her teeth and leaning against the doorway so that she could watch him.

He was sitting on the bed, his elbows on his legs, staring at the floor.

And she knew that he was upset because he was imaging that horrible things could happen…things he didn't want to happen…things that nobody wanted to happen.

But dwelling on that wasn't going to get them anywhere and it wasn't going to do either of them any good. She wanted to go on the mission and she was going…and she'd simply hope for the best.

After she washed her mouth out and dried it with the towel, Carol leaned against the doorway of the bathroom again for a moment.

"Ty…please?" She asked.

He looked at her and then he shrugged.

"Please what?" He asked. "Please tell you that I want you to do this? Please tell you that I think it's a great idea for you to sign up…for you to request…to do something that's potentially dangerous?"

Carol sighed.

"I haven't been out in forever," she said. "And…I just wanted to go when I saw the mission sign up. I wanted to do it. I'm not asking you to like it because I would hate it too if you told me you signed up for one that you didn't have to go on. I understand that. All I'm asking is that you just tell me…"

She stopped and shrugged, considering to herself what she could really expect him to say about it. He got up from the bed and came by, presumably to brush his teeth, and he moved her gently out of the way by her shoulders before he stepped into the bathroom and poured the water for himself into the basin that they used.

"I'm just asking you to say that you're alright with it, I guess," Carol said. "I'm asking you to say that you…not even that you understand that I just want to do it…just that you accept it."

Tyreese didn't say anything until after he'd finished brushing his teeth and slowly patted his mouth dry. By that time, Carol had gone into the bedroom and stripped out of her clothes and was pulling on the oversized shirt that she preferred to use as a nightgown.

"Leave it?" He asked.

She paused in the process but took it back off after a second and crawled under the covers, watching as Tyreese went around the bed and shed his own clothes from the evening.

"I accept it," Tyreese said as he slid into bed and got comfortable. "I do…I accept it and I even understand. Michonne gets stir crazy all the time…Daryl goes on every run and every mission he can get assigned to…even Sasha and Bob both fight for places. I understand the need to get out there…and do something. But it doesn't mean that I'm not going to worry about you."

Carol smiled at him and she moved closer to him in the bed. He shifted with her, moving the blankets so that they didn't bunch between them so badly and ran his thumb across her cheek. She kissed him and pulled away after a moment, running her finger across his chest and outlining his muscles with it.

"It's fine for you to worry," she said. "I worry about you all the time…it's natural. I just want you to worry…because things are unpredictable…or because things…sometimes get out of hand."

She shook her head at him.

"I don't want you to worry because you think that I can't handle them," she said.

He chuckled.

"That's the last of my worries," he said, raising his eyebrows at her.

And she was relieved to see that he was lightening up over the whole thing. He would worry about her…and she would worry about him while he was on the run. That's what anybody did when their loved ones were out of the community. It simply wasn't going to be avoided.

"It's a good group," Carol offered. "I know most of them…I know they're a good group to go with. That's one of the reasons I signed up for this one instead of waiting for another one that might not have such a good group."

"Who's going?" Tyreese asked.

"Daryl…Abraham…me…that lady, what's her name?" Carol said.

Tyreese chuckled and shook his head and she echoed the laugh because she knew that he had no idea who she was talking about.

"Marina…isn't that her name? Marina?" Carol asked.

"The tall Hispanic woman?" Tyreese asked. "The really pretty one?"

Carol made a face at him and he laughed.

"What? I notice…don't tell me you didn't notice…" he protested.

She nodded her head.

"I noticed, and yes…that's the one," Carol said. "And…Bob. He's going."

"Does Sasha know?" Tyreese asked.

Carol shrugged.

"I haven't seen Sasha today…and I certainly haven't seen her since I signed up," Carol said.

Tyreese shook his head.

"She's not going to like that at all," he insisted. "Me going on a run while you and Bob are both out on a mission?"

He laughed.

"Everybody should stay out of Sasha's way for a few days because she's going to be in one hell of a mood…" Tyreese said.

Carol laughed. She hadn't thought about it, but that would be enough to put someone into a mood if they were the one being left behind.

"Maybe they have something that needs to be torn down or destroyed?" Carol asked. "She could put her energy into that."

"That's a good team, though," Tyreese said after he fell silent for a moment. "At least there's that. And Abraham, Daryl, and Bob have all three done a fair amount of missions…promise me that you're not going to do anything stupid, though. There's trouble and you get out of the way as quickly as you can?"

Carol smiled and nodded.

"Promise me that if things go south on your run, you don't try to be a hero?" Carol asked.

Tyreese nodded at her.

"It's settled then," Carol said. "Nothing to do about it now…nothing to be done tonight, anyway. So no more worrying? At least not until later when it can't be avoided?"

Tyreese nodded.

"No more worrying," he said, bringing his lips back to hers and pressing them gently and warmly against hers in a position that she held for longer than they had to by moving toward him when he went to move away.

Guessing what she was doing…or at least understanding that she wanted to stay that way, he didn't move away again until she finally broke free from him.

Carol rolled over and turned off the lamp, reserving oil because they didn't need to see each other…by now they knew each other well enough that it didn't matter that it was dark in the room, and she reached up, finding his arms with her hands and sliding her hands up him to find his shoulders.

"Come here…" she said to him as she pulled him toward her.

He found her with more ease than she'd found him by merit of their eyes beginning to adjust to the dark and she felt him rub his face against hers before kissing her just beside the ear.

"You don't have to tell me more than once," he said, his voice low, before he moved again to kiss her and help her adjust herself so that they fit comfortably together in the darkness.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Here we go, another little chapter and the first of the missions' chapters.**

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! **

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Daryl scuffed his feet in the dirt waiting for everyone to file out and get ready. His group, as usual, would be travelling on foot.

He hated the whole premise behind missions…but he went on very nearly every mission that he got the opportunity to go on as a way to escape the confining and almost suffocating walls of the community. He could track and he knew the area pretty much better than anyone there…armed with a map he could accomplish covering more ground in less time than most of the people could and he was good enough to tell pretty quickly when they'd stumbled upon anything that might lead them to people.

And that was usually where he signed off and handed the reins over to whoever was on the mission and wanted to be the spokesperson of the group. He'd get them there…he'd offer back up if the group or individuals they encountered were trouble…and he'd get them back to the community, but he wasn't exactly the hand shaking, snack offering, happy land peddling idiot that some of them were much better at being.

Abraham was going on the mission…he did a lot of missions with Daryl…and Daryl didn't mind it too damn much. They weren't really buddies, but they got along fine in that Abraham could either talk with you if you wanted to talk…which Daryl rarely did…or he could shut the hell up and go on about his business. And those were qualities that Daryl appreciated.

And because of that, Daryl tolerated the few times that Abraham seemed to demand that he engage with him in conversation.

Bob was going too. And he could be the jolliest pain in the ass sometimes.

Daryl tolerated Bob, as long as he stayed away from booze…and since he'd been with Sasha and come to the community that seemed to be less and less of a problem…but he wasn't exactly nuts about the man. Bob could be far too talkative and he could be nauseatingly positive about every damn thing. It got old…quick.

But, luckily, Abraham was a decent buffer for Bob.

When the rest of the group filtered out, though, along with those that were seeing them off, Daryl was surprised to see that Marina was joining them, a woman who had only been on a few missions as far as Daryl knew and may end up being more of a liability than an asset…and he was even more surprised to see Carol come walking out with Bob, flanked by Sasha and Tyreese, wearing a pack strapped to her body.

He hadn't checked the roster for the run and he hadn't been expecting her to be going on the three day trip with them.

But there really wasn't anything he could do about anyone who signed up for missions. It was mostly voluntary, and done by draft otherwise, and therefore you ended up with any possibilities for travel companions.

Abraham came over, dropping his pack heavily on the ground near Daryl. They always carried enough for themselves and enough to bring back one other person…so packs weren't light when a mission was over a day long.

"Have you mapped out the area we're going in?" Abraham asked.

Daryl nodded.

"Which way are we headed?" Abraham asked.

"East…" Daryl muttered. "Back over toward that little burnt out town…place where we found them five the last time."

There were only so many directions that they went in and, of course, their paths really ended up making circles that spread out from the community in search of anyone who had stumbled into the path since their last passing and hadn't managed to stumble out again yet.

Daryl looked over at the goodbyes that were taking place.

Sasha and Bob were all over each other, as was customary. Sasha could be a pretty straightforward, no nonsense kind of woman…and she was decent to have on your team for shit…but she dissolved into some kind of idiot at the moment of departure and arrival that would be all up on Bob with her squeaks and her squeals and their laughing because apparently everything either of them said was side splitting and hilarious.

Marina was unattached, so she was standing somewhat awkwardly to the side, waiting for them to get started and checking through her pack either because she thought she'd forgotten something or because she was looking for a way to kill a little time.

And Carol and Tyreese…Daryl let his eyes fall on them and he watched them a moment, keeping his head down to hide what he was doing. They weren't as loud as Sasha and Bob with their ridiculousness…but they were standing near the wall and Tyreese was holding her face…talking to her…and she was smiling at him…talking back.

Daryl shook his head a little to himself and straightened up from his waiting position.

"Alright! Let's get the damn show on the road!" He announced. "Ain't no damn good trackin' after dark an' a day an' a half travel time ain't nothin'."

Abraham took his cue that it was time to go and repeated the announcement in his barking voice, changing the words but keeping the general idea.

And everyone come to see them off filtered back inside at the announcement. Abraham took his place then, addressing the other people that would be going with them.

"It's a three day mission. Day and a half out, day and a half back in. We're travelling as quickly as possible but keep your handheld weapons close. If we come up on Walkers, get in formation as quickly as possible and stay that way. If we encounter other survivors, I will do the talking. Keep weapons close but don't threaten them unless there's reason to believe that they're going to attack. Keep alert at all times. Missions don't have to be dangerous and we don't have to lose people…not if we're not reckless," Abraham said.

Daryl had heard him say the same thing with very little variation more times than he could count. It was true, though. Typically when they lost people on missions it was because someone was careless…or either they simply weren't good with their weapons in Walker encounters.

Daryl took up his supplies and Abraham did the same before he started leading them off in the direction that he knew well enough he almost didn't have to think about where they were going or even where they'd stop for the night.

And unfortunately, that left his mind more time to think about things that he simply didn't want to think about.

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Daryl walked at the very front of the group. Carol thought about catching up with him, but at the moment she didn't make the effort.

Daryl had been somewhat distant with her since he'd arrived at Oasis. She hated to think that he was cold, because that sounded like something she'd never wanted to use to describe Daryl, but it was close to the truth.

She assumed that it might have something to do with her confession as to what happened with Karen and David…the confession that she felt driven to give to all of their comrades upon their arrival because of Rick's presence…but it had never been confirmed or denied in any way. At least not directly.

Everyone else, though, seemed more or less as normal with her as they ever had and she was even closer to some than she had been so long ago at the prison. She assumed that they figured that if Tyreese, who was most directly tied to the tragedy…and that's what she considered it…could forgive her for her actions so completely, then what could the rest of them really hold against her at the end of the day.

She'd made a mistake, perhaps, but she'd done the only thing that she could think to do and she'd done it with the best of intentions. There had been no malice in her heart and Tyreese understood that.

And he understood who she was and what she was about…and he loved that about her.

But Daryl had been distant since his arrival. Despite Carol's attempts to engage him in conversations or even in simply the somewhat playful banter that they'd once shared together, he didn't respond much to her at all.

And it hurt. Because she had loved Daryl on so many levels…levels she'd even known that he'd never return.

But she'd been content, if with nothing else, than to be his friend and to be, when she could offer it to him, a confidant for the things that he had shared with her…like his feelings on losing Merle…some quick confessions about his life before…the life he shared with Merle…and the part of him that had died when his brother had died.

She had been happy to be his friend, and she'd felt lucky to have him as her friend.

So losing that was what stung the worst. The most she could do, though, and what she did as much as she dared, was try to at least remind him that she was there…and that though she'd changed, like all of them had really, the parts of her that mattered the most remained the same. Inside, she was still the same person.

And she could hope that, one day, he might forgive her.

Until then, though, she simply had nothing more to do than to go on with her life. That's all there was to do in any situation these days. Dust yourself off from whatever the fall was, swallow back whatever hurt there was, and go on, trying to get the best out of each day.

And she hoped that he found some happiness somewhere, since it seldom looked like he'd found it so far.

Marina stomped along beside Carol and Carol smiled at the woman, becoming aware of her presence. Marina was younger than Carol…probably by a good fifteen years…and when she spoke she had a thick accent that was sometimes difficult to understand, but after a while your ears adjusted to it and you could almost look past it entirely.

"You think we'll find anyone?" Marina asked, obviously trying to start conversation.

"I don't know…" Carol admitted. "The last mission I was on we found a group of three people, but I think there's only the one left…Jeff?"

Marina kept pace.

"I haven't ever been on one that brought anyone back," Marina said. "It's always been a…waste of time."

Carol chuckled.

"Better a waste of time than coming up on a group that wants to kill anyone they meet," Carol said.

"I came in with a mission group," Marina said.

Carol knew that. She remembered when Marina had arrived. She'd come with five other people in her group, all of them half-starved and filthy. Two of the people had died within the week of the arrival, another…if she remembered correctly…opted out, so to speak, and the other, like Marina, had survived.

"Tyreese and I almost ran into Oasis," Carol said with a laugh. "Literally…it was just there. We didn't even know what we were seeing when we found it."

She paused a moment.

"I don't know if we'd have been very inviting of a missions group," she admitted. "We might have…avoided them."

Marina smiled.

"Your husband…he's very sweet," Marina said. "I work with him sometimes."

Carol smiled.

"Tyreese is sweet," Carol said. "But he's not my husband…at least…he's not officially my husband."

Marina glanced over at her as they trudged along…Abraham and Daryl a good distance ahead and Bob walking along in the middle of them, lost in whatever world it was that his mind took him to.

"You're not married?" Marina asked.

Carol shook her head.

"No…we've known eah other for a while now…but we're not married," Carol said.

"But you will marry?" Marina asked.

Carol shrugged.

"I don't know," she admitted. "I guess…I would…but we haven't discussed it…not really."

Marina nodded and they continued on a little while in silence. Carol kept checking the ground, trying to see what might be evidence of people having passed…but she was no tracker and short of footprints she wouldn't be able to identify really any signs of life. For that they had experts like Daryl.

"What about you?" Carol asked. "Are you seeing anyone in the community?"

Marina shook her head and let out something of a laugh.

"No…there's…there's no one," she said.

"Do you like anyone?" Carol asked. "They have…what do they call them? Singles mingle nights?"

Marina gave Carol a look like she'd said something ridiculous.

"Have you been to one?" Marina asked. She shook her head. "No…you haven't…because you're married even if you're not married. They are awful. You're like…meat…or a shiny toy. I don't like them."

Carol nodded and let the conversation drop. It was only a few minutes later when Marina started it up again, lowering her voice somewhat from before as though she wanted it not to travel anywhere but the distance between herself and Carol.

"I wanted to go on the mission…because…I like them both, you know?" Marina said.

"What?" Carol asked with some confusion.

"Abraham…and Daryl…I like them both," Marina said, lowering her voice even a notch further and stepping sideways to get closer to Carol as they walked. "I thought…they might notice me on the mission."

Carol laughed quietly.

"You might try your luck on Abraham," Carol said. "He seems nice enough…"

She shook her head slightly.

"I don't think Daryl…" she paused, making sure her voice was as low as Marina's. "I don't think that Daryl's really…well…he's never been really interested in relationships…not like that."

She sighed and shrugged.

"But…who knows? He might…for you," Carol said.

Marina simply nodded her head, but didn't continue the discussion and Carol didn't push it. In fact, to avoid thinking about it or discussing it further, she picked up her pace a little, commenting something about falling behind, and fell into silent steps beside Bob, preferring if she were going to chat about the random happenings of the community and relationships to find out what his intentions with Sasha were.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Here we go, another little chapter. I'm not 100% pleased, but it is what it is…the first of several conversations, I'm sure.**

**I would also like to say that I have no feeling for Abraham yet, but I'm trying. He'll probably be OC/ OOC…sorry about that…but I just don't feel like I know him yet. **

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! **

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"It's a bust is what the hell it is," Daryl said. "We ain't findin' no damn body."

"We still have two days," Abraham responded, unphased.

Daryl didn't particularly care about new people and about bringing them into Oasis…but he did feel like there was always something of a failure on his part if a mission turned out to be a total loss.

"We back here by tomorrow night…then back ta Oasis…ain't no damn body out here…we wasted our time," Daryl said.

Abraham laughed softly to himself.

"Well…at least we're coming back with everyone we left with," he said. "Good group to travel with…handles the Walkers well."

"Mmm…" Daryl hummed in response, neither being affirmative nor negative. "Could do without so much chatter…that's the whole reason we even saw them Walkers today…too much yackin'."

"I thought you liked it…Marina walked with you for a while…if you hated it so much, why didn't you pick someone quieter? Wasn't like she had your ass handcuffed…you could have walked somewhere else," Abraham responded. "Figured you were loving the attention."

Abraham laughed to himself again and Daryl knew that the man was being something of an ass on purpose. Abraham had a way of doing that when he wanted to.

"More your type, I reckon," Daryl said.

As soon as he said it, Daryl felt like an asshole.

He didn't mind Abraham…he didn't consider him the greatest damn thing in the world, but he didn't hate him. And he knew that Abraham hadn't fully gotten over Rosita's death. The man had somewhat talked to him about it here and there…and losing the woman at Terminus had been a hard blow for him.

Daryl wasn't one for apologies, though, so he told Abraham to go to sleep…told him he'd wake him up for his shift of watch in a while…it was the only thing he knew to say to take the focus away from his slip.

"I'm not pissed," Abraham said. "Hell…she's alright. Just too damn…"

"Perky?" Daryl asked.

Abraham hummed.

"We'll go with that for now," he remarked. "Not your type?"

"Don't gotta type…" Daryl responded.

"Red blooded man like yourself has never had a type?" Abraham commented.

"Ain't got time for that shit," Daryl remarked.

Abraham made some noise…though Daryl didn't know what it meant…and got up, heading into the house that Daryl was supposed to keep watch over for at least a couple of hours before he rotated off with Abraham…and then Abraham with someone else…until the sun finally came up on them and they could keep going on a mission that was likely to be nothing more than a few days of time spent wandering around with absolutely nothing to show for it but lighter packs on the return than they had when they left.

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Daryl had turned the group back toward their shelter for the night earlier than he had to…but he could see no point in wasting another hour or half an hour walking in one direction, over ground they'd have to backtrack, when there wasn't any sign that there had been anyone there since the last rain.

Besides, he was already tiring of this trip and tiring of hearing Marina chatter. She'd caught up with Abraham and latched onto him to a point that Daryl had dropped his steps back, knowing they weren't getting lost at this point, just to avoid having to be near them…and to avoid her deciding that he might want to engage in conversation with her.

He hadn't meant, though, by his change in location to open himself up to conversation with Carol either.

He'd been doing his best to avoid her…and so far he'd done a pretty decent job of it.

He didn't have anything to talk to her about anyway and these days he found it difficult to talk to her…more difficult than even before. He didn't even find, like he once had, the same level of comfort just being near her…because he didn't understand, now, what exactly their relationship was supposed to be about and he didn't exactly like the idea of talking to her about all the community chatter that inevitably led to relationships and plans.

It looked, though, like he wasn't going to get out of her company entirely because she matched her steps with his, her boots crunching on the ground, and kept step with him, though she didn't immediately start speaking.

"Couple of hours…maybe, until we hit our base camp," Carol said.

"Mmm hmmm," Daryl grunted.

"Won't be quite dark," she said. "If we come across something…some meat…I could start a fire. We could have a hot dinner. We haven't seen too many Walkers today."

"Just 'cause we ain't seen 'em…don't mean they ain't there…" Daryl commented.

"I just meant that a fire might not draw too many," Carol said.

"Ain't like we gon' see nothin' ta hunt no way," Daryl said. "All this damn runnin' mouths we doin'? That's why the hell we prob'ly even seen the Walkers we have…why the hell we ain't seen no damn body. They heard us a mile away an' ran."

Carol fell silent for a few minutes, though it did little for the chatter in front of Daryl that was taking place, mostly one sided, between Marina and Abraham. Bob moseyed along behind them, at least a few feet back, minding his own business and likely daydreaming about something.

"Was it Karen and David?" Carol asked after a moment.

"What?" Daryl asked, the names seeming so distant that he was imaginging that maybe there were people in Oasis she was talking about.

"Karen and David," Carol stated again, enunciating her words but keeping her voice low…whether because she didn't want others overhearing or because she was trying to do something about his comments about the sound. "Are you…mad…or…what is it? Is that why you're treating me like I'm Judas?"

Daryl almost stopped walking.

He wasn't treating her like she was Judas…was he?

It wasn't him that had made things so damn complicated. It wasn't him that had gone off and basically gotten hitched to the first damn person he could. And it wasn't him…well…it wasn't him who had apparently failed to realize that there was something between them…something throwing another person into was bound to fuck up.

"I don't treat you like nothin'," he said.

"That's just it," Carol responded. "You treat me like nothing…I don't even know what happened to you…out there on the road. You haven't told me anything…you don't tell me anything at all anymore. So was it Karen and David?"

"You know what?" Daryl responded, feeling irritated. "You ain't had no damn right ta do what'cha did…"

Carol nodded her head and Daryl picked up his pace just a notch…but there was no way to really outrun her and not catch up to the other two…so he could only go so far.

"Maybe you're right, Daryl," Carol said. "I didn't have a right to do what I did…but someone had to do something…and I thought waiting around…waiting for the virus to spread and kill…who? Everyone? All of us? I just didn't think it was the right thing to do…"

Daryl didn't know how to get himself out of the current situation he was in because, truthfully, he didn't really blame her. Once he'd known it was Carol that had done it, once Rick had told him that she'd done it and he'd banished her for it? He'd known that she'd done it for, at least in her mind, all the right reasons. He'd never doubted, even though Rick said she wasn't sorry for it, that Carol wouldn't kill people for some sort of sick and twisted sport.

She'd been trying to do the best that she could do…and that's all the hell any of them had been trying to do about any situation they'd faced so far.

Sometimes they succeeded, and sometimes they fell flat on their faces.

But he wasn't sure how to get out of the conversation and the situation. He'd insinuated he was pissed off about Karen and David because he didn't want to discuss how the hell he'd felt to finally see her ass again…to realize that she wasn't just as damn dead as he'd thought she might be…and when he saw her, standing there and staring at him with an equal look of disbelief, she'd been standing there with Tyreese's arm around her.

And he had hardly seen her without Tyreese's arm around her, physically or simply metaphorically, since he'd walked off that day to find out where the hell the single people in Oasis lived…almost in their own world apart.

"Whatever…" he said finally. "I don't wanna talk about it. What the hell's done is done."

Carol chuckled low in her throat, the sound barely audible.

"You don't want to talk about it…" Carol said. "I do…Daryl. If that's what you need to do…then let's talk about it. You want to be pissed? Be pissed. You need to yell at me?"

"Don't wanna yell at'cha ass neither," Daryl said. "Don't wanna talk about it…ain't nothin' ta talk about no way. You done what'cha needed ta do…I'm doin' what I need ta do…"

Carol huffed.

"So you're never going to speak to me again?" Carol asked.

"I'm talkin' to ya…" Daryl said, growing more irritated by the persistence that women, in particular, seemed to have when you wanted them to stop talking.

"I mean…really talk to me," Carol said. "We used to talk…a lot…"

"Yeah," Daryl said. "Things were different," he grumbled.

Carol made something of a growling sound beside him, but Daryl didn't look at her. He didn't want to see how annoyed she was with him…because he wasn't sure that he cared. He did better if he convinced himself he just didn't care at all…and that's what he was going to cling to. It's what he needed to do.

"Fine…we'll change the subject," Carol said.

"I'd rather we just ain't talked," Daryl said.

"Are you mad because we didn't find anyone else?" Carol asked. "I know…the missions are important to you."

Daryl almost laughed.

The missions were important to him…indeed…but not because he really cared about bringing people in. People, he figured, were going to find the place one way or another. They'd stumble upon it. With the rate it was growing they were going to have more trouble missing it than they would have finding it because it seemed that as soon as they finished expanding out one section of the wall to accommodate their growing population, more land for food and animals, and more land for everything they built to make a perfect little life for everyone behind the walls, it was time to start expanding somewhere else.

Missions weren't really going to be all that necessary before long because Daryl figured that eventually they'd just be the whole damn state of Georgia caught up behind multi layered walls.

No…the people weren't important to Daryl. Missions were important to him because they were a form of escape. The same could be said for the runs that he went on, the trapping parties that he led…for any and every organized "outside" event. They were important to him because it kept him from being trapped inside Oasis looking at everyone living their pleasant little lives…

Because his life wasn't as ideal as everyone else's.

"Don't care if we find nobody or not," he said. "I'm doin' my job…lead the mission…don't get nobody lost…get back in one piece. That's all they is to it…"

"I guess," Carol said after a moment, "that I know why you hate me…why do you hate Oasis so much, though? It's everything we all wanted to find…since the beginning…why do you hate it?"

"It ain't what we was all lookin' for," Daryl said.

And to avoid conversation…which he feared now might never end if he didn't put distance between them for the time being…Daryl sped his steps up enough to not only leave Carol behind, but to also pass by Abraham and his squeaky sidekick and leave them behind him.

And Carol must have understood that Daryl didn't want to talk about it anymore…or she must have felt that she couldn't keep up with him…because she didn't step up to join him again.

And that left him to the silence and solitude of his thoughts for the rest of trip to their camp for the night.


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: Here we go, another little chapter.**

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! **

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When they finally reached the gates of Oasis, they were opened to them almost by magic...or at least it might have seemed so if Carol wasn't wholly aware of the fact that there was nearly always someone on watch and even more so when they were anticipating the return of one group or another.

Michonne was waiting, among quite a few other people, with Sasha when they got inside.

Carol moved straight toward the two women and accepted the warm hug from Michonne that came while Sasha focused the first bit of her attention on Bob.

"How did it go?" She asked Carol, though the obvious meaning behind the question was whether or not they'd run into significant trouble and it was a question that was easily answered by a quick head count that would confirm that they'd returned with the five they'd left with...no more, but no less either.

"No problems," Carol said. "We didn't even see a herd, just a few Walkers here and there. The run group left?"

Michonne nodded.

"Went out yesterday," Michonne responded. "Maggie wants us all to have dinner tonight. She's holding a table and Glenn is getting food so we don't have to wait in line. Dixon," she called out to Daryl, "that means you...Abraham...you'll join us too?"

And it was a question, but something in her voice made it clear that it was also a command.

"Shower?" Abraham responded, a bit if the fatigue of a full day's walk on his face to match with everyone else.

"If you want but the food won't stay hot," Michonne answered. "I'd say food first and bath later is the better plan. Where's Marina? Bring her too...no one dines alone."

Carol wasn't going to put up any type of argument because, for as much as she might appreciate a shower or even a nap at the moment, she was starving and she wasn't going to turn down eating with friends to eat alone.

Though she knew that she could be alone, something she had once doubted about herself, it didn't mean that she particularly cared for the condition.

And thankfully, neither did too many people these days.

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"The prodigal sons!" Glenn exclaimed as they all made their way to the table to eat. "You've returned! How did the mission go?"

"We're alive but empty handed," Bob responded, accepting his food readily from the plates Glenn was sliding around from the center of the table.

"We'll take it," Glenn responded. He looked at where Abraham sat, Marina taking a place beside him, looking a little uncomfortable by merit of the fact that she'd never dined with them all in a group before. "I need to grab a few more plates…I miscounted."

"I've got it," Abraham responded, getting up and taking inventory of the table to decide how many plates he needed to return with after passing through the line for them. He ignored Glenn's protests that he would make the trip for the plates and went himself after the food.

"It seems like it's been ages since everyone managed to be here at the same time," Maggie commented. "It never seems to work out...now you're back and Rick and Ty are off on a run."

"Someone's always in rotation," Sasha agreed. "But...we should be celebrating a good mission return...and everyone is hopefully that the parts they get on the run will make us fully functional in producing ammo. That's not even considering what else they might pick up in three days."

"For all the damn good we done out there findin' shit we'da done better ta be on a supply run," Daryl said. "Hell…at least we wouldn'ta come back empty handed."

"The run group should bring back plenty," Glenn commented, glancing at Abraham who returned to the table with the missing plates of food. "They're doing three day on a short distance run," Glenn said. "I wouldn't be surprised if they don't find more than they can carry without vehicles."

"Just stupid ta waste time," Daryl commented.

Glenn laughed lightly.

"That's about the only thing we've got for sure…time," he said.

"We don't know how much," Michonne said, "but we've got it until it runs out…"

Carol was sitting in silence and eating her food. It wasn't really that she didn't feel like interacting with her friends or that she was trying to be left out of the conversation, it was merely that she was tired…like all of them that had been out probably were…and in those times she didn't feel the need to really put in any effort to be heard in a conversation.

But she did raise up her voice after a moment, directing it at Michonne.

"Did you hear anything? About the house?" Carol asked.

Michonne smiled, focusing her eyes on Judith for a moment as the little girl sat next to her and ate.

"We got OKed for one," Michonne said. "After expansion's done…and they open up that part of the wall…we're going to go in with the others that are moving and pick which house we want…"

"And Judy and I don't have to live together anymore…" Carl said with a laugh.

Carol smiled at him and reached her hand across the table, patting his arm.

Since they'd arrived at Oasis, Carl had gone through a lot of changes. On the one hand, they saw him becoming a man before their eyes as he took on more and more roles going on runs, helping out with jobs, and really getting involved in building the community. He also had a little girlfriend now that everyone thought was nice…simply because it was a normal thing for a boy his age to have friends, and a girlfriend, and to finally sit back and breathe a little.

And that was the other change, because even as he was growing up and even as he was expressing his interests in learning from one person or another how to do electrical work or plumbing or construction…he was also getting a chance to, in some ways, revert back a few years and do things that were common to someone his age.

They had set up, in the center, a little "arcade" of sorts with video games that were available to the kids during certain hours and Carol knew that Carl enjoyed going over there and playing at some of the games with the other kids…and she thought it was wonderful that the place they had found could offer him that…that it could offer all of them the peace of mind that they enjoyed.

"So you're already excited about your room?" Carol asked with a smile, noticing that her voice was reflecting her desire to wrap dinner up before long and shower so that she could turn in and get the sleep that she hadn't really thoroughly enjoyed since they'd left.

Carl nodded.

And he chattered for a little bit…telling her about something he'd been doing with Neal, his new little friend…and Emily, his girlfriend…and then he started talking about the expansion area and how he'd been over there looking at the house…which brought Carol's attention back to Michonne who was talking about the area and the expectations that they had for it.

Carol listened for as long as she could to one conversation or the other, glad to see most everyone around her in high spirits, and then she finally excused herself, stressing that she was about to fall asleep in her dinner and she still had some pretty high hopes for a nice shower before bed.

She got up and made her way to her house to drop off her pack, which she'd simply carried to dinner with her, and she quickly set about getting together her shower basket so she didn't waste any time getting down there and getting in line if there was one to wait in.

When Carol got down to the shower house, she was pleased to find that everyone else must either be eating or have moved onto their nighttime activities because the shower house was all hers…and there was something luxurious about having that much space to go about your routine in private.

Carol took her time and indulged herself much more than she normally would, drawing out the showering process and even taking the extra time to shave, not by just running the wet razor quickly over everything, but by actually bothering to lather herself and shave properly since there was no one waiting in line to push her out of the way and Tyreese was on the run and therefore not waiting on her to finish.

While she was showering, she heard the heavy thud of the shower house door and the hollow echo of the noise, but she didn't rush because the nine other stalls were plenty for one person…and she only switched off her own flow of water after the other person was settled into bathe.

Carol slipped out of the shower after she toweled off and brought her pajamas, since she hadn't even bothered to bring real clothes to put on, into the shower stall and dressed quickly, shuffling out in the flip flops that she wore back and forth for evening showers.

She repacked her basket and then stood in front of one of the sink mirrors with her little silver pair of scissors and trimmed her finger combed hair.

Some of the women kept their hair long…but Carol wasn't about to let hers grow beyond the length that she'd chosen to keep it at. It was long enough for Tyreese to run his fingers through it…which she and he both enjoyed…and it was long enough that she felt it softened her face…but she wasn't going to let it grow too long.

There wasn't any need in it and it was a safety hazard. Too often she'd seen Walkers grab at women's hair, since Walkers grabbed at anything that they could get their hands on, and she didn't feel that it was worth the risk…besides…she liked that her hair had relatively little upkeep other than the trimming she did about once a month.

While she was still finishing up, going over her hair two or three times slowly, dragging the damp but drying hair up through her fingertips to make sure that, though it was uneven anyway, it wasn't so uneven that it would bother her, the other person finished showering.

And then she saw them slide the curtain back and step out.

It was Daryl, his towel around his waist, that stepped out and went to the benches, burrowing out his clothes.

And Carol glanced at him only out of the corner of her eye.

If she'd bothered to look over there before, she would have known it was him, simply by the red shower bag that he carried.

When he stepped back into the stall, she heard him grumbling to himself and figured that her presence must be bothering him, though she was really doing nothing…at least nothing that she could imagine…to disturb his bathing experience.

"Is there something wrong, Daryl?" Carol finally asked to the grumbling, just as she was finishing up and moving back toward her basket to drop the scissors back in their customary location and get ready to head back to her house.

Daryl came out of the stall, dressed now, and snatched up his bag.

"You women just take too damn long…pickin' at shit the whole damn time someone's tryin' ta take a shower…" Daryl commented.

Carol made a face at him.

"I'm sorry…" she said, somewhat sarcastically because she really wasn't sorry. She couldn't figure what she had to be sorry for that she was cutting her hair over the sink while he was showering multiple feet away. It wasn't as though she'd hindered him from doing what he needed to do.

He just shook his head slightly and went to cramming his things into the bag.

"I was just cutting my hair, you know," Carol commented, a little annoyed by his attitude when there was no reason for it…none other than the fact that he simply hated her for something she'd done and that she couldn't undo…even if she'd been of the mind to hop back in time and change the course of the world. "You know…it wouldn't hurt you to do it sometime too."

Carol picked up her basket, not waiting for a response to the comment that she'd known had been a little snarky, and walked quickly out of the shower house, making her way in the direction of her own home.

She was a little annoyed, now, that Daryl and his salty attitude had managed to disrupt the calm and serene mood that she'd been working on developing for the evening. Now, instead of going home and sleeping with nothing more on her mind than when Tyreese's group would return the next day, she felt like she was stirred up again and thinking about things that had happened in the past…thinking about things with Daryl…wondering why it was that something like what had happened with Karen and David, though she didn't wish to trivialize the matter, was something so serious that the man she'd once thought of as her best friend had found it impossible to talk to her for more than a few moments, and…at least it seemed that sometimes…he almost found it impossible to look at her.


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: Here we go, another little chapter.**

**And for those who were wondering…I know I threw some of you off with Traveler's Meditation because it was short…but this one is planned to be a longer fic…so there's much to come in this one. **

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!**

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Carol did her best to elbow her way through the quickly forming crowd if people moving like a wave toward the entrance to Oasis, the arrival of the run group announced by the sound of motors outside and the sound of the person on gate watch announcing the arrival.

People would puddle around for such things, some to greet their loved ones, some to try to get a first peek at any possible goods that had come on, and some for nothing more than the entertainment value and to collect any gossip that might be available to them coming in about the run.

"Excuse me..." Carol called out as she elbowed her way through the crowd. "Excuse me…I've got people coming in…"

The crowd didn't part easily, though a few people stepped out of her way here and there as everyone moved to allow the vehicles to pass inside. They would pull inside the gate, stop for a moment, and then they'd pull through the streets of the community to their drop off points…and Carol wanted to get through before they went to drop off.

"Move…I've got a child…move," she heard Michonne's voice and found the woman quicker than she was managing to elbow through those gathering close together to talk.

And Michonne, even though she was carrying Judith who might have gotten lost trying to toddle her way through the crowd, was making better time than Carol was at parting people, so Carol reached up and caught her by the shoulder to make herself part of a human chain.

Michonne glanced briefly to identify who had the audacity to grab her, but seeing it was Carol she didn't say anything and continued to guide them through. And Carol felt someone grab her only to turn to identify Sasha's fingers resting on her shoulder to make a conga line that made Judith, looking over Michonne's shoulder, laugh, and inspired Carol and Sasha to laugh to.

Breaking through the wall of people and coming closer to the vehicles, they broke apart and Carol and Sasha both went toward Tyreese.

He caught Sasha in a hug first, asked her quickly if Bob was back and if everything had gone well, and then he turned and caught Carol into a hug, pulling her tight against him.

"Worried about you," he said.

She chuckled.

"And I worried about you," she said, pulling back a little. "No problems?"

"Nothing terrible," Tyreese said. "Walkers…one of the men cut his leg pretty good…dropped something he was carrying and didn't catch it right. But there's nothing that won't heal."

Carol moved back in to kiss him and he anticipated the move, kissing her in return and catching her in another hug that she sunk into, happy that everything had gone well and they weren't returning with any tragic news or any of the sullen faces searching out next of kin in the crowd.

"You've got to be tired," Carol commented.

"And I smell terrible," Tyreese said backing away from Carol enough for her to take him in with his three day beard growth and the desperate need for a shower. It was evident, by his eyes, that he hadn't slept much either. He'd be dead tired and probably had more than enough right to be.

"I hadn't noticed," Carol said, smiling at him and shaking her head. "I'm just glad you're back…that's all that matters."

He smiled at her and looked back toward the others in the run group that were starting to find their places again, their people having been greeted, to get ready to move and unload.

"We've got a ton of stuff to unload," Tyreese said. "I better get on that…"

Carol nodded.

"Go…unload…take a shower," Carol said. "I'm supposed to be at commissary all day today…but I'll bring you something to eat…have lunch with you? Then you can take a nap until dinner…perfect return home."

He chuckled.

"You won't take a nap with me?" He teased.

She shook her head.

"No…" she said, poking him playfully. "I won't take a nap with you…but I will stay long enough to see you get to sleep."

She winked at him and he nodded his head before reaching out and catching her around the shoulder, pulling her closer to him but in a more playful hug than before. He released her and started back toward the groups to go and unload, and Carol started back, along with the dispersing bunch of people, toward the commissary so that she could work a bit longer handing out food and getting things ready to start the evening meal for which preparation had to begin not long after the lunch crowd moved out.

She knew by now that no one would say anything when she took a little time off later to welcome Tyreese home properly…and she was looking forward to it. The night before, like all the nights when he was gone, were longer than they had to be…but tonight she would rest easier.

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"I have to go…" Carol said for what was probably the third time…but she didn't want to go any more than Tyreese wanted to let her go. She was considering behaving quite badly and not showing up for the rest of her time at commissary, and she might have done it, but she knew that if they were short handed, counting on her return, that it would put stress on the others…and she didn't want to do that either.

Tyreese, in response to her insistence that she needed to go…that she needed to leave him to nap a little and recover from the run, slid his arm under her and pulled her tighter to his body, kissing the side of her face and humming to her like he had before…and before it had worked to make her stay a little longer.

She hummed back at him, though, turning her head enough to kiss him softly and she physically untangled herself from him against his protests while he kept a hand on her until she'd gotten out of the bed and out of his reach, and then he flopped with a put on complaint that faded into a laugh and hugged the pillow.

He was falling asleep anyway, and he probably wouldn't give into it entirely until she left.

Carol went about getting dressed then, leaving him to rest, and planted a kiss on his cheek, disturbing the light snoring that had begun, just before she slipped out of the house and made her way back to fall into work. She'd let him sleep…bring home dinner after her shift and leave it for whenever they wanted it, and shower before she woke him.

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"There's a feast tonight!" Carol said when Abraham walked up, looking over his choices for the meal…they were limited, but they at least tried to have two items a meal that people could choose from…at least those who got there early enough to get the choice. It gave the feeling, or so they all liked to think, of having an abundance of options.

"What's that one?" Abraham asked, looking into the dishes she was spooning the "optional vegetable out of".

"We've got greens and beans," Carol said with a laugh.

She wasn't sure if it was her good mood or if the rhyming made it funny, but every time she'd had to say it out loud, it had amused her a little.

"What do you recommend?" Abraham said, something of a smile creeping across his lips at her obvious amusement.

"Go for the greens," she said with a nod. "That's what I got on the plates I put aside…"

"Greens it is," he said with a nod.

He accepted his plate from her, thanked her warmly, and stepped out of line, allowing the next person up to step forward.

Carol went through three of the women that she somewhat knew from the community, sharing a quick exchange with them during which they asked her about Tyreese and if the run had gone well, and one of them thanked her for switching shifts with her on another job, all taking their plates with satisfaction.

And then Carol saw, pushing his way forward, Will.

Will was one of the single men that lived with Daryl…he was very intelligent, but a little awkward. As a result, Carol thought he was pretty much adorable since she enjoyed the way he got tangled up in things because he wasn't quite as adept at some at social interactions.

He stepped up, pushing up his glasses with his finger, and peered into the dishes she was serving from for a moment.

"You look nice tonight, Miss Carol," Will commented.

He was probably in his mid-forties…not a boy at all…but he insisted on calling all the women "Miss" and all the men "Mister," no matter his level of acquaintance with them or what they stated he was welcome to call them.

"Thank you Will…you look handsome," Carol said with a smile.

"You look better than you did at lunch…fresher…" Will commented.

Carol smiled.

She'd learned that Will's compliments, although sometimes less than "nice" or even "ordinary" by some standards, were always genuinely meant…and therefore she never took offense to how they might be worded. He didn't mean, she knew, the way that they came out sometimes.

"Thank you Will…beans or…" Carol started but Will interrupted her.

"Is that spinach?" Will asked.

Carol shook her head.

"Greens," Carol stated.

"Collard, Mustard, or Turnip?" Will asked.

Carol raised her eyebrows and shook her head.

"I'm not sure," she said. "I'm almost certain that it's just a mix of everything."

Will looked disappointed…but of course he would. He was very specific and he liked for things to be precise.

"I suppose that I'll have the beans," Will commented. "Though…there are a number of benefits to the greens…the beans also provide more protein in addition to the…what's the meat for tonight?"

"Venison," Carol said.

Will looked a little disappointed again, but didn't say anything.

"For Christ's sake!" Daryl commented, standing behind Will and almost blocked from Carol's view by the man's body. "Just pick somethin'…everybody else gotta eat too…"

Carol knew that some people got a little antsy while waiting in line…but honestly most people didn't get too bothered by it. You took your time so they didn't feel so bad taking their own.

"Tell you what," Carol said, dipping Will's plate, "I'll put a little of both…then you won't have to decide."

Will smiled broadly at this option. It was one that she would have offered to anyone having such an obvious dilemma…but few people found the dinner time decision to be so difficult.

Will accepted his plate, thanked Carol warmly, and wished her a restful sleep before he stepped out of line and Daryl stepped up, shaking his head…obviously at Will.

"Just gimme beans," Daryl commented.

Carol nodded her head and served up the beans, the smile fading that she'd been wearing while she was talking to Will…and the women before…and Abraham…and everyone else who had passed through her line because at least they'd greeted her with something of a smile or a "good evening" when they'd approached.

"I hope you have a good night, Daryl," Carol said, handing him the plate and offering him something of a half-smile since it was all that she could muster since their encounter the night before in the shower house.

"Yeah…" Daryl said, glancing at her and making eye contact with her for the first time in a while. "You too," he said with a nod.

He took his plate and Carol watched him for a moment as he trailed off to go eat…and then she turned her attention back toward the others coming to pass through her line, meeting their greetings and their smiles with greetings and smiles of her own.


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: Here we go, another little chapter here.**

**I'm going to have a lot going on in my life for the next few days with work and guests coming. I don't know how much I'll be updating anywhere, if any at all, but I'll be back. I'm not leaving…just getting ready to be quite busy! **

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! **

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Will could be a damn big pain in the ass and there was no other way to describe the man. Daryl might have avoided him altogether, but it wasn't that easy when they lived in "apartments" next to each other in the singles housing of Oasis where the walls were made out of cardboard, or close to it, and the place was so damn cramped that you could hardly want to spend your time in there to do anything but curl up in your shoe box and sleep.

Daryl figured they built the things that way because they were temporary housing. Most everyone that lived in the apartments didn't stay very long before they paired off, like animals on the ark, and ended up moving into the other available housing.

After all…there wasn't that much else to do with your time.

But Will was probably a lifer in the building. He was interested in every woman in Oasis…and Daryl knew this because he thought that Daryl wanted him to chat with him from time to time while he talked about the women that he liked…who ranged from the most settled matron among them all the way to the newest female to arrive fresh off the road…yet he didn't appear to have the balls to talk to any of them or he lacked entirely the ability to let them know that he was attempting…in his way…to move from his current state of being single into something else.

And Daryl figured that maybe Will just didn't have a damn clue what he was doing…or maybe it was just that there wasn't a woman desperate enough in all of the community to be interested in the guy.

Whatever the case, Will was apparently destined to live the rest of his life in the cardboard area next to Daryl's shoebox.

And some nights, he was destined not to be avoided.

Daryl had sat down with his plate to eat alone, which was what he wanted…since he could have easily chosen to eat with anyone available if that had been his desire…but Will moved from where he was sitting and sat down across the table from Daryl as casually as if Daryl had invited him over.

"I suppose," Will started without any leading into the conversation, "that you've heard that the planned second expansion will be branching out toward the river…that's undoubtedly to bring in the constant supply of fresh running water that will be in addition to what we already have…but it's also to provide the possibility of hydropower…which I've been researching."

Daryl picked at his food and wondered how long it would last…would Will follow him back to their housing? Would he even go so far as to follow him to the showers?

Daryl hoped not. There wasn't a damn bit of privacy anywhere in the stupid community…everything you did in your little cubicle living space was common knowledge because it seemed like the whole building knew if you farted…the only privacy he, or anyone else he imagined, got to take care of any of their "needs" was when they managed to wait out the rest of the population and get a chance to be alone in the shower house.

And Carol had pretty much fucked that up for him last night…and it was even more frustrating for Daryl to think that the image that his mind called up most often for just such a release was the woman that was taking her damn time in the shower house and finally driving him out because he couldn't think of a reason to stall any longer in hopes that she'd leave.

He wasn't really hoping that Will might accompany him tonight and block off his chances of ridding himself of some frustration…even if it annoyed him to no end that he knew that the reason she looked "fresher" the last time he'd seen her, in the words of his dining companion, was because she'd been rolling around with "him" for half the afternoon.

"There's no reason to assume that in addition to the hydropower and solar energy it wouldn't be possible to harness the wind power for alternative energy as well…but that's going to require more extensive research on my part…and the library here is somewhat lacking," Will continued…unaware that Daryl couldn't really give a shit. "I think it would be prudent to suggest a library run to the run committee for further materials…do you think that would be acceptable?"

Daryl realized that Will was directing the question at him by the way he looked at him with one eyebrow cocked and expectation on his face. And he would remain that way, Daryl had learned, until his question was answered.

"Yeah…hell…whatever ya want," Daryl said.

Will nodded his head, obviously pleased with the answer.

He wouldn't be the one to go on the run. They'd taken Will off of run rotations even before Daryl had arrived at the community. Apparently several people had gone on runs with him and more or less unanimously agreed that the man was better left in the community and not taken out. Daryl could imagine, without much of a stretch, why someone would rather leave Will to whatever it was that he was doing than attempt to go on a run with him…three days alone with the man might drive you to throw yourself into a herd of Walkers…even if you hadn't been considering something so drastic beforehand.

Will, satisfied with Daryl's response, turned his attention to his food for a moment and Daryl tried to eat twice as quickly as the man who took his time and ate the food like he savored every bite of it instead of like it, as it often did, left a little something to desire in regard to taste and served mostly to fill the gnawing hunger in your stomach.

"You got beans," Will said. "Good choice of protein…good for the digestive track…but your plate is uneven…Miss Carol's very nice. She would have given you both for a more balanced meal if you would have requested both. It's really the healthier choice and it provides variety."

"Yeah," Daryl commented, "she's a real peach."

Across the table from him, Will laughed to himself.

"She's a peach," he said. "It's funny because the state fruit of Georgia was the peach…though I suppose that such trivial things aren't in place anymore, even if they were never true to begin with. China was the largest producer of peaches in the world."

Daryl couldn't take it any longer and he'd done his duty of being as nice to Will as he had to at the moment. He got up quickly, almost choking on the last of the food that he shoved into his mouth.

"See ya 'round," he commented, not waiting on Will's response or any parting information that the man might have to share with him, and he disappeared, taking his tray up to drop it off and head back to the apartments to wait out the shower line for a while.

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Carol couldn't sleep, so she had eased out of bed so as to not disturb Tyreese and folded herself up on the couch in their little house, lighting one of the lamps just to keep from sitting entirely in the dark. She leaned against one of the pillows from the couch, large brown ones that were actually quite comfortable, and pretended that she was trying to sleep, even though she actually wasn't going to be sleeping at all.

She stirred and sat up a little when she heard Tyreese. He shuffled into the room, wearing nothing but his boxer shorts, and looked at her like he was confused before he finally sat down on the couch near her feet.

"Just can't sleep or something wrong?" He asked, his voice thick with the sound of recently haven risen from his own sleep.

Carol stared at him a moment. There wasn't any use in lying…he could usually figure out when she was lying anyway.

"How can you do it? How can you just…forgive me…for what I've done?" Carol asked.

Tyreese nodded his head slowly at her. It wasn't the first time she'd asked the question, even if she varied the way that she asked it from time to time.

"My answer still hasn't changed," Tyreese said. "But…we can talk about it again…I'm not sure how it is that I couldn't forgive you. Carol…I know you…and I know that you did…what you did…because it was all that you felt that you could do. You had to do what you felt needed to be done. And that's what we've all got to do now."

Carol had heard the words and all of Tyreese's variations a good number of times. She required him, probably more than he would have liked, to hash and rehash the issue…because she wasn't always sure that she deserved the forgiveness that was offered to her.

Tyreese moved closer to her and she shifted around, coming to curl against him on the couch instead of against the cushions and he hugged her against him.

"What's got you stirred up tonight?" He asked. "What happened?"

"Nothing happened," Carol responded.

"Something happened," he replied. "It's been a while since we've been down this road…so what happened to get us back here?"

Carol sighed.

"It's Daryl," she said. "When we went on the mission…I tried to talk to him…and…"

"Did he do something?" Tyreese asked, his voice rising a little.

"No…I mean nothing happened," Carol said. "It's just…Tyreese…he hates me. He really hates me…and there's nothing I can do about it…"

Tyreese was quiet for a moment and Carol didn't speak either. She just rested her head against his chest and took in the feeling of him trailing his fingers on her arm.

He hummed after a moment.

"And it bothers you," Tyreese said, "why? Because you love him?"

Carol sat up a little and shook her head.

"I love you," she said. "I loved Daryl…as a friend…"

Tyreese chuckled and raised his eyebrows at her, keeping her at just enough distance from him to see his face in the dim light.

"Love is love, isn't it?" Tyreese asked. "Besides…it's not like I expect to be your only love…your first love…I don't even expect to your last. I would hope I'm not…if I go before you."

Carol understood what Tyreese was saying…after all it wasn't the first time that they'd discussed this either. And she was fine with the concept of coexisting love…the concept that you could love many people and you weren't restricted to the one. She was fine with all of the things that they'd turned over and over since they'd started their relationship…when it came to Tyreese. When she thought about herself, though, there was something ingrained in her that made her feel guilty because she couldn't offer him the mythological ideal of the "one love".

"You know that I loved my wife," Tyreese said. "And you know that I loved Karen…and you know that I love you," he continued. "Do you really think that I'm going to be angry with you because you loved Daryl…or you love him…and it hurts you that he can't forgive you for something you had to do? I loved Karen…but I loved her enough that I would never have wanted her to suffer. So…in some ways…I'm happy that you stopped her suffering…"

"I did love him," Carol admitted, appreciating the fact that even with that confession, Tyreese pulled her back to him. "But…it was never…we were never anything but friends. He could never look at me as anything else."

"His loss," Tyreese responded.

Carol pulled away again and shook her head at Tyreese.

"I don't want you to think…" she said.

But she couldn't even bring herself to finish it. She didn't want him to think that there was anything going on between her and Daryl. She didn't want him to think that she was that kind of person. But even if she'd said the thoughts that were running through her mind…thoughts that she knew was fueled by the long dead voice Ed telling her that she was that kind of person and accusing of her all the imagined unfaithfulness that he accused her of committing…she would have found them ridiculous.

Because she wasn't that kind of person, and even if she were…Daryl had never thought of her that way and he certainly wouldn't now. Not now that he barely even spoke to her because he thought she was such a terrible person…he thought she was everything that Rick, so long ago, had accused her of being.

"I love you," she said, deciding to change the direction of what she was going to say. "I just don't want you to think that I…"

Tyreese shook his head and stopped her talking.

"Carol…I'm not threatened," he said. "And I don't think that you're anything that you're thinking I might. I hope…for your sake…that Daryl forgives you. I hope that he can come around…and that you can be friends with him. If you care about him…then you deserve that. I'm not threatened."

He chuckled after a moment.

"Are you?" He asked.

"By who?" She asked, furrowing her brow.

Tyreese laughed again.

"Just checking…" he said. "Come on…better get to bed…we're both working expansion tomorrow and no one needs to be falling asleep on the job. Feel better?"

Carol wobbled her head back and forth to indicate that she couldn't say she was feeling better…at least not entirely…and she couldn't say that she wasn't. She was feeling better, yes, on an overall plane…but it didn't take away the fact that she was still bothered by her guilt and by Daryl's clear reminder that it was there and that it should be there.

"A little," she said.

Tyreese nodded his head.

"Enough to sleep and get on with it? We've got things to do…and tonight…that means sleep," Tyreese said.

Carol smiled softly at him and nodded her head.

"Yeah," she said. "I can sleep…"

He got up then from the couch and reached a hand out to her, tugging her up from her position and leading her back into the little bedroom so that they could both curl up and try to steal what few hours of sleep the night still had to offer them.


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: My guests are not quite here yet (but on the way! Yay!) so I got this chapter out since it's one that's been brewing for a while. **

**Also, quick reminder for anyone who has forgotten. I'm in no way trying to be realistic here nor am I in any way suggesting that this might even remotely be how the future of the show goes. This is completely and totally fictional and simply a story that I wanted to tell. OK? OK.**

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!**

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Carol looked around the house that Rick and Michonne had chosen, or rather Michonne had really done the choosing, once the expansion was complete. At this point they were doing the final movements to take down the wall between the two areas and to clean up, but it wouldn't be long at all before they were able to move in.

So, still dirty and sweaty from a full day of work, Michonne had invited Carol to come with her and have a look at the house that they'd be moving into.

And Carol thought it was very nice…it was nicer, even, than her house before all of this had happened.

"It's beautiful, Michonne…really," Carol said as they walked through the upstairs and then headed downstairs to have a tour around the space.

"It's going to need some cleaning…a little work here and there that we'll have to put in ourselves," Michonne commented. She led Carol through the house, but she wasn't insulting her intelligence as though she couldn't tell what room or another would be, even if they hadn't moved in furniture yet. "So…in addition to the bedrooms upstairs and the master down here we've got this office…so if we expand the family…that's a nursery."

"And Carl and Judith get their own rooms," Carol said.

"That's the plan," Michonne responded.

Carol laughed.

"And if you go over the one expansion?" Carol asked. "More than one addition?"

Michonne made a face.

"Then I'll leave and it won't be my problem to deal with," she teased. "Let Rick figure that one out."

Carol laughed and continued her looking around and talking with Michonne.

At the prison they had always been in different worlds. It wasn't, so much, that they weren't friends with one another or that there was any particular reason for their distance, it was simply that Carol often ended up with jobs and positions around the prison that kept her too busy for much socializing…and they were often not the kinds of jobs that Michonne had while she was there.

But things were a lot different in Oasis. In some ways it was a much nicer set up. Unless you had a specialization…you were one of the very specific kinds of fields that needed to be filled…you pretty much practiced any and all jobs at some time or another.

It was much more equalizing…and, in a way, it promoted much more to coming together of people than the more "designated" jobs of the prison.

And Carol and Michonne had learned that they had quite a bit in common. More, perhaps, than they might have imagined before.

Carol enjoyed the woman's company and appreciated that they could easily relate to each other on most of the planes that mattered…and that even if Rick was, at times, awkward around Carol, Michonne never seemed to let that bleed over onto her at all.

"Michonne!" Tyreese's voice echoed through the empty house with the hollow sound of rooms not yet filled with anything.

"Yeah?" Michonne called back, smiling at Carol and putting her finger to her lips…he was probably there for Carol, but Michonne would try to lead him on a bit if she could.

"Carol with you?" He called back.

Michonne stepped from the back of the house, in front of Carol, toward the front door where he was calling from…probably not wanting to track dirt and mess into the house without realizing that both women had probably brought in a fair share of outside debris.

"What does she look like?" Michonne called.

Carol laughed…she couldn't help it…and then she caught up with Michonne, coming into the front of the house to find Tyreese standing there with the door open, but remaining just outside.

"There you are," he said with a smile. "Just wanted to let you know…I'm going to go with them to take a load of trash and stuff off…then dinner?"

Carol nodded.

"I ordered something," she said. "So I want to go pick it up…I could pick up dinner on my way back from post."

Tyreese shook his head.

"I'll be back by then…go pick it up and I'll pick up dinner and meet you at the house…then we can shower," he said.

Carol nodded.

"Sounds good to me," she responded.

He pursed his lips at her and hung there and she crossed the room quickly, pecking him before he waved at Michonne and turned, descending the front porch steps quickly to go with the crew that would be waiting on him to clean out the back of some of the trucks they'd been loading down with debris.

"I'll walk with you to post," Michonne offered. "I've got to pick up a few things…Rick's bringing dinner. We don't have any furniture, but we thought we'd picnic here with the kids tonight.

"Sure…that'll be great," Carol said. "I ordered a table cloth…it's not much…but I wanted one and they were taking orders with the bulk cloth."

They left the house and started across the community, Carol making sure to keep up with Michonne's longer strides, in the direction of post.

"So do you want to bet on how long it is until Baby Rhee gets here?" Michonne asked.

Carol shook her head. 

"I don't have anything to bet you and I know how you are about expecting people to pay up…" Carol said. "Baby Rhee's going to be here soon, though. I'd say three days."

"If even that long," Michonne offered. "Did you go over? See the nursery?"

"I did...it's cute and they're both so excited," Carol commented.

Michonne laughed.

"You went on a different day than I did, then, because when I went Maggie was pretty much done with the whole pregnancy thing," Michonne remarked.

"Well…but that's to be expected," Carol said. "When I was pregnant…I thought I'd never see the end of it."

Michonne hummed her agreement.

Maggie would survive this, and they would have a beautiful baby to show for it soon, but that didn't mean she wasn't going to be at least a little bit miserable in the process.

When they reached post, the women parted ways quickly, since Michonne was going to shop while Carol didn't have anything to pick up except that which she knew was already waiting on her.

She found Eileen working there, and stepped over to her.

"Hi, Carol…yours is ready," Eileen said, getting up from where she was. She disappeared to the shelves behind the "counter" they'd set up in the space and came back with the tablecloth, folded up, Carol's name written on a piece of tape and stuck to it.

"Take it out my credits?" Carol asked.

Eileen smiled and nodded.

"Already did…hope it's what you wanted!" She replied.

"Oh, it will be," Carol said, taking it up in her hands, careful not to get any of the nastiness she was wearing on it before she even got it home, and waving at Eileen before she left the post, headed for the house.

It was a simple thing…just a plain green and white checked table cloth…but it was the simple things that were most exciting sometimes. She knew that Tyreese would like it, or rather he would say that it was a fine table cloth since he cared about it much less than she did, but she didn't expect for him to have the same affinity for it as she did. Those little touches around the house were hers…but at least he did the best that he could to appreciate them for what they were.

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"I just wish you were as excited about it as I am," Carol declared as she bounded back from the shower house, her basket swinging on her arm.

Tyreese laughed beside her and stepped up, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and pulling her close to him.

"I'm excited if you're excited," he said. "It's a nice tablecloth…"

"What would make you really excited?" Carol asked. "What…if we could get it…what would it take to make you just feel…I don't know…just happy?"

"I'm already happy," Tyreese responded. "I'm very happy…"

They got to the house and Tyreese stepped in front of Carol, pulling the door open. She smiled and thanked him as she ducked inside and he followed her in, shutting the door and offering to put away her basket while he took his own to tuck it in the bathroom that they used for very little…at least until some of the new plumbing plans were put underway.

Carol set about lighting the lamps to light up their living room area and she dropped down on the couch, sighing at how nice it was to be clean and relaxed for the moment.

Tyreese came back through into the living room and went over to the chair that was near the couch…one of his few "requests" for the little house and sat, angling his body toward Carol.

"You want to know?" He asked.

She raised an eyebrow at him.

"You want to know what would make me even happier than I am right now?" Tyreese asked.

Carol smiled and nodded.

She was genuinely curious since Tyreese never seemed to "want" anything. She felt like it was always her that was making requests or saying that this would be nice to have or that would be nice. She felt guilty, sometimes, that she was always the one trying to direct everything about their home.

Tyreese nodded his head at her and chewed his lip before he drug his hand over his face.

He reached and dug his fingers into his t-shirt pocket and came out, holding something. He smiled, nodded again, more to himself than to anything in his environment, and Carol was surprised when he eased himself down in front of her.

"It would make me…very, very happy…if you would say that you would marry me," Tyreese said.

He held out his hand and in his palm was a little gold band. Carol brought her hand up to her mouth, not quite sure how to react. She'd never expected to be asked to marry anyone again…and it certainly was something that she hadn't thought about in a while.

She reached and took the band out of his hand, looking at it in her own for a moment.

"They didn't have diamonds where we went on the last run," Tyreese said. "But I could look for one later. I got the bands…I've been holding onto them. I wanted it to feel like a good time to ask."

Carol slipped the band on her finger. It almost fit perfectly. It was a little loose, but not loose enough that it was really at risk of falling off.

"It's almost the perfect size," she commented. She looked at Tyreese. "How did you know what size?" She asked.

He smiled and reached his hand up, threading his fingers around hers and moving his body closer to hers. He pulled her hand over, when she curled her fingers over his hand, and kissed her fingers.

"I know…what your fingers feel like between mine," he said. "It wasn't that hard to find a ring that felt about right. I tried to leave a little room…just to grow on."

Carol chuckled and sniffed too…not realizing until then how much it was all affecting her.

"So?" Tyreese asked. "Would you make me happier than I am?"

Carol smiled and glanced at the band again, still on the fingers threaded through his. She nodded her head and leaned forward and Tyreese moved, coming to reach her and kiss her.

"Yes," she said when she broke apart. "I'll marry you…it would make me…very happy too."

Tyreese smiled and got up from where he was sitting, coming to sit beside her on the couch. He pulled her to him and kissed her again.

"First thing tomorrow," he said. "I'll go down…tell them we need to set things up. I'm not letting the most beautiful woman in Oasis, slip through my fingers." He said with a wink.

Carol pushed herself forward and kissed him again.

"I love you…" she said, pecking him on the lips.

"It's a good thing," he said. "Because I love you too."


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: Hi everyone! Another chapter here.**

**My visit went great, but I'm tuckered out and have bunches of work to catch up on. I'm going to update here and there when and where I can and I'm going where the muse takes me. At the moment the muse really likes this story. **

**Friendly reminder…this is not a totally Caryl fic. It's not going to be that at all and the Caryl won't come for quite some time. If that's all you're waiting on each chapter, you're going to be frustrated for a while. Also if you're "hurt" by Carol being in serious relationships with other people…you're in the wrong place. I don't want to hurt or upset anyone, but I do want to tell the story because I know that if I change it to avoid bothering people…it will simply bug me to be written again the way that I want to write it. Unfortunately the way that I want to write it isn't necessarily comfortable for some and that's fine. We all know our comfort zone. This isn't a fic where Carol's pining over Daryl. It's a fic where she's getting on with her life because he never stepped up to the plate. Daryl is the pining/regretful one in this fic…and there will be much more discussion on that in the (somewhat far) future. **

**This is a check in chapter with our miserable (because I'm cruel) Daryl, but we won't hear too much from him for a little while. **

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! **

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Daryl sat in the smoky room of the rec center with a few of the others keeping late hours and less than desirable company while they played at cards around one of the somewhat rickety card tables. He was in a bit of a mood and the men that gathered there were typically ones that could be counted on to provide booze that they'd found on runs in exchange for whatever half ass company your warm body could offer.

The day was supposed to be some kind of celebration in the community. Carol had married Tyreese, at least according the rituals that they'd held there.

Really it hadn't been anything much to speak of. They'd all gathered and listened to them recite some vows that Tyreese had said beforehand that Carol had written for them. In the line of most of the so called weddings that Daryl had dropped in on from time to time, they'd been the typical vows of standing by each other through whatever the world had to offer and so on and so forth.

It was enough, honestly, to turn your stomach, though it seemed that the women in particular liked the gatherings and cooed and sighed over the words that didn't mean much.

The declarations weren't much of anything anyway. They had more now than they'd had before…that much was undeniably true if you went by the quantitative figures of physical objects. They seemed relatively safer than before as long as they stayed inside the walls of the community…but in the end, the world was still a red hot disaster and nothing could be counted on to remain as it was.

After all, it was still fresh in Daryl's mind all the times that things had come crashing down around them. He'd started this whole thing with Merle and he was long gone by now. They'd found Hershel's farm and people had believed that it would be some kind of salvation for them…but really it had ended up being just a place to mark yet another of Daryl's failures, or perceived failures, when they'd lost Sophia.

And then they'd lost the farm…and since then they'd lost Hershel too.

They'd found the prison with all the promise that they tried to convince themselves it offered…the great new life that it would have for them…but it hadn't delivered.

And Daryl hadn't taken advantage, even, of the time that they'd had there. He'd never done half the things he'd thought about doing…he'd never told Carol that he was thinking of her as more than a friend…and he'd never asked her to share a cell with him. He'd thought that things would work out…somehow, even if he wasn't sure how…differently.

But one man had robbed them of all the stock that they'd put into the prison and he'd robbed, at least Daryl because he couldn't speak for the rest of them all that much, them of the fleeting idea that there was safety somewhere.

Now the prison was gone and with it Daryl had even lost Beth…another failure in his collection…because he couldn't even keep her alive.

And it seemed, he'd lost Carol too.

Because she was married now…to a man that had done things differently…to a man that was more caught up still in the hope that things would get better or that they would at least remain hovering at the point that they were caught at. She was married and happy and hanging onto the fact that the shit show was going to turn around.

And deep down, Daryl wished that he could feel like it was all going to turn around…even that it had turned around like so many of them believed…but it was difficult when he didn't really know that he cared enough about how his life was at the moment to care if it continued on as it was or not.

"Another hitched," Bradley declared. "Another one off the list…"

Daryl clued into the conversation happening around him at the poker table. He wasn't playing tonight. He was there for a couple of drinks and really nothing more.

The men that gathered there were more or less "confirmed bachelors" of the community and every time they gathered there was little new in the conversation and idle gossip. They discussed any new women that had come into the community, whether or not any of them would ever make a move toward any of them, and if there were no new ones to speak of then they talked about the ones that they'd talked about a billion times before.

No woman was off limits until there'd been some kind of ceremony. They usually considered the ceremonies that took place the only legitimate reason to scratch someone off their list…she'd married and she'd moved into a different subset of women altogether…the women that were almost an extension of whoever they married unless they should become widowed.

"They were as good as married before," Abraham declared, shifting around in his chair and looking at the cards in his hand. He came less for the booze and more for the entertainment of the games than anything. "She's lived with him since…well…since I've been here."

"Come in with him," Jamal offered. "They come in with that little girl she said was hers…but ended up belonging to what's his name."

"Rick," Daryl offered.

He hadn't let on too terribly much that he cared for Carol as anything other than someone from the group that he was with before they got to Oasis. He didn't figure that it mattered anymore anyway and he didn't really want to have long conversations about it like the others who cared to chat about the women that they'd loved and lost somewhere throughout their lives.

"Rick," Jamal echoed. "Rick…that's right. He's married to Michonne…that's one I hate to see off the market…she wasn't ever really available either, though."

"They're all available until they're not," Bradley said with a hoarse laugh. "Don't count them out until the ring is on the finger."

"Ain't like none a' that shit matters no more no way," Daryl muttered, annoyed by the overall joviality of the men around him.

"What?" Raphael asked. "What doesn't matter? You mean the marriage?"

Daryl shook his head and shrugged a little when he noticed that he'd accidentally gained the attention of all the men gathered around and killing time.

"It don't," he declared.

"I think…" Raphael said. He paused dramatically…more for searching for words than for any real effect and shrugged. "I think it matters…it's important."

"How do you figure it don't matter?" Bradley asked. "Hitched is hitched…same rules apply."

"Hitched don't mean too much when you liable ta get chewed up next week," Daryl said, not wanting to go too much into things.

Abraham hummed, but Daryl couldn't really tell if it was one of genuine agreement or if he was simply acknowledging his understanding of what Daryl was saying.

"I like the idea of marriage," Raphael said.

"You like it so much, why aren't you married?" Jamal piped in.

Raphael laughed at that.

"With a face like mine? Who is there to marry? I am not married because there is no one for me to marry…but if there were someone that I enjoyed…I would marry her," he declared in his thick accent that made Daryl think that sometimes he sounded like he was eating a mouthful of peanut butter around his words.

"It's not that there's no one to marry," Jamal said quickly, rocking back his chair on two legs despite the very distinct possibility that the chair might not be able to hold up to such an act, "it's that you don't like the women here…that's the problem. At least…that's my problem. Every damn woman that comes through those doors that I might want to take a crack at is already chained up to someone when she gets here."

"You gotta be quick these days," Bradley declared. "Damn near fall over your feet when you see her and she's alone…get your name on the list before it's too late."

Bradley laughed heartily to himself and drew everyone's attention.

"Desperate assholes need to be going around, scoping out the funerals…get your hooks in one before someone else does before he's even cold in the ground…or grab her ass on a mission before you even hit the gates. That's why Abraham and Daryl go on so many missions…ain't that right? First dibs…" he declared.

"Well hol-y shit, Brad!" Abraham declared. "Am I that damn transparent? Nothing gets by you."

Bradley laughed.

"No it don't…not a thing," he egged back. "Nah…I mean, hell…I'm not knocking a good piece of ass…but I never was one for commitment and shit…even if it doesn't prove to last longer than a couple months…I don't want no part of this happily married life."

"Confirmed bachelor until you die, that right?" Jamal asked.

"That's about it," Bradley said.

Daryl got up from his chair, took one last swig out of the bottle next to him, and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He'd had about all the chatter that one night could hold.

"You going?" Bradley asked. "Parties just getting started good…"

"This party was dead before everyone even got here," Daryl declared. "Work tomorrow…"

"All work and no play…" Bradley declared back.

After a second, though, he got serious.

"Take the bottle," he said, gesturing toward the whiskey that Daryl was abandoning on the table.

Daryl shook his head.

"Don't want it," he said.

"Hell, take it to will," Bradley said, nodding his head again. "Asshole might wanna loosen up some. Do him some good."

Daryl knew Bradley's type well enough to know that he wasn't going to let up until he took the bottle being offered to him, so he swiped it off the table, nodded his head at the gang that would likely remain there for a few more hours before they headed off to the apartment building, and left headed in the direction of the place he called "home sweet home" at the end of the world.

"Is that you, Mister Daryl?" Will called when Daryl had trumped all the way to the building and gone into his apartment, slamming the door louder than he'd meant to and settling down on his bed with the bottle that he'd decided not to give to the neighbor on the walk over…not that he believed Will ever drank anything.

Daryl considered not responding…responding might invite conversation. However, not responding might invite conversation as well since Will could get hung up on things, for lack of a better term.

"Yeah…s'me…go the fuck ta sleep," Daryl declared as though he were talking to a small child, knowing that Will could hear him through the thin walls of the apartments.

"My circadian rhythm doesn't really allow for this as the ideal time for me to sleep," Will responded through the wall as though he were simply having a slumber party with Daryl. "I've been working on the process that we'll be using to harness wind energy for the benefit of the community."

"That's great, Will," Daryl declared, somewhat sarcastically…even though he'd learned that sarcasm was something that Will seemed to be entirely immune to. "Go back ta workin' on that shit…my arcadian rhythm says it's just about time ta sleep an' not ta talk about shit…"

"Circadian rhythm," Will responded. "Arcadian might refer to someone or something from Arcadia…it was also a dialect of Greek and can refer to something that is rural or rustic…what you meant to say is circadian."

"Fuck," Daryl muttered to himself. "That's what the hell I meant…good damn night Will," he said a little louder.

Daryl heard Will get quiet and assumed that the worst was over and the man had gone back to whatever entertained him. He would lose interest in Daryl soon enough if he had something else to occupy his mind…but it seemed that Daryl, for whatever reason, was one of his favorite people…so he had to lose interest before he totally disappeared.

There was a knock on Daryl's door not long after he thought it was safe, though, and he growled to himself and yanked the door open, already knowing that the knocking belonged to Will.

"The hell is it, Will?" Daryl asked.

"I couldn't help but notice that you were particularly solemn during today's nuptials. You don't care for the rituals in general, but the smell of whiskey further confirms that you're uncomfortable with the situation. Since I am not inclined to sleep, and I know that you regularly don't retire at this hour...I would be willing to listen if you'd like to discuss what's bothering you," Will said.

Daryl stared blankly at the man for a moment and then shook his head.

"Don't wanna talk about it, Will…go back ta ya wind shit," Daryl said.

Will stared at him a moment and then seemed to realize that Daryl was doing his best to dismiss him. He nodded his head, but offered no more words as he went back toward the apartment that he occupied and Daryl closed the door.

He returned to his bed, held his breath for a moment in anticipation of Will's further commentary through the wall, and then took another long draw out of the bottle before he put it on the floor beside the bed and closed his eyes.

He didn't want to talk about it, and he especially didn't have anything to say to Will on the subject. Even if he had wanted to talk about it, he wasn't sure he would know what to say.

He hadn't been as quick as Bradley declared that one had to be these days…he'd never been quick. Someone else had been quicker than he had…how could he explain that even though he didn't know if he was the kind of man that could have even filled the role that he was jealous of…he was jealous because he simply had missed out on something by thinking that someone…especially someone like Carol…would simply wait on him for as long as he wanted.

Especially when it seemed there was so little time left to spend on things like waiting.


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: Here we go, another little chapter…moving right along. **

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! **

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"So this is what you want to do all day?" Tyreese asked as he rearranged the blankets around them in the bed.

Carol could tell that he was a little restless, even if they'd both put effort into getting rid of excess energy. It wasn't every day that they were given a pass from everything that they had to do in the community to take the day off…but it was supposed to be their honeymoon and they weren't expected to do anything at all today except whatever they wanted.

Carol shifted and rolled over to face him.

"Did you have something else you wanted to do?" She asked.

There were things to do in the community for entertainment if one wanted them…but there really wasn't all that much to do. And Carol knew herself well enough to know that if she bothered to get up, get dressed, and go out into the place to do anything then she'd feel guilty for not working when she saw everyone else milling about and working to accomplish some goal, no matter how trivial it was.

Tyreese shook his head and leaned forward, planting his lips for a second on her forehead and then he squeezed her arm.

"No…nothing else I wanted to do," he said. "I guess I'm just not used to sleeping in this late."

Carol smiled at him.

"We haven't been sleeping too much…and it's not even that late. We probably haven't even missed breakfast…" she said.

Tyreese chuckled.

"Do you want to go get breakfast?" He asked.

Carol sighed.

She didn't really want to go and get breakfast because it would take them outside…and taking them outside would lead them both to deciding that they might as well do something…and that would lead to having to hear people all day telling them that it was their honeymoon and that they should be enjoying it.

They should enjoy their "vacation"…no matter how odd the concept seemed to them these days.

She didn't have time to respond, though, before there was a pounding on their door that made her jump. Tyreese went wide eyed at the unexpected sound too before settling down a second later and moving to get up and put on the pajama pants that he lounged around in during their off hours.

"Open the door, Ty!" Sasha's voice sounded out. There was muffled laughter. "Get out of the bed and open the door! I know what you're doing in there!"

Carol laughed then at Tyreese's faked growl and started to move around to put on something herself. Tyreese went through the little house, opening the front door so that Sasha, and from the sounds of the amusement Michonne as well, could come spilling into the space.

"Special delivery," Michonne declared. "Breakfast for the newlyweds."

"You didn't have to bring us anything," Carol said as she shuffled into the kitchen, scrubbing her hands through her hair and finding both Sasha and Michonne standing there, looking more like school girls with amusement plastered on their faces than adults.

"We volunteered," Sasha said. "Anything to get off the breakfast line for a little bit…besides…I hardly got to see you two last night. I wanted to congratulate you both properly."

Carol smiled and opened her arms to the woman who sunk into her with a hug and then kissed her on the cheek.

It felt odd, in a way, to Carol to think that she had family now. Not just the "family" that she'd called the group before…not just the "family" of people she was going to spend her life around…but legitimate family, or at least as legitimate as anything was these days.

"Thank you," Carol declared, squeezing Sasha once more before she released her from the hug so that she could go and give the hard time to Tyreese that she seemed to thrive on.

"You're next," Carol said, pointing her finger at Michonne.

Even though Michonne had been talking about it longer, she'd found one reason or another to put things off with actually taking the vows with Rick. They'd moved into their new house in the month since the expansion was finished and they were living happily there, but she always seemed to have a reason to keep postponing anything more.

And Carol suspected, from the scattered conversations here and there where the woman dropped her guard without even meaning to, and probably without even realizing that she was doing it, that a lot of it had to do with some feelings that she hadn't entirely worked through about Rick…or maybe with some of her apprehensions about feelings that she sometimes doubted he'd worked through entirely.

But Michonne smiled the warm smile that Carol was coming to fully associate with her and nodded her head.

"I know…I know…me next," she declared. "Unless…I don't want to step on Sasha and Bob's toes…don't want to steal the thunder."

She held up her hands at Sasha and Sasha smiled and shook her head.

"You're next," she declared. "Bob and I will have our day…but it's not coming before you and Rick…besides, he hasn't even gotten me a ring yet and I told him that old fashioned as it may be, I'm having a band at least."

Tyreese hummed at her and put his arm around her, pulling her next to him.

"And you don't settle for anything less," he said. "There are rings to be had...we found plenty. But I think I know you well enough to know that you're just stalling…and that's fine too. You don't do anything you're not ready to do."

Carol watched both of them for a moment and then pretended to have some interest in examining what they'd brought for breakfast.

Tyreese had been thrilled to find Sasha when they'd gotten there. He'd given her up for dead, and she'd done the same to him…so finding each other had renewed, if it had ever gotten lost anywhere along the way, their love of each other and their enthusiasm.

At first Sasha had been a little standoffish with Carol…and Carol didn't hold that against her. The confession of what had happened with Karen and David had been difficult for her to make and it had been difficult for them to take.

But Sasha had moved on from it and seemed to genuinely forgive Carol, whether or not it was really for Carol that she had the change of heart or for Tyreese who had taken Sasha for a walk, during which time they had a conversation that he'd never disclosed all the details of to Carol.

Carol sometimes thought that she was one of the few who hadn't entirely moved on from what had happened. Her guilt and her feelings still plagued her, even if it only came in spurts. Perhaps selfishly, she always expected Tyreese to talk her through the waves of unwelcomed feelings…even if they were feelings that affected him in some ways too…and he always managed to come through. It seemed that he had kept his promise and he'd forgiven her wholeheartedly, even if it was beyond the psyche of any of them to forget that or anything else that they'd seen or done since everything started.

"So what are you doing to celebrate today?" Michonne asked, leaning against the counter.

Carol knew that Michonne hated having commissary duty…so it was likely that she was prolonging this visit as long as possible just to kill time…and she didn't really mind since it was coming at just the time that they were beginning to figure out how they were going to kill so many hours in a day when they weren't accustomed to doing such a thing.

"Mmmm…not much," Carol admitted. "If we leave the house, we're just going to start doing something…"

Michonne chuckled and nodded her head. She could barely hold still either…unless it was a job that she hated, and then she typically just put most of her effort into talking someone into switching with her.

"We might get out," Tyreese said. "Take a walk?" He glanced at Carol with the suggestion and she shrugged.

"You could go see Maggie," Sasha said. "Visit Elizabeth?"

Carol shrugged again and nodded. She'd been over at least a dozen times to coo over the baby girl since she'd arrived, but they could always go over and make more of a fuss over her…though Carol could imagine that Maggie would appreciate some time off since she'd been the center of attention…and therefore the constant hostess to a ton of visitors…since her daughter had come into the world.

"First thing, we're going to eat breakfast," Tyreese said. "We'll play it by ear after that."

As if to announce that he'd had all of the visit that he wanted, he sat down at the table in one of the wooden kitchen chairs they'd found and pulled one of the plates toward him. Carol crossed the kitchen and came back, offering him a fork.

He caught her hand, around the handle of the utensil, and pulled her toward him until she came readily enough and offered him a kiss that he indicated he was expecting from his uplifted lips. She blushed a little, though, never having been entirely comfortable with public displays of affection…even if she was in her kitchen and the only witnesses were Michonne and Sasha.

"We've gotta get back to work," Sasha said. "They'll be looking for us to do dishes before long…but you two have fun…have a good day. You deserve a day off and this is supposed to be…well…about you."

"And absolutely no working," Michonne said, straightening herself up and pointing a finger at both of them with a "mom" tone of voice. "I would hate to have to turn one or both of you over my knee if I see you doing something ridiculous…there's time to work tomorrow."

Carol laughed and she heard Tyreese make something of a snorting noise, though he was already eating his food.

"Yes mom," Carol teased before she let the two women out of the house and settled down at the table.

"They're right, you know?" Tyreese said. "We should just do nothing today. It shouldn't be so hard."

Carol hummed and tasted her own food.

"This is what we wanted, right? What we talked about every day on our way here…somewhere where we could stop and breathe. Now we've got it," Carol said.

She paused for a moment.

"Now we've got it and we don't even know what to do with it," she said.

"We're going to start with breakfast," Tyreese said. "Then…we'll go for a walk around the community…"

Carol nodded her head at him.

"I'd like to look at some of the houses in the expansion that I haven't seen yet…just to see what they're like," she offered.

He nodded.

"Fine…we can do that…then what? Lunch later…" He offered.

Carol smiled.

"Maybe a nap?" She pursed her lips at him and he smiled in response.

"Naps are a given," he said. "Shower at some point…if we go early, we'll have the place to ourselves…miss the dinner crowd."

She smiled.

"Then dinner…" She offered. "Because our entire day revolves around meals when we take the work schedule out of it."

Tyreese laughed and shrugged.

"We could just relax this evening…read…whatever you like," he offered. "I could read to you…you could read to me…"

Carol laughed then at the thoughts that fleeted through her mind and Tyreese looked at her, his expression being all the question that she needed to know that he wanted to know what the humor was about.

"I was just thinking that we haven't been married twenty four hours…and we're already an old married couple," Carol explained.

Tyreese laughed lightly and nodded his head.

"If it bothers you," he said, "we could do something exciting…if there's something you want to do…I just can't think of anything…"

Carol shook her head.

She'd had all different kinds of excitement in her life so far. Some of it was good, but most of it had been less than desirable. The truth was that even if she laughed and joked about the fact that their list of activities to fill a day were boring activities, she liked them that way.

They were calm and they were easy…they were things that so sharply contrasted with things that she'd been through and things that she'd been forced to do. She appreciated, more than she might have been able to explain with words, the boredom and simplicity of the life that she was living for the moment.

And she appreciated feeling comfortable enough with Tyreese to offer to be "boring" with him and not feel like she was doing something wrong or that she wasn't offering him something that he needed and expected from her.

She didn't feel, these days, like she wanted to be expected to entertain someone or to take care of them…and she appreciated not having to feel that way with him.

"It doesn't bother me at all," she said truthfully. "I love it…and I've got a really terrible book that I just picked out of the library two days ago…really terrible…"

"Mmmm…" Tyreese hummed.

He already knew how the books in the house went. When he went for books he came home with thrillers…crime novels of all sorts. When she went for books, she came home with either the cheesiest romance novels that the so-called library had to offer or whatever looked like the most scandalous harlequin type novel that she could dig out the pile.

"Act it out?" Tyreese offered. "At least…the parts that we can figure out if they're even possible?"

Carol laughed at the thought since there had been more than one thing she'd read that they'd determined simply was destined only to exist in the pages of the trashy books. She nodded her head.

"What better way to end a honeymoon? Right?" She asked, before she turned her attention back to her breakfast.


	14. Chapter 14

**AN: Here we go, another little chapter as we move along.**

**For those of you that have ever read anything of mine, you know that I work with very vague timelines. It's safe to say that there are small time jumps happening around chapters unless otherwise stated (anything with a more specific time jump or anything happening "later that day" or "the next day" and such will always have some sort of indication in the chapter that the timing is moving along at a certain pace). So, unless otherwise stated, it's safe to imagine that there is progression of time with small time jumps.**

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! **

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Carol always felt ridiculous when she was on nursery duty and elected the one to cart around the still nursing children back and forth to their mothers who had moved on to other jobs, but like any other job it was one that had to be done, even if it did make her feel odd to perform the practice of traipsing back and forth with one child strapped to her chest and another hanging on her back like an odd sort of pack mule.

The best thing that could be said about the position, perhaps, was that it was a relatively simple job that let her get fresh air and interact with others to the point that she was at least a little aware of what was happening in one part or another of Oasis. The same couldn't be said for some of the positions that you could be assigned to that kept you pretty much shut off entirely from the rest of the community.

She had just dropped off the first of her fussing wards and was on her way across the community to drop off the second, which would allow her enough time to cross back across her own footsteps to pick up the well fed first before she had to return for the second and truck them back to the nursery to start again with whoever would be wailing with starvation at that point, when she saw Michonne walking toward her, hands out to her sides, obviously covered in some kind of filth that she'd acquired somewhere.

Carol laughed at the woman as she came near and turned her steps a little.

"Are you working construction today?" Carol called out.

They were expanding the back part of the community now…the part that was nearest the river…to bring in more access, and better access, to the water that was available to them.

As a result, there was a good deal of work to be done to keep people occupied since new fences had to be built and there had to be an almost permanent guard kept at the weak part of the fences that they were tearing down to allow access to the community for those that would be moving building supplies.

It also meant that there would be a good deal of material runs for people who were willing to take them or who were drafted to them as they slowly worked on the expansion.

"What?" Michonne called back, nearing Carol, her arms still out to her sides.

"I asked if you were working construction…or working out at the expansion," Carol called again. "Did you fall in the mud?"

Michonne laughed then and nodded her head.

"Mud, yes, expansion, no," she said. "I've been on livestock duty all day…I've been neck deep in shit…literally."

Carol laughed.

Maybe her job wasn't so bad after all. She didn't mind some of the livestock jobs…they were another set of those positions that someone had to fill so you might as well not complain about it since you certainly didn't bother to complain about the benefits the animals brought.

"So that's what that smell is," Carol teased. "I wasn't sure…dirty diapers and all."

"You're the lucky one," Michonne said. "I'm going to see if there's a line at the shower house…and I'm going to threaten to bear hug anyone who doesn't let me cut."

Carol laughed again and nodded her head.

"That oughta do it," she said.

Just as Michonne started to walk away to head toward the showers and Carol started to direct her feet back to the path she was following before, not wanting to get too out of her schedule because then she'd throw both the mothers and the babies off the schedule they'd established, they both got their attention drawn by the chaos that seemed to erupt with the same sudden explosion of lava from a volcano.

The first sounds that echoed out were undeniably screaming, but the screams were indistinguishable. It was followed by the quick, bursting howls of the horns they used to signal that there was distress...the horns were placed throughout the community to be used in cases of emergency, but they were seldom used.

Carol looked at Michonne and could see the cold fear in the woman's eyes. She realized that, for a split second, she couldn't remember what she was supposed to do if she heard the alarms.

"Walkers, probably," Michonne said, suddenly coming into the realization of what was happening. Carol snapped into herself at the word. "Do you have a knife?" Michonne asked.

Carol nodded.

"I'll take the baby back to the nursery quickly," Carol said. "I'm…first response to the medical building."

"I'm first response to the emergency site," Michonne said quickly.

She darted off without saying anything more in the direction of the noise and around Carol everyone was beginning to fall hustle back and forth, everyone headed in the directions that they were supposed to go in if they were assigned to respond one way or another without further notice.

Carol quickly found a passerby that was simply coming to see what was happening, or if this was some sort of test, and she passed off her cargo to the woman and darted toward the medical building to see where and how she might be of assistance, still not knowing exactly what was going on but following the appointment that she'd been given when they'd first entered Oasis and given an account of their various strengths and weaknesses.

Once she got there, they were preparing for an all-out emergency. Whether what had happened affected one or twenty people, they were more or less prepared to do all that they could to handle it.

Carol fell in quickly, getting everything ready, and when those who had gone out to bring back on the stretchers they had available whoever might need assistance, she was almost ashamed at how relieved she felt to see the four men come into the space and to know that none of them were men that she knew beyond a name at best.

She jumped in, though, without discriminating simply because they weren't people she was personally attached to, and did what she could for the men.

One of the men was torn up enough that he was beyond saving and Carol didn't even bother to get too close to him other than to offer to put him down, but there was already someone else who was willing to do it and felt that their relation to the individual made it something of a duty for them, so Carol didn't insist.

Another of the men was bitten in the neck, but they were doing their best to keep him calm and let him pass on his own before they put him down. Carol didn't bother with him either, already knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was lost.

The third man was bit on the arm, but they were already making moves to amputate the arm in an effort to save him, and from what Carol could see the fourth had suffered some kind of injury to the stomach that wasn't Walker induced.

She ended up joining the team of people for the amputation, feeling that she had more experience in that department, and shut her mind down to what might have happened or what might be happening while they put all the effort that they had into saving the life of the man who had passed out already either from fear, pain, or blood loss…it was difficult for Carol to tell which was the case.

She wasn't sure how long she worked alongside people that she knew by name and face only to save the life of a man who she knew equally as well, but eventually the worst part seemed to be over and she pulled herself away from the chaos.

They were taking up collections of blood for the people and she got in line and offered her donation since she was one of the universal donors of the group, and it was only then that she was able to sit for a moment and find out what had even happened to start the insanity that had wiped away all other mundane concerns of the day.

It was a simple enough accident. The first wave had been some kind of accident with one of the saws that they ran to cut the wood they were using while constructing the fences for that back area.

It was something that could happen any time, especially if those operating the machinery weren't paying attention to what they were doing.

The rest of the tragedy had been caused by the general weaknesses of the area of expansion before the fences were put into place securely enough to keep all Walkers out that would try to enter the area. In general the people put in place to guard the areas kept anything major from happening, but from time to time people got careless and they let their guards down…and this had been one of those times. It had been one of those careless moments that had cost two men their lives and another his arm…and that was if he pulled through with no signs of fever or other damage.

It was easy to forget that these things happened and that they would keep happening. They were all safe, but it was still a relative safety. They were all more secure than they'd been before and lulled into comfort…but things like this had a way of snapping them back, although temporarily, into reality.

Things still happened and there were still possible tragedies lurking around the corners.

When Carol finally left the building, she felt exhausted. It was much later than she'd expected it to be and it was getting dark. She wandered without being sure where she was going in the direction of the commissary to get food, passing through bunches of people who looked equally as lost as she felt at the moment.

While she was standing in line, Carol jumped at the feeling of being touched and turned quickly, but she was relieved to see that it was just Tyreese. He held his arms firm around her and leaned next to her ear.

"I didn't mean to startle you," he said. "I should have called your name louder."

She sunk back into him and shook her head.

"No…it's not your fault," she admitted. "I didn't even hear you at all…I guess I was just thinking…"

He hummed in her ear.

"You get caught in everything?" He asked.

Carol nodded her head.

"Two men died," she said, careful not to let herself think about it more than if she were simply reciting something trivial…like a grocery list. "One man…lost his arm, but he's probably going to be fine. The other man…I guess you could say he's in critical condition. I wasn't working on him, but he's got some pretty serious internal injuries."

Tyreese hugged her a little tighter to him.

"I was over in expansion when it happened," he said. "Machine broke or something…the blade came off. It happened so quickly that no one even knew what had happened for a moment…and then the Walkers…"

He let his voice trial off.

"Breach in the fence?" Carol asked.

"No…young guy on watch," Tyreese said. "They didn't even bring him in…he was the first to go. I guess he wasn't paying attention or something. Walkers hit him and the other man that got chewed up pretty good at about the same time. The other guy…he was trying to help."

Carol shivered a little at the thought. He was trying to help and he'd gotten himself into a situation that had cost him his arm and had very nearly cost him his life.

"Anyway," Tyreese continued with a sigh that made it quite evident that he was as tired as Carol felt, "we got the Walkers back and the temporaries are in place. There shouldn't be any more problems and everyone's going to keep their guard up now when they're over there working."

Carol shook her head.

"They shouldn't have let it down," she said. "That's why the accidents happen. That's why we lose people on runs. It's great to be comfortable, but…"

She dropped off on her own words and Tyreese let go of her enough to let her move forward as the line slowly progressed toward where they would pick up food thanks to the people who kept trudging forward with the mundane tasks even when emergency broke out.

"But?" Tyreese prompted, egging her to continue.

"But…it's not OK to get too comfortable," Carol said. "Comfortable is for times when…I don't know…times when it's safe to be comfortable."

Tyreese nodded his head and moved his hands up, squeezing at her shoulders.

"I know that…and you know that…but sometimes people forget," he said. "There's no reason to worry now, though. Everything's fine and it's under control. It's fine to be comfortable now."

Carol sucked in a breath and nodded. She understood that at the moment they were just as safe as they had been before. They'd closed down work on the expansion for the night, the temporary fences were in place, and whoever was on guard for the night was most assuredly on their toes against any possible Walker threat that might arise.

They were safe and the emergency was over.

"Let's eat," Carol said. "And then…I'm tired."

Tyreese chuckled.

"No complaints from me," he said. "Although I'd like to vote for a shower in there somewhere…"

Carol laughed to herself and nodded at him.

"Eat, shower…sleep," she said. "That would be the best way to end this day…"

"Start fresh tomorrow?" Tyreese said, his palm going flat onto her back to gently nudge her forward to follow the slow moving line in front of them filled with people who were all caught up in the emotions of the day and milling about at the moment almost like Walkers themselves.

"We always do," she responded, stepping forward.


	15. Chapter 15

**AN: Here we go, this is just a little chapter to keep us moving on and do a little bit of character/plot building. **

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! **

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As was customary, the community took afternoon shifts off of work, except for those working in positions that wouldn't allow for the break like guard and commissary…but those positions were covered by people who expressed little interest in being in attendance…for Michonne and Rick's wedding.

The weddings were nothing more, really, than vows that the couple exchanged. If they had rings, then rings were exchanged. They were presided over, if the couple in question wished, by one of the men that was in the community and was a priest…or if they weren't into that, they could simply exchange their vows according to their desires.

There was really relatively little fanfare and, as a result, they required very little preparation to put everything into play.

Carol and Tyreese had come early, though, because Carol had been excited enough for her friend that she didn't want to risk missing anything. In anticipation of the event, they'd set up some folding chairs that the community center had to offer in the little yard area where Michonne had asked for the nuptials to take place, and sat in one of the chairs between Tyreese and Sasha with Bob on the other side of Sasha teasing her about the fact that she was running out of people to "wait on", especially now that he'd found her a ring that closely matched her specifications on a run.

"Are you going to cry?" Tyreese teased Carol, elbowing her.

She laughed at him and leaned against his arm.

"No…I'm not going to cry," she said. "At least…I don't think so."

He chuckled at her.

"Explain that to me…why the crying at weddings?" Tyreese asked.

Carol shrugged.

"I don't know…because…well…if you know they really love each other then it's just so…sweet. I mean…you love them and they love each other and it just feels so happy…" Carol said.

She laughed at her own explanation and shook her head, pushing her hand into Tyreese's. He closed his around hers and pulled it over into lap, his fingers playing with her hand a little.

"I guess it doesn't make any sense to try to explain it," Carol said.

"No…I get it," Tyreese said. She made a face at him to show that she didn't believe that he understood it at all and he shook his head. "OK…I get it as much as I can."

Carol looked around trying first to figure out where Michonne and Rick would come from based on their proximity to the area. She figured, from where they were sitting, that they were likely waiting in the center building that was close by.

Then she glanced around at the crowd that was forming around them now that people were bustling over, the wedding allotted to occur shortly after shift change.

She was surprised to find that Daryl was there. She saw him, standing to the side, with Will hovering near him like something of a shadow.

Carol had wondered if Daryl would come to support Michonne and Rick. He remained good friends with the two of them, despite his somewhat distanced manner of acting in general, and she'd suspected he might come, but he also made his dislike of the marriage practice in the community somewhat widely known so she hadn't been sure if he'd come or not.

As far as she was aware, though admittedly she'd been swept up enough that she'd hardly even noticed the people she knew had come, he hadn't been in attendance when she and Tyreese had married. But then…that might also be owing to the fact that he still held hard feelings for her in general.

Carol stopped looking around when she felt Tyreese bump her shoulder with his arm and tighten his grip a little on her hand.

"Here they come," he said.

Carol turned and saw that Michonne and Rick were indeed coming from the direction she'd expected.

Though no one wore traditional wedding attire to the weddings that the community boasted, Carol could see that both of them were dressed in probably the best clothes that they owned, and Michonne had twisted her hair up and was wearing some flowers placed here and there for decoration.

She looked beautiful and Carol hoped that she could keep her promise not to get choked up at all…since she hated to admit that she'd always been that sap that had cried at weddings…even if they were just weddings on television of people she didn't even know.

Carl walked a few steps behind them, holding Judith's hand and tugging the little girl along. Both of the children were dressed for the occasion too, and Carol thought it was sweet that both of them were accompanying Rick and Michonne in what might loosely be called a wedding party as a show that they were supportive of the union.

Carol sat back, leaning slightly against Tyreese, and listened as the two of them, with Carl standing off to the side just a little with Judith, exchanged the vows that they had written. They were simple vows and sounded nothing like the traditional wedding vows that they'd known before the end of the world…things had changed too much for such things in the eyes of most people.

When the vows were exchanged and they were presented as a couple, Carol clapped with the others in attendance over their first kiss and found her feet not long after to go up and congratulate them…understanding that their exchange would be limited since everyone else wanted to congratulate them before sending them off to their house.

Carol and Tyreese had offered to host Carl and Judith for the night, but Michonne had simply thanked them and said it wouldn't be necessary. Carl was spending the night at his friend's house and there was another little girl around Judith's age that she liked to play with whose parents had offered to let her have her first slumber party to celebrate such a momentous occasion.

Carol got separated off from Tyreese at some point and meandered around, sharing broken conversation here and there with the people around her…people there who commented on the cake that the early shift people in charge of cooking had prepared or the punch…people who commented on the vows or how nice everyone looked…or people who were simply gathered together because it was something to do to pass the time and they were off work for the evening anyway.

Carol hadn't realized that she'd drifted anywhere near Daryl, or that he'd even remained after the vows were exchanged, until she heard Will speak to her and glanced around, searching him out, to realize that Daryl was standing nearby wearing a scowl.

She turned her attention to Will, not feeling in the mood for Daryl's sour opinion of her.

"Hello Miss Carol," Will said, smiling at her with the words, but dropping the smile afterwards.

"Hi Will!" Carol exclaimed, smiling sincerely. "Did you enjoy the wedding?"

"I found it to be a delightful promise of intended devotion," Will commented.

Carol laughed to herself and nodded her head at Will's comment.

"That it was," she offered. "Did you get some cake?"

He shook his head.

"I don't care for it," he said.

Carol nodded her head and noticed the plastic cup in his hand that matched her own.

"Punch?" She asked.

Will looked at his glass and visibly swallowed, shifting his weight on his feet. He shook his head at her and wrinkled his brow like he was about to impart some wisdom to her that she might not want to miss.

"I don't care for that either," he admitted. "In my experience the punch has proven to be either heavily watered juice or expired soda. In either case, they add food coloring to give it the appearance of being a robust flavored fruit beverage…but I find it better to simply bypass ingesting the artificial color and drink water."

Carol looked at the cup of punch…admittedly not very "punch" like in the old definitions of the term…that she held in her hands. She smiled at Will then and nodded her head.

"At least they have both, right? So everyone gets what they like," she responded.

Often it could be difficult to know exactly how to respond to Will, so she simply did the best she could do and figured that she must do a pretty good job at it because she had yet to offend him and he seemed to find her someone that he searched out to speak to whenever given the opportunity.

He nodded.

"That's true," he said. "Though many people prefer the punch because it appears to be traditional…and because the food coloring makes it visually appealing even though it offers little to the senses of taste and smell."

Carol nodded her head, raising her eyebrows to fake interest in what he was saying. She glanced over his shoulder where she could see Daryl, standing off to the side, his arms crossed across his chest. She would guess that he was waiting on Will…but he might simply be standing there because he hadn't decided where else he'd rather be at the moment.

After a few moments of standing there, seeing that Will had turned his attention to watching the people around him, Carol dismissed herself from his presence and walked toward Daryl, plastering on a smile as she approached.

He turned his face toward her and looked at her somewhat blankly.

"Did you enjoy the wedding?" She asked, hoping that they could at least have something of a friendly conversation until Tyreese found her and it was time to go home…or time to find something to occupy the evening.

Daryl shrugged slightly and readjusted the way that he was standing.

"It was alright," he said. "They all the same, really."

Carol nodded her head at him, feeling a little relieved that, for whatever reason, he at least sounded like he was in a better mood than he'd been in a few of the times that she'd talked to him recently.

"I guess there's only so much that you can change about vows," Carol said. "They've all got the same idea behind them…love each other forever…for as long as you can."

"They oughta just say what it really is…two more people gonna be stuck up under each other 'til someone gets bit…" Daryl said.

Carol was a little struck and she frowned.

"Or…you could look at it as two people choosing to be around each other because they enjoy each other's company," Carol said. "Two people trying to get what they can out of the time that they have."

Daryl chuckled to himself and Carol couldn't help but get the feeling that he was, in some way, laughing at her. It was the feeling that the joke was on her and she had no idea what was humorous about it all.

Carol decided, though, to change the subject a little in an effort to keep any conversation, if that's even what you could call what was happening, going between them.

"How's Marina? I haven't seen too much of her," Carol said.

She knew that the woman was somewhat interested in Daryl and that she'd at least tried to sit with him a few times at meals…she wondered if there might be something going on there. And maybe…if it was something that he wanted…it would be good for Daryl.

But he looked at her like she was crazy and then shook his head.

"Huh? How do I know?" He asked, almost sounded offended.

Carol shook her head, taken aback by his offense.

"I just thought…maybe you were friends…" Carol got out as a manner of explaining herself.

The offense of before faded off Daryl's face and he shook his head.

"No…we ain't friends," he said.

Carol nodded her head in response.

"I'm sorry," Carol offered. "I didn't mean to offend you."

Daryl's features softened a little and he shook his head at her.

"Don't worry 'bout it," he said. "You ain't done nothin'."

And for a moment…just a fleeting one…Carol smiled to herself because there was something in his voice that was familiar, though it had long been lost to her. There was something in his voice that reminded her of conversations they'd had in the past…a softness in his features that reminded her of when he didn't look at her like she'd committed the unforgiveable sin. There was a sign that Daryl…the Daryl she remembered but had almost begun to believe no longer really existed…was in there somewhere.

And Daryl looked at her a moment, with the same softened features, like he was about to say something…he looked at her like he recognized her too.

But he didn't say whatever it might have been that he was going to say, if there was anything at all. He shook his head slightly at her and then his features hardened a little, back to what they'd been before.

"Well…I gotta go," he said. "Enjoy the rest a' the celebration…or whatever it is…"

Carol nodded her head at him and offered him something of a soft smile as she swallowed down the lump that formed in her throat without any real explanation as to why it was there or where it had come from.

"Have a good night, Daryl," she offered.

He looked at her again, a hint of the softness there, and then he nodded slightly.

"You too," he growled out before he turned and walked with long and determined strides away from the crowd and in the direction of the apartment building he lived in.

Carol stood and watched him walk off for a second before she sucked in a breath, nodded to herself, and then wiped away the feeling that had inexplicably come over her and turned back toward the crowd in search of Sasha, Bob, and Tyreese that she knew to be caught up, more than likely, in some leisurely conversation over something like a run or the community expansion.


	16. Chapter 16

**AN: Here we go, another little chapter.**

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! **

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Carol took her morning shift off, though she hadn't told Tyreese that she was planning on taking the day off, and made her way to the medical building. When she came in, no one noticed her at first because she'd been in and out on shifts the past few days.

The building had once been, from what she could tell, perhaps part of an actual medical facility…though not necessarily one that had been established to deal with the wide array of issues that it was expected to handle now. Now it had been converted into what was really a nice medical facility, given their circumstances, with part of it functioning somewhat like a hospital while another part of it was divided off into "rooms" for the various doctors that they had there and had on staff.

And Carol knew enough about first aid and helping with the small illnesses, bumps, and bruises…not to mention some of the more challenging things that they got in from time to time…that she could pass as something of a nurse in the space and frequently took her shifts there, feeling like it was the closest she came to having any real sort of specialty in the community.

The young woman that was managing traffic, or that's what Carol liked to think of what might have been called something of a receptionist position, was sitting at a desk and reading from a book…a clear indication that there was relatively little of concern in the place at the moment. Her name was Allison and she was barely twenty five…give or take since most of them had pretty much forgotten how much time had passed since this started and things like that mattered.

"Hi sweetie," Carol said, coming up to the desk and drumming her fingertips on the edge of it so that she didn't startle Allison too much. Allison looked up, obviously still wound up in her world of whatever fairy tale was going on in the story she was reading, and then she smiled as the dream world melted away.

"Hey Carol!" The girl said warmly. "You're working today?"

Allison started fumbling with the papers on her desks…they were rudimentary appointment books to keep up with who was supposed to be where and when they were required to be there. Carol knew because she'd worked the desk more than a few times herself.

Carol shook her head and cleared her throat, glancing around and feeling relieved that it was a quiet day and there weren't people around.

"No…I need to see someone," Carol said.

Allison furrowed her brows with concern and Carol smiled and shook her head.

"No…it's fine…nothing serious," she assured the girl.

Allison didn't look entirely convinced though, and she put the book down that she held in one hand and looked at the papers she'd shuffled about into a pile of some confusion.

"Well…everyone's pretty much wide open," Allison said. "Do you have anyone in mind?"

Carol shrugged.

She knew most of the people there who were doctors…or at least who identified themselves as doctors since technically she didn't know that there was any way to prove their credentials…but she knew them by face more than anything and even that was limited to seeing them pass back and forth or being shoulder to shoulder with them barking commands in the more serious situations.

She really couldn't say that she'd gotten to know any of them too well, except for Bob. And she knew that she didn't want to see Bob if he was on duty.

"Who's in?" She asked.

Allison looked at the papers again and shrugged.

"Everyone…or they will be…you want a male or a female?" Allison asked. "If you tell me what's wrong…I know what most of the people specialize in…"

Carol shook her head. She didn't want to tell Allison what was wrong or why she was there. She already wished she hadn't even had to have a conversation with the girl about this much.

"No…it's fine," Carol said quickly. "Female…it's nothing important."

Allison nodded her head.

"Dr. Walker's not in right this minute…she stepped out…but she should be back any time?" Allison asked.

Carol smiled.

"Perfect…can I wait in her room?" Carol asked.

Allison nodded.

"Down the hall…you know the way…" Allison offered.

Carol smiled, thanked the girl, and started down the little hallway toward the various rooms that were designated for the doctors. She hadn't been over there often to the "offices" or whatever you might have called them, having been lucky enough not to get sick while she was there and having only had to even go in that area of the medical building to check for supplies of one type or another when she was doing inventory. The rooms…which were pretty well set up as exam rooms…were labelled with the doctor's names on paper tags and some of the doors were decorated with drawings that children in the community appeared to have done for them.

Finding Dr. Walker's room wasn't much of an effort on Carol's part and she let herself in, not even bothering to flip on the light, and she paced around the space while she waited for the woman to return from whatever task she'd stepped out for…trying to remember if she could place her face since there were at least two female doctors that she knew at a glance in Oasis.

When the woman finally did come in, Carol stopped her pacing and recognized immediately the face she could now put with the name.

"Sorry about that," the woman declared. "I didn't know anyone was coming in…so I went to look at what the new expansion was looking like…have you been over there? They're not taking things slow this time around!"

Carol laughed a little and nodded.

"I've been over there…I worked over there two days ago, I think? And I just dropped in…so I didn't mind waiting…I hope you don't mind me waiting in here for you…" Carol responded.

The woman shook her head.

"No…you're uh…don't tell me…you married Ty…I was on a run with him…starts with a C…" the woman said.

Carol smiled and raised her eyebrows. It could be very hard to keep all the people straight around you if you didn't directly work with them on more than one occasion.

"Carol…and you're…" Carol said.

"Alice…well…Dr. Walker…but you don't have to call me that. I got over the whole call me doctor thing like a month or two after I got the title," Alice said.

Carol smiled and nodded. Now she was starting to get nervous because her brain could sense that the small talk and the killing time was dwindling down and they were going to get to the nitty gritty…they were going to get to the reason she was there and it made it unsettled again, like she'd been before she'd reached the building.

"So…what can I help you with?" Alice asked. She waved her hand toward the exam table as though she were asking Carol if she wanted to take a seat. And though she didn't really want to sit, Carol decided to do it anyway.

When she was settled she sucked in a breath.

"I'm going to be honest," Carol said. "I…don't know for sure what I'm here for…"

Alice sat down in a chair that she pulled up in front of Carol and tipped her head to the side, looking at her.

"That's OK…a lot of the time people don't know exactly what they're here for…if they did, they wouldn't need me around," she said with a light laugh. "What's wrong and we'll figure it out together."

Carol sighed and took a moment to respond to the woman. She pursed her lips around what she was going to say…words she didn't know if she wanted to say at all…and leaned toward Alice a little, hating the distance that such a set up put between them, though she wasn't sure why she felt the need to whisper in a room where the two of them were the only ones.

"Well…it's a woman thing," Carol said.

Alice looked amused for a moment and then quickly did the thing of trying to erase her amusement.

"OK…I think I can handle that…or I can find someone who can…" Alice said. "What specifically is the problem?"

Carol shook her head.

"My period hasn't been…really regular…since I can remember," Carol admitted. "And it sort of…got better…and it came back…but now it's gone again…and…I don't know if it's menopause or if it's…"

She stopped and Alice nodded her head.

"You think you might be pregnant?" Alice asked.

"It could be menopause," Carol said.

Alice nodded her head.

"Quickest way to narrow that down is that I'll give you a test…you take it…we wait two to five minutes…then we go from there," Alice said. "Sound good?"

Carol nodded her head. It didn't "sound good" at all…but she knew that the question really meant "do you approve of my medical practice" and she did agree with that.

Alice got up from her seat, disappeared from the room, and returned a few moments later, pulling a test out of her pocket. And Carol was relieved that she was discreet about it…and that she could obviously read on her face that she wanted that from her at the moment.

"Bathroom's at the end of the hall," Alice offered. "You can wait in there or you can bring it back here and we'll wait together…whichever makes you more comfortable," she said, offering Carol the test. Carol took it and made her way down the hall with the test as hidden as she could get it, feeling like she had back in high school when she'd made the trips to the bathroom with feminine hygiene products hidden in her clothes.

She brought the test back with her and decided to wait in the room with Alice. Luckily the woman didn't try to make chit chat or anything else. She just sat in the chair in front of Carol with her legs crossed and her chin resting on her hand until she finally glanced at the watch she was wearing and went over to look at the test.

Carol swallowed back everything that was threatening to come up in her throat at the moment.

"Well?" Carol asked.

Alice turned around and dropped the test in the trash can next to the little counter before she washed her hands in the sink…this building being one of the few that they'd already converted to having the running water they hoped to spread throughout the community before long.

"I'd say congratulations if you didn't look like you're going to vomit," Alice said, her voice low. "Are you going to vomit?"

Carol shook her head but she wasn't entirely sure she was telling the truth and she wasn't exactly breathing with the ease that she'd taken for granted so many times in her life.

Alice came over to her.

"Are you…could I offer you a hug or something?" Alice asked.

Carol almost laughed at the sincerity behind the offer and she was surprised that she did want the hug…even from a stranger…and she appreciated at the moment not being ridiculed for not jumping for joy at what might have been the best news someone else in the community could hear all day.

She opened her arms toward Alice and accepted the hug, wiping her face a little at the few tears that slid out of her eyes without permission.

"I tell you what," Alice said, without pulling out of the hug. "You've got time to…talk about this or whatever you need to do…I'm not going to examine you today, OK? You come back tomorrow…or in a couple of days…and we'll talk some more then…or I can find you someone else…I think that Jim was an OBGYN…"

Carol pulled out of the hug then and shook her head, wiping at her face.

"No…I'd rather…if you can…I'd rather deal with you about it," Carol said.

Alice nodded her head.

"Hey…I can figure it out, right? I know enough and I can get some help…if I need it and that's what you want…" Alice offered.

Carol nodded.

"Do you want me to send someone to get your husband?" Alice asked.

Carol shook her head.

"No…if someone goes down there? Where he's working? His mind is going to go straight to…something terrible," Carol said.

And it was true. For as bad as she thought this was right now…she knew that there could be worse things and she knew that for as much as all of them, Tyreese included, tried to pretend that so much had been put behind them, it was always at the forefront of their minds and just waiting for a chance to show itself.

Alice put a hand on her shoulder.

"OK…how about if I go down there? No one else has to know…I can make sure he knows not to freak out or whatever? You're kind of shaken right now and it might be best…" Alice offered.

Carol sat there a moment without committing to the idea one way or another.

Alice continued in her silence.

"You know…my partner works over at the therapy building…she's a psychiatrist…Melodye Harper. You could talk to her if you thought that might help…" Alice offered.

Carol looked at her and nodded her head. She hadn't realized that the two women were partners, but she had talked to Melodye a few times when she'd gotten there. The woman was easy to talk to…and whether or not she really was completely non judgemental, she at least appeared to be.

"I've talked to her," Carol said. "I might…"

She stopped and then she nodded her head again.

"Yeah…could you? Please go and get Tyreese?" Carol asked.

Alice smiled softly and nodded.

"No problem," Alice offered. "He was down at expansion earlier…saw him before I came here, actually."

Carol nodded. She knew that's where he was working. He was good with construction and they knew that so he typically got jobs where his skills could be put to use.

"You wait here," Alice said. "I'll go get him."

As Alice started out the door, her hand on the knob, Carol got her attention again.

"Don't tell anyone yet?" Carol asked.

Alice turned back and looked at her. She shook her head and offered her the same soft smile as before.

"That's not my place," Alice said. "I'm just going to get Ty…hang tight."

Carol rested her head in her hands and waited for the woman's return, trying to figure out what she might say to Tyreese…what he might think…and trying to figure out, above all that, what she thought at this moment.

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**AN: And now I'm going to hide under my rock away from the negativity of those who are still sure that I don't know where I'm going with this fic…though I actually do know where I'm going and how I'm getting there…**

**P.S. If you have never read anything I've written, I'm a babyfic writer for the most part. Now you know. If you're well versed in what I write, you should already know that by now…**

**Toodles…I'll be under my rock if anyone needs me. **


	17. Chapter 17

**AN: Here we go, another little chapter. Short/small but heavy so I concentrated it into one chapter and didn't try to really add anything else to it. **

**I hope you enjoy. Let me know what you think.**

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"You're not…mad…that I got upset?" Carol asked when she was finally ready to break the silence they'd been guarding for some time. They'd guarded it enough time, actually, that Tyreese had actually gone to get them food once during the "pause" and now he appeared to be reading something, but Carol hadn't seen him turn a page in quite some time and doubted that he was reading so much as he was keeping the book in his hand to give his eyes something to look at while his brain turned over the information that hers was turning over without needing the added distraction of anything to look at beyond the floor.

When she broke his concentration with the words, Tyreese jumped a little and looked at her. He held the blank stare for a second and then shook his head.

"I would have been more bothered if you hadn't gotten upset at all," Tyreese said, the sound of his voice indicating how much time had passed since he'd used it. "It's…not exactly something I would think you'd be…prepared for?"

Carol kept her chin resting on her hands and her elbows on her legs as she had been before she'd spoken, but she kept her face turned toward him now instead of turned toward the floor.

"And you?" She asked. "Are you upset? Worried? What are you?"

Tyreese looked at her a moment longer and then closed the book, depositing it on the floor beside the chair that he was occupying. He cleared his throat.

"I'm…was surprised one of my options?" He asked.

Carol thought the word he might have been going for…the word that might have fallen somewhere in the list of words that she was turning over in her mind was stunned.

And for a moment, there was something of a standoff between them, both of them looking at each other now but neither speaking.

"What are you feeling?" Tyreese asked.

Carol stared at him. She couldn't put into words what she was feeling without sounding more like she was doing a crossword puzzle than she was having a discussion about the fact that she was most likely pregnant.

And she didn't feel like spouting lists of words about her feelings. If she was going to do that then she'd save it for the psychiatrist…Melodye…because she was more equipped to handle being bombarded with a wide list of adjectives.

For the moment, she figured she'd address the topics that most likely fell at the top of the list of things that Tyreese was wondering at the moment about her…about her feelings…about the whole situation.

"I don't want to have it," Carol admitted. She shook her head. "But…I don't want to not have it."

And she wasn't for one moment going to blame him if he thought she'd lost her mind and was speaking in riddles.

It wasn't really a riddle though. The problem was that she was simply conflicted about the whole thing. She'd sunk into an existence where she simply made decisions…she did what had to be done…but all of a sudden she had no idea what needed to be done, or even if it really boiled down to need or want.

And there were so many things that she didn't want surrounding this…and she didn't want the concerns and the worries that went along with it…but she was tired too and she didn't want to lose another child, and she certainly didn't want to be the one to decide that it wasn't going to be.

Tyreese guarded silence after her statement for a moment and then he got up from the chair that he was sitting in and crossed the room to come and sit beside her on the couch.

"Which do you not want more?" Tyreese asked.

Carol looked at him and shook her head.

"Tell me what to do," she said. She shrugged. "I want you to tell me what to do…"

Tyreese shook his head at her in response.

"I'm not going to tell you what to do," he said. "I can't tell you what to do…because I don't want you to…"

He broke off.

"You don't want me to hold you responsible for it?" Carol asked, her voice breaking a little with an ironic laugh. "Are you going to hold me responsible for it?"

Tyreese sighed and sat back against the back of the couch and Carol returned her head to her hands. There wasn't going to be an easy answer. Even if they just decided to put on a happy face and pretend that this was the greatest blessing ever…there would still be worry and concern. It wasn't possible to avoid that…it never had been, but it certainly wasn't now.

"You know I'm not," Tyreese said after a moment. "If you're asking my opinion? If you're asking what I want? I don't know what to tell you. But I would be happy to have a child with you…and if that's not what you can live with? Then I'll support you…even if I can't agree with you."

Carol laughed ironically again, the sound coming out a little choked.

"So…it's on me," she said. "You'll support me…you'll hang in there…but it's all on me?"

Tyreese sat up.

"Are we going to fight about this now?" He asked. "It's your body," he said. "Do you want to have a baby or don't you…I don't think I can make that decision for you."

Carol got up and paced a moment around the tiny living room of their house. That was part of it, yes, but there was so much more involved in the whole thing. There was so much more to think about and so much more that having a child could mean.

She skipped right over whether or not she wanted the convenience and ease of carrying and then delivering a child in the world that they found themselves in. She skipped from that directly to the part that, perhaps, bothered her even more…the part that felt like something that was harder to deal with than just the physical aspects of it.

"Sophia…Lizzie…Mika," she said, not turning to look at Tyreese for the moment. She shrugged with her back to him.

"What happened with Sophia," Tyreese said after a moment, even though she kept her back to him and didn't venture to turn around or to continue speaking, "you've told me about it…it wasn't your fault and it wasn't her fault. It wasn't anyone's fault…"

Carol couldn't form the words that she wanted to say, but she didn't have to. She simply turned then to look at him. He knew that she had guilt…guilt that would stay with her forever…about what had happened to Sophia. It didn't matter how many times others tried to tell her that it wasn't her fault and it didn't matter how many times that she tried to talk herself out of the guilt, it was still there.

Tyreese shook his head at her.

"It wasn't," he said. "And…you're not the same person you were then…not at all. You're not even the same person you were a year ago. It wouldn't happen like that again. And Mika? That's as much my fault as it is yours. We didn't see the signs…and Lizzie? That was there…it was there before all of this, it was there before Mika…that wasn't you and it wasn't something you could have changed. You know that."

"Ty…I don't want…to do that again," Carol said. "None of it…I don't want to do it again."

She paused and then shook her head.

"I don't think that I'm even…capable…of being a mother again…" Carol admitted.

"You never stopped being one," Tyreese said. "I'm not saying there's nothing to worry about at all…but I am saying that I don't think you've got to worry about the same things. Look at Judith…look at the other children around here. They're just healthy and happy children…they're not…"

He broke off and Carol could tell that he didn't know what else to say. He was just as lost as she was, though he was putting some valiant effort into offering up whatever might make her feel better.

"Look what happened to Lori," Carol said.

Tyreese frowned and nodded his head. He hadn't been there for it, but he knew about it. Everyone did. It was more or less one of those things that got passed around…whispered whenever someone asked about Judith and Carl and Rick.

"We have medical care," Tyreese said.

Carol tipped her head to the side.

"And it's great," she said, somewhat sarcastically.

"It's better than it was at the prison," Tyreese countered. "And you've even said that you were prepared to perform a C-section on Lori…that you thought she'd have lived through it if it had been done the way you planned. Here we have more than we had at the prison."

Carol just nodded her head at him and then she returned to the couch, feeling for a moment the stirring need to pace leaving her legs, though she didn't doubt that it might start up again before long.

"So you're saying that you want to do this?" Carol asked.

"If you decided that you wanted to…" Tyreese stopped and waved a hand at her. He frowned when she made a face at him. "I'm trying here…I can't say that I like the idea. Don't look at me like that."

Carol clenched her teeth to rid her face of whatever expression she might be making…she wasn't even sure which one might be winning out at the moment.

"If you decided to do something," Tyreese said. "What would it be? Do you take a pill or what?"

Carol shrugged.

"I think it's a procedure," she said. She shook her head. "It's not like I do this all the time."

He nodded his head in more of an absentminded way than to indicate that he was agreeing with her about anything.

"I don't like the idea of it either," Carol said. "I don't…want that either…but I feel…"

"You feel what?" Tyreese asked.

Carol shook her head.

"I feel like I'm either waiting for it to happen now…or I'm waiting for it to happen later," Carol admitted.

Tyreese sat there a moment longer and then he moved on the couch, moving right up next to her and he pulled her over against him. She accepted the embrace because the comfort that it offered was something that she needed, something that she wanted, at that moment.

"Let's pretend…for just a moment…that this was the world before all of this…that you and I were married and there weren't Walkers…and things hadn't happened the way that they've happened…if we pretended that for just a moment, in that world, do you want this?" Tyreese asked.

Carol laughed again, ironically, because it was a world that was almost as out of her reach now as the things they'd read about in storybooks as children.

"In a perfect world?" She asked. "I guess…I would…in a perfect world."

Tyreese ran his hand over her arm.

"Then you answered your question," he said. "Oasis is safe. It's nice…and everyday it gets nicer and safer. You and me…both of us…we're working toward making it even better. It's not a perfect world, but it's better than what we had."

Carol sucked in a breath and leaned more against him, not realizing until she sunk into him how tired she was at the moment.

"You don't have to decide today," Tyreese said. "Alice wanted you to come back tomorrow. I can go with you, you can talk to her…this isn't something that you have to decide right now."

"If I'm going to sleep I do," Carol said.

Tyreese fell silent for a moment, but he didn't move from the position that they were in and Carol didn't offer to move either. At the moment not much had changed about the thoughts racing around her mind, but the position was at least more comfortable to think in than the one she'd held for most of the day, staring at the floor.

"Do you want to talk some more? Or are you just…thinking?" Tyreese asked.

Carol didn't want to talk. There wasn't really anything more to talk about, at least not the way that she saw it. The way that she saw it everything that could be said had been said. It boiled down to what she wanted, or rather down to what she decided. She knew where Tyreese stood, even if he offered to support her if she went against what he wanted or thought was right for the situation. Now the only thing to chew on was what she thought.

"I don't want to talk," she admitted.

"Then we don't have to," Tyreese said.

"Are you going to bed?" Carol asked, still making no move to change her position.

"Not until you do," Tyreese responded. "We've got all night."


	18. Chapter 18

**AN: Here we go, another little chapter…moving right along. **

**I hope you enjoy. Let me know what you think! **

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"Would you do it here or…where?" Carol asked once she had her clothes back on. She was sitting on the exam table, Alice standing there facing her, and Tyreese had his hand on her shoulder, offering what she knew to be all the support he had to offer in the moment.

Alice went a little wide eyed and shook her head.

"I don't really know," she said. "I wouldn't do it…I would ask around and find out if anyone felt confident that they could do it. I'd find you the best person to handle it if that's what you want."

Carol felt her stomach churn. She hadn't made up her mind the night before like she'd intended. She'd fallen asleep, despite the fact that she'd thought she wouldn't be able to sleep until she knew for sure what was happening. Now she still wasn't sure, but she wanted more information…she wanted to know more about her options…but she didn't want everyone else to know.

"I thought that you would…" Carol started. She stopped, letting her voice trail off while Alice shook her head at her. She liked the woman and she liked the fact that even today when she'd come in nervous and declaring that she didn't know what she wanted to do, she hadn't felt judged or like Alice might push her in one direction or another. She'd examined her, and she'd listened to her, but she hadn't tried to tell Carol what she should or shouldn't feel about this.

"It's not that I wouldn't want to," Alice offered quickly. "And…I mean if you just like my face or something…I could be there, but it's not my area. In the land of gynecology and obstetrics I can get you through the basics and that's about it. I've done one C-section in my life and that was an emergency situation."

Carol swallowed and nodded her head. She wasn't really upset with the woman. If she didn't know what she was doing, then she didn't know what she was doing. At least she was honest about it, but it didn't make Carol feel any better about it even possibly getting around that she was considering something like this…something that she didn't even believe in.

"Listen, it would be like asking someone trained to work on lawnmowers to fix your car," Alice continued, her face showing that maybe she felt guilty for having entered into the wrong profession for the moment. "I just wouldn't be the best choice unless you're really in a crunch."

Carol chewed her lip.

Tyreese wasn't offering anything at the moment except the silent presence marked by his hand on her shoulder. They'd talked about it a little more this morning while they'd gotten ready to come here and beyond a shadow of a doubt she knew where he stood. He thought that she should have it…he didn't believe in terminating the pregnancy…but if she wanted that, he'd offer the silent support.

And she was stuck because she didn't believe in terminating it either…but at the same time she had the same panicked feeling that she'd had when, exhausted and almost certain she was going to die lost in the tombs, she'd closed herself off in a cell to wait for it to come.

"I don't want you to tell anyone," Carol said after a moment. "I'm not ready…I'm still not ready to say yes or no."

Alice nodded her head and Carol caught her send a glance in Tyreese's direction before she reached out and lightly put a hand on Carol's arm.

"With my limited knowledge, I can tell you that you are pregnant," Alice said. "And I can tell you that you're not very far along at all. I'm pretty sure you caught this super early…you've got time to think about things if that's what you want to do."

Carol nodded her head and sucked in a breath.

"That's what I want to do," Carol said.

Alice nodded back at her in response.

"Then I won't say anything," she said. "You decide…you let me know. If you're not positive, though…I'd take the vitamins that I gave you."

Carol nodded her head again.

Alice had brought her a bottle of prenatal vitamins that she said she'd picked up from post, telling them that they were for one of her patients, but not bothering to tell them who. There were enough pregnant women around Oasis that they could wonder if they wanted to.

Carol chatted with Alice a little longer, ran through once again some of the questions she was certain that she'd asked at least twice already, and finally thanked the woman for her time and left with Tyreese who was going to work an afternoon shift…both of them having taken off the morning just under the guise that she wasn't feeling well…while she went home to spend the rest of her evening probably stewing over the same things she'd been stewing over.

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"Do you think…I don't know," Tyreese said, once they were settled in bed and Carol had confessed to him that she wasn't sure she could go through with terminating the pregnancy…even if she wasn't sure that she could go through with the pregnancy either, "do you think that if you asked for nursery duty…spent some time with the kids…maybe got a few things from post…I don't know, do you think that anything might change your mind or help you decide?"

Carol felt like she was choking on her words when she started to speak.

"I don't have to decide if I like babies or children," Carol said. "I don't have to decide that at all…but it's different to see Glenn and Maggie…or anyone else with their kids…and then to know that this would be my child and my responsibility. I'd be responsible for deciding to bring another life into this world…and Ty…that's just assuming that everything would go well. There could be complications…things could go bad for me or for the baby…"

"You keep saying it would be your child," Tyreese said. "Is that just a figure of speech or are you so far removed from this right this moment that you don't realize it's there…it is your child…it's mine too."

Carol looked at him because she didn't have anything to say that at the moment. She felt like she was too tired of thinking about it and of talking about it to even form an argument that could begin to cover everything that she was thinking.

"I just want you to think about that before you make any decisions," Tyreese said.

Carol continued to stare for a moment.

"You're right," she said, shaking her head. "I hadn't thought about that…it hadn't even crossed my mind that you're leaving me to make this decision on my own…and that means I'll be the one that's…"

She stopped and shook her head apologetically for the bite in her own voice…a bite she saw register on his face.

"I'm sorry," she offered.

Tyreese shook his head.

"No…it's fine," he offered. "You've got a lot on your mind. I don't want to make you make this decision on your own…but I don't want to push you either. You know how I feel about it. That's all that I can really do. I don't know what you want me to do and what you don't want me to do."

Carol sat there in silence for a moment before she felt like she could continue speaking to him. Even as she said the words, she felt like she wanted to break down and cry like she hadn't broken down in some time.

"I am so…scared…to do this," she said. "But…on the other hand…"

She shook her head.

"I don't like the other option. And, honestly, it's driving me crazy that I can't just be happy about it like Maggie was and excited…and I can't even be OK with it like Michonne will be when she and Rick have a child. They're happy and I'm terrified."

"Maybe they're happy about it because they're focusing on the good that can come out of it…maybe they're not worrying about the bad," Tyreese offered.

"Don't worry about it until it happens?" Carol asked.

Tyreese made a face.

"We will do everything we can to make sure nothing happens," Tyreese offered. "We'll do everything we can…everything we have to do…to make sure that you're fine and the baby's fine…and then we'll do everything we can to make sure that it has the best life that we can give it."

Carol finally settled with just nodding her head. There wasn't anything else that she could do, really.

"I could get you some things from post," Tyreese said. "If you wanted. If you decided that you want this…you could start fixing up that room. We haven't even been in there since we moved in. It might make you feel better to be doing something."

Carol shook her head to that.

"Even if I decide to keep it," she said, "and I'm not saying I have or I haven't…I'm not ready for everyone to know. You know that as soon as everyone finds out…they hover. I'm really, really not ready for that right now."

Tyreese nodded his head.

"Fine…on a run then," he offered. "One of the runs where we get personal shopping time…I can find a few things."

"So you're pretty set on us keeping it," Carol said.

"Until you tell me otherwise," Tyreese said, "then I'm going to assume we're keeping it. Just like with the vitamins that Alice gave you. Take them until you know whether or not you need them."

Carol nodded.

"Yeah…" she said. She shrugged after a moment. "I mean…it's the best thing to do, just in case."

She reached for the lamp then to turn the wick down until it choked out the light. She looked back at Tyreese, but apparently he already knew what she was doing because he was settling down into the bed, rubbing at his eyes with his thumb and forefinger.

And for a moment she felt bad. She was being entirely selfish, perhaps, right now. She was completely worked up in what she wanted and what she needed…she was wrapped up in what she thought and what she felt.

She realized that wasn't fair at all, even if she was doing it without really meaning to do it.

And she realized she'd hardly spoken to him during the time since she'd found out that she wasn't short or sharp.

"Do you want the light?" She asked, making a strong effort to make her voice sound softer and nicer than she knew it had been coming out before.

Snapping and snarling at Tyreese wasn't going to do anything at all about the situation. This was no more his fault than it was hers…and really, given their options, it wasn't exactly something that they could have expected to avoid in any way other than keeping their fingers crossed if they weren't going to avoid intimacy altogether.

"No," Tyreese said. He moved his hand from his eyes and looked at her. "You can turn it off…or leave it on if you want it. I don't care, it's not going to bother me either way."

Carol went through, then, with her plan to turn out the light and then in the darkness she found Tyreese.

"I'm sorry if I've been…short with you…or ill with you," Carol said when he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to him.

"You've got a lot on your mind," he said, the words partially muffled by a yawn.

"You do too," Carol said. "And I keep forgetting that."

He hugged her and kissed her face, probably missing any real goal of landing his lips that he had in mind since their eyes hadn't fully adjusted to the darkness.

"Get some sleep if you can," Tyreese said, dismissing the comment in the way that he often would if she apologized for things…at least for things that he simply didn't see as important enough to acknowledge. "Maybe tomorrow you'll feel better…"

Carol sighed and closed her eyes, exchanging quiet statements of "good night" and "love you" with Tyreese.

She wasn't sure if she'd really feel better tomorrow, but she was determined to get up in the morning and go back to work. She might have time to figure this out, but one way or another the world wasn't going to stop going on around her and she'd made up her mind in the instant that she wasn't going to sit back and let it go on without her.

She could take her time making her decision, but no matter which direction she chose, she was done moping about it.


	19. Chapter 19

**AN: Here we go, another little chapter…from here we're going to be moving on (in the next few chapters) to some other bigger things and it won't be too long before we hear from Daryl again. **

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! **

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Carol had decided all morning to be slightly judgmental, at least in her own head, of everyone she overheard complaining about anything or walking around with any sort of sour expression on their face. She knew it was human nature to find the negative in little things when all else was well, but it didn't make it any less annoying and it didn't make her feel any less like no one around her had anything like she had to be brooding over.

She was on commissary duty, and before the breakfast rush was about to start, she started around, getting things ready at the tables.

She spotted Alice sitting at one of the tables, reading, the only person in the dining hall before the lines started forming. Carol went to the back of the kitchen and came out a few minutes later, putting a plate and a cup of coffee on the table and sliding it toward the woman who looked at her blankly at first and then smiled.

"Hey…thanks," Alice said. "I could've gone through the line…"

"I thought you might like to skip the line," Carol said. She pointed at the book that Alice had been leaning over. "You looked a little busy."

"Yeah," Alice said with a breathy sigh.

Carol couldn't help but smile at the fact that the woman was very obviously wearing men's glasses. They were almost too large for her face and thick rimmed.

"Those are not your glasses," Carol said, shaking her head and sitting for a moment across from Alice at the little table.

Alice reached up and touched them like she hadn't even realized she was wearing glasses.

"Yeah…they're not. Well…I mean I guess they are now. They're the only ones that had the prescription that I wanted. I don't really need them, but I learned in college that if I was going to be doing a lot of reading that wearing them kept my eyeballs from feeling like they would explode," Alice responded.

"Well…that would be unfortunate," Carol said, laughing a little at the woman's tone of voice.

"Hey…listen," Alice said. "Would you…want to take a walk with me?"

Carol looked around, even though she didn't really need to look to hear the din of people as they started coming in to line up for their food.

"I've got breakfast duty," Carol said, shaking her head slightly.

Alice looked over Carol's shoulder.

"Did you eat?" Alice asked.

Carol nodded.

"We eat before everyone gets in here," Carol said.

"OK…then do you want to take a walk? Because I can get people off of just about anything they're supposed to be doing around here…just tell them Dr. Walker needs your help with something," Alice said.

Carol sat there for a moment, feeling slightly guilty about blowing off her duty and leaving the other people to fill her shoes, but finally she nodded her head while the brunette ate and stared at her.

"OK," Carol said.

"Good…" Alice said. "You go tell them you're outta here…I'm going to scarf this down…and then I'll meet you outside."

Carol nodded again and got up from the table, heading straight to the back to tell them that she was ducking out of serving breakfast because something else had come up.

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They were across the community and walking in one of the newer opened areas, the area where Michonne and Rick had a house now, because it was one of the few places where there weren't that many people that commonly came and went during shifts…and Carol wanted the privacy as much as apparently the young doctor did.

They'd guarded silence until they got over there and started what was more or less a leisurely stroll the through the quiet area. It was then that the brunette, her book bag thrown over her shoulder, broke the silence and started to speak with Carol.

"Did you make a decision?" She asked.

Carol shook her head.

"Do you have a suggestion?" Carol asked.

The brunette laughed to herself.

"I don't think I'd be comfortable giving one," she said. "Can I be real with you? Cut the doctor patient crap?"

Carol nodded. She'd rather deal with the woman as a regular person any way instead of worrying about what kind of decorum they were supposed to be guarding.

"I read almost all night last night," Alice said. "Just…I don't know…trying to learn what I could get from what the library had to offer. I haven't talked to anyone, though, so don't think I ratted you out."

Carol nodded her understanding and softly voiced her appreciation of whatever it might be that Alice had to offer.

"There's a good chance that you don't have to make a decision," Alice said. "I mean…sorry…but at your age there's a lot that could just…"

She broke off and Carol could see that she was uncomfortable. Whether it was the subject matter or whether she feared offending her, Carol wasn't sure.

"You're not going to offend me," Carol said. "You're the one who said we could talk openly. You think I could miscarry?"

Alice shrugged and nodded at the same time.

"I'm saying there's a definite chance," Alice said.

"And if I don't?" Carol asked.

Alice shrugged and made a calculated move to step off the path they were walking on and kick a loose rock, sending it hopping along in front of them a few feet.

"I can be all rainbows and happy shit if you want," Alice said. "I can tell you that things will go just great and it'll be the best thing in the world…or I can be all dungeons and hellfire and tell you that everything goings to be a red hot disaster."

"Which one are you leaning toward?" Carol asked with a sigh, her stomach churning, but appreciating nonetheless the chance to talk about this with someone who seemed open to being at least somewhat realistic about the fact that there were, unmistakably, things to be concerned about.

"Neither," Alice said. "I'm…something of a cowgirl."

Carol raised an eyebrow at the woman and Alice smiled.

"I've ridden a lotta damn fences in my life," Alice said. "What I can tell you is that there are risks…and to say there aren't would be lying to you and trying to paint you some pretty little picture to hang on your wall. But…"

"There's a but?" Carol asked.

Alice nodded.

"There's a but," she said. "But…there is always the chance that you miss the risks…you dodge the bullet…you come out of this living the pretty picture. Basically? I can't tell you what to do and I wouldn't try to tell you what to do…but I could try to talk you through some of it if you want."

Carol nodded her head.

"Like what? Where would you start?" Carol asked.

"I'd start at there's the chance that you could not have to worry about it at all," Alice said. "If…well, you didn't lose it? Then there's the truth that we've got medical care here, but it's limited…"

"Clearly," Carol said.

"Honestly? If you could wait a little while…I probably would," Alice said. "Just to see if nature takes care of things…I mean if you're leaning toward doing something about it. Because I don't have any idea how the whole thing would work…but I'm sure there are risks involved…infection, internal bleeding, not to mention whatever emotional and psychological turmoil it might stir up."

Alice stopped speaking for a moment as though she were giving Carol time to think about what she said, and Carol did think about it for a moment.

"I think that's why I can't make the decision," Carol admitted, keeping her voice lower than it had to be. "It's not something I want to do…if I had a promise that everything would be absolutely fine…if I could believe in…magic…then this would never be something I was even considering."

Alice shook her head.

"Didn't think you would…if you were just dead set against it on all planes…you wouldn't have hesitated to make the call," Alice said.

"Let's assume," Carol said, "that I decide to wait…that I decide to see if…nature will run its course and then it doesn't, then what?"

Alice shrugged and bobbed her head forward like she was trapping words in her mouth, forcing them to stay there while she tasted them a few more moments to decide if she wanted to keep them or spit them out.

"Then you're back where you are now," she said after a moment. "You decide, just later, if you want to keep going or if you want to…pull the plug on the whole thing."

"And what are the odds that things would be fine…with the baby at least?" Carol asked.

Alice made a hissing noise.

"I can't give you statistics…I mean, seriously? The shit that I'm reading out of the library are some really poorly written books from decades before," Alice said. "I mean there's a chance, though, don't get me wrong."

"What about me?" Carol asked. "What about carrying the baby…delivery? Any words of wisdom?"

Alice laughed and shook her head.

"I guess we'll have to see," she said. "I think that if you got to delivery? We can do a C-Section…we're set for that…and I would say there's only a slightly elevated risk from what there might have been before…infection and such…but we'd be on the lookout for it."

Carol nodded her head and sighed to herself.

The conversation hadn't really cleared anything up for her and it hadn't removed much of her concern…but she hadn't really been expecting it to either. The woman walking beside her was just that, a woman. She might have been trained as a doctor, and she might have been a very good one or a very bad one since Carol didn't really know, but the fact of the matter was that she was simply just a human being like the rest of them. She couldn't work miracles and she couldn't make promises.

But the conversation did have Carol feeling a little better simply because she was talking about things…and she was talking with someone who seemed, at least from what she could tell, disinterested in pushing her in one direction or the other.

"Tyreese wants us to keep the baby," Carol said, not sure why she'd admitted the information to the woman as soon as it fell from her mouth.

Alice nodded her head.

"Yeah, I kinda picked up on that," she said. "He's not…what's the word? He's not…I don't know…he's not hard to read. He's not a mystery."

Carol nodded back at the woman.

"He's…I guess more optimistic than I am. He's more convinced that things will work out. I think I lost a lot of my optimism along the way," Carol said.

"Optimism is a good thing to have," Alice said. "But a little reality never hurt anyone either. Being aware isn't losing your optimism…optimism…at least in my opinion, is believing that good can still happen…not believing that it always will."

Carol chewed on the words as they strolled in silence, weaving an unnecessary pattern through the spaces around the houses that surrounded them to keep from running out of room to walk in private more than anything else.

"It's easier for men, I think," Alice said. "They don't have the same…position…when it comes to children."

"He's worried about protecting us," Carol said. "He wants to have the baby and give it a good life…"

She felt like she needed to defend Tyreese, even if at the moment she was silently agreeing with the woman.

Alice nodded her head.

"True…but you look at any animal," Alice said. "Most of the time you see dad…and he's cool. I mean he's playing with the cub and he's…sometimes he's bringing food or something and he's like hey don't mess with my kid…but it's always the mom that's the real deal. It's the mom that lays down her life for her kid…not the dad."

Carol didn't respond.

"You do what you need to do," Alice said. "You do what you want to do…if you want it, keep it and I'll talk to anyone that I can find to try to make that pretty picture the real deal. If you don't want it…don't let anyone tell you that you're wrong."

Carol chuckled ironically.

"If only it were that easy," she said.

Alice shrugged.

"I know it's not," she admitted. "But it should be…"

After walking in silence a little longer, the brunette must have figured that the conversation was over, and honestly it probably was because Carol didn't have anything else to say about it. She didn't have anything else that she felt like she needed to ask that she might get out of the woman who admittedly knew relatively little. But she did, at least, feel a little lighter than she had when she'd been judging people over breakfast duty because they complained about the stupid little day to day things in life.

"Thanks, you know, for talking to me," Carol said.

"Any time," Alice said. "I don't know if I helped…"

"You did," Carol said, nodding her head. "For now…I'm going to wait. I'm going to see what happens…and then we'll go from there."

Alice smiled at her.

"Well you sound better than you did yesterday," Alice admitted. "Maybe there's a little more optimism there than you thought? The well isn't bone dry after all?"

Carol smiled.

"Maybe there's a little left," she said. "Just enough to get through the day, right?"

Alice's smile grew slightly and she nodded a little more adamantly than before.

"That's all the optimism that I think anybody needs," she responded.


	20. Chapter 20

**AN: Here we go, another little chapter. **

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! **

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When Carol thought back to her pregnancy with Sophia she remembered morning sickness. Whether she remembered it clearly or not, though, she wasn't sure of. Because she remembered it being something that was more or less true to its name. It would start not long after she woke, make her skip breakfast to try to keep from having anything to throw up after she got control of the heaving, and then it would start to quell sometime after lunch when she'd forced down something like crackers as a sacrifice to the child producing gods that ruled her stomach at the time.

She didn't remember it coming in the middle of the night in what felt like a violent wave, forcing her out of bed with the pathetic scramble to figure out where she was and where she could get fast enough to throw up and not have to clean up a horrific mess later while she was still fighting heaving.

This world was not a world where you wanted to be sick either. She'd been lucky enough to stay away from any stomach problems since they'd been there, but it was now that she was realizing how really undesirable it was not have running water or a flushing toilet…and she was realizing how disgusting the buckets they had were that they took down to clean out at the "sanitation area" once a day.

But her options were limited and she doubted anyone living in close quarters with them, since the small houses that surrounded their little house were pretty close, would appreciate her running outside and throwing up whatever she could get up in the yard in the middle of the night.

While she was thinking to herself that this could very well be one of the layers of hell, sitting in the bathroom floor and trying to avoid the buckets when not absolutely necessary, Tyreese shuffled in with another of the cleaned out buckets that had once held concrete mix. He offered it to her.

"It's clean," he said.

She took it and put it on the floor beside her, leaning back against the bathroom counter like she had been when he'd come in. He disappeared again for a second and came back with the lamp that had been flickering since he'd woken up from hearing her. He put it on the counter behind her, illuminating the room a little…because it was worse to be sick in a dark room, apparently.

"If you weren't so interested in keeping it to ourselves," Tyreese said, "I bet they'd move us further up the list for the running water."

Carol forced herself to swallow against the new wave of nausea creeping up. She shook her head at him.

"I promise…this isn't the…conversation that I want to have right now," she got out.

She had told Tyreese that she was going to wait things out…that she would think about it and for now they were just going to go through with things.

He'd seemed pleased with her decision and he'd taken it all the way to simply assuming that everything was decided and all they had to do now was start planning out what was to come. She'd only barely gotten him to agree to wait to tell everyone because she wasn't ready to profess it to the whole community and deal with all the well-wishes and hovering that came with such a proclamation.

Because whether it was right or not, there was still a part of her gut that was hoping that things would "take care of themselves" and they'd never get far enough for this to be much of an issue.

Tyreese simply nodded his head at her, understanding apparently that she wasn't feeling up to discussing when they'd make their blessed event publicly known.

"I'll bring you some water," he offered.

Carol shook her head slightly.

"I don't want to drink anything right now," she said.

"I meant if you wanted to clean up a little," Tyreese said.

Carol nodded at that and he disappeared, reappearing some moments later with a bowl in one hand and another of the lamps in the other. He put the first lamp next to the second, increasing the light in the bathroom and put the bowl on the counter, wringing out a rag and handing the damp rag to Carol.

She mopped at her face and he took it back without saying anything and passed it back to her.

"Put it on your face…it might help," he offered.

Carol thanked him softly and accepted the rag, mopping at her neck before leaning her head back and settling the damp cloth on her face, willing to try anything that might help the churning in her stomach at the moment.

She tried to tell herself that maybe it was a stomach virus or something that she ate. Maybe this wasn't the start of something that could be with her for some time. She didn't say it out loud, though, because Tyreese would probably just scoff at her.

He was pleased about the baby and he was hopeful and optimistic.

In his mind, they would do what they needed to do…whatever that might be…and everything would be fine. The baby would be happy and healthy and they would figure out how to keep it safe and keep it sheltered from everything in the world that had caused some of the nightmares that plagued both of them in their sleeping hours.

And Carol truly wished that she could be as happy and optimistic as he was. She had moments of it, here and there, where she explored the fact that everything might be fine and wonderful…but for the most part her mind tended to take her to darker places that she didn't enjoy visiting.

Whether the damp rag did anything to make her feel better, or whether the nausea was simply ebbing and flowing on its own, Carol did feel a little better and she held the rag out to Tyreese who was leaning against the wall and watching her.

"Can you wet this again?" She asked. "Or pass me the bowl?"

He took the rag and wet it again, offering it back to her almost immediately. She patted at her face and neck before putting it back over her face the way it had been before.

"Feeling any better?" Tyreese asked, though she couldn't see him beyond the rag blinder that she'd made for herself.

"A little," she admitted. "You can go back to sleep…I'm sure it'll pass."

Tyreese chuckled.

"I'm sure it'll pass too," he said. "But I don't think you'd like to be up alone."

Carol moved the rag away enough to look at him with one eye.

"I'm fine," she said. "Really…it doesn't make sense for you to stay up too…and you need to sleep. You've got the run in the morning."

Tyreese hummed at her and shifted his position.

"You still haven't told me if you have any special requests for that one," he said, pausing to yawn and covering his mouth with his hand.

Carol couldn't think of anything that she wanted. Usually when either of them went on runs, especially two day or three day runs that would allow time to go after things not specifically on your list for Oasis, they gave each other a few requests for things to look for, no matter how simple or small.

But this time she couldn't think of anything. She usually asked for special foods, sometimes clothes…but she was drawing a blank at the moment.

"Antacids," she said, finally.

Tyreese snorted.

"Fine…I'll find you some things," he offered. "But go to post in the morning, after we leave, and get antacids…you don't have to tell them anything to need those."

"OK…" Carol said.

And for the moment she was feeling better, but she didn't want to move and risk ruining that.

"You can go to bed…" she offered.

"You don't want to try to go back to sleep?" Tyreese asked.

"Not yet," Carol said. "I'll be in there…take the lamp."

"I'll take one of them," Tyreese said. "I'll leave it burning by the bed. You can blow this one out when you go."

He reached over and patted her on the shoulder and she was thankful that there wasn't an insistence on his part that she move at all. Then he took one of the lamps and went to bed again and it wasn't long until she heard him sleeping.

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Carol had quickly said goodbye to Michonne when she'd seen her, having arrived before they had to be there with Tyreese. Then she'd walked over to stand with Tyreese and Sasha while they waited on the others that would go on the run to get there with their packs thrown over their shoulders.

Abraham was apparently leading the group, and once it was assembled he passed in silence handing out the lists that each person would be responsible for. It was a two day run, so they should expect to be back in that length of time, but everyone knew that was a guessing game. Sometimes they'd return early if the place that they went turned out to be a bust or seemed to be too dangerous and not really worth it, and sometimes they'd return a little late because they held up here or there for one reason or another.

After the lists had been handed out, Abraham left everyone else inside while he went out with another man, a mechanic by the name of Harland, to make sure that the vehicles they were taking were in as good of a condition as Harland promised they were.

From what Carol could see, the run would be a small group consisting of Michonne, Tyreese, Abraham and two young men that she knew by face, but she hadn't ever bothered to know their names. She thought one of them might have been named Noland…at least that's what she kept hearing repeated coming from the area where he was waiting, but she couldn't be positive.

She hugged Tyreese and he hugged her back, keeping an arm around her while they stood and waited for Abraham to say that the vehicles were ready and it was time to move out.

"Go down to post today," Tyreese said to her. "Get whatever you need."

Carol nodded at him and cast a quick glance at Sasha, but she wasn't really paying them any attention. She was scanning the crowd around them with her eyes and rocking back and forth on her feet to pass the time.

"Be careful," Carol said.

Tyreese smiled and dipped his head toward her, meeting her for the quickest kind of kiss…the only kind she was really comfortable with in public.

"I always am," he said. "You watch out for yourself too, OK? Don't do two shifts a day if you don't have to…"

Carol nodded her head.

"I'm not," she said. "Just signed up for the one today. I'm going to do supper…and I've got a couple of books from the library to read."

Tyreese smiled as though that were a suitable plan to him as to how she needed to spend the time that he was gone.

"Look out for Michonne," Carol said.

She was teasing him a little and he knew it. On the one hand, one of the rules on runs and missions both was that it was essentially save yourself first and only assist others if you're sure you can, but on the other hand it was because Michonne was one of the bunch that rarely needed assistance with anything outside the walls.

Tyreese chuckled.

"Yeah…I'll babysit her," he teased.

When Abraham came back inside, Carol kept her position while they listened to his little spill…the common one to go with a run. He talked about where they were going, what they were doing, and ran through the plan. It was common practice and usually run through quickly, but Carol assumed that this time he was taking his time a little for the benefit of the two young men. She wasn't sure how many runs either of them had been on before.

When it was finally time for them to leave, she pulled away from Tyreese and waited while he said goodbye to Sasha who left almost immediately because she was supposed to be on a shift. Then Carol kissed him quickly and exchanged the customary words of "love you" and "take care of yourself" that they passed back and forth any time one of them went on anything without the other.

She waited with the rest of the group until they'd passed out of the gates and the gates were shut behind them. Then she turned and headed toward post to go and pick out some things that she might like to have around the house and to occupy her time until she felt like going back to the house to read until her shift started.


	21. Chapter 21

**AN: Hi everyone! Just a little chapter here. This one is sort of filler/character development to start putting some pieces into place for things that will be coming up. So, sorry, but nothing too exciting here. **

**Also, I wrote this on my mobile device today and I've tried to edit it, but there may be more typos than usual. My apologies for that! **

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! **

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Daryl stepped into post and ran through the set up aisles quicker than anyone who actually intended to find anything.

As he rounded one of the metal shelves he saw Carol standing there, one of the red plastic baskets in hand, swaying on one foot and looking with some focus at the contents of the shelf in front of her.

He backed up quickly, fairly certain that he hadn't been noticed and took to looking blankly at a different shelf, not really even noticing what it might be that he appeared to be shopping for.

She managed to do it to him a lot...just by merit of her presence...and he wasn't even entirely sure what it was.

The catch in his chest was how it started, like the wind had been knocked out of him, and then the churning in his stomach where he wanted to say something to her, or rather he wanted to have something to say to her, but at the same time be feared speaking.

And he assumed that the reason that it got progressively worse was because there was so much that he always left unsaid that it built up and it built up until there wasn't a clear where or when to begin with.

So it was easier to avoid her and to avoid the painful small talk that he hated anyway but hated, most of all, with her.

Daryl abandoned his efforts to look through the slightly disorganized shelves of the converted store and glanced around toward the more open space crowded with clothing racks that held, except for just after runs, the cast off clothes that most people didn't even want when their choices were painfully limited.

He could barely recall what he'd come in here for. Soap, to kill some time, maybe something else...but it didn't matter now...he'd forgotten it.

Daryl went to the counter where a young girl...her name was Katie or Caitlin or something of the like...sat reading a book and waiting to ring up anyone who bought anything, oddly reminiscent of all the bored teenagers who had ever had retail jobs for the summer.

"Need soap," Daryl said, catching the girl's attention and wishing it was the ancient old man that often worked on post because he just got you what the hell you asked for without the added bonus of the pissed off facial expression for disturbing him.

"What kind of soap?" The girl who reminded him of Beth asked with the same attitude of someone not old enough to know where attitudes had their place.

Soap was soap, simple as that. Daryl thought about responding with an equal amount of attitude and saying that any soap to wash his dirty ass would suffice, but since he was in a decent mood, he decided to let the little snot slide for now.

He glanced around at the counter where some odds and ends were piled up and plucked a bar of soap out of the pile gathered there. He held it out to the kid.

"Soap," he declared. "Looks good as any...an' what the hell ya got in the way a' comic books or puzzle books?"

"What are you looking for?" The girl asked.

Daryl shrugged.

"Don't matter," he responded. "Surprise me..."

She huffed and turned to the shelf behind her, quickly tossing a book at him with some super hero on the front. It would do.

"That's it," he said, not certain if she knew he was done shopping.

"The soap was from her stuff," the girl said.

Daryl only realized then that the whole exhausting exchange had given Carol time to stop shopping and to be standing behind him, loaded basket in hand.

"It's ok, Katie," Carol responded. "I heard him and grabbed another bar."

Daryl didn't know how to respond so he nodded his head at Carol and waited for Katie to write down his purchase in her ledger before he picked both items up and stepped to the side to allow Carol to check out, not really sure why he lingered there and didn't just leave immediately and go about his business.

He chuckled after a moment, watching the girl tally up what Carol had and Carol pile it all into the canvas bag that she'd been offered.

"You got enough stuff?" Daryl asked. "End a' the world come a while ago."

Carol gave him a look and then a soft smile, packing what he was pretty sure were all the granola bars the place had to offer into her bag.

"I might have gotten carried away," Carol said. She didn't say anything else to him, but he listened as she asked the girl if she knew anything about the order of the list for houses yet to receive their working water, which the girl knew nothing about, and then she left, digging through her bag as she went.

Daryl followed her, hesitating to speak and tried to convince himself that he was just going to go back to his apartment.

But he almost ran into her when she stopped short outside the door and dug through her bag, coming up with one of the granola bars and ripping open what was now a snack for them but had many times constituted food for an entire day.

"Damn, couldn't even wait 'till you got home?" Daryl asked, stepping around her.

She looked at him and furrowed her brow.

"Do I know you?" She asked.

Daryl wasn't sure how to respond to that either and now he wished he'd never said anything at all.

"Because you look a lot like someone I used to know, but he doesn't speak to me anymore," Carol finished.

Daryl felt sheepish then, because he knew she wasn't entirely lying and her reaction wasn't entirely unjustified.

"Take care," he offered, starting to walk away since he had nothing else to say.

"Daryl," Carol called, getting his attention. He turned back to face her. "A comic book?" She asked, raising an eyebrow and offering something of a soft expression like an apology for what she'd said. Daryl shrugged and nodded his head.

"Lost a game a' checkers against Will," Daryl explained. "Told him I'd get him somethin' for it an' he likes readin' these."

He was sometimes suckered into a game of checkers by Will and he undoubtedly lost…it was a guarantee, but the first time they'd ever played it had been Daryl that had initiated it with the promise of some kind of "prize" that the loser had to buy the winner…not that the prizes were to be anything too grand. He'd lost and Will had liked the idea so damn much that he harassed Daryl now to play with him and Daryl did it simply because he didn't mind checkers too damn much and he had the hope that he'd watch Will play long enough that he'd figure out how he always managed to win.

He cleared his throat, though, a little embarrassed all the way around about the situation, but even more so when he saw the expression that ran over Carol's face.

"You was askin' 'bout the water project," Daryl said, trying to change the subject as quickly as possible, "Will'd be the one ta ask. He sets half that shit up an' if he feels like it he could prob'ly move ya up some."

Carol smiled.

"Will," she said with a nod of her head. "I forgot about him. Thanks."

"Yeah, no problem," Daryl responded, feeling the churn in his stomach where he was realizing that he was out of things to say and the only direction to go in now was in the direction of painful chatter or in the direction of heavier topics that might be even more painful to try to delve into. "Gotta go," he said quickly, redirecting his steps again toward the apartment buildings.

He heard Carol respond in some way…a goodbye of sorts…as he left.

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Carol got back to the house and unloaded her spoils, putting things away. Maybe she had gotten a little carried away…but Tyreese had told her to buy what she wanted or needed and she'd nearly cleaned out one of everything in the small drug section of post if she thought it might help at all.

For most of the things that anyone really wanted you needed some kind of "prescription", and that included even what had once been known as over the counter pain killers. Medicines of all kinds were hard to come by these days and they were only handed out for particular reasons. Needless to say, if you even had a headache you had to suffer through it or head down to the medical building to see if you could talk someone into getting you something for it.

The antacids were there though, and there were several varieties of what Carol assumed to be Pepto Bismol and its various knock off brands. No matter how expired they might be, she wasn't over giving them a try.

And she'd gotten, along with that, some snacks to have around the house that could keep her from going to any given meal if she didn't feel like going and she'd gotten a few things like soap and some lotion that smelled as nice as any of it smelled.

She was in a strangely good mood after the few minutes of odd conversation with Daryl.

At first she'd thought that she'd give him the same kind of treatment that he was good at giving her, but then seeing that he was making an effort but willing to walk away if she didn't want any part of it, she'd decided to at least try to engage him in some kind of conversation.

Maybe he was forgiving her after all…maybe there was some hope there for them to at least have something of the friendship that they'd once enjoyed.

Carol settled down on the couch with one of the books that she'd gotten from the library and cracked open the dusty old book.

Before she started reading, though, she ran through and retraced the quick conversation with Daryl. He'd mentioned that Will was working on the water project, which wasn't surprising since Will seemed to be involved in many of the carefully planned projects around the community.

And Will was the kind of person that could keep a secret.

He was talkative, in that he often offered you far more information than you wanted about any simple thing if you asked him a question, but he wasn't gossipy. The information that Will tended to hand out so freely was more facts that made him sound like a walking encyclopedia.

Carol thought, even if she didn't want the rest of the community to know anything about the baby, she might be able to share that information with Will, entrust it to him in confidence, and he might see a way of moving them up the list a little to getting running water…but she didn't have to talk to him right now and likely wouldn't find him if she looked for him.

She wouldn't ask him at dinner either, since she wouldn't want to be backed into saying anything in front of anyone else, but she could catch him alone here or there in the next few days and she could bring it up with him.

Satisfied with that and the earlier conversation, along with the fact that the promise of future running water made everything seem a little easier to deal with on the most basic levels, Carol settled in to read and kill a little time until she was expected to be at work, all smiles and enthusiasm for whatever meal it was they'd be serving this evening.


	22. Chapter 22

**AN: Here we go, another chapter. These types of chapters never turn out like I want them. They have so much more impact in my head, but they don't come out that way when I try to type them. Still, it is what it is and it's out.**

**I hope you enjoy (relatively speaking). Let me know what you think! **

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The group was late returning from the run. Carol had taken off first shift because she hadn't slept well the night before and now she'd already reported that she wouldn't be doing second shift either because they weren't back yet and she wanted to be able to hover as close to the gates as she could without simply sitting by them and reading a book until there was some sign of the approaching vehicles.

She had spent most of her day, then, not really doing much besides passing from one location to another, lending a hand if there was something she could do that wouldn't require any real dedication on her part, and then passing back near the gates to see if there was anything happening. As a result, she didn't have too far to go when she heard the person on watch yell out the report that two vehicles were approaching, one was one of their jeeps, and the other was a truck, a clear indication that they'd brought back more than they'd thought they would find and clearly that the new town they'd gone to explore hadn't been nearly as cleaned out as some of the places that they'd gone.

Carol wasn't the only one that was listening for the announcement either, apparently, because by the time she made it to the gates she'd been swept up in a wave of people that left her wondering where they'd all come from, as though they'd just magically materialized when there was a mention of people returning, possibly an exciting story or two to be told, and whatever goods they'd brought back with them.

By the time she made it to the area just inside the gates where both vehicles were pulled, Michonne and Abraham had both spilled out of them…and Carol knew immediately that this wasn't a good sign.

Abraham looked tired and Michonne surely looked like she'd seen better days, a bloody rag wound around the upper part of her thigh was prominent.

Carol eased forward, pushing through the crowd with determination and when she broke free from it and stood face to face with their solemn expressions and no proof that anyone else was spilling out of the two vehicles they'd brought in, she suddenly found herself unable to do anything but shake her head…waiting for someone to tell her that her imagination was running away with her…waiting for someone to tell her that things weren't falling apart at that moment.

She knew, when both of them stepped toward her, though, that no one was going to tell her that and she didn't feel at the moment she could support the weight of her body without oxygen…and she was sure she'd quit breathing.

She'd thought she'd go down to her knees, perhaps, but she was never really sure if she made it there or not.

When Carol started to come to, she didn't immediately remember what had happened, nor could she place what was happening. The first thing that she thought was that she was being rocked in a strange way and that it made her feel like she might vomit. She jumped, suddenly realized she was being carried, and strong arms wrapped around her, the rocking stopping for a moment, as she was pinned against a wall of person.

And she heard his voice and realized then that it was Abraham.

"Pull another move like that and you're going to hit the ground like a lead weight," he said. "I'm taking you to your house…"

"Carol…" Michonne said.

Carol felt dizzy still, but slowly she was piecing together her reality.

She didn't respond to Michonne, though, and Michonne never got around to saying whatever she might have been planning to say to Carol, before they got to her house and Abraham wrestled her through the door. That was the first time that Carol found her tongue.

"You can put me down," she spit out.

"I intend to," Abraham said, following Michonne straight through to the living room and depositing Carol on the couch.

Carol didn't even thank him, something she would think about later. She shook her head, almost feeling like her face was numb in the moment.

"I'm so sorry," Michonne said.

And Carol remembered what she'd thought had happened…and what, now, she was sure had happened.

"What?" Carol got out. The question wasn't complete and it wasn't elegant, but Michonne understood it enough.

Michonne shook her head.

"We finished up the run…we were back, getting ready to load up," Michonne said. "But the boys hadn't made it back…so Tyreese and I left Abraham with the supplies and we went to look for them…they'd said they were going to this place they saw on the way in and we figured they'd just lost track…but when we got there, the front door was locked, and we could hear one of them yelling for help…Ty busted out a window, we both went in…and we were swamped before we barely even knew there were Walkers. There was nothing to do then but to fight until we couldn't fight anymore…and by the time…"

Michonne broke off and shook her head.

"He got bit…" She said finally.

Abraham was standing quietly to the side, his arms folded tightly against his chest. He rocked forward at that point.

"Michonne made it back and we went back," Abraham offered. "We brought back Tyreese and Nolan…there was nothing left of Richie."

Carol felt her chest heaving, but she felt like she was almost distant from her own body and from her own ears even. She heard them speaking but she couldn't seem to register that the words that they were saying were real words and that the story that they were telling was a true story…and not just something made up for someone's entertainment.

"Bob's with Sasha," Michonne offered.

Carol hadn't even remembered Sasha. She felt like she couldn't get her head together at all. It was too fast and she hadn't even had the time to process.

"I'll stay with you," Michonne offered. "They'll do a funeral in a little while…"

"I'll stay with her," Abraham offered. "You need to get that leg looked at."

Carol watched them both interacting in front of her from the distant place in her mind so that they both appeared to be acting out a scene and not be truly people that she knew talking about events that were taking place.

She needed some time to just process this…that's what she needed…she needed to just have a moment to process…

"It's fine," Michonne said. "I can get it cleaned later."

Carol started to wake from her stupor a little then and looked at the gash on Michonne's thigh that was wrapped tightly in a wrapped piece of cloth, but still showed signs of fresh blood. It was a gash that was going to need stitches…and something that could easily become infected.

Carol shook her head at Michonne.

"You need to go and get that cleaned," she said. "Please…go and get it taken care of?"

Michonne looked at her.

"You shouldn't be alone…" Michonne offered.

And Carol almost choked on the ironic laugh that was bubbling up in her chest along with the dull throb of the other feelings that were beginning to let themselves be known…and they were all competing at once for front and center stage to perform for her brain that was busy tossing around its own long list of concerns.

Carol shook her head at Michonne.

"I'm just fine alone…you don't need an infection," Carol said. "I don't want you to let me be the reason that you get an infection…go."

Michonne looked like she might argue, but then she changed her mind and she left the house in silence.

And Carol sat there, stunned but slowly coming around, as she tried to take in what had happened and what it meant.

She didn't know how to react…she felt like she should cry, but she couldn't. At the moment she felt like she was drowning…but not like she could cry.

Tyreese was dead.

Something so simple to think and to utter. And it dawned on Carol then how much she'd become, perhaps, numb to such a thing. Here and not here. Alive and dead. Just gone…

It happened so often, it seemed, that even though it might not happen with the same frequency that it once had, it was something that still popped up…and Carol was one that it happened to often.

She only became aware again of Abraham's presence when he walked around her and sat beside her on the couch, not making an effort to speak. He sat quietly like he was guarding her more than anything, and she looked at him.

"You don't have to stay with me," she offered quietly. "I don't need anyone to stay with me…"

He looked at her then, his face seemingly expressionless. He shook his head slightly.

"Didn't figure you did," he said. "I'm here for Michonne as much as I am for you…so she'll get that leg looked at and not worry about you."

Carol looked away from him then, feeling like she was supposed to be processing all of this but that she was doing a poor job of it. They would come for her eventually and there would be a funeral. They would say some words…someone would say some words…and they would bury Tyreese and the boy…whichever boy it was that there was even anything left of. People would pay their respects…maybe they would speak to her…and then everyone and everything would go on just exactly as it had been before.

And Carol would be…alone.

And maybe that's where the irony lie. Maybe the irony lie in the fact that she would be alone…something she'd tried so hard to avoid, but a place she kept returning to nonetheless.

"You can talk if you want," Abraham offered. "Or we can be quiet if you prefer. If you want to cry, I'm not bothered by it, as long as there's a reason…and this constitutes as much a reason as anything else."

Carol nodded her head, understanding and appreciating the gesture. It was the most, perhaps, that someone like Abraham had to offer. They didn't know each other very well beyond the comings and goings of the community and even if you knew him well, he didn't seem to be the kind that you wanted giving you emotional comfort. Though maybe she was wrong and it was only because she wasn't well acquainted with the man.

He cleared his throat.

"If it's any consolation," Abraham offered, "Tyreese was a good man. He lived that way…and he died that way. You should know that."

Carol nodded her head again.

She'd never been under any other impression. She knew that Tyreese was a good man. He was one of the best men that she'd ever known in her life. So often it seemed that he wasn't even real.

Her chest ached and her mind felt like it was spinning. It felt like it only stopped, from time to time, to become fixated on some small point…some miniscule detail of all that it had to sort through…and then it hung there for just a moment before it spiraled out of control again.

She looked at Abraham and shook her head.

"I don't know if I believe it yet…" she said, realizing it probably sounded like the dumbest thing that she could ever say.

He didn't look at her like she was stupid, though. He wore the same expression as before and nodded his head slightly.

"When Rosita was killed?" He asked. "It took me a while to believe it…sometimes I'm not sure I believe it yet."

"I want to see him," Carol said.

Abraham nodded his head at her again, his elbows resting on his legs and his fingers crisscrossed in front of him.

"We'll go over soon," he said. "I'm sure there's no problem in that…so you know, he was bit on the neck, you should be prepared for that…and he was bit on the arm."

He untangled his fingers and traced spots on his body with his finger. Carol appreciated the warning so that she could go about preparing herself, using that as something she could focus on for the moment to slow her mind down a bit.

When she fell silent again, now with her new information to add to the old information that she was sorting out, Abraham didn't speak again. He sat there in silence, a silence that she appreciated at the moment, until he finally told her that it was probably time for them to start the walk over to the part of Oasis that they used as a cemetery.


	23. Chapter 23

**AN: Here we go, another chapter.**

**This one is a little short for me, but I didn't want to put other events in here. So…this is just where it fell to cut the chapter. **

**I hope you enjoy. Let me know what you think! **

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Of all the events that ever happened at Oasis, funerals were by far the least attended. Usually they were reserved to those who were directly tied to the deceased, instead of being something that people attended merely to kill time.

As a result, Daryl hadn't attended any of them in the community. No one that he'd cared about in any way, shape, or form had been killed since they'd all reunited in the community.

But he went to Tyreese's funeral.

For all the feelings of annoyance that he'd had toward the man since he reached Oasis, Daryl knew that he really had no reason to have hard feelings toward Tyreese. He was a decent guy and losing him was something of a tragedy for the whole community because he was a hard worker and he could be counted on to go out on the tough jobs, even if there were so many others that would balk at the assignment.

Daryl went for Carol too, though he probably wouldn't have said directly that she was one of the reasons he was there.

He hung near the back of the small crowd gathered, people from their group and people that Tyreese had made friends with since his arrival all brought together to pay their final respects, and stood in silence with his arms folded across his chest and his hands tucked into his armpits.

He wasn't going to say anything, and he wasn't going to step forward and be one of the front line mourners…a space reserved at the moment for Carol, Sasha, Bob, Michonne who had been with him in his last moments, and Abraham who was undoubtedly there because he, too, had been with the man at the end.

No, Daryl wasn't there to put on a show and he'd rather just hang to the back and listen…he'd rather just watch and go relatively unnoticed by the others who were gathered.

And while he was standing there, half listening to the speech that Bob was giving since he'd been, apparently, chosen to speak about Tyreese, Daryl watched Carol.

She was crying, but it wasn't the falling down sob that Daryl knew that some people, especially those given to great theatrics, were given to doing at funerals. She leaned, at one point, on the arm of Abraham who had been standing next to her since Daryl arrived and Sasha leaned on the other side of him so that he was acting, basically, as a support beam for both women.

Daryl's chest ached when he watched Carol standing there, crying, clinging to a man that he knew she hardly even knew.

For all of it…for all the annoyance that the two of them had caused him seeing them around Oasis, Daryl didn't wish this on Carol.

If she loved Tyreese, which she obviously had, then Daryl hated at the moment that he'd had bad feelings for the man over anything. Because…at least…he'd made Carol happy. He'd seen it on her face more than once. And he recognized, clearly now, that his hard feelings had been, perhaps, nothing more than jealousy because Carol had never realized that he just thought that things between them were more than they were…he'd just thought that she'd realize that whether or not he ever said anything or did anything about it…he considered her something that was "his". His feelings of negativity toward them both were simply manifestations of his jealousy that while he'd thought of her as "his", it had been Tyreese that had gone ahead and made her "his".

Watching Carol standing there, the sobs that she was shaking with but trying to hold back getting the best of her at moments, Daryl wished that he could go up to her. He wished that he could offer anything to her that might be comforting…even if it was nothing more than some move like all the times she'd more or less wrestled him into a hug that he'd enjoyed but never admitted to enjoying.

But he didn't feel exactly like he could do that anymore. He felt like he'd lost that position…she'd said it herself, he'd quit talking to her. He'd ignored her. He'd had plenty of opportunity to say a million things to her and he'd barely said one word…and now he didn't feel like he could step forward and offer her anything.

The time when he'd held her while she crumpled on the ground, crying over her lost daughter, and sat silently with her while she mourned…that time was a time long gone.

Though he would have done it now if he'd felt it was appropriate. Except it wasn't, and she was left mourning her losses with the comfort of Tyreese's sister and a man that she barely knew but who, apparently, had more right to offer her comfort than Daryl did.

Daryl considered leaving even before the short funeral was over. He felt like he was in as much pain as half the people there, and he felt guilty because he wasn't suffering for the same reasons they were. He was an imposter. He wasn't there to mourn Tyreese's loss at all…or at least that wasn't what he was doing. He was there, like the selfish bastard that he was good at being, to mourn his own losses.

And that made him feel ashamed of standing among the crowd of people who were moved for the right reasons.

Still, he hung out until the end, not wanting to walk away and make a scene either, and then when people lined up to say whatever words it was they had to say to Carol and Sasha, he watched and wondered if he should even bother or if he should just bow out gracefully and go the fuck back to his apartment.

He got in line, though, figuring that he would be the jackass of the year if he didn't at least tell Carol he was sorry for her loss…even though he'd never bothered to tell her congratulations about her marriage.

And when he got up there, she and Sasha were standing a few feet apart, both of them receiving condolences from people. He reached Sasha first, and not knowing the woman to well, simply stuck with the most generic thing possible.

"Sorry 'bout'cha brother," he said.

Sasha looked at him, red eyed, and wiped her nose with the handkerchief she'd gotten from somewhere. She nodded at him and visibly swallowed.

"Thank you," she said.

And Daryl knew that it was all just for decorum and tradition…because she probably didn't want to have this conversation any more than he did. No one wanted to talk about their losses when the wound was that fresh.

He cleared his throat.

"Lost a brother too," he said.

And he couldn't really say anything else about it. He wasn't going to say that it wasn't going to hurt, because he couldn't promise that Sasha. He still thought about Merle and he still got heavy chested when he did too often or for too long.

Even though his relationship with Merle and Sasha's relationship with Tyreese were obviously different…and she probably didn't have the same feelings that he had over the fact that between Merle and himself there had been so much unresolved…so much that he'd wished had been different…he figured that it would at least smart the same way that this was one of those people who had been a part of your life as long as you could remember and suddenly they were just gone, just like they'd never even existed.

Sasha didn't seem to need more words anyway, because she nodded her head at him and then ducked her head, wiping at her nose again, and he moved on, leaving her to talk to the well-wisher behind him that would probably offer up something more profound than he could have ever come up with to say.

Daryl stepped forward, then, to where Carol was standing, the last person that she'd been talking to having taken their leave already.

She looked at him, her eyes red like Sasha's, and he could tell that she was doing what she could not to cry.

Daryl swallowed back his own feelings for the moment and chewed at his lip, again wishing that he had something to say that was profound in some way, but finding that he lacked the ability to come up with anything beyond the bare minimum.

"Sorry 'bout Tyreese," he said.

Carol nodded at him, keeping her eyes on his in a way that was always unnerving for him. He hated when she looked at him so intensely because he felt like she could see everything about him…and he hated that feeling because there was a hell of a lot that he didn't want anyone to see, her most of all.

"Thank you," she said, her voice quivering slightly.

The statement was as insincere as it had been when Sasha had said it, and probably for the same reasons. It was just going through the motions and the words did nothing.

"He…uh…he was a good guy," Daryl offered.

Carol nodded again and visibly swallowed, her voice coming out with less of a quiver than before when she spoke again.

"He was," she said. She nodded again. "He was…"

Daryl stood there a moment not knowing what to do. He wasn't much for physical affection, and most of the time that he'd ever shared anything physical with her it had either been something that happened without him thinking, and then he corrected as soon as he realized what he was doing, or it had been something that she'd initiated.

He didn't know how to do it now…and he didn't know what he'd do if he could think to do anything.

So after an awkward moment he nodded his head at her.

"Ya need anythin'…or whatever…" he said.

He broke off and never finished the line. He couldn't finish it because by the time he'd started saying it, he'd started second guessing it.

He didn't even know if he should have said it at all…if he should have said anything…but he hadn't known what else to say and he couldn't off her the same kinds of words that he'd offered Sasha to say "I get where you're at right now" because he didn't.

He'd never lost anyone that he loved like that…at least…not that he was sure of and not in the same manner.

Carol, like Sasha, didn't seem to need words, though, because she just nodded at him and sucked in a breath.

"Thank you," she repeated again.

And he nodded his head and walked away feeling like something of a jackass but not really knowing how he would have righted the situation if given the chance to do it again.

Because he still felt like a jackass that, though he was a little sorry that a decent ass human being had bitten it, he figured there were a lot of those incidents in the world and most of his pain over the day had come from his own regrets and his own bitterness about how the hell life worked out sometimes…and it wasn't even over thinking about the crummy ass deal that life had dealt those who were mourning or the man that was dead…Daryl was thinking, as usual, about the crummy ass deal that life had dealt him.

So he took his sour mood, and his aching chest, and he decided to go back to his apartment and hide away there until it had all passed and he wasn't caught feeling so damn sorry for himself when he knew good and well there were other people that deserved sympathy a lot more than he did at the moment.


	24. Chapter 24

**AN: Here we go, another little chapter to move along.**

**For everyone reading, I just wanted to let you know that I have no intention for this to be a "short" story. There are a lot of things that need to be worked through for both Carol and Daryl. I just wanted to let you know this so that you don't expect this to be one of those "just add water" stories where both are going to see each other, profess their love, and live happily ever after in three chapters or less. That's not what I'm going for here.**

**I hope you enjoy the chapter. Let me know what you think! **

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Carol knew why this was different than before. It struck her as she started back toward her house, walking alone because the mourners were gone and Bob had taken Sasha home…walking alone because there were things that people had to do and life was going on already. She knew why it was so different from all the losses that she'd suffered until now.

The difference now was time.

She'd never really had time before…not the kind of time that she had now. The whole thing…the whole situation…since the very beginning had been a mad dash for survival…a mad dash for life. It had been the chips falling one right after another.

But now she had time and there was no pressing disaster that she could see looming on the horizon. There was no question about where she would sleep tonight or in the nights to come or where her meals would come from. There was no Randall situation to deal with or other people thrusting their crisis at her because they couldn't deal with them on their own and apparently she could juggle her own life and everyone else's too.

The big difference at the moment was that she had time.

And she was alone.

Carol's tears from the funeral, which had come in a wave that had started when Abraham had taken her to see Tyreese and say her final goodbyes, had dried up for the moment.

They were replaced with the odd sort of exhaustion that followed a sincere cry. They were replaced with the odd floating feeling in her mind that made her think that what she wanted most in the world at the moment was to lie down and sleep…and that maybe after the rest she could begin to sort out even what she was thinking. Maybe after that she could begin to even imagine how one goes about mourning when they have time to do something so luxurious.

When she got back to the house, though, she wondered if she'd be able to sleep. She was mentally, emotionally, and even physically exhausted. She was trapped in what felt like a mental wonderland, hovering somewhere between fantasy and reality.

But the silence in the house was almost too noisy for her to be able to imagine trying to sleep.

She made her way to the couch and sat down, not feeling that she could go to the bedroom right now. And her mind…her foolish mind, had maybe gone crazy because, for a moment, she half expected that she was simply sitting there and waiting. And soon, Tyreese would come home from wherever it was that he'd gone…a run or a shift maybe…maybe down to post to surprise her with something that she didn't need or even know she wanted…and he would sit down beside her and he would wrap an arm around her and he would pull her into his chest.

And she could fold herself up there in the comfort that he offered her. The comfort that he'd offered her since the very first time that he'd wrapped her in his arms and told her never to be ashamed of who she was…something he'd always held true to afterwards.

It had been so different for her, after Ed, to have a man who offered comfort like that. To have arms that she never had to be afraid of because they weren't coming after her in a dangerous manner…even if Rick would have once had her believe that they might. It had been different to have someone who wanted to give to her as much as they wanted her to give to them.

But that wasn't coming back.

It was gone now and Tyreese was gone. Just as surely as Ed had been gone from her life…something she'd appreciated in some ways but had been a hard blow nonetheless…and just as surely as her precious Sophia was gone…just as surely as Lizzie and Mika…just as surely as everyone else that she'd seen pass out of this world. He was gone.

And she was alone.

Carol pulled the blanket down off the back of the couch and curled up there with the ugly throw pillow that she slept on any time she'd slept on the couch, and she closed her eyes, willing herself to sleep to keep from thinking too much right now. It was better to think when your brain was into it, not when your mind was too dizzy and overwhelmed to process anything.

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The knock on the door had probably started off softer and gotten progressively louder, but Carol had only heard it once it had turned into a hard knock with a little something frantic behind it. She sat up and realized that it must be much later than she even realized because she was almost in complete darkness.

Carol wrestled her way out of the blanket that she was rolled up in and her feet hit the floor. She fumbled around to the tune of the knocking and finally called out that she was coming, though she was certain the door wasn't locked and wasn't even positive that it had a lock, and found the nearest lamp that she could, lighting it.

She got up and made her way to the door. She opened it and found Michonne and Sasha both standing on her porch, each of them bearing a small, swinging camping lantern.

Carol couldn't even get out the words to ask them what was happening or why they were there, and she didn't have to. Michonne shouldered past her, leading both of them into the house so that the only thing Carol might have said in the moment was "come on in" and that would have come out with more sarcasm than she intended at the time.

Both of them were carrying packs that they brought into the dark living room and put down and then Michonne, still without a word between any of them, set about lighting lanterns.

"You don't have electricity?" Michonne asked, finally breaking the silence.

Carol had already shut the door and followed them into the living room, still holding her lamp.

"It comes and goes," she said. "We just got used to not really using it."

And Michonne must have accepted that as a reasonable answer. She sat down on the couch and Sasha sat in silence in Tyreese's chair.

Carol put the lamp she was holding down and sat down on the couch beside Michonne, assuming an explanation would be coming soon and still trying to rouse herself out of her sleepy stupor.

"Sasha couldn't sleep, so she came to visit and said she wanted to check on you," Michonne offered. "I told Rick that I was going to come and check on you…that I thought, if you wanted, I could stay the night. Sasha thought she might join me."

Carol looked at Sasha and then back at Michonne.

Sasha nodded her head.

"Bob thought it was a good idea," Sasha said. "I thought you might not want to be alone tonight."

"We thought you might not want to be alone," Michonne added quickly. "The first night's always the hardest, they say."

Carol nodded her head.

She had no real objection to the women staying if that's what they wanted to do, but she was thrown by the whole thing.

"That's fine," she offered. "Thank you," she added as an afterthought, realizing that it was nice of the two women to offer to stay in her crowded little home when they had comfortable places of their own…just so she didn't have to be alone.

Michonne nodded her head toward the sacks.

"Those were Ty's," she offered. "He'd already loaded them up…when we met back at the vehicles. They were his personal bags so I thought that you should have them…and Sasha."

Michonne glanced toward Sasha and Sasha nodded.

"I'm sure there's nothing there for me," Sasha said. "They're yours…I'm just here…"

She let her voice break off then and Carol nodded. She didn't need an explanation. She knew that sometimes, especially when you were trying to process something like a loss, especially in a world where you had the time to do that, you didn't always have a very good reason for doing anything that you did or for feeling like you felt.

She remembered back to when her mother had passed, long before the world had turned upside down. It had been such a blow to her, and it was so shocking and so unexpected, that she'd reacted in very odd ways. She remembered, especially, that she'd kept some things that had been her mother's that she'd realized, only years later when cleaning out the small wooden box that she'd kept them in, that they'd essentially been garbage. She'd been hoarding garbage because it had been her mother's garbage.

But sometimes we don't even understand ourselves.

And Carol didn't need Sasha to explain herself because she wouldn't want to explain why she did what she did or how she might feel in the days to come.

"Thank you," she offered again to Michonne.

Michonne shook her head.

"You don't have to thank me," she said. "I know…what it's like…to lose someone and then have to be alone with it."

Carol nodded her head again. She didn't doubt that Michonne did know that. When Michonne had come to the prison, she'd come alone. She'd shared very little of her story with Carol thus far, and Carol was sure there was so much there that she didn't know, but she knew enough to know that Michonne was most likely not the loner before the turn that she was afterward because, given the time and the opportunity, she was proving to be someone who really cared for companionship and didn't care at all for being alone.

Carol's nature being what it was, though, she immediately realized that she didn't have very good accommodations to offer her guests.

"There's…no bed in that room," Carol said, talking about the extra room that her house had.

It was just an empty room. She and Tyreese had never done anything with it because they didn't have anything to do with it and it wasn't like you typically had a bunch of guests staying over that couldn't make it back to their own home in Oasis. Only recently they'd talked about doing something with it…but they hadn't yet.

"I guess that someone could sleep with me in the bedroom," Carol offered. "Or you could…both take the bed and I'll sleep on the couch…I'm comfortable…"

And it was at that moment that Carol realized she was rambling. She was rambling and she was using this as something else to think about. Suddenly she had something else to think about…the comfort of her impromptu and possibly middle of the night guests…that could keep her from thinking about any of the things that she'd put off thinking about earlier with a nap.

"I'll take the couch," Michonne offered. "The two of you can share the bed. We didn't come to be an inconvenience or to give you anything to worry about. If you want…we can go?"

Carol shook her head.

She wasn't sure that she wanted them there, but she wasn't sure that she didn't want them there. Now that she'd had her nap, she wasn't even sure if she was going to sleep tonight…but she might as well try and it would probably be easier to sleep before she let herself get too awake.

"I was just about to go to bed…" Carol lied.

Michonne nodded her head quickly.

"I'm tired too…but I'm here if you need anything…" She offered.

Sasha got up and headed toward the bedroom and Carol almost felt like she didn't know what to say or what to do…she hadn't been in the bedroom and she wasn't entirely committed to sleeping there tonight…at least not when she had the couch as an option.

Still, she had to face it sometime and now was as good as ever.

"Do you want the lamps?" Carol asked Michonne who was making herself comfortable on the couch already.

"Well not all of them…" Michonne offered.

Carol picked up one of them and went around, blowing out the others so that she left the one closest to Michonne burning. Honestly she didn't know if the woman might sleep with a light on, and she wasn't going to judge her if she did.

She said her goodnights, still somewhat struck by the bizarre turn of events, and went into her bedroom where Sasha had already lit one of the lamps and was standing by the bed.

"Which side…do you want me to sleep on?" Sasha asked, her voice quivering a little.

Carol knew that Sasha was one of those people who always tried to be "strong". Tyreese commented on it more than once. She hated to crack over anything and this wouldn't be any different.

"Whichever you want," Carol said.

Sasha nodded her head and got into what Carol knew to be her side of the bed. It was just as well.

Carol took the lamp she was carrying with her to the bathroom and stared blankly in the mirror at herself. She didn't feel like herself at all. She felt removed from herself and she knew that it was still the shock of the situation having not settled in entirely. On top of that, it was the unexpected visit…a visit that she would appreciate more when she wasn't feeling so entirely detached from her own self.

She brushed her teeth absentmindedly, her chest catching for a moment when she put her toothbrush in the cup and her fingertips bumped the other brush waiting there, and then she went and got into bed, blowing out the lamp and settling down into the pillow that smelled so familiar…and still strangely comforting.


	25. Chapter 25

**AN: Here we go, another chapter here.**

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!**

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Carol thought she'd done a pretty good job of hiding herself in the bathroom when she'd gotten sick. The night hadn't been entirely restful for anyone. Sasha had tossed and turned, and whether it was because of that or just happened simultaneously, Carol had tossed and turned. She'd assumed that Michonne might have fared better on the couch, but really there was no telling what it had been like for her.

When Carol couldn't swallow back the nausea anymore, though, she'd eased out of bed as quietly as she could and closed herself in the bathroom with a lamp.

She didn't know how long she'd been in there, but it had been a while she was sure, when she heard tapping at the door.

"Carol? You alright?" Michonne called at the door.

"Fine," Carol said, getting up off the side of the tub where she'd settled in for the long haul. She was in as good a shape as she was going to be for the time being. She brushed her teeth quickly, cursing herself because even at her age she didn't always know how to brush her teeth without gagging herself and then she opened the bathroom door, expecting the woman to have gone back to what she was doing, but instead finding her standing there in front of the doorway. She'd never left.

"You OK?" Michonne asked again, raising her eyebrows.

Carol nodded her head.

"Fine…" she said. "I ate something bad…I ate leftovers…they'd just been sitting around too long probably."

And it wasn't a far-fetched lie by any stretch of the imagination. Their digestive systems were doing a good job of evolving to digest food that was clearly past its prime, but sometimes, every now and again, something was just too much for someone.

Michonne nodded her head and leaned on the doorframe, essentially blocking Carol into the bathroom so Carol backed up a step and leaned back on the bathroom counter until she was given her freedom from her own bathroom.

"So…I went and got breakfast, Sasha's in the kitchen eating," Michonne offered. "You think you can eat?"

Carol swallowed. She didn't know if she could eat or not. Depending on the meal sometimes what they had wasn't appetizing even if you were feeling one hundred percent perfect.

"I'll try to eat something," she said.

"What'd you eat that was bad?" Michonne asked, raising an eyebrow at Carol. "We might want to avoid it…"

Carol could hear that there was something in Michonne's voice that wasn't sincere. There was something in her voice that sounded strange enough that it made Carol's stomach churn again.

"Probably the vegetables," Carol said. She shook her head. "They'd been there for a while…I just didn't think they'd be that bad…it's fine, Michonne."

Michonne nodded her head again, but didn't remove the blockade that she'd formed with her body. She leaned in, in fact, toward Carol a little.

"So this wouldn't have anything to do with the prenatal vitamins that were on your counter?" Michonne asked, furrowing her brows.

Carol hated that about Michonne. When the woman wanted, she could be harder to read than Egyptian hieroglyphics.

Carol frowned.

She almost went into a rant about people inviting themselves into her home and then going through her things…but really she'd been the dumb one that had probably left the bottle right out in the open…because she hadn't thought that anyone would have any reason to really be hanging out in her house or in her kitchen except for herself and Tyreese…and both of them knew about the baby.

She sighed.

"I wasn't ready to tell anyone," Carol said. She shook her head.

Michonne didn't respond verbally, but she did dramatically swing her body out of the way as though to say that Carol could pass now, out of the bathroom. There was no doubt in Carol's mind that if Michonne knew about the vitamins, which she clearly did, then Sasha knew about them too…and she didn't doubt at all either that when she stepped out of the bedroom and went into the kitchen she was going to find Sasha looking at her with expectation or something…she was going to find Sasha looking at her and waiting for some kind of answer.

But she didn't feel, right now, like hiding it anyway. So she went with as much composure as she could wrestle together and went into the kitchen, trying to decide by smell first if she even had the slightest bit of interest in the breakfast that Michonne must have run down to pick up for them.

Sasha was sitting at the table, and much like Carol expected, she was watching her.

Carol didn't say anything. She went about mixing herself up a glass of the powdered milk. It was one of the few things that she didn't mind in the morning.

"Milk?" She asked.

The grunts around told her no.

"Why don't you drink the real milk?" Michonne asked.

They had a variety of animals that they'd gathered together in Oasis and they did produce milk, among other fresh animal products, but Carol never went to get any. She left the real milk for the households that she figured needed it more since, even though they had gathered together and even bred more than a handful of cows, they couldn't pretend they had enough to go around.

"Because the powdered milk is fine," Carol said. "And at least for the time being there's more of it."

She sat down at the table and she already knew from the looks being passed between Michonne and Sasha that while her back was turned there had been a silent conversation of confirmation. But now, neither of them knew how to proceed with the conversation they were both choking on…and Carol wasn't going to help them out.

She picked at the bread that was on her plate of food. It was fresh bread, but it lacked something…and that something was typically flavor and any semblance of moisture. She almost felt when she ate it that it would be better to soak it for a while in the milk and try to make it into something she could choke down.

Sasha was the first to break the painfully awkward silence.

"Did Ty know?" Sasha asked.

Carol nodded her head and continued to pay attention to the bread.

"He knew," she said.

"At least he knew," Sasha said. "He…well I'm sure he was…so happy."

Carol let out something of a choked laugh.

Tyreese had been happy about it. It had been her that had carried pretty much any and all worry about the whole ordeal. He'd been living in the oblivious happy land that men sometimes seemed to inhabit when it came to things that didn't affect them in certain ways. After all…they were having a baby…his role in the whole thing was…or would have been…quite different than hers.

And then Carol almost choked up on the bread that she was eating because she realized, or rather it hit her because it hadn't begun to sink in all that well before, that Tyreese was gone…and he wasn't even going to be there to perform the role that he had in all this.

If she kept the baby…and if everything went fine…she would be the only one.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" Sasha pressed.

"Sometimes it's better not to talk about it," Michonne offered quickly. "A lot of women don't talk about it before they're in their second trimester…things can happen and it's harder if you've got to…go around…and you've got to tell everyone that something happened."

Carol didn't look at either of them for the moment, but she nodded her head.

It was also sinking into her that now they knew. They might agree not to tell anyone about it, because as Michonne had just explained to Sasha, it was fairly common practice to keep such things to yourself until you were at least somewhat certain that things were going to go according to your favor, but Carol didn't think that either one of them would like to think that she kept buried in the back of her mind the question of what she would do…if she had to decide and Mother Nature didn't decide for her…a question that suddenly seemed even heavier and more complicated than before.

"How far along are you? If you…don't mind?" Michonne asked.

Carol sighed then and looked at Michonne.

At least there wasn't anything like judgment on her face. There was really nothing there.

She glanced at Sasha who was watching her with the same look of expectation as before.

"I don't know," Carol admitted. "Six weeks…eight…ten…I don't know."

Michonne let out something like a snort.

"Carol, there's a lot of difference between six weeks and ten weeks," she said.

Carol hoped her facial expression showed exactly the amount of thanks she had for someone stating something so blatantly obvious.

"It's hard to tell," Carol said. "Listen…I don't want to talk about this right now, OK? And please…please…don't say anything to anyone? Tyreese and I were going…to wait. I'd appreciate it if…" Carol stopped talking and sighed, shaking her head to herself.

Michonne reached over and squeezed Carol's arm.

"Hey…you tell when you're ready to tell," Michonne said. "I'm not going to say anything...but if you need someone for anything…"

"We're both here," Sasha added quickly. "Besides…that's my niece or nephew, right?"

Carol simply nodded her head. She hoped that would be enough to satisfy the two women and end the conversation for a while.

And luckily enough for her, it was.

After they finished breakfast, Carol gathered up the dishes that they'd eaten from and put her dish to the side because she'd probably want it later, but she didn't want it right now. She piled the others into the dishpan and took her time standing there, trying to figure out exactly how she was going to express that she wanted to be alone at the moment. She didn't want to entertain anyone.

She was lucky enough, though, that Sasha got the message, or either she'd never intended to stay long, because when she got up from the table she offered Carol a warm hug and told her that she was going home, but if she needed anything…and the rest blended into the fabric of the normal exchanges that were made in times like these...and Carol returned the gesture.

When Sasha left, though, Carol saw that Michonne was not intending on leaving right away.

"Correct me if I'm wrong," Michonne said when they were alone, "but I get the feeling you might not be thrilled about this baby?"

Carol leaned against the kitchen counter.

"I know that you and Rick have been talking about a baby…and that might be hard for you to understand," Carol said, "but this wasn't something that I planned…it wasn't something that we planned at all."

She shook her head slightly.

"I have my concerns…and I really…don't want to talk about it right now," Carol finished.

Michonne walked around the table and came in front of Carol.

"I can understand your concerns," Michonne offered. "Rick and I have talked about having a baby…and I guess you could say we're planning it, but I'm honestly terrified of it happening. There's a lot..."

Michonne hesitated a moment.

"There's a lot that we know could happen," she said. "And there's a lot that maybe we don't want to think about happening."

Carol got the distinct feeling that what Michonne said wasn't what she'd planned to say or wasn't what had been on the tip of her tongue. But for whatever reason she'd changed the course of her words and Carol wasn't going to pry in hopes that Michonne wouldn't push her to speak on the topic any further either. She wasn't ready to have this conversation with Michonne…not yet.

So she nodded her head in agreement with what Michonne had said and left it at that.

Michonne opened her arms and Carol accepted the hug she was offering. For a moment the woman rubbed her back and then broke the hug, holding her at arms length.

"When you're ready to talk about it, or if you want to talk about it," Michonne said, "I'm more than willing to listen…and just listen if that's all you want."

Carol thanked her and nodded her head.

"And if you want to talk about…anything else," Michonne said, letting her words trail off, though Carol didn't need her to make any grand statement. She knew exactly what she meant.

"Thank you," Carol offered again. "I think…right now…I'd really just like some time to myself."

Michonne nodded at her again.

"Pick you up for lunch?" Michonne asked.

Carol nodded her head. She didn't really feel like going down to the commissary to eat lunch, but she also didn't want everyone to start doing the thing where they questioned if she was interacting enough, if she was handling things alright, and so on.

"Sounds good," she offered. "Thank you for staying last night."

"Any time," Michonne offered.

Carol let her out the door and she leaned against it as soon as she'd closed it. She hated to be alone sometimes, but she knew that she needed to be alone if she was really going to handle her feelings and get control of things. She needed to be void of the distractions that would simply keep pushing things away more and more.

Because one way or another, no matter how strange it always seemed after a tragedy of any sort, life had a way of going on.


	26. Chapter 26

**AN: Here we go, another little chapter. **

**I just wanted to say that for Abraham's story in this chapter, I'm using some of the story from the comics, but I'm also tweaking it a little as well.**

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! **

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Carol found herself spending most of the rest of the day after lunch almost avoiding Michonne and Sasha both. She went to get her dinner early because she wanted an excuse not to eat with the women. While she appreciated their efforts to "be around her" to help her deal with everything, she didn't like that the new secret that the three of them shared seemed to make them act a little strange around her and that wasn't exactly what she wanted at the moment.

She had moved the bags that Michonne brought, Tyreese's bags from the run, into the spare bedroom that they had never really ventured into and then she'd started keeping herself busy by sorting through what clothes he had in the house.

There were a few things she intended to keep…shirts that she liked sleeping in…but really she didn't need the others around and she thought that she might feel better to simply take them down to post…to donate them or give them away or whatever it was that would get them out of the house and give them to someone who could use them.

The activity had given her a little time to think and it had given her something to occupy her hands…something that made her think that she wanted to go back to work.

It was customary, in Oasis, to be given something of a leave of absence for grieving, but Carol thought that perhaps she was at a point in her life where that was the worst thing for her. She at least wanted to work shifts because keeping busy was better than twiddling her thumbs…and it kept some of the negative feelings at bay.

So by the time she was in the early line waiting for her dinner, she had already determined that after she ate, she would go down and sign up for shifts for the next day, choosing something that could keep her hands occupied as much as the sorting of the clothes had done today.

When she got her plate, she considered going back to the house, but changed her mind and instead went into the dining area where people were already settled at tables and eating. She looked around and tried to decide where she might sit, but the truth was that for all the people there were at Oasis that she knew in one form or another, there were few she would invite herself to sit with.

Just as she was about to abandon the idea and head back to her house to eat alone, she noticed Abraham sitting at one of the tables alone, eating and staring straight ahead at the wall.

She didn't know the man well, but she kept noticing that he was looking at her, and she knew him to be nice enough…so she took a chance that he might not want to finish his meal in solitude.

"Do you mind if I sit with you?" Carol asked, walking over to his table and almost feeling like she had back in high school on those days when her best friend was absent and she was forced to find a place to sit.

Abraham looked at her and shook his head and she took the seat across from him.

"I was meaning to come by and ask how you were," Abraham offered when he'd swallowed the mouthful of food that Carol had interrupted. "I saw Sasha earlier."

Carol nodded her head.

"I'm doing fine," Carol said. "Thank you for the concern."

Abraham nodded his head.

"The customary answer," he responded.

Carol nodded her own head at him.

He was right. It was the customary answer.

But what were you supposed to say?

When people asked you how you were, it was very rare that you felt the question was genuine. Most of the time you took it as something that was just socially accepted or even expected. They asked it because they felt they were supposed to ask it, not because they expected some long description of how you genuinely were…if you gave them that they wouldn't be interested in hearing it, and most of the time you wouldn't be interested in sharing it.

And there was always the question, especially now, as to if you were even feeling like you were supposed to be feeling…if there was ever any real way that you were supposed to feel about anything. Death now felt, in many ways, like it always had…but in others it was quite different, or at least the impact of it was different.

"Do people still ask you about…what was your wife's name?" Carol asked.

Abraham looked at her. He almost looked amused for a moment and she hoped she hadn't said something wrong. She knew that he'd been married…or at least she thought he had…and that the woman had died in whatever disaster had befallen the group at the place that she and Tyreese had avoided.

"Rosita," Abraham said after a moment. "And she wasn't my wife…not at all. People don't ask because time has passed and most people don't even remember her if they knew her at all."

"I'm sorry," Carol offered.

Abraham shook his head.

"You've got nothing to be sorry for," he said.

Carol didn't really know if she should press or not, but the idea of focusing on someone else's life for a moment seemed like something she really wanted…so she decided to press a little farther, just to see if he might be willing to indulge her.

"Were you…together before all of this?" Carol asked.

Abraham shook his head.

"No, we weren't," he said.

He was quiet for a moment and Carol thought that maybe she'd said something wrong and he didn't intend to speak on the matter anymore. She focused on eating her food, but she kept glancing at him while he ate. Finally, though, he spoke again.

"To tell the truth," he said, "I can't say that we probably would have ever ended up together before all of this, even if I'd been single. That's what this world does now, though, it changes things."

That was a sentiment that Carol felt like she could relate to on a lot of different levels, but she recognized, even as she heard him say the words, that she could relate to it a good deal with Tyreese. She wasn't sure that the two of them, having ever crossed paths in the world before the turn, would have ever ended up together. Perhaps, even, they may have never ended up together if things hadn't happened the way they had at the prison with the virus…and then with the Governor.

They both knew and never denied that it had been their time on the road that had brought them together. It had been relying on another to make it through each step of the way and working together to keep Judith alive after they'd come through what happened with the girls…it had been finding acceptance and comfort in one another for what they'd overcome and what they would likely have to overcome…that had been what had made them go from pretending to be together for the show that they put on when they arrived at Oasis to actually letting their relationship become the living example of the show.

"How did you meet her?" Carol asked.

Abraham didn't respond for a moment. He turned his attention to his food again as though she weren't there. Carol ate part of her own food too, but she didn't really find the meal all that appetizing. She considered, for a moment, offering him what was left of her food, but she didn't know how he'd take it, so she simply pushed the plate to the side.

He eyed the plate and then pointed at it.

"You're not going to finish your dinner?" He asked.

She shook her head slightly.

"Honestly? I'm full," she said. "I don't want anymore…but if you want it…"

He looked at her, looked at the plate, and then he swapped her partially eaten plate on the side of the table out for his empty one and tucked into what was left of the meal.

That was one of the things about Oasis that Carol had never agreed with. Portions were pretty carefully controlled and only certain people got special consideration. It made everything very "fair" on one level, but in her opinion there was a great deal of difference in the amount of dinner she should receive after a day where she'd done relatively little and the amount of dinner that a man of Abraham's stature should receive after he'd spent a day doing what was probably manual labor.

That had been why she'd always put aside part of her food for Tyreese…and it was possibly why she found it difficult to even imagine finishing what was considered a regular portion.

"Are you really interested in knowing about how I met Rosita, or are you making polite dinner time chat to kill time?" Abraham asked after a moment.

Carol considered the question for what it was worth. Abraham was blunt, but she appreciated that. She also appreciated that he wasn't going to tell her the story if she wasn't really interested…he recognized the difference between decorum and genuine interest…it made her think now that when he'd asked how she was doing, he might have really wanted to know.

"No," she said. "I asked because I want to know…if I were making polite dinner time chat I would have asked you what your shifts were today."

Abraham's chest shook with laughter that he held back and he finished the food that he cleaned up after her, putting his plate with hers for whoever was on clean up duty to pick up before the big wave of dinner people came through.

"Fair enough," he said. "Do you still want to know?"

Carol nodded.

"Would you like to stay here for the fine ambience?" He asked.

Carol shrugged.

Honestly she had no particular affection for the dining hall, it had the smell of a cafeteria and that was one that didn't entirely agree with her at the moment.

"Where did you have in mind?" She asked.

Abraham shrugged and shook his head slightly, obvious a sign that he hadn't thought that far in advance for the impromptu conversation.

"It's nice out," Carol said. "I could use…a little air. Would you like to take a walk?"

He nodded and pushed himself up from the table, so Carol got up and followed him through the dining hall and out the door that he held open for her. She thanked him for holding the door and pointed in the direction of the newest expansion, an area that was nicer to walk in if you were just seeking a stroll and not going in search of anything in particular.

They walked for a few moments before he started his story and Carol walked along beside him, listening and enjoying the fresh air, glancing at him every now and again as a way of assuring him that she was still interested in what she was hearing.

"I was alone by the time that I met up with Rosita," Abraham said. "She was with a much larger group at the time…she was…doing what she had to do to get by. I took advantage of that at first…but when the group got attacked by Walkers and there were few survivors, I offered to take her with me. We didn't know where we were going or if there was anywhere to go…but I thought that I could protect her and she was a sweet young woman."

Carol raised an eyebrow at him and he smiled at her. He rubbed his face.

"Is that judgment?" He asked. "Doesn't matter. I probably deserve it."

Carol shook her head.

"No…I don't think that any of us can withstand being judged too much these days," Carol admitted.

Abraham nodded.

"It's just that you said young woman…and it struck me," Carol said. "I didn't mean anything."

Abraham hummed.

"Rosita was a good deal younger than me," Abraham said. "I forgot that you never met her. I don't think my wife would have approved, and maybe I wouldn't have either…but as I said before…things change."

"You were married before?" Carol asked.

Abraham nodded.

"I lost my wife and two children when the change hit," Abraham said.

"I'm sorry to hear that," Carol said.

Abraham nodded.

"We've all had our losses," Abraham responded. "If we're lucky, we won't have any more."

Carol laughed ironically.

"You don't say that with much conviction," she pointed out as they walked along, both of them absently waving at a person here or there who called out some sort of greeting to them as they scurried around headed to whatever activity it was that would fill their next block of time.

"A man would have to be crazy these days to think that everything is all sunshine and sugar plums," Abraham said, a little bite to his voice. "The best we can do is hope for better days and expect worse ones."

Carol nodded, agreeing with him more than she cared to admit out loud, and continued on aimlessly walking with him, sharing a few more words here and there before they were both done with the stroll and he dropped her off at her house for the night.


	27. Chapter 27

**AN: Here we go, another chapter. This chapter is a contemplation chapter, so don't expect too much (or, you know, anything) in the way of action. **

**It was a complicated chapter to write, but I hope I've done it justice.**

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! **

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As days started to pass, as days often will, Carol began to keep herself busy because busy kept her from feeling sorry for herself. It kept her from dwelling on things when dwelling on them wouldn't do any good anyway. And keeping busy kept others from being up under her or from being able to find her when they might search her out.

One morning she took laundry shift, alone, and spent the morning washing clothes in the machines that were set up in the place that served as something of a full service Laundromat. People dropped their laundry off in bags, tagged with their names, and their clothes were washed, dried, folded, put back in the bag, and retagged for pick up.

The use of the machines greatly improved the quality of life of anyone doing the laundry, especially if they had been, as Carol had, the person who had done laundry for a large group of people when it had to be done by hand.

And Carol liked laundry duty because it was mindless busy work. It was the kind of job that wasn't really hard, given the use of the machines, and it gave her something to keep her busy without requiring her to expend too much thought on what was happening. Load the machines, unload the machines, fold the clothes and bag them. Rinse, lather, repeat. The repetitive nature of the job, in fact, was almost soothing in some ways.

She liked being at work better than being alone in her house anyway. There were times when the house felt, in some ways, almost haunted. It wasn't haunted so much the way that Tyreese had once explained that he saw the world as being now…but it was haunted all the same.

Carol felt like everywhere in the house there were reminders of Tyreese…reminders of the life that they had started to build there, a life that she'd enjoyed while she had it. She had been comfortable with him, happy with him. He'd helped her more than she could really explain to feel comfortable with herself. He'd helped her to overcome some of the things that she'd been forced to do and to deal with in this life…at least as best as she could overcome them. He'd helped her come to terms with them, at least.

And he'd made her feel desirable, wanted, loved…special. He'd given her that and it had been something that she hadn't felt in a very long time. It had been something that she hadn't even realized she missed so much or wanted so much until she'd had it and discovered how much she liked it.

It was nice to feel special to a man, and she hadn't felt special to a man since she was newly married to Ed…before things had begun to badly in their marriage.

Sometimes the being in the house alone was just a reminder that she'd had that, for such a short time, but she'd lost it…and she didn't think she was likely to find it again…even if Tyreese had always been sure that she would.

She and Tyreese had talked many times about relationships in the world that they occupied now. In general relationships these days functioned entirely differently than they did in the world before. They were marked by so much hurry…so much rush. Before it had been frowned upon to run into things, but now there wasn't much of a choice. If you drug your feet then the end might come before the thing ever began.

And those conversations were conversations that had gotten them both over the humps in the beginning…when they'd first decided to try to act out what had been, at the time, nothing more than a performance put on for the people of Oasis.

Tyreese had been married before the turn and then he'd had Karen in his life for the short time that they were together. That had been a relationship that hadn't lasted long at all…and for obvious reasons it had ended before it had come to much of anything of fruition.

So he had brought with him some of his own hang ups over forming the relationship with Carol…things that he presented to her as though he were asking permission to find her attractive, permission to want to consider something with her.

And she'd been able to tell him that she understood his concerns, but she didn't think that there was really a problem there. She'd assured him that if something happened to her, she would want him to go on…to find someone else to make him happy if he thought that they could…because he deserved happiness and life was short and unpredictable, even more so now than it had ever been before.

But for all her attempts to soothe him and assure him that his own hang ups were hang ups worth getting over, she'd come with her own. It was easier to say that things were fine in regard to other people than it was to see it for yourself.

Carol didn't so much honor the memory of Ed any longer, if she'd ever honored it really at all. She felt that she was justified in feeling that she'd paid to Ed all that was Ed's while he was alive and she owed him nothing more.

But that wasn't exactly what she'd told Tyreese in the beginning.

Because she'd come with her own reservations and unresolved feelings…but it was easier to tell him that they were about Ed…about a husband that was gone and she didn't even miss…than it was to admit that they were reservations she had based on a lover that had never been hers to begin with.

Carol had kept it to herself…entirely to herself…that she had been in love with Daryl.

And she still loved him, perhaps, but she didn't let herself get caught up in foolish fantasies.

She'd loved him since Hershel's farm. She'd loved him since she'd seen that he was a man who reminded her, in some ways, of herself. She saw in him the physical evidence of someone who had been mistreated, likely by someone they loved and trusted. She saw in him someone who had been taught to think of themselves as not good enough.

But more than that, she saw someone who, despite what they'd thought of themselves, had still been willing to risk life and limb for her daughter in a way that she was sure that Ed, as Sophia's biological father, never would have.

And she had loved Daryl for that…and she'd loved Daryl because he seemed like he needed to be loved…and she had loved him because she'd thought that he could be something special…something special in her life.

But she had realized that Daryl didn't feel the same way about her fairly quickly. He'd looked for Sophia not out of any act of love for her, but simply because he was a good man who would do what he could to save a child.

Even though she'd thought at one time that Daryl didn't think he was enough…enough for someone, perhaps, she'd realized that she wasn't enough for him. She wasn't enough for him to think of her as anything more than a friend.

But she'd taken that friendship and she'd valued that. At least she had, if nothing more, a good friend, and in the world before the turn that had been a valuable asset that was made only more valuable now by the life that they led.

She'd figured, while she was at the prison, that Daryl would eventually find someone. He'd become, for a while there, a slightly more open person than he'd been in the beginning. He was building popularity as he built a reputation for being a good provider, a good protector, an all-around dependable person. She figured that as the group grew, Daryl would find someone who made him happy. He would find love.

And she'd learned to live with that thought, determined that she would be happy for him when he found that…determined that she would celebrate with him, as his friend, the happiness that he found and deserved.

But that never truly stopped her from loving him.

And in some ways, that had made it difficult to start the relationship with Tyreese when it had begun. She had felt, though it was entirely something that she'd created in her mind, a sort of obligation to Daryl…a sort of loyalty to him…even if he'd never have felt the same loyalty to her.

But as far as she knew, Daryl was gone, along with everyone else at the prison.

And when she'd discovered that he wasn't dead, she also discovered that not only would she never have his love…but apparently she would never have his forgiveness. Daryl had a code…something she'd always respected about him…but apparently forgiveness for what she had done wasn't something that fit into that code.

She had long since realized she would never know him as a lover, but his arrival at Oasis had made her realize that she had lost him as a friend as well…and she didn't know if that was something she could ever get back.

If nothing else, though, Daryl's coldness toward her since he'd come to the community had concreted for her that she'd done him no injustice by loving Tyreese.

And she did love Tyreese, in a special way, for all that he'd done for her and for all that he offered her. She had loved him for being the person, the man, that he was to her, the companion that he was to her, and for all he helped her to deal with. So she had willingly taken their relationship to a more intimate level…and she'd never regretted it. She had been happy with Tyreese. She had felt comfortable, accepted, wanted…and even loved. And she'd returned, with every bit of her that could, all of those emotions to him that he gave to her.

And he had shared with her the same sentiment that she'd shared with him…

What they had together was special between them, but if something were to happen to him, he wanted her to find happiness where she could for however long that she could have it and to know that she had his blessing, just as he had hers should she be the first to go.

He had been sure that there was someone else for her and that there was more happiness for her.

But being in the house alone made her feel like that was something that she wouldn't find again. What she'd found with Tyreese…someone willing to forgive her sins and to love her for who she was, for who he saw her as being…she felt that she wasn't likely to encounter in another man.

And it wasn't that she was looking, but it was still a sad feeling to think that she had known something nice for such a short period of time that would never be hers again.

She'd given away most of his clothes…keeping a few items for herself, and she'd given away most of his personal effects that held no real value to her, letting Sasha have them because some of them meant something to the woman from the life they'd led before Carol had ever even known him.

Still, there were little things that remained of Tyreese around the house and everywhere she looked it seemed as though she almost caught him out of the corner of her eye.

And she was torn, as sometimes happens, between wanting to wipe him away from the space entirely…as though changing everything would exorcise his ghost and make her not remember that she missed him…and wanting to keep the little things that reminded her of him…wanting to keep the things that still smelled faintly of him…wanting to keep the little effects that, for one reason or another, brought him strongly to her memory.

She was caught in the struggle of the survivor, of the one left behind…the struggle between wanting them gone if they were really gone, and wanting to hold onto everything that remained of them.

And the only way that she found relief, for a few hours a day, from those feelings…the only way that she found that she could think about him and think about her feelings without losing herself in some kind of cloud of loneliness and self-pity…was to keep herself busy, because when she was busy with some kind of work she could think, but in her mind she always remembered that she was in public and she couldn't indulge in wallowing in things that she couldn't change and feeling sorry for herself because he was gone and she was alone…and it had been much easier to be alone before she had known what it was like to be so well-accompanied.


	28. Chapter 28

**AN: Here we go, another little chapter, moving us along. **

**For the guest reviewer that seems to be unable to stop reading this story for whatever reason. I published your reviews because I know you were concerned that your voice, which you couldn't sign your name to and validate for yourself, wouldn't be heard.**

**For anyone who may have missed the many warnings placed throughout this story, I'd like to reiterate them now. This story will eventually be a Caryl story, but it is one in which I would like to, as stated at the very beginning, use to work out my frustrations with the character of Daryl. That means that things will not be easy on him (as they have not been up to this point) and the relationship between them will not just magically happen in the quickest way possible.**

**If this is not something that you want to read or it makes you uncomfortable for whatever reason, then you should not read the story. I do not know how I can be any clearer than that. I don't want anyone getting upset and hurt, so I'm trying to be as crystal clear as I can be about what you can expect from the story.**

**That being said, if you take that into consideration and are still interested in the story, then here's another chapter of many to come. I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! **

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Carol walked with some determination from post toward the area where she'd been directed Will would most likely be found. She'd done morning shift, but now she wanted to talk to the man and see if he could do what Daryl had suggested he might be able to do. Call it spoiled or what you would, but she'd decided that if she was going to spend many of the hours when she would have preferred to be asleep being sick, she'd rather do it in a house with working water and where she didn't have to revisit the evidence later in the day.

In her hand she clutched the water damaged book of crossword puzzles, a comic book about a superhero that she'd never even heard of before, and a half done book of work searches in hope that such a bribe might sweeten the pot and win Will over to her side.

When she got to the part of the community where he was working, though, it wasn't difficult to find him. He almost had the appearance of a foreman as he stood at a small, rickety card table looking over pieces of paper weighed down by various items serving as paper weights and discussed whatever he was looking at with a man who was looking at the same pieces of paper.

Carol stood to the side, her arms crossed, and waited until the man that Will was talking to walked off, and then she approached Will.

"Will? Can I speak with you for a moment?" Carol asked.

Will looked at her at first with his nose crinkled, but that expression faded as soon as he'd identified her and he smiled broadly.

"Miss Carol!" He declared. "Of course you can speak with me for as long as it requires."

"Could we walk for a moment?" Carol asked, gesturing with her head toward an area where there were fewer people around than in Will's current location where any one of the men seeking his guidance might interrupt them.

Will glanced around him and then he nodded, walking with Carol over to the place where she finally thought they could be alone for a moment.

Will stood somewhat awkwardly in front of her, silent, clearly waiting for her to speak. And Carol thought that was reasonable…Will could be very literal and she'd said that it was her who wanted to speak with him. She hadn't entirely indicated this could be a two way conversation.

"I brought you these," Carol said, offering Will the books that she'd picked up from post in an attempt to cover anything that he might like.

He accepted the books and looked through them, smiling broadly at her and nodding his head.

"Thank you," he declared. "But you didn't have to give me anything. I don't think it's my birthday and I don't have anything for you."

Carol smiled.

"Well…happy unbirthday," she said. "I don't think that any of us know when our birthdays are anymore anyway. And a little bird told me that you liked comic books and puzzle books."

Will nodded.

"I find them a refreshing way to wind down at the end of the day," Will said. "I used to have quite the extensive collection of comic books. My grandmother took me twice a week to a local comic book store in the town where I grew up and I was always allowed to choose five comic books per visit…unless of course they were of the larger bound versions…in which case grandmother would decide how many were allowed."

Carol nodded her head along with Will's story, not willing to interrupt. She could see from the expression on his face that the comic books obviously held some kind of particular interest for him…and now she doubted it was so much for the books themselves as it obviously was for the memories of the grandmother he spoke of with a certain expression on his face.

He looked at her when he was done, though, a little concerned. He shook his head.

"I don't have anything to offer you, though," he said, looking around a moment as though he were going to try to find her some kind of impromptu gift.

Carol shook her head quickly.

"You don't have to give me anything, Will," Carol said. "But…if you wanted to, I could use a favor."

Will looked at her with furrowed brows.

"A favor? From me?" He asked.

Carol shrugged.

"I'm not sure that you can do it," she said, "and if you can't…that's fine too. But I heard that you were over the electricity and water projects in Oasis?"

Will nodded slightly.

"I'm not over them," he responded. "I do a lot of the planning and I offer an often valued opinion about things. I'm really better at things like that than I am with other aspects of our community lifestyle. I've been taken off of the rotation for runs and missions since I shot Mr. Robert in the foot."

Carol controlled the laugh as well as she could because she could see that Will was entirely sincere. She nodded her head at him and continued speaking when he'd stopped talking.

"What I was hoping was that you could…maybe see a way of getting me moved up the list to get water?" Carol asked. "I know that there are others that are priority…and I understand that…I'd just like to be considered for higher in the list instead of having to be one of the last to get running water in my house."

Will nodded at her.

"I could recommend that you be moved up to a priority position," Will said. "I could as it as a gift from me."

Carol hadn't expected him to agree so easily, but then Will might very well be the kind not require an extensive explanation as to why you wanted anything. He'd offer you an extensive explanation for his own desires…but he wasn't too demanding with others.

"I would really, really appreciate that, Will," Carol said.

He smiled and nodded, and Carol wasn't sure that he didn't blush slightly.

"It's nothing, really," Will said. "I will simply tell them that I would like you moved to priority and they'll move you. It's nothing more than erasing a name and penciling a new one in. We're really getting much better at it now. The whole project is moving along and things are coming together even better than we anticipated. We have a few runs planned and some scouting missions for supplies to keep it going, but if we continue advancing at the rate we are advancing without any foreseeable problems I suspect that the whole of the community will be powered and benefit from the water within two months' time. It's beneficial to the whole community because what we're designing is much more sanitary than what is already in place and it can help to assure we have an environment that is much less of a breeding ground for the germs that are no doubt rampant with the surroundings we have now."

Carol nodded at him.

"That's great! It really is! They're lucky to have you helping them…you've been really wonderful with everything around here…even everything since Tyreese and I got here…it changed a lot."

Will smiled at the compliment and nodded at her again, but then after a second his face fell slightly.

"Miss Carol," Will offered, "I never came to the funeral. Funerals make me uncomfortable and I try to avoid them. I don't find them really very satisfying on any level…and so I never go. I meant to extend to you, however, my condolences for the loss of Mr. Tyreese. He worked a good deal on my projects and I know that it must be difficult for you to lose him so abruptly."

Carol smiled softly at the sentiment and swallowed back the feeling that inevitably rose in her throat whenever someone offered condolences that, for whatever reason, felt far more genuine than the ones tossed at you for the sake of decorum.

"Thank you, Will," Carol said. "It's been difficult, but I'm going to be fine. Tyreese understood the importance of life…and going on because you've got to go on. I'm doing just that."

Will nodded at her, looking for the moment almost as affected by Tyreese's death as she felt. She worried that he might be struggling not to cry, even.

"I would like it even better," Carol said, forcing herself to change her tone of voice to a more playful one, "if I could have running water…while I'm going on…"

Will recognized the joke for what it was and it immediately seemed to lighten his spirit because he chuckled lightly, and that helped Carol's own feeling.

"Of course," Will said. "I will make sure that it gets taken care of. I've never lost a significant other…I've never had a significant other. So I don't know exactly how that feels…but I lost my grandmother and I still don't particularly enjoy entering into in-depth conversations about the loss. If you feel the same, I would gladly be willing to avoid the topic unless you request further discussion of your loss?"

Carol nodded.

"I'd actually appreciate that, Will," Carol said.

She reached out a hand and squeezed the man's arm and he looked at her hand on his arm before he nodded his head at her.

"And I'm sure," Carol added, "that your grandmother was a lovely woman. She'd be proud of you."

Will smiled again.

"Grandmother was very proud of me. She always said I was her favorite grandchild, which is funny because I was her only grandchild. You see what she was playing at there?" He responded.

Carol laughed and nodded.

"I'm sure it was true, even if you hadn't been her only grandchild," Carol said.

Will nodded.

For a moment an odd silence fell between them that was almost uncomfortable for Carol and she could see the discomfort growing on Will's face as he glanced around, his eyes always darting back to her.

"Miss Carol? Are we finished talking? Or was there something more that you wished to discuss?" He asked.

Carol smiled and shook her head.

"No, Will, there wasn't anything else," Carol said. "Thank you…and enjoy your books."

Will looked at the books in his hand and nodded at her.

"Miss Carol, could I ask you for a favor?" He asked.

Carol nodded.

"Would you put them in my apartment? I'm apartment seventeen," Will said. "If I keep them out here until it's time for the shift to be over then someone is likely to think they're free to whoever is interested. If you could put them just inside the door, then I would know that no one was going to pick them up."

Carol took the books back from him.

"Seventeen?" She asked.

He nodded again and she smiled.

"I'll take them over there for you now," she said. "Thanks again!"

Carol took the books and turned, heading toward the apartment, not wanting to draw out the "goodbye" with Will any longer than she had to for the sake of both of them.

When she got to the apartment complex that had been put together for the singles, she let herself inside and it didn't take her too long to find apartment seventeen in the collection of rooms around tight hallways.

Her first thought about the building was that walking the halls too long would make her claustrophobic, but then she found the room and opened the door and realized that the halls were the part of the building that made it feel like they were roomy and spacious.

She didn't pry because she respected Will's privacy, but even if she'd been inclined to look around, she wouldn't have because the tight space made her uncomfortable and she could only focus on getting out of there. She left the books on the first surface that she could find, and the only one she could see at a glance, and backed out of the room, realizing when she closed the door and sucked in a breath from the hallway that now seemed open, that she'd held her breath while she was in the room.

She started out of the building when she heard Daryl's voice behind her.

"Carol?" He called.

She turned and saw him standing just beside the door that she'd come out of.

"Daryl," she responded.

"What are you doin' in here?" He asked. "I thought you was Will…asshole was supposed to wake me up for second shift…now I'm late."

He seemed a little miffed by that turn of events, though Carol was sure no one would mind. It wasn't like anyone really got angry even if you accidentally missed your shift.

"I was dropping some things off for Will," Carol said. "He asked me to bring them over. I never realized that your rooms here were so…small."

Daryl rubbed at his eyes, evidence of the fact that he'd apparently just woken from a nap…evidence that went beyond his earlier words.

"Yeah…makes the damn cells back at the prison seem like suites, don't it?" He responded.

Carol laughed, remembering quickly and sharply their living quarters in the prison.

"You're right," she said. "They do."

She looked once more, then, for her escape from the crowded hallways into the open air outside the building.

"Well," she said, "I've got a few things to do…and you've got your shift…I hope it's a good one."

Daryl nodded his head, his body language saying that he was going back to wherever it was that he'd appeared from…whichever one of the tiny rooms was his "apartment."

"Yeah," he said. "Better get ready…"

And Carol took her leave of him as quickly as she'd taken it from Will before, almost running from there toward the exit of the building and finally bursting out of the suffocating location to breathe in the air of the community and to figure out what to do with the rest of her evening since she hadn't signed herself up to work another shift.


	29. Chapter 29

**AN: I'll state up front that this isn't a great chapter. It didn't turn out like I wanted it to turn out. It is what it is, though, and it moves us along, so here you have it. I'm hoping the next one will be more like I want it. **

**I hope you enjoy. Let me know what you think! **

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Daryl was in charge of setting things up for the supply scouting that they'd be doing. They were heading out on a three day thing, nothing too big or too in depth, to scout the area for what there was to be found off the list of things that Oasis needed to continue with their current expansion plans. They wouldn't bring much of anything back with them except for information and then a larger run group would go out to load up on as much as they could possibly carry back if they proved to find anything really worth going after.

Daryl figured he'd go out on both trips.

But for the first one he was taking Abraham and whoever was up on rotation. It wouldn't take more than three people for a scouting mission since two could easily cover it.

He walked down to the "office" as he liked to think of the place just off of post where they kept all the rotation lists and picked through the clipboard there for people that were up for rotation.

He stopped when his eyes fell on Carol's name in the list.

He'd been wanting to talk to her ever since the funeral…ever since he'd felt like he hadn't said the right thing…ever since he'd felt like he couldn't say the right thing because he didn't even know where to begin to say all the things that needed to be said with words he wasn't even sure he could string together.

But every time he'd tried to talk to her since then it just hadn't worked out. Just like every other time, it seemed, that he'd ever tried to Carol.

It never worked out.

The timing was bad or the situation was bad or there were people around that he didn't want to overhear him…or he simply had all the other pieces in place and he couldn't spit the words out.

There were, when he thought about it, a million and one reasons why he'd never said the things to her that he'd thought about saying in flashes. Most of the reasons, he knew deep down, were reasons that he created to make himself feel better about not saying anything, but they were there nonetheless.

This could be, though, a good chance for Daryl to get to talk to her. There would be time when Abraham wasn't around…there would be time when he wasn't listening. If Daryl could figure out between now and tomorrow morning where he even wanted to begin, there might be time on this trip to speak to her.

He put her name down as he would have for anyone that he'd chosen off the list and turned, leaving to find her and to find Abraham to tell them both to be ready to leave in the morning.

Finding Abraham wasn't much of a challenge at all, since Daryl literally almost ran into the man as he was apparently heading into post to pick up something.

"Abe," Daryl said, getting Abraham's attention, "tomorrow mornin'…we gon' take that run, scouting."

Abraham nodded.

There wasn't need for discussion there at all. Abraham knew about the run and he knew that Daryl was planning it. There wasn't much else to cover.

"We goin' on foot this time…so you'll need ta pack for it," Daryl said as he started off in search of Carol, probably much more difficult to find, and he heard Abraham confirm behind him that he'd be ready at sun up.

Daryl wandered around almost aimlessly in the community looking for Carol. He thought, after he'd been looking for a while, that it would have been smarter to look up the shift schedules and see if she was anywhere specific. He was just about to turn around to go and do just that when he caught the sound of her voice and followed it toward the dining hall.

She was outside the place, at one of the three tables they had set up there for anyone who might fancy eating outside when the weather was decent or was just looking for a place to sit otherwise, and she was accompanied by Michonne who was sitting oddly in one of the chairs beside Carol.

Both of the women stopped talking about whatever they were talking about when Daryl approached and stared at him.

It was the feeling that you got when you knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you'd interrupted something. The conversation couldn't go on in your presence.

Daryl responded, as he often did to things like that, by getting a cigarette out of his shirt pocket and lighting it before he every spoke to Carol about the reason he was standing there, staring at them, interrupting their conversation.

"I just come by, Carol…" Daryl started, glancing between the two, "ta let'cha know you up for rotation. We're leavin' out tomorrow…scoutin' mission for three days."

Both of the women's faces clearly showed that hadn't been what they'd been expecting from him there, though he couldn't really imagine what they might have been expecting…that was typically the reason he searched anyone out was to give them the details of their next run or mission.

"I'm going," Michonne said quickly. "I'm in the mood for a run…I was going to ask to be put on it anyway…"

Daryl growled a little to himself.

Honestly he wouldn't normally object to Michonne going on a run. She was a good person to have on runs and she wasn't too bad about making conversation when you weren't in the mood for it. She also liked, a good deal, to get out of Oasis on the short stints that they went out for.

This time, however, he actually wanted Carol to go and he didn't want Michonne getting in the way.

"Carol's up for rotation," Daryl said sharply. "It's her turn, everybody has ta do their turns…Oasis' rules, I don't make 'em…you just come back in two days ago."

Carol had an expression on her face like she wasn't sure what to do. It looked like she'd been about to respond in some way and then had simply gotten stuck, and that's how she remained.

"After what happened with Ty…" Michonne started.

"After what happened she got leave like everybody else does," Daryl said. "Don't count forever…gotta get back out there."

"It's fine," Carol said, finally finding her voice and the expression on her face softening from the somewhat surprised expression she'd worn before. "I don't mind…tomorrow?"

Daryl nodded.

"We leavin' after breakfast prob'ly," he responded. "It's a foot run so ya best pack accordin' to it."

Carol nodded, but Michonne interjected again.

"I'll take the run," Michonne repeated. "I mean that…"

"Everybody does they part. Ain't nobody around here just gets to sit out runs for no reason at all…" Daryl responded.

He was trying to win this but he felt like he wasn't doing a very good job of it. The truth was everyone did do runs…unless they had a reason not to, but he wasn't the one that decided the reasons that people were taken off rotation. That wasn't his call. And he wanted Carol to be on the run, not Michonne.

"It's fine!" Carol said again. "I'll go on the run, tomorrow morning."

"She's pregnant," Michonne said, shaking her head adamantly at Daryl and making him wonder for a moment if he was going to end up fighting with the woman.

It took a moment for the words to even sink into Daryl given the heated nature in which they were thrown at him. He could barely register them and then even when his brain did some of the work of recognizing the words and recognizing what they meant, he felt they still weren't entirely registering.

He turned quickly to look at Carol who was wearing an expression that he wouldn't have even tried to peg down and looking more at Michonne at the moment than she was at him.

She hit her feet a moment later, nearly knocking backward the chair that she'd been sitting in.

"I'll do my part," Carol said quickly and more loudly than before and Daryl could tell now if he hadn't been sure before that she was very clearly angry…he just wasn't sure who she was angry with. "I'll see you…at the gates…after breakfast. This isn't up for discussion."

She spit the first part at Daryl and the remaining part at Michonne before she stormed off in such a determined walk that her boots were very nearly sliding across the ground with each step.

Daryl, still stunned by the words and all that had happened in such a short flash of time, watched her go before he turned back to look at Michonne who was looking at him with an mixture of anger and something else.

Deciding that he neither wanted to deal with the woman nor did he have the ability to do so at the moment, Daryl walked away from Michonne, balling the spent butt of his cigarette up between his fingers and shoving it in his pocket as he walked.

Carol was pregnant.

And even as he walked around Oasis, with no particular direction but making sure to let enough of his thoughts show through to his face to keep people from attempting to even speak to him…probably believing that he was on some kind of serious mission…he still wasn't sure the thought was sinking in for him.

Carol was pregnant.

She was going to have a kid. There was no doubt in Daryl's mind, once he'd gotten that far in his thoughts, that it was Tyreese's.

And then he had an odd confliction going on within his gut that he didn't know quite what to do with. On the one hand he was almost annoyed at the thought that Carol was pregnant, even though it didn't really affect his life at all…clearly it wasn't something she was even going to use to get out of a run and, in fact, she'd almost sounded like she would dare him to try to use it as a pass…but on the other hand he felt sorry for her because, if it was Tyreese's child, which he knew it was, that meant that she was now going to have a kid and the father of the damn thing was cold in the ground from a run gone bad.

He stomped around a bit, pretending each time he passed someone who might wonder what he was up to that the place he was going was no doubt just ahead, when he really had no particular place that he intended to end up, trying to simply walk until his mind cleared itself.

Finally, though, he realized that it wasn't going to clear itself because he wasn't even sure why he felt bothered by the whole thing in the first place. She wasn't the first woman to end up pregnant…Oasis was crawling with women at various stages of pregnancy. She wasn't even putting them at any kind of inconvenience, like Lori's pregnancy had done when they worried what they would do about it or how they would handle it as a group…because clearly Oasis had the resources to deal with such a thing.

And he had no reason, personally, to be affected by the news at all. None at all.

But whether or not it made sense…and whether or not he could explain why he felt like he should do something about it or say something about it…he was affected by it.


	30. Chapter 30

**AN: Here we go, another little chapter.**

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! **

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Carol finished packing her back and was hiding in her house…and she wasn't so much hiding like a coward as she was hiding so that no one would try to talk her out of the run.

She was pissed off at Michonne and she knew she didn't even have a good reason for it. The woman was trying to be a good friend…trying to look out for her…but she'd asked her not to say anything about the baby and now she'd blabbed it.

The only thing that Carol could hope for was that Daryl would prove to be the quiet individual he usually was and wouldn't spill it to anyone else that she was pregnant, at least not right now.

She was pretty sure she was going to ride things out because she couldn't bring herself to do anything to terminate the pregnancy, but she still felt so conflicted about it that she just didn't want to talk about it. She didn't want the sympathy that would likely come from others…because it wouldn't be sincere or because they really cared…it would just be more of the false decorum, the need to pretend that they were concerned.

She'd even been avoiding her doctor because she didn't want to talk about it. It was something she was more or less hiding from herself…and that was the act she knew was cowardly.

Her bag packed, Carol took it to living room and put it on the end of the couch. She could grab it in the morning easily enough and if she got up early enough…and she seldom slept late thanks to the fact that the baby drove her out of bed long before she ever wanted to rise naturally…she could probably get down to the commissary and get her rations long before she had to see anyone else out and about.

She wished, honestly, that there was some way she could slip outside for the run and wait for Daryl and Abraham outside the gates…somewhere where Michonne or Sasha or someone wouldn't see her before they left and try to talk her out of the run one last time.

Carol made her way into the empty extra room of the house and stared at the packs that she'd brought in there after the run when they'd lost Tyreese. She hadn't touched the things since then and she stared at them now, wondering if she might as well open them to see if there was anything in there she might want or need for the run.

She needed something, as it was, to distract her from her annoyance with Michonne.

She sighed and sat down on the floor, pulling one of the bags toward her. She hesitated a moment as she started to work the buckle loose to open the bag, but finally she opened it and started to dig through it.

And the bags didn't exactly do wonders for her mood…

Because Tyreese, in his search to bring her back some things, had brought back a good deal of baby supplies…and she didn't even have to open the second bag to know that it probably contained much of the same things as the first.

She sat there, her hands searching through the contents, and she felt her chest aching with the desire to cry…a desire she was doing her best not to give into.

Tyreese had wanted this baby…he'd really wanted it. He had hope for the child and that was something that was difficult to come by these days. And it made Carol feel even worse, at the moment, to think that she should be the one with the most hope for it, as its mother, and she just hadn't found it yet.

Finally, she pushed the bag and all its contents back toward the other that she didn't bother to open and got to her feet again. She walked a circle around the empty room, concentrating on nothing more than breathing to calm herself down, and then she left the room, deciding to go to bed early and get what sleep she could before she had to get up and get started on her day…hoping for as little drama as was possible surrounding the run that she wanted to make.

The run that, for whatever reason, she felt like she had to make.

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Daryl wasn't entirely sure what he was supposed to do, if he was supposed to do anything, about the fact that Carol was pregnant. Particularly, he wasn't sure what that meant in terms of the run that they were leaving out on this morning.

He got his rations early from the commissary, thanking the woman who had come in before she normally would have had to be on her shift to prepare them, and he packed them into his pack on the very same table where the information had been revealed to him the day before.

He'd thought that sleeping on it would make him feel, somehow, better about the whole situation, or at the very least would make him know what he was supposed to do and how he was supposed to handle things, but that hadn't been the case.

Daryl pulled out one of the chairs and sat down at the table, taking out a cigarette and lighting it. It was far too early for most of the place to be stirring. They were supposed to leave after "breakfast", but on run days there was always something of a special, early bird breakfast for those going on the run. They would be ready to leave by the time most of the people were starting to venture out to eat before first shift.

Daryl actually liked the mornings like this, though, because they were quiet and you had very little chance of being forced into a conversation with anyone about anything mundane.

The run they were going on probably wasn't going to be dangerous...it probably wasn't even going to be strenuous.

It would be a scouting run and they wouldn't even bring things back, unless they found some small and easy to carry items. It would consist mostly of walking at a quick and steady pace, setting camp up for two nights and taking it down for two mornings…there would undoubtedly be a few run ins with Walkers but they'd be out in the open for the most part, less likely to get trapped with them anywhere which was where Walkers were most likely to get the better of you.

It wouldn't be a particularly difficult run and things shouldn't have any chance of going badly…but they always had a chance of going badly these days.

Daryl knew now that Michonne's insistence, the very insistence that Carol shut down, that she go on the run was because she didn't want Carol going out there…pregnant women didn't go on runs or missions or anything of the sort. They were exempt from them automatically and stayed in the community.

Daryl didn't know much about pregnancy, but he knew the basics and that essentially you were walking around with a kid inside you…so logistically you probably shouldn't do all the things that you might normally do, especially if those things included fighting off animated, half-rotted corpses and running around for your life.

He wasn't sure, though, if he should say anything or let Carol come along and just try to make sure that the run was as uneventful as he could possibly make it.

While he was sitting there, trying to decide what he might do and waiting on the early bird breakfast that was being prepared, he became aware of someone else's presence by the crunching of boots on the ground.

And as the figure he made out in the fading darkness of the morning became clearer, he realized it was Carol walking toward commissary with the same determination that she'd left the day before…and she hadn't seen him yet. She was too focused.

"Gettin' rations?" He called out.

She almost slid to a stop and looked at him.

"Yeah," she responded. "I wanted to pick them up early…"

"Breakfast'll be ready in a few minutes," Daryl said. "Might as well eat while ya here…Abe ain't made it out yet."

Carol stayed in her position, not coming any closer to him.

"I didn't really want to run into anyone," she said.

Daryl chuckled ironically at the idea of it. There was no one to run into at this hour…not unless they were up for the same reason you were.

"Just me," he responded. "An' Juanita in there makin' breakfast."

Carol shifted her weight, one hand going on her hip. Daryl was suddenly glad for the darkness that was still around them so that he couldn't see her looking at him, probably with a good deal of intensity.

"Have you said anything to anyone?" Carol asked.

Daryl sat silent for a moment. His first instinct was to play dumb and act like he didn't know what she was talking about. Playing dumb in that manner might save him from actually admitting how dumb he felt about the fact that he had no idea what to do…or even how to treat her…now that he knew.

He decided against it, though. He wanted her to go on the run…he wanted to talk to her, even if he didn't know what the hell he wanted to say and he knew even less now. He couldn't very well expect, though, to get anywhere later if he acted like an idiot now, even if it was to save face.

"I ain't said nothin'," he replied. "That what'cha want?"

"I want to go on the run," Carol said. "I don't want…anyone…trying to stop me from going."

Daryl thought about it a second. He wanted her to go on the run because that had been why he'd chosen her from the list. There were half a dozen other people that he could have chosen, but he'd picked her specially.

He didn't want her going, though, if it was going to put her at some kind of risk…if it was going to put her in danger, even if it was a danger he didn't know anything about or couldn't fully comprehend.

He cleared his throat, noticing that she hadn't moved yet…but then he hadn't so much as shifted in the chair that he was occupying either.

"Can ya be honest with me?" He asked. "S'it OK you go on a run?"

Carol didn't respond immediately, but finally she spoke.

"It's fine," she said. "And I want to go…I don't want anyone trying to keep me here."

He didn't respond immediately, trying to judge by her voice whether or not the "it's fine" was sincere or not.

"Daryl," Carol said, "I know…that I don't have any right to ask favors of you…but I don't want you to say anything to anyone…not before we leave…this is just something I want to do. I don't want to be…forced…to stay at home."

Daryl sighed.

"Yeah," he grunted after a moment. "Yeah…I won't say nothin' 'fore we leave…what about Michonne?"

"I'll handle Michonne," Carol responded. "Thank you."

She didn't say anything else to him, she picked up her steps with the same determination as before and covered the ground between where she'd been standing and the building, disappearing inside commissary.

Daryl sat there for a moment and finished his cigarette.

He didn't know if it was alright or not that Carol went on the run, but it sounded like she was hell bent and determined to do it…and if she was determined to do it then this was probably the best kind of run for her to go on. Daryl figured he could keep anything from really happening and he didn't foresee any trouble.

And maybe it would give him time to tell her…to tell her any one of the things that he'd failed to tell her before.

If nothing else, maybe it would at least give him a chance to tell her that…no matter what the hell had happened…she could still ask favors from him.

When she didn't come back out immediately, Daryl figured out that breakfast was most likely ready. He got up and walked over, tossing the spent butt from his cigarette into a trash can near the door, and he grunted a good morning at Abraham that he heard, just before he saw him, coming toward the building as well. Then he stepped inside the building to get his food, scarf it down, and get the party ready to hit the road.


	31. Chapter 31

**AN: This is just a short chapter. There's a lot to be sorted out here.**

**I'm going to start putting this on all my stories as I get to chapters, just so everyone is aware. I'm about to have a lot going on in the next few months, particularly being around other people, and that's going to slow my writing down a lot. I'll be spreading out here and there and writing when I can, but I want everyone to know that I haven't abandoned anything…I'm just not going to be getting around to things as readily as I have been in the past. **

**I hope you enjoy the chapter (though this one really isn't much). Let me know what you think!**

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Carol didn't know how long she could count on Daryl to keep information to himself, but so far he was doing just as good a job as Michonne had done. They'd all three left out of the community a little early, under her insistence that once they were done with breakfast there was really no reason to simply wait around for some sort of fanfare to see them off…after all, none of them really had anyone to say goodbye to.

And now they were wandering, Abraham in the lead of the group, toward whatever destination there might be…since on a run like this the destination was really unknown until they got there.

Carol held her hand over her knife as she walked, a stance that was almost as natural to her as walking without the knife had been at one point in life, and she kept her eyes on her surroundings while allowing her mind to drift only a little.

Even when you weren't paying attention, you learned to pay attention.

Daryl had been quiet, nothing unusual for him, and he was walking closer to her and farther from Abraham, creating himself the distance between them since Carol fell back somewhat awkwardly every time he slowed his steps a little.

She didn't know why he was travelling at a slower speed, but she was more accustomed to matching her steps with his while they travelled…a habit long leftover from the days in the past when the group had been on the move and she'd hung close to Daryl…than she was to matching them with Abraham's.

Daryl kept glancing in her direction with an expression on his face that she wouldn't try to identify. She thought, though, that maybe it had something to do with the whole "pregnant woman wandering in the woods" idea…so she tried not to make eye contact with him about it.

She simply wanted to be out of Oasis…even that meant Walker danger. She didn't care what they were going on a run for, she didn't care where they ended up, and she didn't even care if they found what they were looking for. At the moment all she cared about was being outside the walls of the place.

She only wished that Daryl wouldn't look at her like he was because it was reminding her of how Sasha and Michonne both regarded her…how they looked at her like they were circling her and preparing to tie her up or something...and the look was only going to get worse because she imagined that as soon as the whole community knew about her little "blessing", they were all going to be looking her at out of the corners of their eyes as though she might magically explode like a firecracker or something equally bizarre.

Abraham halted in his steps and turned back, looking over his shoulder.

"Everything alright?" He asked.

"Fine," Carol called, realizing that as she kept slowing her steps…and Daryl kept slowing his…and she responded by slowing her own even more…that the two of them had drifted at least six feet behind Abraham in the march.

"S'all good," Daryl barked out gruffly from where he was dragging his feet, walking somewhat close to Carol.

"Then why the hell are we moving so slow?" Abraham asked. "If you were horses I'd think you'd thrown shoes…as fast as the two of you are moving we'll make what should have been a one day run in three days."

Daryl didn't protest, but Carol took that as her sign that she should make some move to show that she wasn't going to be the one slowing down the party. She shifted her pack a little and picked up her steps, meeting Abraham, but not going past him simply because she didn't know exactly where they were going and it would have been counterproductive for her to try to lead the group at this point.

Daryl picked up his own steps too and came up on the other side of her, slowing his feet as he matched her.

Abraham looked at both of them and continued on, shaking his head and muttering something to himself.

It wasn't long before Carol realized Daryl's steps were falling back again, and she wondered what was going on there…she wondered if there was something she should do to respond. She didn't want to get the attention of Abraham again, though, for being slow, so she kept her steps matched to his and let Daryl drag a little from the both of them.

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Daryl had hoped to get to speak to Carol…but he'd forgotten about the fact that for the most part the trip would be one where they all walked together in a clump…and he didn't really want to talk to her with Abraham listening in on them, which in such close quarters he couldn't have avoided if he'd wanted to.

When they finally found a place, though, just before dusk, to make camp, Daryl thought he might have something of a chance.

He and Abraham left Carol with the supplies outside and the two of them went into the small building that they'd found, it had probably once been something of a storage shed but the house that it had belonged to was long gone now, and checked it for any Walkers who might have wandered into it and gotten trapped.

When they came out, though, after finding the place Walker free, they found Carol with her knife in her hand and two Walkers lying on the ground not far from her.

She hadn't made a sound to alert them to the approach of the rotting corpses…instead she'd simply taken care of it.

Daryl couldn't help but admire it too, in his own way. Abraham said something to her…something along the lines of a well done…but Daryl didn't actually offer any words.

Carol volunteered, then, to go for water and started to collect together the canteens.

"Get a fire started," she commanded. "I'll get water and we'll at least have a decent meal…there's no meat, but we can pool our rations…I'm sure I can make something worth eating."

Abraham nodded his agreement with the plan, apparently seeing nothing wrong with Carol wandering off to the spring they'd passed a little way back. Daryl spoke quickly, though, walking over and tugging at the canteens that she had in her hands.

"I'ma go with her ta get the water," he said. "Make sure they ain't no trouble."

Abraham didn't make any protests, and when Carol looked like she might, Daryl simply gave her the best blank expression that he had…allowing her to read that however she might and hoping that however she chose to read it, it led her not to say a thing to him.

And it must have worked because she sighed and let go of the canteens, almost thrusting them into Daryl, before she turned and walked back in the direction of the spring with more speed behind her steps than she'd used in the walk to get where they were.

Once Daryl had the opportunity to speak…the opportunity he'd been looking for…he realized he had not a single damn clue what to say.

He followed her to the spring and stood there, switching out canteens for her while she filled them in silence, all the while kicking his own ass for remaining just as damn quiet as he had every other time he'd come close to telling her something.

"I don't think you shoulda done what'cha did…'bout Karen an' David," Daryl said.

Carol looked at him, squinting her eyes at him despite the fact it wasn't bright enough outside to need to squint your eyes. She didn't respond and he shook his head quickly.

"I don't think you shoulda done it…but I ain't pissed at'cha for doin' it. I reckon we all done some things we coulda handled different," Daryl added.

Carol stopped squinting at him and turned back to filling the canteens in the spring.

That wasn't exactly what he'd intended to say…but it was something…it was one of the things, perhaps, that he needed to say.

"I guess that's about as much as I'm going to get in the way of your forgiveness," Carol said finally, her voice sounding almost bitter. "So thank you for forgiving me…really…it means a lot."

Her voice didn't sound like it exactly went with the words that she was saying at all.

"Are you pissed at me?" Daryl asked.

Carol straightened up and started to take some of the filled canteens and Daryl yanked a few of them away from her. She would try to carry all of them if he hadn't stopped her.

She stood in front of him, shifting her weight and the combined weight of the water filled jugs.

"No, Daryl, I'm not pissed at you," she said finally. She shook her head. "I did what I did…I can't change it and I'm not sure I'd change it if I could…I'm not sure how I'd change it…let them die on their own? Let them go ahead and suffer through it instead of trying…instead of stopping that suffering?"

She shook her head.

"Forget it…thank you for your…forgiveness," Carol said.

She turned and started back in the direction of the building that they were going to occupy for the night.

"I don't understand why you actin' like you pissed off if you say you ain't," Daryl responded. "I come out here tryin' to talk to you."

Carol stopped walking, but she didn't turn to face Daryl. She simply stopped her steps and remained still.

"What did you want to tell me, Daryl?" Carol asked. "That you forgive me for something you've held against me since we've been here? You forgive me for what everyone else has managed to forgive me for? You told me that, and I thank you for your forgiveness…I'm sorry if I'm not as thrilled about it as you wanted me to be."

Daryl felt taken aback. He didn't really know what he thought would happen or how he thought this conversation was going to go, but this certainly wasn't what he had planned. He had so many things that he wanted to say…but he didn't even know what order to put them in. And Carol had expressed before her concern about how he felt about what had happened with Karen and David…it would seem that letting her know that wasn't a problem, at least not a problem that he wasn't over by now, would go a long way toward making everything else just sort of flow out, but now that didn't seem to be the case.

"What the hell you bein' that way for?" Daryl asked.

"You have barely spoken to me for…how long has it even been, Daryl?" Carol said. "I don't know anymore how you want me to be…"

"That weren't why I weren't talkin' to ya," Daryl said.

But as soon as he said it, he didn't want to say anymore. He could feel the blood rising up in his face and he could feel the tightness in his chest that made it harder to breathe at the moment than the exercise of filling up water jugs should have ever left someone.

He hoisted up the jugs he had and headed back toward the building they'd be staying in, bypassing Carol who hadn't responded in any way.

She must have followed behind him because he heard her behind him speaking.

"Then at least tell me what I've done, Daryl…I thought you were…" Carol broke off speaking then, though, and Daryl wondered what she might have said.

She thought he was what? She thought he was pissed about Karen and David? She thought he was ignoring her? What did she think?

But he couldn't find it in himself to turn around and ask her right now because asking her might insight her to ask him why it was, then, if the murder wasn't the reason, that he hadn't spoken to her often in Oasis. It might insight her to ask him questions that he thought he might be ready to answer…but now he realized that he didn't think he was ready for at all. And no matter what she might have been about to say, finding it out wasn't worth continuing the conversation when he wasn't prepared for it.

So he continued in the direction of the building, knowing that once they were in Abraham's presence again, she wasn't going to bring any of it up…and neither was he.


	32. Chapter 32

**AN: Short chapter here. Hopefully more to come soon.**

**I hope you enjoy. Let me know what you think.**

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In the little building that they'd taken over for their camp, there was little space between any of them. They were crowded into the dark and damp building, sleeping on the rollout pallets that each of them had packed and tied to their packs.

And Daryl woke when he heard Carol stir and get up.

He lie there a moment, listening to the sounds of Abraham snoring and the sound of Carol rustling about in her little portion of the space. When he heard her get up and go out the door, the darkness outside intense enough that it didn't do much to change the space when she opened the door, he figured she was going to take a piss…and he figured he shouldn't go and bother her…but he didn't think she ought to be out there alone in the middle of the night, even if he hadn't extended the same courtesy an hour or so ago when he'd heard Abraham go out to do his business.

Daryl got up and eased out the door, having no need for the rustling about that Carol had done because he never took his boots off to sleep.

When he got outside, he found that he could see pretty well…his eyes were just as adjusted to this darkness as they'd been to the darkness inside the building.

And it didn't take him long to find her, around back of the building, holding onto the side of it and heaving to beat the band.

"Damn…" He commented as he came close to her, possibly not the best way to announce his presence because he startled her.

"Go back…inside," Carol barked at him as best she could, clearly more concerned with the fact that she was heaving at intervals…even if Daryl wasn't so sure that she was actually getting anything up that was worth mentioning.

He was glad for the darkness between them because he could hear it, but he didn't have to see any of it too closely and she couldn't see his face.

"What the hell'd ya eat?" He asked.

They'd eaten the same things and he was just fine. He didn't know now if that might have been what drove Abraham up earlier, but he was at least not affected by the meal.

"It's morning sickness…go away," Carol responded.

"It ain't mornin'…" Daryl said.

He rethought it…technically it probably was morning. It just wasn't the time of morning that you needed to be up. And it certainly wasn't a great time of morning to be throwing up against the wall of a building…not that he imagined there was any time that particular activity seemed like a hell of a way to spend some time.

"Please, Daryl," Carol responded.

"Fine," Daryl commented. He left the side of the building where she was puking, or really more wishing she was probably, and went and found himself a tree nearby to sit against. He'd leave her alone if she wanted to be left alone, but he wasn't going to leave her to fight any of their growling guests if they were to come along.

And if she noticed that he hadn't come inside, she didn't say anything about it.

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Daryl was rolling up the bedrolls by the time that Abraham got up and went outside to relieve himself. Carol was already cooking breakfast, her earlier bout seeming to have passed.

"We leavin' the shit here or takin' it with us?" Daryl asked when Abraham came back through the door to start packing his own things.

Sometimes, when they found somewhere worth staying on a three day run like this they'd just leave their extra supplies and come back to it on the following night when they started the return as long as it wasn't a trip where they were intending on altering their way back.

"I don't know…what the hell do you think? Are we coming back this way or another way? So far it all seems about as picked as a Thanksgiving turkey…I don't see any reason to cross back," Abraham said.

Daryl grunted but didn't respond immediately. Abraham didn't wait for a response anyway…he could get that now or after breakfast and it would be all the same to him. Abraham got up and went out the building again, presumably to check on breakfast…Daryl could already smell the somewhat greasy smell of the couple of squirrels cooking that he'd managed to kill while he was sitting around earlier, keeping a watch on Carol.

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It was pretty much official…the smell of cooking squirrel was possibly one of the most disgusting smells known to man, or at least that was Carol's take on it this morning.

She'd thought that the wave of nausea had passed, but it was swimming back up enough that she kept stepping away from the small fire where she was cooking what was likely going to be a disgusting breakfast so that she could get control of herself.

Once the food was done and this was behind her, the rest of the day would be easy to handle, and she was sure of that. They'd hardly seen more than a handful of Walkers at a time as they'd travelled, they'd come across no signs of anyone else having been through there recently, and the rest of the trip would only end up taking them into, probably, some small town to explore whether or not it was worth the efforts and the fuel to bring trucks out there for supplies.

Half a day and they'd turn around and head back in the direction of Oasis so that they'd make it back within the three day self-imposed "limit" that they'd put on the run.

Though Carol wasn't really looking forward to getting back…getting back just meant facing things and right now she'd be content to take up farming like Rick had and simply hide from her problems. At the moment, in fact, farming in some kind of fog, oblivious to her own reality, sounded like just the thing she might enjoy immensely.

Carol was coming back to the fire again, hoping the food was close to being ready so that she could be done with it when she found Abraham blocking her way, his arms crossed across his chest.

"Excuse me," Carol said, starting to step around him.

He stepped in front of her reminding her of the horrible playground games that happened where someone would continuously keep you from going where you wanted to go by anticipating your next move.

Carol sighed.

"Food poisoning or closet drinking problem? Because both means you just cut this little family vacation short…but one means you're off runs until you dry out," Abraham said.

Carol sighed and crossed her own arms across her chest, matching his stance.

"You're going to find out," she said. "It's neither…I can't remember the last time I had a drink and I ate the same thing you did. I'm pregnant…OK? It's morning sickness…or squirrel sickness," she said, cringing at the last thought.

Abraham gave her the look. It was the look she was expecting receive from everyone before long, so she took this as her opportunity to start getting used to it.

He spat something that sounded like a quiet curse and shook his head.

"Go pack your gear, we're heading in after breakfast," he said, stepping out of the way.

Carol shook her head at him.

"I want to finish the run," she said.

"You did," Abraham said. "Congratulations…run's over…you finished. Everyone gets their trophy when we reach the gates."

"We're already a day out," Carol protested. "It doesn't make sense to turn back now…just let me finish the run out."

Abraham shook his head.

"We turn the run around if anyone gets sick or injured," Abraham said. "Pack your gear."

He turned around and started back toward the camp and Carol doubled her steps to catch up with him, reaching out and catching his arm so that he'd stop and turn back toward her.

"I can finish the run!" She protested.

"No…you can't," Abraham said. "There's no run to finish. It's cancelled. It's not up for discussion…you shouldn't have come out here in the first place because I'm guessing you didn't some kind of divine announcement about this last night, so you knew about it before we ever got out of the gates."

Carol didn't try to stop him when he started back toward the camp then. She simply went back toward the cooking breakfast and tried to hold her breath while she finished it. She could pack when it was done.

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Daryl dropped back with Carol a while after they'd started heading back. Abraham didn't turn around this time to lecture either of them on moving slower than he was. He was going ahead of them, determined to make it back to Oasis by sundown but not really concerned with anything else for the time being.

The run was over for now, but it wasn't a tragic loss or anything. Runs and missions got called in for reason or another all the time…they just regrouped and went at again a day or two later, no sweat. It wasn't like they were extremely pressed for time.

But Carol was sore about the whole thing and it was more than evident. Any idiot could have seen she was pissed, and whether it was at Abraham or whether it was because she was in the mood for a run, Daryl didn't really know.

So for a while he simply walked along in silence beside her, scuffing his feet from time to time as he went to keep himself from naturally out striding her.

And she didn't seem to mind him walking at her side, so long as he didn't say anything. It was every time he started to speak…even if it was just to say "watch out for that hole" or "I got that Walker" that she drew up a little like his words burned her.

So he stopped speaking for the time being and figured that she wasn't any more in the mood for chatter than he was at times.

And he really wasn't in the mood for it either.

Because he'd wanted to actually talk to her on this run and shit had simply gotten away from him, once again, like it always did. This was just another reason for him to think about later when he was explaining to himself why the hell he never said anything he meant to say to Carol. The run had gotten fucked up because Abraham wasn't going to continue on a run with a pregnant woman. The conversation had gotten fucked up because Daryl couldn't find the words to say out loud what the hell he'd thought in his head.

It had all gotten fucked up, and maybe for he and Carol both, because of more damn reasons than could have been listed in probably days' worth of talking.

But for now…she seemed satisfied with the silence, almost appreciative of it.

And until they got back to Oasis, Daryl supposed the silence would do…it wasn't anything new, after all.


	33. Chapter 33

**AN: Here we go, another little chapter to move us along.**

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think.**

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Carol could tell that Alice was bored with her, or at least she looked bored. She wasn't sure that doctors were supposed to be "bored" by their patients…but then she had asked the woman to come to her home to talk to her as more of a friend, and she supposed that she could allow for a certain amount of boredom to shine through from a friend.

"I'm like Switzerland over here," Alice said finally, sitting on the floor in front of where Carol was sitting on the couch. "You do realize I'm not the psychiatrist, right? I mean Mel, my partner, she's way better suited to handle…this…than I am. I mean being real fucking honest right now? I'm not…equipped to handle any of this."

Carol sighed.

She had perhaps put the woman in a position where she thought she had to give her the answers, but the reality was that Carol realized no one could or would give her any answers to anything. No one, despite their degree or their experience, could "fix" anything for her. And at the moment, she wasn't even sure that's what she was looking for.

She shook her head at Alice.

"I'm not asking you to handle it," Carol said finally. "I just…" she shrugged. "I feel like I'm stuck and I can't…I can't do anything about it. I can't bring myself to…take care of things…and I don't want to not take care of them. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Oh, I'm reading you, loud and clear," Alice declared. "And if you want me to listen, then I'll listen all day long, but I can't give you the answer. You've told me that you don't want to have the baby…but you don't want to end the pregnancy…and I get that…but even I know there are three possible outcomes to this. Either you end it, you have it, or it ends on its own. There might be another option, but I don't know what it is. I can tell you this, though…if you have it then being suspended from runs isn't all that you're going to be suspended from. There's a chance that you could go on bed rest…and I'm not dealing with you being a bitch about it. You go on bed rest, then you go on bed rest."

"And who takes care of me? I can't do something like that," Carol responded, appreciating that right now she could let off a little steam by being as irrationally heated at the woman who wasn't responsible for this at all as she wished. Alice didn't seem to care and from the stance she'd taken on the carpet, flopping a foot at the end of a leg crossed over the other, it seemed as though it didn't bother her in the slightest.

"If you want to do this, then do it," Alice said. "We'll figure out the details…you think in all of Oasis I don't have the pull to find someone whose shifts just become "nurse" shifts?" She asked, gesturing air quotations with her fingers.

"I don't want to put anyone in that position," Carol said. "If Ty were here…"

"But he's not," Alice said quickly. "I'm sorry…and I don't mean that to be an asshole, but he's not and he's not coming back…so right now what we're talking about is the future."

Carol frowned.

"Listen…it's not a big deal," Alice said. "You don't think someone who got saddled with the literal shit jobs around here wouldn't prefer to be your nurse for the day? That's not a big deal…that's making a mountain out of a mole hill."

"Then what are the mountains?" Carol asked.

It was a rhetorical question, really. She could clearly see a number of mountains. In fact, her problem wasn't so much in seeing the metaphorical mountains as it was in even knowing which one of them to cross first.

"You're serious?" Alice asked.

She shifted around and crawled closer to Carol, perched on her knees on the floor directly in front of her this time.

"Listen…you asked me to be real with you, so I'm being as real as I can be," Alice said. "There are a lot of mountains right now…but the thing is that whatever the hell you want…whatever the hell is going to make you sleep the best at night? I'm on board if you want me on board. You've just gotta tell me where we're headed…Paul Tucker, do you know him?"

Carol shook her head. She probably did know him if she saw him…but she didn't know him by name.

"He's a doctor," Alice continued. "Real good guy…level headed. Gay as the day is long but…pretend you don't know because he prides himself on passing…anyway…he worked in obstetrics. He said he'd work with me, with you, whichever direction you want to go in. You're going to need to talk to him though because you want to take care of this, it's going to be easier within the first trimester…and if you want to go through with this then you've at least got to be smart about it and do whatever the hell you can to make things go smoothly…and the sooner you get him involved, the better off you are."

"You think I'm crazy for not…" Carol started the question but didn't commit to finishing it. She shook her head and then laughed to herself. "You think I'm weak?"

Alice stared at her and shook her head.

"I don't think you're weak no matter what you do," Alice said. "It's a choice that no one wants to make…and I certainly wouldn't want to make it. I'm not your judge here."

They entered into something of a silent staring contest for a moment and finally Alice reached and put a hand on Carol's knee.

"Look, he doesn't mind my helping, but I'd just be sort of there to learn…there for moral support or whatever," Alice said. "We've got babies popping up everywhere around here. It's the end of the world and the heteros are all banging it out like jackrabbits…you're not the only pregnant woman in Oasis, but he'd make a special case of you, for me."

Carol chuckled ironically.

"Why would he do that for you?" Carol asked.

Alice shrugged.

"We gays do things for each other," Alice said. "And he likes me…"

"And why would you make a special case for me?" Carol asked.

"Because I like you," Alice said. "And you're the first person that I've seen around here that hasn't made me feel like they were straight out of Children of the Corn when it came to a kid. I mean…let's be honest…it's great to be excited about your kid and I'm all about being Little Mary Sunshine and stuff for morale, but you're just playing ostrich if you stick your head in the sand and pretend that there's just no way that things can go wrong…and I mean maybe it's better to be excited. Hell the birth control is expired, condoms are too rotten to work half the time…the best thing to do would be mass vasectomies and pray for low infection rates for any couple that doesn't want to have kids…but we've got the whole repopulate the world thing going on to."

Alice stopped her rapid speech and shrugged at Carol.

"Damned if you do and damned if you don't," Carol said. "So why not make the best of it, right?"

"That's one way to look at it, I guess," Alice said.

"Will you talk to…what was his name?" Carol asked with a sigh.

"Paul," Alice responded. "And yeah…I'm on it."

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Daryl almost felt like he was doing something wrong…like he was slinking about because he'd only been driven, while outside smoking what he'd thought would be the last cigarette of the day, but what he now figured wouldn't, to make the trip to Carol's house under the cover of almost absolute darkness when no one was walking about except those who had night guard of the fences.

He hadn't seen her the day before, after the return from the run, and he felt like he was being eaten from the inside out…he just wanted the damn chewing inside him to stop.

So he'd gone as quickly as he could toward the little dollhouse home that she lived in before he could talk himself out of it, almost running to outrun his own thoughts.

By the time he knocked on the door, though, he was already regretting it and wishing he could take the knock back.

But Carol opened the door before he'd had time to turn and head back in the direction of his apartment.

She stood there, in the doorway of the house, flickering light behind her and Daryl wondered immediately if he'd woken her.

"Didn't mean ta wake ya up," he said.

Carol leaned into the doorframe.

"You didn't wake me up," she said. "I was…already up."

He stood there, nodding his head slightly. Finally he cleared his throat.

"I know you were mad about the run…didn't see you none yesterday…" Daryl said. "It weren't nothin' personal. Abraham, he calls in runs any time there's somethin'…he just don't want it on his conscience."

Carol shook her head.

"Really, it's fine," she said. "I was mad, but I'm not mad anymore."

Daryl stood there a moment longer, shuffling his feet and glancing around as though someone were going to show up to go visiting at this hour…it was highly unlikely, and the more he thought about it, the more he couldn't believe that he had come.

He cleared his throat.

"Well…goodnight…" he offered, starting to turn away.

"Daryl!" Carol called, louder than she'd intended he was sure because her voice had come out loud enough to startle him with the quiet around them.

He turned back and she sighed loudly.

"Is that all you came for?" She asked. "To tell me not to be mad at Abraham about the run?"

Daryl just nodded his head slightly from his new position. It was a lie, but what was he going to say?

"Are you sure?" Carol asked. "Because…you've never come to my house before…and certainly not to make sure that I wasn't mad at someone else. Is there something on your mind? I mean now that I've been…cleared or whatever…for Karen and David?"

Her voice almost sounded hoarse, and Daryl noticed it now since he hadn't before.

He swallowed and turned around to face her again.

"Guess I come ta see how you were," Daryl admitted. "I…"

He stopped and finally he shook his head.

"Hell…I don't know why I come," he said.

Carol straightened up from her position leaning against the door frame.

"I'm up," she said. "That's…about it for now. Do you want to come in? I have tea…or there may be some coffee?"

Daryl felt his chest clench at the idea. Going inside would mean that they would talk…it would mean that things might come out. And for as long as he'd regretted keeping everything he thought or felt in, it was second nature to him and he was just as terrified of letting the shit out as he was sore that he hadn't let it out before.

It probably wouldn't come out the way it was supposed to and it was probably inappropriate and pretty damn inconsiderate to even think the things he was thinking…the things he had thought.

And going inside might very well compromise at least some of the silence that he'd guarded like he was protecting a vault.

He stood there and stared at Carol for a while…or at least it felt like a while to him. It must have been some span of time because she shifted her weight and leaned toward him slightly, as though she were just about to check to see if he was alright…if he'd heard her.

"Yeah," he barked out finally, his throat having almost instantly gone dry. "Yeah…can't hurt…for a bit."

Carol backed out of the doorway and waved a hand, ushering him inside and Daryl made his way back toward her and through the door of the little dollhouse, hoping that she couldn't hear the thundering in his chest as well as he could.


	34. Chapter 34

**AN: Here we go, another little chapter as we keep moving along. **

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! **

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Daryl came into the house and hovered awkwardly around the entrance while Carol went directly to the stove and put on water to heat.

"We have gas," she said. "It's a good thing because the electricity can't always be counted on…I hardly ever use it, to be honest. I guess I got used to not having it at the prison."

Daryl didn't respond, so Carol kept talking, filling the silence of the room.

"The laundry situation is better here, though," she commented. "Using a machines beats out washing all the clothes by hand any day."

"I bet so," Daryl offered finally. He moved and sat at one of the small wooden chairs at the table where none of the chairs matched, all of them having been scavenged from one location or another.

Carol glanced over her shoulder at him for the moment and then returned to watching water boil that might take forever for being watched so closely.

It didn't take forever, though, and Carol finally asked Daryl if he preferred tea or coffee. He accepted coffee and she filled mugs for both of them.

When she turned around, offering him a mug of coffee, obviously haven chosen tea for herself as evidenced by the string hanging over the edge of her mug, she gestured toward the living room area of the little house.

"I prefer to sit in the den," she said. "If you don't mind. It's more comfortable."

Daryl got up and took his mug, following her into the space lit by two burning oil lamps and sat on the couch when she took a seat in the chair.

"The tea and coffee are both a little stale," she offered. "But…it's warm and better than nothing. I don't have much to eat here, but there's granola if you're hungry."

Daryl shook his head.

"I'm good," he offered.

And Carol nodded at him before fiddling with her tea bag and tasting the flavored water that she had in the mug.

"I don't really like sitting at the table," she said, almost as though she weren't addressing Daryl or anyone at all. It was almost as though she were simply talking to herself for the moment. "It reminds me of…too much maybe?"

"Why don't'cha get rid of it, then?" Daryl asked.

Carol shook her head.

"No," she said. "I don't want to get rid of it. I guess…maybe it just reminds me of how much hope I had when we first got to Oasis. How much I thought this place was going to be…special after everything else."

She looked at Daryl then and moved her mug to the small table next to the chair she was sitting in with her feet curled under her.

"But then I guess you never felt that way, right? You've hated it here since you got here," Carol said.

Daryl didn't respond. He tasted the bitter coffee instead.

"Why have you always hated it here? Wasn't this what we all wanted when we were at the prison?" Carol asked.

"A lot's changed since the prison," Daryl offered.

"A lot's changed…" Carol echoed, leaving off the last part of the statement.

"An' I don't hate Oasis," Daryl said. "At least not all the damn time."

Carol chuckled ironically but didn't offer any words.

"It's a nice place," Carol offered. "It's got everything…everything we wanted."

Daryl hummed not so much in agreement and not so much to deny what she'd said.

"What's on your mind?" Carol asked.

Daryl shook his head and she smiled softly in response, the change of expression barely registering on her lips.

"Have you forgotten? I know you, Daryl…or at least I knew you," Carol said. "There's something on your mind."

"Reckon I've changed as much as anything else…don't know each other too good no more," Daryl said, a hint of the well-guarded bitterness seeping into his voice.

Carol just nodded her head.

"I've changed too, a lot," she said. "But…maybe not in too many of the ways that matter. Do you want to talk? About anything? Otherwise I'm going to feel like I'm keeping you up…and I might like to hear about whatever it is."

"Ain't got too much ta say," Daryl said after a moment. "Ain't too much in my life…beyond what damn run I been on or what mission I'm settin' up…trackin', huntin'. Everyday's pretty much just like the rest of 'em."

Carol frowned.

"Sometimes that's the nicest way for things to be," Carol said. "Sometimes…that's what you wish for. Every day to be just as…predictable…as the day before."

They sat in silence for a few moments, neither saying anything, both pretending that they were enjoying the outdated beverages that they had in the semi darkness of the room.

Daryl finally broke the silence with something between a growl and a sigh escaping him.

"Can I ask ya somethin'…ain't none a' my damn business an' you can tell me ta go ta hell…" He said.

Carol stared at him and then nodded her head.

"Did you...really love Tyreese?" Daryl asked.

Carol looked taken aback for a moment and then she chuckled ironically to herself.

"Yes…I really did," she said. "He was a good man. I didn't know what to expect from him when I ran into him…on the road…but he surprised me. I think that I always felt guilty after that for having thought before that he might have done something to me. I felt guilty for thinking that he might be that kind of man."

Daryl nodded his head and the silence descended between them again for a moment longer.

"Rick…he told me that he left ya out there," Daryl said. "If you hadn't…done what'cha done…you'da been on the road with us."

Carol nodded her head.

"I went back to the prison," she said. "That's how I found Tyreese…I went back and…when I got there it had been pretty well destroyed. Maybe I wouldn't have even made it out if I hadn't been left behind."

"I was gonna go and look for ya," Daryl offered.

Carol fixed her face on him.

"I was…but they weren't time…" he added.

Carol nodded her head.

"It's OK," she said. "I didn't expect you to come looking for me. I wasn't staying in one place to be looked for…"

After another moment of silence, Carol was the one to break it, adding to her own comment with a tip of her head.

"Maybe…that's one of the ways that I changed," she said. "I wasn't waiting anymore…I wasn't waiting to be saved…And maybe that's why I did what I did with the virus…I couldn't wait. They couldn't wait. Waiting for them was suffering and waiting…for me…was death. And maybe nobody was going to save us."

"Sasha and Glenn…they got better," Daryl said.

Carol nodded her head.

"By the time I found Karen and David? They weren't going to get better," Carol said. She shook her head. "But it doesn't matter. What's done is done, right? There's nothing I can do to change anything about that…there's nothing I can do to change anything."

"I was gonna look for ya…but there weren't no time," Daryl said, as though he hadn't really even heard what Carol had said. "The Governor showed up…"

He broke off, but started up almost immediately again.

"Killed Hershel…the whole thing went ta hell…I took off with Beth," Daryl said.

Carol shook her head adamantly at him.

"I wasn't expecting you to come," she said. "Even if you had tried…you wouldn't have known where I was. You wouldn't have found me. I was expecting you to."

Daryl stared at her hard for a moment.

"I've found you before…when I didn't know where the hell you were," Daryl said.

Carol met the stare and then nodded.

"Yeah…you have," she said. "But it's not your job, to come to my rescue. And you had Beth…you had someone to watch out for."

"An' you had Tyreese lookin' out for you, I reckon," Daryl said.

Carol looked taken aback again, but she replied with less bitterness to her voice than what had crept out into Daryl's.

"He had the children," Carol said. "I went after the children…They were my responsibility…to take care of them as well as I could. To…try…to give them a life, get them somewhere safe. I had to do what I could."

As the tension in the room grew with feelings of all different kinds creeping into the atmosphere, Daryl guarded his silence once more, now having forgotten the decorum of drinking the beverage he'd been offered. Carol sipped at hers, not as put off, apparently as he was.

"What happened to the kids? Lizzie and Mikka?" He asked, staring at Carol.

She finished drinking what she wanted out of the mug, tipping it up to get the last of its contents before she put it on the table, very clearly thinking carefully of her response.

"They didn't make it," she offered. "I wanted them to…I wanted them to be…safe…to live…but they didn't make it. Judith, she made it. That's…"

She broke off and sighed heavily.

"Maybe that's the best I could do," she said.

"Walkers?" Daryl asked.

Carol didn't respond in any way. She didn't verbalize a response and she didn't shake or nod her head. She simply held him in a staring contest for a moment. Then, when she did speak, she changed the subject.

"Beth…what happened?" Carol asked.

"Just gone," Daryl said. "Here an' then not."

Carol nodded her head.

"Like all of us, right? Here and then not here…" Carol said.

She unfolded her legs and shifted her weight around, finally getting out of the chair with a sigh.

"I'm a little tired, Daryl," she said. "Was…there something else?"

Daryl stared at her and didn't give up his seat on the couch for a moment, but he never ventured to say if there was anything else that he might need to say.

Finally he stood up as though he had only just then realized that he was being dismissed.

Without a word he walked toward the door of the little house, leading the way with Carol behind him, obviously having accepted his silence as a confirmation that he had nothing else to talk about…obviously accepting that the visit had simply been some random visit to hash and rehash the details that they'd never discussed about a time that neither of them probably wanted to remember in great detail, each for their own reasons.

"Thanks for the coffee," Daryl said as he reached the door and pulled it open.

"Thank you for the company," Carol offered. "Maybe…some other time?"

Daryl nodded.

"Yeah…maybe," he said.

"Goodnight, Daryl," Carol said as he stepped outside. He echoed a goodnight with a little less enthusiasm than she'd put into hers and she closed the door as the final closing of the conversation.


	35. Chapter 35

**AN: Here we go, another little chapter.**

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! **

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Carol knew she'd catch the tail end of the lunch crowd today. She'd been too busy to make it any earlier and she'd missed breakfast, so she was glad that she wasn't going to have to wait in line too long.

She hadn't slept much after Daryl had left. She'd gone to bed, but she hadn't slept.

Alice had come by her house early that morning to ask if she could come by and meet with Paul…so she'd gone.

And he was warm and he was funny and he was the kind of man that you wouldn't believe had seen even half the heartache that left so many people at this point since the turn looking hollow eyed and lost.

He was optimistic and it was almost contagious. Carol had taken up most of his morning, which she'd apologized for later, making him listen to her and talk to her before she'd ever succumb to any kind of examination. And he and Alice had both humored her, talking about possibilities but deciding that if she was going to go through with trying to have the baby, optimism was going to be something that would help them all.

And Carol had reminded herself of that while she'd gone to put in for lighter shifts, one a day…while she'd stopped by to put in her meal card that got her the better selections for meals…and while she'd gone to post to put in her rations card that would give her part of the fresh produce and the "real" milk that the community produced, things she'd always said were for "those who needed them".

But she tried to remind herself that she needed to be as optimistic as she could. She needed to scrape down and find the part of her that she'd tried to beat down a long time ago…the part of her that had some hope for the future. It was the part of her that had barely survived all the things that she'd seen since the turn. The part that had barely survived losing Sophia, and then as soon as she'd done all she could to revive it, it had barely survived losing Mikka and Lizzie…and then losing them again.

But she knew it was still there and she had to find it, as much for herself as for anyone else.

By the time she'd dropped off the extra supplies she got at the house and made it back to the commissary to eat, most of the people who had come in from lunch from morning shifts were gone again.

She stepped into line, reminded the lady serving her that she was on the special meal list, and accepted her congratulations for what it was worth, offering her the most sincere thank you that she could as she accepted the plate and the well wishes and went to find a table to sit at and eat the meal in silence.

She saw Michonne at the exact moment that the woman headed in her direction. Michonne didn't ask permission to sit, either, she simply sat in front of Carol.

"Are you still mad at me or can we move past that?" Michonne asked.

Carol rolled her eyes up in Michonne's direction before returning them to her food.

"I'm not mad," Carol said, shaking her head slightly. "I got called in off the run…brought the whole thing back in."

"I heard," Michonne commented. "Look…I'm sorry…I didn't really mean to say anything but there's no need to go out there into something that's potentially dangerous when you don't have to."

Carol just nodded slightly.

She wasn't mad. She was over being mad. Honestly, she felt like she had so much going on in her head at the moment that she didn't have any time to really linger on any one thought or emotion for even the amount of time that it probably deserved. She was simply dropping emotions as quickly as she picked them up so that she could move onto another thought.

"Abraham called it in," Carol said. "It doesn't matter now. Everyone in Oasis either knows or they will by dinner…I'm off runs, missions…everything."

Michonne chuckled.

"You sound so down about it," she remarked. "Do you really think you're going to miss going to play Boy Scout with some assholes that much?"

Carol stared at her.

"I liked the independence," Carol said, point blank. "I liked…that here I was going out on runs. I came into the community as someone who could handle that kind of thing and I liked it…it was better than being always kept behind the prison fences…cook this and wash that…"

And until she said it, Carol hadn't really thought about what the runs and missions had meant to her, but it was true. She had no real affinity for traipsing through the woods or rummaging around in stores that had long since been forgotten and picked clean by the first pack of roaming people that were probably now Walkers.

It had to do more with feeling independent and with feeling…capable.

She'd been given exactly the same jobs as everyone else. She'd been given run rotation that matched, exactly, that of everyone else that was on run rotation. She wasn't being "put in her place" by anyone, and her "place" wasn't just one of domesticity.

And it wasn't that she minded the domestic parts of the life they led. She did cooking shifts and cleaning shifts and laundry shifts…she did all the things that she'd done before at the prison, all the things that she'd done as Ed's wife who wasn't allowed to have a job outside the home. She didn't mind doing them, but she liked the idea that it wasn't all she could do.

"That's not what this is about," Michonne said. "You're still independent…you're more indepenedent right now than most of us are. If it were me…I'd do the same thing, you know? Take your time off…take it easy. You don't have to prove anything to anyone."

Carol nodded her head.

"Yeah…well…I'm doing everything…right…I've got my nutritious food, that I don't want as much now did as I did before I got it," Carol said.

Michonne hummed at her.

"Your appetite will pick up," Michonne said. "Do you even know how far along you are yet?"

"Mmm…" Carol hummed. "Maybe ten, maybe eleven weeks…I thought it was less than that, but I found out today."

"It's going to be fine," Michonne said. "You'll see…"

Carol chuckled to herself and rolled her eyes toward the woman again.

"Feeling optimistic, are we?" Carol asked. "I thought you and Rick were going to have kids…wasn't that the plan?"

Michonne made a face.

"We're…trying…talking about it…" Michonne offered.

"Talking or trying because they're two different things," Carol said.

Michonne made another face and Carol knew she was pushing her…but she was pushing her for a purpose.

And for a moment she continued to prod at Michonne, deciding that the woman had herself to blame for having come to join her for a lunch full of baby discussion, until finally she got what she wanted. She got the halfhearted confession from Michonne that she'd suspected all along.

She "wanted" a baby with Rick, but she was "nervous" about actually going through with it.

Carol nodded at her as soon as the confession was made and pointed at her with her fork.

"That…right there," Carol said. "That's all I want you and everyone else to realize…if I'm not as…excited…as maybe I should be? It's because I'm too terrified of everything to be excited."

Michonne's face had gone serious, all of the joviality of earlier erased off of it.

She leaned toward Carol a little.

"I'm not denying you that," she said. "I promise that I'm not…and if that's the side of this that you want me to emphasize, then you let me know. I just thought that it might be better…for you…if I tried to be positive and happy about things."

Michonne paused a moment before getting up from the table, nothing to carry with her because she'd brought nothing when she came to sit, apparently having already finished her meal.

"I know a little bit about where you're coming from," Michonne said. "If you want to talk…I'll talk…just not in the cafeteria."

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They'd changed the course of their trip a little because they already knew, now, what was a day's walk in the one direction.

And whether it was the course or the slightly damp weather or the pull of the Earth, they'd come across four or five times as many Walkers in this trek as they'd come across in the earlier attempt at the run.

Daryl didn't care, though. He trudged along with Abraham not two feet in front of him and Rick walking off to the side marking trees that were on the specified lumber list with fluorescent paint from a paint can he carried in his hand.

Daryl had gotten them both organized early this morning when it became clear that there was no need to wait. None of them had shift duties that couldn't be passed off to anyone and they might as well get the run under way. Rick had started to protest, muttering something about the kids, but apparently he'd gotten that straightened up when Abraham had simply suggested that they choose someone else off the run list…someone who didn't have quite so many obligations requiring them to stay inside Oasis.

Daryl was quiet because he didn't have anything to say.

He kept playing the night before with Carol over and over in his mind. He didn't know what he wanted her to say…he didn't know what he wanted as a response from her…but he'd wanted something more than what he'd gotten. He'd wanted, perhaps, her to at least acknowledge the fact that he would have gone after her.

And he would have gone after her, even if she'd done the killing. He wasn't going to leave a friend behind…they'd learned what leaving people behind did to them.

And maybe it was his thoughts over the conversation or maybe it was something more brewing around in there, but it was bringing up some feelings with Rick that Daryl didn't care for.

The man had told him they were brothers, and in many ways he'd given Daryl more confidence over the years that he'd known him than Merle had in all the years the were together. So maybe, in some way, they were brothers…but Daryl knew that being someone's brother didn't mean that you had to agree with every single thing that they did…every single thing that they said or thought. He knew that well. There had been more that he and Merle disagreed on than they'd ever agreed on.

He must have let some of it show, too, because by the time they were ready to break camp and he and Rick went in to clear a falling in farmhouse that they'd found while Abraham kept watch outside, Rick was addressing him about it.

"Something on your mind, Daryl?" Rick asked as they walked, back to back, through some of the rooms that almost appeared haunted. "Something I've done?"

At first Daryl didn't respond. He usually would simply say "no" and let things slide. He would figure that things would pass, but at the moment he wasn't feeling like letting it slide…maybe some of the boldness that had carried him across Oasis and up Carol's porch steps the night before hadn't faded entirely.

"Lemme ask ya somethin'," Daryl said, when they were fairly certain the place was clean and they both dropped their guard a little in the back room of the house. "Why'd ya do it? Why'd ya haul Carol out there an' leave her…an' you ain't even asked my opinion?"

Rick did the thing that Rick always did when Daryl asked him something that he didn't want to respond to. He contemplated his shoes or the floor very carefully before he finally made eye contact with Daryl that lingered long enough to make anyone uncomfortable. It was a cop thing…Daryl knew that.

"She was dangerous," Rick said. "She would have killed any of us if we'd been sick…she wasn't stable. I was afraid for the kids."

Daryl stared back at him.

"You coulda said somethin' ta me…ta Hershel…any of us," Daryl said. "You got Judith back…you wouldn'ta got her back if…"

He stopped and shook his head.

Rick reached out, putting a hand on Daryl's shoulder.

"What's going on?" Rick asked. "What's brought this up again? I thought it didn't matter…not anymore."

Daryl shook his head at Rick slightly.

He didn't have an answer for what was going on and he didn't have a clear answer for what had brought the whole thing up again. They'd never really discussed it, not in any great detail, and not since Rick had first told Daryl what he'd done and then everything had gone to hell in a handbasket.

"Never stopped matterin'," Daryl said finally. "You had just as much right as she did, I reckon…you was just as damn wrong…"

Rick furrowed his brows at him.

"What did you want me to do, Daryl?" Rick asked. "Why was I supposed to get your permission to do what needed to be done?"

Daryl stared at Rick again.

He didn't want to start conflict, but in a way he felt like this was a conflict that had always been there. He simply hadn't addressed it before.

And maybe now he was realizing that part of the reason that shit had turned out the way it had was his fault, but part of it, and at least that's how he felt at the moment, was Rick's fault. And it was easier, right now, to focus on the part that was Rick's part.

"Forget it," Daryl said. He shook his head slightly. He'd just let it drop like he'd let it drop before…he'd just swallow all the shit back down again. "Gotta set up the damn camp 'fore it gets dark," he muttered as simply something else to close the conversation and turned to start back through the house.

"Daryl," Rick said, catching his attention. Daryl turned and waited. "If I had told you before…would you have gone with her? Or would you have stayed with us?"

Daryl didn't respond to the question. He simply turned, leaving Rick for the moment with his unanswered question, and went outside to tell Abraham the space was cleared.


	36. Chapter 36

**AN: Hi everyone! Lost my feels here for a couple of days, but I'm back and moving on with this story now.**

**I hope that you enjoy the chapter. Let me know what you think! **

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"Miss Carol, I'm pleased to see that they've finally gotten around to putting in the water system for you," Will said.

Carol hadn't meant to run into him exactly, but they were working at her house and that required her to be out of the house, so she'd taken a shift at post and was there checking out people and recording their purchases. It was a mundane job at best, but at least it wasn't one that required any great effort on Carol's part.

It did, however, put her in the position to interact with more people than she was used to interacting with in such a short span of time.

"I'm pleased too, Will," Carol said. "And I really do thank you for everything you did to get me moved up beforehand."

Will nodded at her and looked around. He obviously needed something…and it was likely an order that she was going to have to fill rather than expecting him to fill it himself, but he hadn't actually told her yet what he was there after, and she really hoped that it wasn't one of those things that she was supposed to simply know.

"I have heard that you're expecting a child. That typically expedites things around the community as they are keen on promoting reproduction for the benefit of the future society. Myself, I don't care for the idea of reproduction, but I recognize that it's desirable for couple's who wish to leave something for prosperity," Will said.

Carol forced a smile, not quite knowing how else to respond to such a statement.

"The typical response to such a thing is to congratulate you on your future offspring," Will said. "In which case…congratulations."

Carol smiled and nodded slightly at Will.

"Thank you, Will," Carol said. "That's very nice of you."

"I would imagine that there are support systems in place for the emotional needs of a woman in your particular position?" Will asked.

Carol understood what he was talking about and simply nodded her head. She was sure that if she were to seek out therapy for her "situation", it would be provided. She was also certain that they would try to offer her anything else she needed since the community was also planning on providing her with "everything" she might need to prepare for the arrival of the child.

"Will, is there something that you need?" Carol asked after a moment, realizing that he was wearing the uncomfortable expression that he got at times…the expression that said to Carol that he was caught in a situation from which he couldn't escape but to which he had nothing to add. "Can I get you something?"

Will looked relieved at the offer.

"I am in need of soap and I was hoping to also acquire something that might relieve insect bites," Will said. "I seem to be particularly desirable to the mosquito population of the area."

Carol laughed along with Will at the idea that he was, perhaps, more flavorful than the rest of them. She held a hand up to him, gesturing to him that he should wait.

"I'll be right back," she said. "That sounds like an order that I can fill…also, if the cream doesn't work, there are aloe plants down in the green houses. You might like some of that for the bug bites. It does help."

Will smiled and nodded his head.

"I will have to venture down there and acquire some if the cream that you provide me with isn't satisfactory. Otherwise I'm finding it difficult to sleep for the unpleasant itching," Will said.

Carol disappeared, coming back and presenting to him the products that he asked for to allow him to inspect them. He was pleased with her selections, or at least he was pleased with not having to look for himself, and she checked him out, offering him the cake of soap and the tube of cream.

As Will was leaving, Glenn was coming into the post, and Will very nearly bumped into him before stopping to exchange a greeting in which he also included that Glenn, if he didn't know about the correct way of going about things, should offer Carol his congratulations before leaving the building.

And then Will left, leaving Glenn standing there scratching at the back of his neck.

"Bug bites?" Carol asked.

Glenn looked at her for a moment like he had no idea what she was talking about and then he realized that he was scratching.

"Yeah," he said. "But…that's not why I'm here…"

"What can I help you with?" Carol asked.

Glenn crossed the floor and stood in front of the counter that Carol was using to keep her separate from anyone who came in. He rested his hands on the counter in front of her.

"I haven't seen you since the baby was born," Glenn said. "How are you?"

Carol smiled.

She'd always loved Glenn. Since they'd all arrived at Oasis, she felt like her relationships with some of them were strained…but it didn't take away the fact that she still considered the people from her original group as very much her family…and she loved them, regardless of any of the distance.

"I'm doing well," Carol said.

Glenn frowned and shook his head slightly.

"We meant to come to the funeral…but with the baby…" he started.

Carol nodded and reached a hand out, covering his with her own.

"It's fine, Glenn," Carol said. "Honestly? I don't even remember who was there and who wasn't. It was a difficult day and it's one that…I try not to think about too often."

"I'm sorry," Glenn said. "Is it true? What we've all heard? You're going to…have a baby?"

Carol nodded.

"It's true," she said.

She was still working on the whole excitement thing. She was still trying to make herself feel like she thought that she should feel. In some ways it wasn't real to her at all and in the ways that it was real, it was still nothing short of terrifying. She was going to have a baby…alone…in this world and now her only real hope was that Oasis turned out to be everything that she thought it was and that it wouldn't ever fall.

Glenn smiled at her, but it wasn't the most sincere smile she'd ever seen. It was the same uncertain smile that she felt on her face and that she saw on the faces of everyone that was looking at her with surprise when they learned the little one was coming after all.

"That's great," Glenn said finally, though his voice didn't necessarily convey the emotions in the words. "I hope that it…that everything is great."

Carol smiled sincerely then, this time her face reflecting the humor she felt over how much Glenn was trying at the moment.

"What's Daryl said?" Glenn asked.

Carol was taken back a step. She furrowed her brows at him.

"Not too much," she said. "What would he have to say?"

Glenn shook his head quickly, his eyes going wide with the same expression of a child who has just said something that they know they shouldn't have said.

"I mean…nothing. I just thought he might have…because you two were…" Glenn sputtered.

Then he stopped. He apparently decided silence was all he was going to offer Carol at that moment because he just stood in front of her then, looking terribly uncomfortable or like he might vomit on her, and stared at her.

"I'm sorry," he said after a moment.

Carol nodded her head slightly.

"It's fine," she said, still not entirely sure what he was sorry for or what she was forgiving him for. "Glenn…was there something you needed?"

He nodded.

"Maggie asked me to look for…uh…pacifiers…and…something for…" Glenn made a motion and Carol watched him. "For her…she's got like a rash…"

"Diaper rash ointment?" Carol asked, raising her eyebrows.

"That's it," Glenn said, snapping his fingers at Carol. "I had to drop off laundry," he continued as she went about getting the items for him. "I have to drop off laundry every day…mostly it's diapers…I didn't think we'd go through so many diapers…"

Carol smiled as she came back to the counter and started to record his items.

"Babies go through a lot of diapers," she said. "You're right about that. Anything else you need?"

Glenn took the items, the look of wanting to vomit not having completely left his face yet, and then he shook his head.

Carol told him to have a nice day and accepted his somewhat stuttered "congratulations" as he slipped out the door to lick whatever wounds he'd accidentally inflicted upon himself.

Carol perched on the stool she had and leaned on her arm.

What would Daryl have to say about the baby? Why would it really even matter to him? And what were they? What did Glenn think they were?

They'd been friends…they'd been best friends. And there had been several times in her life that Carol imagined that she wouldn't have made it without Daryl. He was always there for her during that time in her life.

He'd looked for Sophia when no one else had really seemed to care…he'd looked for Sophia when she saw in everyone else's eyes that they thought it was hopeless or that it didn't matter. They were simply down a child…less one person in this cruel world. And they were less one person who didn't matter to any of them except to her. But then Daryl had believed and he'd held that belief even when Carol herself might have given up.

He'd pulled her through losing Sophia and he'd showed her, in his own way, that she could keep going. She had to keep going because he believed that she could…and she didn't want to let him down when she felt like maybe so many others had.

And it seemed that whenever things got too hard for her…it seemed that whenever she thought that she was going to die and she'd slowly begun to accept her fate, whether it was death by Walkers at Hershel's farm or dying from starvation and dehydration in a dark cell that terrified her with memories of her past, it was Daryl who always seemed to appear like some kind of dirty and ragged knight in plaid and leather.

It was always Daryl that reminded her that she was, every day, becoming just a little bit stronger and that he was proud of her for that. He was proud of her for gaining her independence and for becoming, instead of the burden that she once thought she was, something more to the group.

He had been her best friend, but she didn't know what a best friend would have to say about the upcoming arrival of a child other than to offer their congratulations and their support…or maybe their concern given the circumstances.

Because it had been some time since Daryl had been there for Carol and it had been some time since he'd been the man that she'd once known him to be.

And maybe some of that was returning, with his strange middle of the night visit to her house to have coffee and pressed conversation…but it wasn't still what it had once been.

Carol did recognize, though, that Daryl was acting differently since he'd learned about the baby. He was…in his own way, perhaps…making some kind of effort to at least speak to her again, something he hadn't exactly done since he'd arrived at Oasis. And he seemed, for whatever reason, to finally be ready to let go of whatever anger he was holding against her for her act against Karen and David.

She couldn't tell him, and she felt certain of this, about what had happened with Lizzie and Mika…he'd never understand and if he couldn't forgive her for so long for the incident with the virus, he would never forgive her for what had happened with the girls…but maybe she could at least try to see if he was trying to open the doors to her some.

Maybe she could find out if he was trying, now that she was somewhat forgiven, to be the friend to her that he'd once been.

And right now…she could use all the real friends she could get, just to get through the days.


	37. Chapter 37

**AN: Here we go, another little chapter here to get the story moving along some more.**

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! **

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Carol had stewed over how to talk to Daryl after Glenn got her thinking about it. She was, although a little ashamed to admit it to herself, out of practice with talking to Daryl.

Because talking to Daryl, to her, had never been like talking to many of the other people around her. Daryl wasn't someone with whom she really talked about the weather. He wasn't one for that much small talk. He even avoided talking a good deal about Walkers unless it was actually discussing something of importance, something that needed to be looked into or taken care of.

Talking to Daryl was, at least at one time in her life, one of the easiest things for her to do…though she recognized that for as seemingly simple as he was, Daryl was a complicated man to try to have a conversation with.

Sometimes he simply wasn't willing to have a conversation…and trying to have conversation with Daryl when he wasn't in the mood to listen to you was about like trying to hold onto wind. Other times, though, he simply didn't seem to have anything to say.

And once upon a time that had never bothered Carol because she felt like she didn't always have something to say, or that what she had to say didn't really matter or wasn't really suiting to the moment, and those were the times that she'd felt close enough to Daryl to simply not say anything.

Yet somehow…they'd always managed to speak the most when they said nothing to each other.

Carol felt like, though, she'd lost the ability to do that with him. She'd lost the confidence, maybe, that she'd once had that she could communicate with Daryl, even when he didn't want to be reached…even when he was hiding away like the scared little boy that she knew that he could be.

Or maybe, since he'd made it clear how angry he was over what she'd done, she'd lost the comfort that she had. She'd lost the feeling that he would, for whatever reason, be there standing beside her.

And now she didn't know where to begin to do something as simple as initiate a conversation with the man that she'd once considered her best friend.

But she was going to try.

Carol wandered over to post as she was getting off first shift and checked the roster for second shift. Daryl was back from a run and scheduled to work second shift at one of the other houses where they were working to get running water going. Her house was almost done, they'd worked on it first shift, but it was taking them a few days to get things in order at any of the houses they were working at.

She knew which one it was, though. It was one of the houses over in the expansion where Michonne and Rick were living now. And she headed for it, even before she wandered down to the shower house to wash off the grime of having worked clearing Walkers all morning.

When she found Daryl, she lingered around and waited for him to take a break, still not having noticed her presence. She followed him over to the water buckets in the shade where he was going to get a drink to cool himself down some, and it was only then that he noticed her.

And when he noticed her, he jumped like he was shocked to see her, and then he turned silent to the water bucket and dipped himself out a cup of water. Carol wondered if she was making the right decision after all…

"Daryl…can I talk to you a minute?" Carol asked, deciding to go ahead with her plan.

He grunted at her while he drank down the water.

"Got a minute," he said when he'd swallowed. "Not much more'n that…gotta get back ta work."

Carol nodded her head, crossing her arms over her chest as though she were hugging herself against the discomfort she felt at the moment.

"I wanted to ask you if…you wanted to have dinner with me?" Carol asked.

Daryl furrowed his brows and stared at her. It did nothing for her confidence level at the moment.

"I thought that I could get food for us, from commissary," Carol said. "I could bring it to my house…we could eat there. We could talk or…I don't know…I've got some board games…"

Her heart was thundering in her chest because even as she said the words she couldn't, not even for one moment, believe that she'd just asked Daryl if he wanted to come to her house and have dinner with her followed by a spirited game of Battleship. If she'd been the woman that she was…the woman she was before she'd shucked off that woman…she would have simply turned around then and ran away.

But she stood there and waited for whatever might be coming. The offer was out there. It was up to him to accept it or reject it.

Daryl bit at his cuticle, despite the fact that his hands were filthy, and stared at her a second before offering her nothing more than the very slight movement of his head. It was so slight, in fact, that she wasn't even certain that it had been an affirmation at all.

"Yes?" She asked. "Yes you'd like to?"

"Yeah," he said. "I…uh…reckon that'd be OK."

Carol smiled and nodded her head back at him.

"Good," she said. "That's…great. I'll have it all ready…you just come when you're ready…after your shift or…"

"Gotta shower," Daryl said bluntly.

"Or after that," Carol offered.

He offered her the same slight nod of the head and she smiled again before she left him, without saying anything else, and went to get her own shower, getting ahead of the rush.

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Daryl was almost silent while they sat at the table and ate and Carol was having a hard time figuring out what to say. As the time went on, she was doubting more and more that she'd made the right call in doing this at all. She'd probably just jumped the gun.

But the meal over, and both of them having retired to the living room to sit awkwardly and stiffly, Daryl was actually the first one to break the silence, though Carol hadn't really expected him to say what he did.

"Beth…you know? She…uh…" Daryl started and then stopped, shaking his head. "She's just…gone…got kidnapped. Could be dead…might not be."

He scratched at his face and Carol was careful not to so much as move because she didn't want to startle him into stopping talking if this was something that he needed to say…something he needed to get out.

"I went after her…but I got caught up…another group," Daryl said. "Never knowed what happened to her for sure. She could be alive, could be dead. I…didn't find her…didn't think I could find her…"

Carol swallowed and nodded.

"You did what you could," she offered.

"Did I?" Daryl asked.

Carol didn't know how to respond. It was written on his face that he'd decided to talk about this because it was bothering him, but she didn't know how to comfort him and really make him feel any better.

"Daryl," Carol said. "You…went after her…and you don't have to prove to anyone that you would do what you can. You looked for Sophia…even when everyone else gave up on her. I can never thank you enough for that. I know…I know that you did what you could for Beth."

"I didn't save Sophia," Daryl said. "An' I didn't save Beth…"

He paused, but continued not long after, his thumb finding its way to his mouth in a telltale sign that he was uncomfortable with where he was headed with the conversation.

"An' I ain't sure I woulda saved you," he said.

Carol got up from the chair that she was sitting in and she crossed the room.

He'd said it before…and now he was saying it again.

She sat down on the couch and Daryl moved away from her a little, seeking something like refuge at the other end of the couch.

"You've saved me before, Daryl," Carol said. "And…I don't need you to save me anymore…but if you wanted to, you could."

Daryl didn't respond…not in any way at all. Carol couldn't even read what was in his eyes because either she was out of practice or there was too much there to even begin to sort it out.

"What happened?" He asked. "What happened with Mika an' Lizzie? I know you loved them girls…but you ain't never said what happened to 'em…"

Carol swallowed and shook her head at him.

He shifted a little in his seat, not hugging the end of the couch so much.

"I just told you what the hell happened to me," he said. "You asked me here…did you ask me here ta really play some game?"

Carol knew that if she was going to tell him, now was the time to tell him, but her stomach churned at the thought enough that she almost felt like she was fighting to keep the food she'd recently eaten down at all.

Because however he reacted would seal the deal. There wouldn't be any coming back from this.

She sucked in a breath, already feeling her hands begin to tremble with words that her mouth hadn't even said yet.

"Lizzie was…crazy," Carol said. "She had problems…problems she probably had before…but I didn't see them, or I wanted to believe that they weren't…that serious. I guess I tried to ignore them. But she never understood the Walkers…she never saw them as what they were. She was going to get herself…"

Carol stopped and was surprised when she felt Daryl, a man who wasn't one for too much touch unless it was of the playful variety, reach out and somewhat push at her shoulder like she was some kind of wind up toy that needed an action to keep going.

"She killed Mika," Carol said finally, and all at once because she couldn't draw it out. She didn't include any more of the details because they weren't necessary, really, for the story.

"An' Walkers got Lizzie?" Daryl asked, his voice low and solemn with the gravity of the story she was telling.

Carol shook her head, her hands still trembling beyond her control, even though she wrung them together and pressed them between her thighs to steady them.

"I…killed Lizzie," Carol said.

She looked away from him because even as she said the words the flood of emotion returned to her, just like it did every time she relived the moment in her dreams, and she didn't want to cry about it. She didn't want to go back there.

Daryl reached and caught her face. Even though she tried to tug away from him, he held her jaw in his hand and turned her face so that she was looking at him.

But he didn't say anything at all about it. He just sat there a moment in silence, staring at her…staring through her maybe.

And Carol didn't bother to offer any more of an explanation. She didn't know if it was necessary or if it would even matter. She might have argued her case for days, but it just seemed like it didn't matter anymore. She'd done what she'd done and that's really all it boiled down to in the end.

Daryl let go of her chin after a moment and returned to soothing himself by torturing his own hand with his teeth. When he stopped, he spoke again, his voice almost surprising her in the silence that had fallen around them.

"An' Tyreese?" He asked. "He…what'd he say?"

Carol furrowed her brow and shrugged slightly before shaking her head and struggling to figure out how to even answer the question.

"He…watched," Carol said. "He knew it was the best thing…we decided, together. It was the only thing. But he couldn't do it…and it was…it just needed to be me."

Daryl swallowed loudly enough that Carol heard it with the distance between them.

"'Cause you were all the mother she had," Daryl said.

Carol wasn't sure if it was a statement or a question, but she confirmed it with a slight nod of her head that hurt her neck because her muscles had gone so rigid with the memory and the fear of what might be to come. But she deserved it, she thought, if he was furious with her…she deserved whatever, really, he had to throw at her.

Except he didn't respond with any sort of anger. He sat there in silence for several moments, and she sat there, rigidly awaiting his judgment, until finally he spoke again, his voice low and his words somewhat muffled by the drawing out of them that showed they were weighed with consideration even as they were leaving his mouth.

"You did what you had ta do," he said. "You did…what you had ta do."

Carol was so shocked by the words that she couldn't even feel all the emotions that had been brewing around inside her chest for the moment. She looked at him and then watched as he got to his feet with a groan.

"Where are you going?" She asked.

"Back ta my place," Daryl said. "It's late. You need ta sleep…gotta sleep…an'…I'm tired."

And Carol almost laughed out loud at the irony.

She got to her feet, though, no less shocked or confused than before.

"Are you…what are you?" She asked.

"I'm tired," Daryl repeated, starting toward the door.

"Are you…angry?" She asked.

Daryl stopped and turned around. He regarded her a moment…and she thought that he did look tired, even more tired than he'd looked only moments before.

He shook his head.

"Nah," he responded bluntly. "I'm not."

In silence Carol led him to the door and opened it for him to pass out of it and into the darkness.

"Thanks," he said as he stepped out. "For dinner…for…"

He stopped and nodded again.

"Thanks," he finished. "Do it again…sometime? The dinner?"

Carol wasn't even sure how to react at the moment, but she nodded her head with more enthusiasm than he'd shown.

"I'd like that," she said. "Thank you…"

And she felt so odd to exchange pleasantries like that after the confession that she'd made…his confession paling in comparison…but that's what they were doing and it wasn't three minutes later that he'd disappeared out of sight, headed in the direction of his apartment and Carol closed the door to her house, clearing the dishes while she relived the entire evening in her mind and wondered what it all had meant or what it might mean even when the sun came up.


	38. Chapter 38

**AN: Here we go. This chapter is admittedly a somewhat "heavy" chapter and it's introspective, but it's been coming/building for a while. And it had to happen…because, well, that's how I planned the story…**

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! **

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Daryl didn't go directly back to his apartment. He couldn't have slept anyway so there was little need for locking himself in the broom closet where his mere being awake could have somehow roused someone else…especially since Will was his neighbor and oddly attuned at times to everything that Daryl did.

He lit a cigarette and began a stroll around Oasis, throwing up a hand and calling out to the person on night watch on the wall when he heard them throw some words at him in concern that there was trouble.

There wasn't any trouble, at least not with the citizens of Oasis.

But Daryl was troubled.

Carol had confessed to him, tonight, that she'd killed Lizzie. He didn't have to know how…it wasn't important. He could imagine, though, that it was…humane…Carol wouldn't have killed any other way.

And still Rick's voice throbbed in his ears the day that he'd told him that she'd was gone. She was just gone…Rick had sent her off somewhere. He'd sent her off…to protect her from Tyreese. To protect her from the very man that she'd ended up traveling with, the very man that she'd ended up finding Oasis with…the man whose child she was carrying.

He'd sent her off too, though, because _she wasn't sorry_.

What Daryl had seen in her eyes tonight, though, had slammed into him with the same weight as if it had been something tangible and real…something that had the actual power to throw him off his feet.

_She was sorry._

She was sorry for killing Karen and David…she was sorry for what she'd done to Lizzie…she was sorry, probably, for everything that had gone wrong in the world, before and after the change. She was sorry about everything she couldn't control and she was even more sorry about things that she'd been directly involved in.

Daryl understood that feeling, and he understood it very well. But he also understood Carol.

And at the moment that he'd realized, looking into her eyes like that, how very sorry she really was, he'd suddenly found it hard to breathe. He'd had the same feeling, like someone had punched him in the chest, that he'd had before…that he'd had when it came to her…when it came to Merle.

So he'd left her house as quickly as he could. He'd run away with his feelings that he couldn't understand…or with his feelings that he didn't want to acknowledge.

The same ones he'd been carrying around for…how long had it even been now? When had they started? How had they started?

He honestly didn't know…but at the moment they were threatening to suffocate him to death. They were threatening to drown him completely.

He had made her even more sorry than she ever had to be because he had told her, on more than one occasion and in more than one way that he was furious with her…he was so mad with her that he couldn't stand to look at her…he couldn't stand to speak to her. He refused at times, even, to exchange pleasantries with her…because he was so furious with her about what had happened…about the fact that she'd killed Karen and David.

But that wasn't why he was mad at her.

And now…he couldn't even feel mad at her. Now he felt mad at himself more than her. And he realized that for all this time he'd been using that to make her sorry. He'd been using that to force her into an apologetic position. He'd forced her to feel sorry for doing something that had made him mad, when really his anger was anger he held against himself.

When Rick said she was gone, Daryl was mad.

He was mad at Rick for making that decision. He was mad at Tyreese for making Rick believe that he was someone important enough…powerful enough…that Carol could be cast out for him. He was mad at Carol for killing Karen and David. He was mad at her for getting herself thrown out.

He was mad at her because she was gone. And being mad at her because she was gone was easier than being mad at himself because he hadn't ever done or said anything. It was easier than being mad at himself because every time he'd told himself that he would balls up and tell her what he was thinking…what he thought he might felt…he always chickened out and fell short of the mark.

Being mad at her was easier. It was always easier to be mad at someone else than it was to live up to the fact that sometimes you believed yourself to be your own worst enemy.

Daryl stumbled around in the darkness of Oasis and wished that he could escape the place…that he could go out and kill the Walkers that lurked, no doubt, just outside the walls or that he could go hunting and take out his anger and frustrations on whatever he might bring back as some sort of trophy, something to offer up as something good that he'd done when really it had been something he'd done to rid himself of feelings that he didn't know how to deal with…feelings that he didn't want to deal with.

He knew he couldn't go out, though, and instead he found the side of the shower house. He slammed his knife into the concrete wall with enough force that even he was surprised when the blade didn't break. It wasn't his first assault on inanimate objects, and it likely wouldn't be his last.

And he stopped, after a moment, his breath coming ragged from his assertions and his hand hurting from the jarring impact.

It reminded him of one of the other times that he'd lost Carol. It reminded him of slamming his knife into the floor…the wall…the floor again…of killing Walker after Walker when he thought that she was dead and he hadn't been able to do a single thing to save her. She was simply gone, nothing left…not a trace. And he'd been angry then because he'd left so much unsaid and so much undone.

He'd even promised himself that he would make it better. He'd promised himself that if he could go back and he could do it again…if he could ever see her face and look into her eyes…he'd tell her everything. He'd tell her everything that terrified him to the point that he felt like he couldn't speak and he could hardly breathe, because telling her everything, even with the terror that it would bring up inside him was better than what he'd felt when he'd lost her.

And he'd been angry then with her for getting lost. He'd been angry with her for dying…for…

_Leaving him_.

But really he'd been angry then with himself just like he was angry with himself now.

Except he'd never made it better. He'd found her…he'd thanked entities he didn't usually thank for things when he'd held her in his arms and known that she was alive. He had done all that he could to nurse her in private and bring back her strength so that he could show her…show her off even…to everyone else who believed that she was gone.

He'd done that, but he'd never told her why.

He'd never told her what she was to him.

She was never his lover…or his girlfriend…or his sister. She was his best friend, but she had been more than that. She had simply been his…but he'd never told her that. He'd just expected her to know.

And someone else had stepped into that place and someone else had told her that they wanted her to be theirs…their…whatever it was exactly that she'd been to Tyreese…everything that she'd never been to Daryl.

And he'd been furious with her for that. He'd been furious that she'd been, for someone else, everything that he'd wanted her to be for him.

Yet, even as his frustration and his anger…his realization at how angry he was at himself…coursed through his veins, he couldn't help but laugh to himself, ironically, at the fact that it was him who had run out on her now.

She had told him something that he'd seen with his own eyes was devastating to her. Even if she managed to keep control of her emotions, it was clear in her eyes that she still suffered over what had happened with those girls.

And he'd run out on her…because it was too hard for him.

He'd run out on her because he couldn't, once again, stand up to his feelings.

It should have been him who found her after the prison fell. It should have been him who was there to handle whatever had happened when Mika had been killed by her sister. It should have been him that decided with her that…whatever it was…something had to be done.

And if he couldn't do it himself, or if she insisted that she had to be the one to do it…it should have been him who had stood behind her and supported her when she did what she felt had to be done about Lizzie.

It should have been him.

But it hadn't been him. It had been Tyreese.

And, Daryl thought, it should have been him that found Oasis with her…he should have been the one that had the guts to tell her that he wanted, even after all these years of silence, her to be his as much as she'd ever been his…but to be his in so many other ways that he'd only ever dreamed about or imagined.

If anyone was going to marry her, it should have been him…and if she was going to have a child, then the child should have been his.

But all of this, no matter how much he stewed over it at the moment, wasn't going to change. That wasn't how the pieces had fallen into place. He couldn't even be sure that if he'd told her, before she'd been left outside the prison and before the prison fell, how he felt that it would have turned out any differently.

Because he'd believed she was dead, just like everyone else. And maybe she'd believed him dead as well.

As he began to calm, the blood still thundering through his veins and his lungs struggling to keep up with the air they brought in and out to keep him going in his current state that was almost bordering on panic, Daryl started to feel like he had to do something.

At the moment he was mad enough at himself and felt disappointed in himself enough that he almost felt like he wanted to tear at his own flesh to crawl out of his body. He wanted to do anything to escape the person who had let him down the most up to this moment.

But he couldn't escape himself and once again he was left at crossroads. The difference from before being that this time he felt like he was left there with a different kind of clarity about what was going on in his head…what was going on in his life. He was left with a different level of realization that inspired a different level of need, and that was what almost led him to panic.

But the crossroads was the same in that he had to decide what to do. He could finally draw it all up…take it like a man…put it out there…

Or he could run again, like he always did. He could run to protect himself, even though he was hurting himself in the process.

The decision was really which would hurt the most at this point. Both were likely to go horribly wrong for him. Both were likely to leave him in a state that he would never recover from…because he was almost certainly going to meet his well-deserved rejection or he was going to suffer his self-imposed alienation.

But one or the other was bound to follow because he'd run out on Carol and the only recovery from that was either to admit to her what he was really running from, or to let her simply assume that he was running from her and what she'd done.

He stood, for a few moments, by the stone wall that he'd assaulted with no result and tried to decide.

And for the first time in a long time he heard his brother's voice…egging him on…harassing him in the only way that Merle had ever known to drive him into action of any kind. It was telling him to man up…it was telling him not to be a pussy…it was telling him that he always fucked up, and don't fuck up again Derlina…don't let your brother down…

Don't let yourself down.

He slid his knife back into its holster, noticing with the small amount of fine motor skills required to do so that his fingers had begun to tremble slightly, and he turned his steps back through the darkness, stumbling over things as he went in the blackness and hoping that somehow his nerve and his resolve held out long enough to drive his feet the full distance that he needed to travel.


	39. Chapter 39

**AN: Here we go, another little chapter. This one is kind of heavy too. There may be quite a few of those.**

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! **

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When Daryl made it back to the door, his will to go through with all of this was only barely holding out, but still he knocked at the door, his brain screaming at him that he had too many thoughts going on right now to possibly have a hope of even getting one out in a coherent statement.

But he had to try.

He knocked at the door, waited a moment, and knocked again.

When Carol opened the door, she was wearing a look of confusion that went perfectly with the oversized bathrobe she wore. The moment that she saw it was Daryl at the door, she tugged at the robe, pulling it tighter closed around her, despite the fact that it looked like she was wearing something under the thing.

"Daryl…" She said. "Is…something wrong?"

Daryl nodded his head, his hear thundering now, loud enough to drown out even the screaming in his brain.

"I…can I come in?" He said.

Carol's confusion deepened, but she backed up out of the doorway and left the space clear for him to pass inside. He came in and went directly back to the living room where he'd been earlier…though he was unsure if it had been minutes or hours that had passed since he'd left the room…but he didn't sit. He stood facing Carol and watching her as she closed her door and padded, barefoot, toward him.

"What's wrong, Daryl?" Carol asked, scratching her fingers through her hair.

"I told you that I was mad at you for killing Karen and David," Daryl barked out, surprised by how his voice came out.

Carol crossed her arms across her chest and looked at him, annoyed perhaps.

He shook his head quickly.

"No! I mean…I told you that I was mad at you for that…but what I wanted ta say was I weren't mad at you for that…not really," Daryl said.

The confused look returned.

"I was pissed…but it weren't because a' that…hell…they were prob'ly gonna die. I know you…I know you wouldn'ta just killed 'em if they weren't gonna die…I knew it wasn't right, even when Rick told me about it. I knew it wasn't right what he was sayin'…that you didn't care…you weren't sorry for what you did…I knew you'd be sorry you had ta do it if you did it," Daryl said.

"Daryl…what's…are you alright?" Carol asked, stepping toward him, her brow deeply furrowed. She put a hand on his arm.

It was an innocent move…it was a move that was common for Carol. It was the same kind of comforting touch that she'd offered him so many times before…the same kind of touch that he'd shrugged off a million times when he'd really wanted to tell her not to stop touching him.

"If I don't tell you this now, I ain't never gonna say it," Daryl said, feeling himself calm, oddly enough, under the light touch.

"What is it?" Carol asked, raising her eyebrows at him. "You just wanted to…talk more about Karen and David?"

He almost laughed at the thought of it. He didn't want to talk about Karen and David. He'd never wanted to talk about them really. That was the ironic farce of the whole thing.

"Carol…I was pissed at you when Rick told me what he did, but I was pissed because you weren't there anymore. You'd gone and done somethin' that got him ta throw ya ass out…" Daryl said.

He felt the anger bubbling up in his chest again at just the memory of how he had felt…everything that had slammed through him at that moment.

"You didn't tell me about it?" He asked. "How could you not tell me anything?"

And suddenly he realized that her chest was heaving. In the earlier moments of speaking, overwhelmed by his own feelings, he had missed the change that was going on in her face and in her body language.

She shook her head at him.

"What was I going to say?" She asked. "When I found them? I made the decision…last minute. Put them down before they suffered even a moment longer…burn the bodies to kill the germs…"

She shook her head.

"I was so worried about it spreading…and I thought that…no one else was doing anything…" Carol said.

"You coulda said somethin' ta me," Daryl said. "After Tyreese found the bodies…you didn't say nothin' ta me…you didn't say a thing!"

"You're right! I didn't!" Carol said. "The three of you were…it was crazy! I…hadn't even processed it for myself…and you were already so…so bothered by…something. I didn't want to stress you out more…it was my cross."

"Of course I was stressed!" Daryl responded, realizing suddenly that he was speaking more harshly than he'd intended. He tried to consciously dial back his voice. "We'd lost Zack…we didn't know what was happening with the Governor…the fences were caving in…people were dying from the disease. I was sick and tired of losing people! I'm sick of losing people…you should have told me…so I got pissed at you…"

Carol stared at him and he could tell that she was near tears but fighting them back, her throat making jerking movements as she swallowed back the emotions.

And Daryl felt himself on the verge of being drowned by his own feelings again.

"I got pissed at you…because I lost you," he said. "You…didn't trust me…you didn't care enough…to tell me…an' I lost you…an' then when I found you…"

And they were caught for a moment at an impasse. Because it was evident by her face that Carol couldn't bring herself to speak around whatever she was going through and Daryl had suddenly found that his throat had closed up. He could only stand there staring at her while she stared back at him.

Carol finally moved enough to bring her hand up, covering her mouth with it…with the sleeve of her bathrobe.

"Daryl," she said, her voice muffled by the fabric, "I'm sorry…that I didn't tell you…I didn't know if you could handle it…and it wasn't yours to…it wasn't your…"

She stopped and shook her head at him.

"I'm sorry," she said again after a moment.

And Daryl wasn't sure what he felt at the moment. It wasn't anger…the anger was gone. It had run out of him like the air that had seemed to have left his lungs at the moment. He couldn't gather together any of either.

He stepped forward and caught her wrist in his hand and he saw a flash in her eyes, but she didn't move. He pulled it away from the place where she held it and fought the suffocating lack of air that he was feeling before he leaned in and pressed his lips against hers, catching her arm with the other hand.

She struggled against him for a second, but then she returned the kiss and before he knew it had gone from the chaste kiss that he'd initiated to one that was much more involved…both of them as lost in it for the moment as they'd been lost in their other feelings earlier.

And her lips against his, his tongue tasting her mouth for the first time, all of it…it was everything he'd wanted it to be and even more because it was like finally getting the first anticipated swallow of water after days without it.

He didn't want to pull away, but she finally broke the kiss and backed a step away from him shaking her head at him, her eyes wide.

"What is this? What are you doing, Daryl?" She asked.

He swallowed.

He wanted to run. He wanted to run so bad that he could barely convince his feet to stay in place…but he was in too deep now to stop, for better or for worse.

"I wanted ta kiss you…since…well I don't know when the hell," Daryl said. "Been a long time comin'."

Carol tipped her head to the side, her face wearing confusion and something else. She shook her head slightly.

"Daryl…you never…" she started but never finished.

"Didn't know how," he said. He shook his head. "Still don't…I was scared then…an' I'm terrified now…but I had ta kiss you…I had ta tell you…"

Carol covered her mouth again with her hand and closed her eyes for a moment.

"Tell me what?" She asked.

Daryl swallowed.

"When I left…when you told me what happened with the girls…I shouldn't have left but I left because I couldn't…I just couldn't keep this all in anymore," Daryl said. "So I come back, because I couldn't keep it in an' I didn't wanta keep tryin'."

"What else do you have to say, Daryl?" Carol asked, her eyes still closed and her hand and sleeve almost entirely covering her face. "I need you to say whatever it is that…that you need to say or that you want to say…I just need you to say it."

Daryl was choking on his words. He knew what she was asking. He knew that she knew what he was going to say. He felt like she had to know what he was going to say…but she wanted to hear it. She wanted him to finally say it.

And he knew that he needed to say it…for once and for all…no matter how hard it might be for him to do it.

"You were my best friend," Daryl said. "Been that way for a long time…you were my best friend…more'n Merle…more'n Rick…you were my best friend."

Carol nodded her head slightly but didn't change her expression in any way other than that.

"I thought you knew…but then you went an' got…married…an' you didn't care about me no more…you didn't need me no more," Daryl said. "But I…still loved you…and that just made me hate you…because you didn't care about me anymore…but I still loved you."

And the sound that escaped Carol was something that came out between a laugh and a gasp and Daryl wasn't sure how to take it right away.

She walked over to the couch and dropped down onto the cushion, her elbows going to her legs and her head to her hands.

"I have never…not cared about you," Carol said. "And I've…never…not loved you…"

She looked at him and shook her head.

Daryl felt tired all at once and so completely it was overwhelming. He heard the words, but even as he heard them he couldn't digest them. He went and sat on the couch beside her, not daring to touch her at the moment.

"Then why did you go an' marry Tyreese?" Daryl asked.

Carol sat there a moment, quiet.

"Because I loved him…" she said, her voice softer than before. "Because I loved him…and he loved me…and I…wanted that…and you weren't there. Even before…even before I left the prison? You weren't there for that…and I wanted it. Tyreese was there for that…and I loved him for it."

Daryl didn't say anything for a moment because he had no idea what to say. He hadn't said everything that he had to say…or at least he didn't think he'd possibly said in so little time all the things he'd thought over so much time…but he couldn't remember anything else that he wanted to say.

The conversation had been halted.

"An'…if I'm here now?" He asked, finally.

Carol looked at him and wiped at her nose with the sleeve of her robe, her eyes damp. She shook her head.

"I don't know, Daryl…right now? I just…I don't know what to say," Carol said.

Daryl nodded his head.

At least he'd said what he needed to say…and he'd expected, more or less, that she would tell him to get the hell out…to get away from her. He'd never expected her to say what she had about loving him, but he'd expected that she might tell him to go.

He nodded again and got to his feet.

"I'ma go…" he offered.

Carol shook her head at him.

"If you want…it's so late…you can sleep her tonight," she said. "The couch? It's nicer than your room…if you want."

He thought about saying that he should just go…that it would be better…

And it might be better. But at the moment he was tired enough he didn't want to go back to the little apartment…and he didn't want to sleep there, if he was going to sleep at all.

So finally he just nodded his head and Carol got up, disappearing and returning later with a pillow and a blanket.

And she wished him a good night, something that sounded so strange at the moment, but didn't say anything else before she disappeared to her bedroom and heard the sound of the door closing, shutting him out on the couch to be alone with his thoughts.


	40. Chapter 40

**AN: Here we go, another little chapter. **

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! **

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When Carol finally woke up, she was glad that she had signed up for second shift and not first shift. Simply from the way that her body felt, she could tell that she'd missed the morning work and very likely missed any of the breakfast that would be served.

She had a hard time falling asleep the night before, and once she'd fallen asleep she'd had an even harder time rousing herself to get up. The morning sickness that had plagued her was fading and apparently she'd taken advantage of that.

She got up and got dressed, brushing her teeth while she tried to figure out what she was going to do.

What she was going to do about any of it.

Because it all felt so surreal at the moment. Daryl had come to her house…in the middle of the night…and through the whole thing that had taken place, he'd told her he loved her.

And she thought, somehow, that it would all be different. She'd had, once upon a time, a few ideas of how things might go if Daryl Dixon was ever to decide that he loved her…but the way it had gone last night wasn't exactly how she'd seen it going in her mind.

Daryl was gone from the living room now, though. The pillow and blanket tossed on the couch was the only thing that really even proved that he'd been there at all. He would have had to work, no doubt. He'd have had first shift…and probably second too…and he would have left already but left her sleeping.

And it was for the best, because Carol hadn't known what to say the night before and she didn't know what to say today either. She was still processing it…still struggling to even figure out where to start figuring it all out…and the only reason she had slept was because she'd finally just drifted off out of exhaustion.

Carol grabbed one of the granola bars out of her kitchen that she'd packed away and ate it as she crossed the community, headed for the house that was an extension of the medical building. It was a recovery house and it was also the place where you could go to meet with any of the three psychiatrists or therapists that the community had.

Carol hadn't been there in some time…not since she'd first arrived to Oasis…but today she felt like she was ready to make the return trip to the place.

She walked up the front steps and through the front door, dropping her granola wrapper in the nearest trash bin as she did so, and went straight to the desk that was in what might have once been the living room. Someone else was there, sitting in one of the waiting chairs, but Carol didn't really care if she had to wait or not.

"Is Melodye available today?" Carol asked.

The woman at the desk was one of the women that she didn't know well. But the woman smiled and nodded her head.

"Yes…she's in her office," the woman said. "She doesn't have anyone coming in until later if you just want to walk in."

Carol thanked her and started down the little hallway of the house to the room that she knew well was the "office" for Melodye, though it had once been a bedroom…and probably a bedroom belonging to a young girl given the pink color of the walls.

Carol tapped at the door as she stepped in and the small framed woman looked up from what she was reading and then smiled, getting to her feet and abandoning her book.

"Carol! I haven't see you in a while! I hope you're doing well?" Melodye asked in a singsongy voice.

Carol smiled at her and stepped inside, accepting the greeting hut that the woman offered her.

"Actually…I…really need to talk to you," Carol said.

Melodye's face dropped into her concerned face. It was an expression that Carol assumed she had learned for her profession, but she did it well enough to truly make you believe that she was concerned about you.

"Sure…sit down?" Melodye asked, gesturing into the room to let Carol know, as she had before, that she had the choice of the couch or an armchair…whichever she might find more comfortable.

Carol sat down on the couch, but leaned forward and Melodye sat in the chair across from her.

"What's wrong?" Melodye asked. "What do you want to talk about?"

"I don't even know where to start…" Carol said, shaking her head at the woman.

Melodye nodded her head, tipping it to the side, the concerned look still firmly in place.

"How about this…" Melodye said, getting up and returning a moment later to her chair with a legal pad and a pencil, "you just start listing…or talking about…whatever it is that's bothering you and we'll figure out where to start? Sometimes just getting it out will help you figure out what's bothering you the most."

Carol almost laughed at the thought of figuring out what was bothering her the most. Even the things that she'd talked about with Melodye before were still bothering her. Talking about them helped…it really did…and the young woman was easy to talk to, but sometimes Carol felt that without the ability to erase her mind completely from everything she'd seen and done and experienced she'd never actually be free from anything. She'd always feel the need to "talk about it" again just to get a little momentary relief from the plaguing flashes of memory.

And Tyreese had been able to help with some of it, but that was because he didn't seem to mind, or didn't seem to notice that she repeated herself sometimes. She went over and over again the same thing sometimes because her memory got stuck on repeat.

But so had his.

"My…husband…is dead," Carol said, scratching at her forehead. "My…second husband…is dead and I'm a widow again."

Melodye didn't say anything, she simply wrote something on the legal pad resting lightly on her crossed legs.

"And…ummm…" Carol laughed ironically to herself and shook her head. "And I'm pregnant! There's that…I'm pregnant…with his child, and he never even knew that I was going to keep it…but I have baby things, things that he was going to bring me, for the baby…where he wanted to convince me to keep it…"

Melodye scribbled.

"But you've decided to keep the baby?" Melodye asked.

"I can't…bring myself to do anything to get rid of it," Carol said. She examined her fingers because she didn't want to look at the blonde at the moment. "I can't…do anything…because I've killed enough. And I've killed because…I felt like I had to…because I felt like there wasn't any other way. My conscience, though…I just don't think I could handle doing something."

Melodye nodded.

"That's fine, you know?" Melodye asked. "You don't have to do anything if you don't want to."

Carol nodded.

"But having it terrifies me…it really, really terrifies me…so much," Carol said. "I can't stop worrying about it…I can't stop worrying about what might happen."

"We have pretty good medical care here," Melodye said. "For you and the baby both. You're seeing people, right?"

Carol nodded.

"Your…" she paused, "wife?"

"Partner?" Melodye asked. "Alice? Dr. Walker?"

Carol nodded.

"And…Dr. Tucker," Carol added. "He's helping her…or she's helping him…"

"You're in good hands," Melodye said with a smile.

Carol just nodded at that.

"I have lost three little girls," Carol said. "One was my biological daughter…and the other two…"

She stopped and Melodye shifted.

"The two little girls…I'm sorry, I can't keep up with the names…but the two little girls that were your adopted daughters, right?" Melodye asked.

Carol nodded, stifling the ironic laugh at the thought that the woman might be thinking that she'd somehow lost other little girls. After all, her track record wasn't exactly a shining testament to her maternal abilities.

"Yeah…" Carol said. "And now I'm pregnant…and I want to be happy, you know? I want to be hopeful for the baby. I want to feel like there's…something there. There's a chance there for something good. I want that, but I don't have it. I don't even know if I feel like it's real. I don't even know if I have any feelings at all for the baby, and that's not how I think that I should feel about my baby."

"Some women find it easier than others to bond with their children in the womb," Melodye said. "Given the circumstances, it may be even more difficult than normal. Do you think that it may be something that won't happen for you until the baby is born? What was your experience like with your daughter?"

"When I found out I was pregnant with Sophia?" Carol asked.

She wiped at her eyes because she realized that despite her best efforts, they were leaking out the liquid proof of everything she was holding inside.

Melodye got up again and came over to offer Carol a handkerchief, which she thanked her for before she mopped at her face and continued speaking, now picking at the piece of cloth in her hand.

"The very moment I knew I was pregnant with Sophia…I had so much hope," Carol said. "No matter what it was like between Ed and I…no matter how much I knew there was to overcome…I loved her from the very moment I knew that she even existed at all. It was instant…and it was a suffocating kind of love. I wanted her more than anything I'd ever wanted before."

She shrugged.

"But I don't feel that way with this baby," Carol said. "I believed Sophia was real, and that she was going to be perfect from the moment I got pregnant…and with this one I don't feel either of those things."

Melodye had returned to her seat and her brows were furrowed in her listening concern. For a moment, Carol didn't envy her the job she'd chosen even before all of this. She couldn't imagine what kind of person you'd have to be to want to spend all day listening to people cry about their problems and expecting you to somehow solve them.

"I don't know if we have machines available," Melodye said, "but have you heard the baby's heartbeat at least? With a stethoscope or anything?"

Carol shook her head.

"Why don't you ask Alice to help you with that?" Melodye asked. "She would do it…it isn't hard…it might help you start to feel somewhat connected to the baby. Maybe…you could make a few preparations for it? Maybe doing little things for yourself, little things to make it real to yourself would help?"

Carol just nodded and wiped her nose with the handkerchief.

"I could try that," Carol ceded. "I guess I'm just so…I've lost three little girls. Three of my own little girls. And it was my fault. I couldn't save them…or I didn't. And it's hard to think that even if this baby…"

She broke off again and Melodye didn't say anything. She bobbed her foot slightly as an absentminded act, but she didn't push Carol. She waited.

"If this baby makes it and I make it…I can't help but think that I'm just going to do it all again," Carol said.

"OK," Melodye said. "We can talk about that. We can talk about all of this…there's nothing here that's really even surprising to me, OK? It's all something that we can talk about and I hope that I can help you with. All of this is completely normal. These feelings are completely valid."

"Well…at least I'm not as crazy as I feel," Carol said with a soft chuckle.

Melodye echoed the laugh and shook her head dramatically.

"No…not crazy at all," she said. "Of course, we'd all have reason to be crazy if we were. Is there anything else?"

"Well," Carol said, "if that isn't enough…there's one more thing."

"OK…shoot," Melodye said.

Carol swallowed and wrung the cloth in her hands.

"Last night, the man that I've loved for…years…kissed me and told me he loved me," Carol said. "And…I feel like I haven't even given Tyreese the proper mourning period for…a goldfish…and I feel so…twisted about it. Because he said that he loved me…and I love him too, but it's so…complicated."

She looked at Melodye and expected judgment, but if it was there, it wasn't clear on the woman's face.

"Love is always complicated," Melodye said. "I had patients that came to me about nothing but love. And it's even more complicated now. But we can talk about it…we can work through these things, OK? I may not be able to fix anything for you, but we'll at least try to make it a little better. Sound good?"

Carol offered her the best smile she could manage and nodded her head.

"Sounds wonderful," she responded.


	41. Chapter 41

**AN: Here we go, another little chapter. The next one is Daryl's POV (or at least I'm pretty sure it is if I don't change my mind…)**

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! **

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Carol went straight to Alice's office without even asking if she was with anybody, and she ran into the brunette in the hallway, walking with an older gentleman that Carol smiled at and nodded.

Upon seeing Carol, Alice stopped walking and took her leave of the old man, warmly touching him on the arm while she talked with him and mentioning something about greeting his wife for her before he nodded at Carol again and walked around her the hallway.

"You need me?" Alice asked after he'd walked off. "I was just about to head to lunch…but if you need something…"

"It's not really important," Carol said apologetically. "I just wanted to know if you'd do something for me…it can wait."

Alice shook her head.

"It's not a problem, come on," she said.

Carol started to protest again, feeling guilty for interrupting anyone's schedule, especially since the medical personnel in the community always seemed to be going somewhere or doing something. But she didn't protest because Alice had already turned and headed toward her office, showing very clearly that she'd simply ignore whatever protests were thrown in her direction.

Carol followed her into her office, feeling her face burn even as she did.

"What's up? What can I do you for?" Alice asked with a smile when she plopped down into the chair in the small room.

Carol shook her head.

"Really…I feel ridiculous now," Carol said.

"I can't cure that," Alice said. "Anything else I can help with?"

Carol chuckled.

"I was just with your partner…Melodye?" Carol said.

Alice nodded.

"We've met," she said. "Did she…help?"

Carol nodded.

"She always does," Carol said. "Even if it's just…to listen."

"Well, that's kind of her job…and Mel…she's been that way even when she wasn't working. That's…one of her best qualities really. She listens even when you don't even know what you're saying. So? What can I do?" Alice responded.

Carol sighed.

"I was wondering if I could hear the baby's heartbeat," Carol said. "I haven't heard it…and I just think, and Melodye thinks…that it might be good for me to hear it. I told you, it's really not important."

Alice got up from her chair.

"Hey…if I have to see patients, this is the kind of thing that I like to see them about, right? See them about the things that have good endings…not the bad ones. Get up there," she gestured toward the exam table and Carol got up, lying back and rearranging her clothes to expose her stomach to Alice who was fumbling around on one of the shelves in the office. "I have to run and grab a fetoscope…do you want me to get Paul? He's faster than I am…and I know some people get anxious if you don't get it right away and I can be pretty damn slow about it."

"I'd just rather you do it," Carol said. "I don't think there's anything wrong…and I can wait on you…"

Alice nodded.

"OK…be right back," she said, turning and heading out of the room.

Carol waited patiently, keeping her eyes closed for most of the time, while Alice looked for the baby's heartbeat. Alice hadn't lied. She wasn't fast at it, but Carol didn't mind. She'd tried to do the same thing when she was pregnant with Sophia and almost terrified herself into thinking that there was no heartbeat…so she could be patient while someone else found it for her this time.

Alice got her attention and had Carol transfer the ear pieces between the two of them.

And when she heard the sound bumping in her ears, Carol felt her chest seize for a moment. It couldn't be any kind of trick that her imagination was playing on her and it couldn't be any sort of fabrication by anyone else. It was real…and she could hear it.

Carol plucked the pieces out of her ears quickly and offered them back to Alice.

"Done?" Alice asked, raising an eyebrow.

Carol smiled and nodded.

"Yeah…I think I am," she said.

"Done good or done bad?" Alice asked. "You look like you might get sick and that's not what I thought we were doing here…"

Carol shook her head and sat up, readjusting her clothes as quickly as she could. She sucked in a breath.

"No, really," she insisted. "I'm fine…and it's good…I just wanted to hear it. I wanted to know that it was real…"

"It is that," Alice said.

Carol nodded.

"Yeah…and now I know…" Carol said.

"A little too much all at once?" Alice asked.

Carol nodded again and Alice mirrored the move.

"Just take some breaths, everything's good…right? Have you thought about if you want a boy or a girl?" Alice asked.

Carol shook her head, forcing herself to swallow.

"I don't know…I haven't thought about that," she said. "Melodye says that it might be good for me to start thinking about it…talking about it with people I'm comfortable with. But I just talked to her so I'm still trying this whole thing out and I feel like you could help me with this because I'm pretty certain I'm having a heart attack…or maybe a few of them…little ones…since last night."

Alice fumbled around again and came back with a regular stethoscope. Carol moved away from her at first, but then she settled down and let Alice do what she was going to do anyway.

"No…you're fine," Alice said. "I think what you have is most commonly referred to as anxiety…and I hate to say it's to be expected, but I'm not surprised. But…you do need to try to calm down. Try some meditation or something?"

Carol chuckled.

"You're not serious," she replied.

Alice shrugged.

"It's a suggestion…is it just the baby or kind of the whole everything's crashing down on my head thing? Because I get anxiety pretty bad…and it's always the crash that does me in," Alice said. She sat beside Carol on the examination table and put an arm around her shoulder.

"It's just…things…" Carol said. "And it's the baby…bringing up a lot of old things, stuff I pushed back."

"The return of the repressed," Alice said with a sigh.

Carol looked at her and she smiled.

"What? It's a real thing," Alice said. "I'm not even the psychiatrist in the bunch and I know that. When things are too hard for us…or we just don't want to deal with them anymore or we can't or whatever the hell is going on with our brains, we tuck them away…nice and safe. One day, though, they'll come back. You can tuck it away, but you can't get rid of it. I think it's where we get the saying that the past always come back to haunt you…"

"Well it's coming back," Carol said with a chuckle. Alice rocked her playfully from side to side and she rested her head against the woman's shoulder. She wasn't sure she knew her well enough for such a move of affection, but at the moment, it was exactly what she wanted…a simple hug, someone physically supporting her for the moment.

And if it bothered Alice at all, she didn't say anything about it.

"I had something else return from the past last night," Carol admitted. "A man…that I've loved forever…told me he loved me."

Alice shifted a little and Carol sat up. Alice's face was amused if nothing else.

"And I'm here thinking it's bad? Thinking I need to figure out how to keep you from having a nervous breakdown if Mel can't and you tell me that someone you've had your eye on is sniffing around your back yard?" Alice said, her voice as packed with amusement now as her face was.

"It isn't that simple," Carol said.

"Honey…that's the simplest thing there is," Alice said. "You said you loved him…he loves you…where's the rub?"

"Have you forgotten? Where this baby came from?" Carol asked. "That's a pretty big rub…"

Alice shrugged slightly.

"How religious are you? So I know how the hell I'm supposed to angle my response to that," she responded.

"I used to be very religious," Carol admitted. "Now? I'm not so sure…"

Alice nodded and slid off the table to stand in front of Carol.

"So…so here's the thing. Tyreese was a pretty awesome guy…and he loved you…but you love him too, right?" Alice asked.

Carol nodded.

"So you did what you were supposed to do," Alice said. "You loved each other. Now he's gone. And whether you believe he's in Heaven…or whatever you believe…I doubt he's too concerned right now with what's going on down here. Besides, what was he going to want? Unending devotion?"

"And if it were you?" Carol asked. "If something happened to Melodye?"

"And what? I fell in love?" Alice asked.

She shrugged.

"Mel wouldn't care…I mean she'd care if she were alive, but if she's dead? Same difference…doesn't mean I loved her any less, does it?" Alice responded. "I'll give you an example…we had this cat, right? When we first moved in together. Her name was Tabitha…she was Mel's cat, but you know, she was my cat too. So when Tabitha died, Mel was all upset and I went down without her knowing and I told the people at the shelter that we needed someone to come home with us who was low key, liked belly rubs, and all that…and we got Fritz. He was none of those things…and the poor little asshole had only one eye. And Mel pitched a fit at first because it wasn't Tabitha and we might "forget" her…but here's the thing, loving Fritz didn't have a damn thing to do with Tabitha. That's the great thing about the human heart. It's got infinite room for things like love."

"You're sure you're not the psychiatrist?" Carol asked.

Alice laughed and shook her head.

"Nope…because eventually I'll tell someone to shut up and deal with their shit," Alice said.

Carol sighed.

"I don't know what to do because I feel like I owe it to Ty not to even think of anything else…but we talked about things before and neither of us wanted the other to feel tied down," Carol said, feeling like she might have saved time to pull both the women together since she was simply rehashing the things she'd covered earlier. "Get what you can out of life…"

"Good motto," Alice said. "So what's the problem?"

"What are people going to say? I mean…just assuming that…what are they going to say? What is Sasha going to think?" Carol asked.

Alice shook her head.

"Since the dawn of time people have been trying to tell other people how to live…who to love. What's right and what's not. What it boils down to is that they're full of shit. Nobody has any damn right to tell anyone else that because you don't love like I do, it's not right. Same thing here…if they've got something to say, let them say it. You do what you want to do, though. You do what makes you feel good…if it bothers them then that's their sad song," Alice said, poking Carol in the leg with her fingertip while she spoke.

Carol laughed.

"I wish it felt that easy," Carol said.

Alice shrugged again.

"Maybe it will, eventually. Let's go get some lunch…that always makes things better," she said. "Unless…you need something else?"

Carol shook her head and slid off the table.

"No…I don't need anything else," she replied. "But I would very much like to have lunch with you."

"Let's go then," Alice said. "I bet you Mel won't even get jealous of me taking such a lovely lady to lunch…I'll even pay."

She winked teasingly at Carol and offered her an arm, leading her out of the office and through the building so that they could make their way to the commissary before they stopped serving.


	42. Chapter 42

**AN: Here we go, another little chapter. **

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! **

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Carol got dressed in the shower stall, her clothes clinging to her in places and letting her know that her rushed efforts to dry off to free a stall for everyone waiting for their turn had left her almost as wet as she'd been if she'd skipped the activity altogether.

As she stepped out of the stall, glancing back over her shoulder to make sure she'd left nothing behind, she almost ran directly into Daryl who was standing there, still dripping water from his hair in places and she almost jumped through the roof.

"You take forever," Daryl commented. "What the hell you do in there takes so damn long?"

Carol made a face at him.

"Wouldn't you like to know," she muttered, keeping her voice just loud enough that he could hear it, but it wasn't likely that anyone else could unless they were paying them an unnecessary amount of attention.

"D'ja eat yet?" Daryl asked.

Carol shook her head and hopped around him so that she could deposit the last of her things in her basket and sit on the bench to put on the shoes that she'd worn there.

"You gonna eat?" Daryl asked.

"I kind of have to," Carol said. "But I worked perimeter. The food just goes down better if I'm not dripping…rotten brains."

Daryl made a face at her.

She got up from the bench and took up her basket, waiting to see if he would say anything else, but it appeared that he was waiting on her to do the same. So she started out of the building to gain some privacy, some air to dry off what her towel had failed to dry, and a little escape from his obvious expression of some sort of expectation.

When they stepped out into open air, Carol noticed that Daryl was staying just behind her…just off to the side…following at her heels almost.

She stopped walking and turned around.

"Daryl…did you want to eat with me?" She asked.

He nodded.

"Figured…you ain't got no one ta eat with," he said.

Carol almost laughed. She was probably a lot more able to find someone to eat with than he was…she, after all, had a tendency to speak to more people.

"I can get your food…carry it for you," Daryl offered.

Carol began to protest that she could carry her own food if she was carrying it anywhere, but for a man like Daryl, carrying her food might very well be something that he considered a great offer.

"You don't want to eat in the commissary?" She asked.

He shook his head slightly.

"Did you want to eat…at my house?" Carol asked.

He nodded.

"Fine…" Carol ceded. "You'll have to ask for mine specifically. I'm special," she raised her eyebrows at him. "Are you OK with that?"

He nodded.

"Yeah," he said. "I think I can handle it…you…uh…"

He scratched at the back of his neck.

"Are you Carol Peletier?" He asked.

The question struck Carol for a hair of a second and then she realized it was a perfectly legitimate question.

"Scott," Carol said. "They have me down as…married…widowed…whatever…to Ty."

Daryl nodded his head slightly.

"I'll bring it," he said. Carol reached her hand out and pulled his shower bag from his grasp and he let go of it without argument. Then he directed his steps toward the commissary and Carol stood in place for a moment and watched him go before she directed her own steps toward her house.

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"Tried to stay outta your way today," Daryl said while they were eating…both of them having guarded silence beyond necessary words until this point.

"It couldn't have been too hard," Carol said. "You've managed to stay away from me for so long."

"What you want me ta say ta that?" Daryl responded. "I'm tryin' here…throw me a bone?"

Carol sighed.

"I'm sorry, Daryl," Carol said. "I'm just…still having a lot of problems with all of this. What…what do you want from me? What do you want out of this? I mean…what's your goal here…or your intentions…or whatever?"

Daryl looked at her, chewing.

She thought he had the look of someone who might simply stand up and run away. It was a common look for Daryl, actually, but it wasn't a comforting look because Carol knew that Daryl was the kind of man that would run…especially from something like this. It was hard enough to believe that he was here at all. It was even harder to believe that he might stay.

"I ain't got no intentions," Daryl said. "My intentions stopped at sayin' what I had to say…I didn't even think I'd get that far an' I ain't figure out what comes next…"

"Well…we need to figure that out," Carol said. "Because I give the citizens of Oasis until tomorrow before they're asking us questions. Nothing around here is private. And…I'd like my own answers too."

Daryl swallowed.

"You said last night you didn't know what you were gonna do if I was here now," Daryl said. "I reckon you owe me the answer ta that before I owe you anything else."

Carol nodded her head and chewed through a few bites of bland food before she responded.

"Daryl, I don't know what people are going to say about me…and even about you…if anything comes of this," Carol said. "I'm a widow…a new widow…and people say that they don't judge you around here for things, but they do. Can you handle it if someone has something to say? If they say something to you? Can you handle that?"

Daryl shrugged.

"What they gonna say?" He asked. "They…what? Gonna say I'm damn near like Shane was? Hell…maybe I am…maybe I ain't no damn better'n Shane was…"

"You're not like Shane," Carol said quietly. "But they might say that…they'll say worse things about me probably."

"An' you care?" Daryl asked.

"Not really," Carol admitted. "Maybe a little…"

Daryl cleared his throat.

"Enough you want me ta leave?" He asked.

"That's not all," Carol said. "I'm pregnant…that means that I'm going to have a baby. I heard the heartbeat today for the first time. What about that?"

Daryl turned back to his food now. Carol ate hers too, imagining that he felt as thankful as she did that they had it there as something of a diversionary tactic. It was something that they could use to avoid the questions and the complicated things while they bought themselves enough time to think about things.

Though Carol thought that neither of them was really in the position to deny the other at least a few moments to think about things. After all, it had taken them years to even arrive at this conversation…a conversation that, perhaps, could have…and maybe even should have…taken place in some context already.

Daryl sighed.

"You're gonna have a kid," Daryl said.

He shook his head.

"I don't know what you want me ta say about that," he said.

"Daryl…what do you want? You told me you loved me…do you still love me?" Carol asked.

"Yeah…I still love ya," Daryl said. He sat back in his chair. "What'cha gonna ask next? Does it bother me ya gonna have Tyreese's kid? Yeah…it bothers me. Ain't a damn thing I can do about it, though."

Carol could tell that he was growing annoyed. Whether it was with the situation or with the list of questions, she wasn't sure. She pushed her plate out of the way, done with her food and he pushed it back in front of her.

"Don't look like you done yet," he said.

"I can't eat it all," she said, shaking her head. "You can have it…"

She pushed the plate toward him and he pushed it back.

"I said it bothered me…" Daryl said. "But…if you gonna have a kid…you gonna have a kid…so eat what you s'posed ta eat."

"I can't eat it," Carol said, raising her voice in challenge at Daryl as much as he'd let his rise when speaking to her. "If I eat it, I'll get sick…and it's better for me to eat what I can than not keep any of it down. I don't want it."

He sat back, but he didn't push the issue any farther.

"I'm trying to give you an out, Daryl," Carol said with a sigh. "I'm trying to give you all the outs that you might want…or need. If you didn't mean what you said, I won't hold you to it. If you…don't think you can handle me? The baby? Everyone else? If you can't handle any of it…I'm giving you the out."

Daryl got up from the table and without explanation disappeared into the living room and returned a moment later, putting his jacket on in silence. Carol watched as he walked out the front door, pulling it closed behind him.

She sat there for a moment at the table.

Maybe that was it…he'd taken the out and he was gone. She almost laughed at how easy it had been for him…just get up and walk out…no more words.

After a few moments had passed, she got up and walked to the door, opening it and stepping outside. She expected to find herself alone, but she at least wanted to make sure that he was really gone.

And she found him leaning against the side of the house, smoking a cigarette in the dark.

She crossed her arms across her chest.

"I thought you left," Carol said.

"That what you wanted?" Daryl asked, some aggression in his voice.

"If that's what you want," she said.

"Don't skirt my damn question," he barked. "I been answerin' everything you throwin' out…you ain't answered nothin' I'm askin' you."

Carol swallowed.

"OK, Daryl," she said. "What do you want me to answer? Go ahead."

"You love me?" He asked.

She nodded her head.

"Say it," he said.

She nodded again to accompany her soft spoken words.

"I love you," she ceded.

He nodded his head and took a drag off his cigarette.

"You want me ta stay or you want me ta go?" He asked.

"What do you want to do?" She countered.

"You the one answerin' questions," he responded.

"I…want you to stay…if you're really staying," Carol said.

"Half ass answer," he muttered.

Carol felt her own temper rise a little to go with the tone of voice that he was using.

"Can you handle this?" Carol asked. "Can you handle the baby?"

No response.

Carol nodded her head slightly and turned to go back in the house.

"Do you want me to bring your bag out here? Or are you coming to get it?" She asked as she opened the door.

Daryl threw his cigarette butt to the ground and put it out with his shoe. He followed her, very nearly pushing her into the door of the house so that she had to speed up her steps to keep from tripping over her own feet.

"I'ma handle it, OK?" Daryl said. "I just…ain't got there yet…but I'ma handle it."

He closed the door behind him, shutting them both into the house again.

"So what do you want?" Carol asked.

Daryl grabbed her roughly and kissed her and she pushed against him until the force behind it calmed a little…then she sunk into it, not fighting it. She returned it, closing her eyes and trying to ignore the fight between the feelings in her mind, the feeling of needing him to promise something she wasn't sure that he could promise and the feeling of not caring, just so long as he stayed a little longer.

When they broke apart, Carol absentmindedly ran her tongue over her lips.

"I want you," Daryl said. He shook his head. "Sorry if I don't got all these answers for you. Didn't know they was a test. I just wanna be with you. I figured the rest would…just sorta happen."

Carol sucked in a breath.

"You mean that?" She asked. "Do you mean…that you want me…and the rest...we work on?"

He nodded, chewing now at his lip.

"You can stay the night…on the couch," Carol said. "If you want…"

He chuckled lightly, the first sign of humor this evening had allowed.

"On the couch…" he said.

Carol nodded her head.

"On the couch," she repeated.

He sucked his teeth and chuckled again.

"Good damn couch," he said. "Most comfortable place ta sleep I've had in a long time…"


	43. Chapter 43

**AN: Here we go, another little chapter, moving us along. **

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! **

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Carol assumed that she was working perimeter duty on her own in the morning. She'd been out there for at least a half an hour and no one had shown up, so it was a safe assumption that they'd thought she could handle it. And she could handle it. It wasn't too difficult, even if it was a messy job, and Carol liked the time to think and the fact that any frustration she might have, she could take out on the Walkers that just kept walking into the fence for her to drive her knife into their heads and let them fall for clean up to drag away.

But she wasn't alone after all. When she heard the clang of the door closing shut, she made her way back around to see who had come in and was surprised to see Michonne standing there, looking a little flustered.

"I'm sorry," Michonne muttered. "I lost track of time…nothing this morning has gone smoothly…I thought I wasn't going to make it all."

"If things were too busy, I could have handled it on my own," Carol said.

"I'll be honest," Michonne said, falling in with her knife and picking off a few of the Walkers who had gathered near the entrance in the time since Carol had passed by there, "I wasn't going to come until I saw it was you in here. Should you really be working perimeter?"

Carol growled, not trying to hide her annoyance.

"Yes, I should!" She remarked. "I think I can clear chain link fences just fine."

"Point taken," Michonne said. "Are you still mad at me about the whole slipping and telling Daryl thing? Because…I told you I was sorry. I just think that you need to take care of yourself, and if that's wrong of me…then I'm sorry. You're my friend and I think you should take care of yourself."

Carol sighed.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I'm really not mad at you…I'm not mad at anyone. I just don't want to be put on something like post duty everyday…not yet. I mean I need exercise, right? And this isn't exactly dangerous…we're in a cage stabbing Walkers."

Michonne chuckled.

"It's like those shark cages on the Discovery Channel," Michonne said, keeping step beside Carol now that she'd fallen into the pattern the two of them always seemed to easily and quickly develop.

Carol laughed at the thought.

"I used to think those people were crazy. Or maybe they were glutton for punishment…and look at me," Carol said.

"Maybe none of us are anything like we used to be," Michonne said.

"Nothing's like it used to be," Carol agreed. "Absolutely nothing…"

Michonne hummed.

They worked along in silence for a while, winding their way in an almost synchronized manner around the outer wall of Oasis in silence. But Carol finally decided to speak.

"Michonne…I need to talk to you about something," Carol said. "And I want your honest opinion on it."

"Wow…you're trusting me with a secret? After I…turned out to be a pregnancy narc?" Michonne responded.

"I know you meant well…and I hope that you'll understand what I'm about to tell you," Carol said.

"This sounds serious," Michonne said, not letting up on her quick movements to drop the Walkers already gathered around, their voices naturally calling the strays toward them even as the ones in front of them fell.

"Daryl…told me that he loved me," Carol said, deciding that spitting it out was the best thing she could do.

Michonne didn't say anything at all and Carol gave her a few moments. Finally, when she did speak, Carol didn't expect her to be as utterly unsurprised as she was.

"What? There's something else?" Michonne asked.

She bumped into Carol when she tried to advance and found that Carol had stopped their movement. Carol turned to face the woman and Michonne turned now, looking a little confused.

"I said that Daryl told me he loved me," Carol repeated.

Michonne stared at her with the blank look that made it impossible to figure out what the woman was thinking.

"Carol…has he never said it before?" Michonne asked finally, raising an eyebrow.

"Of course not," Carol said. "You're not telling me that this isn't surprising…"

Michonne shrugged.

"It's not," she said. "You're telling me you're surprised?"

Carol frowned.

"Carol…when I got to the prison, do you know the very first…and I mean the very first impression I got of you?" Michonne asked, popping a hand on her hip.

Carol raised her eyebrows at the woman.

"I thought you were Daryl's…wife…or whatever," Michonne said. "I was locked in a holding cell…and he was showing you to…everybody. He looked so…happy. He looked so in love…the whole time that you were hugging everyone he was watching them like they were allowed to greet you…but nothing beyond what he thought was enough."

She shrugged again.

"I was more surprised to find out you weren't a couple than I am to find out he told you that he loved you," Michonne said.

Carol made a face.

"I told him I love him too…I have for a long time, but I never thought he'd say he loved me too," Carol said.

Michonne sucked in her bottom lip like she either didn't know what to say or she was simply avoiding speaking.

"Well?" Carol asked. "You want to say something…I can see it on your face."

"I don't know what I'm supposed to say, honestly," Michonne admitted. "I thought that you knew…but then with Ty…"

Carol nodded her head.

"Then there was Tyreese," Carol said. "And…that's why I wanted to talk to you. Michonne, Daryl's spent the last two nights at my house. And I can't promise that he won't stay tonight…have you seen those apartments they live in? They're barely broom closets…sleeping in someone's living room is better…"

Michonne chuckled and furrowed her brow.

"You're letting Daryl stay at your house because you think his apartment is uncomfortable?" Michonne said, her voice leaking out the fact that she didn't believe it for a moment.

"No," Carol admitted. "But…I would. Michonne…it's just a matter of time before all of Oasis starts talking. I mean…you saw how long I got to keep this baby a secret."

Michonne rolled her eyes.

"I'm not directing that at you," Carol said, holding a hand up. "I'm just saying that there are no secrets here."

"And you want to keep it a secret? I mean…from anyone who didn't know you two?" Michonne asked.

"What about Sasha?" Carol asked, jumping right to the chase. "She's going to be…devastated."

Michonne seemed to consider it a moment. Then she shook her head.

"She's not going to be devastated," Michonne said. "She might be a little…upset…but she's not going to be devastated. Tyreese knew how close you were to Daryl."

Carol shrugged and then nodded.

Tyreese had known how close she was to Daryl, that much was true. They'd discussed it more than once that Carol had considered Daryl her closest friend. They'd even discussed her feelings for Daryl and the fact that it had always been a little difficult for her to fully accept that Daryl was never going to have the same feelings for her that she had for him.

And Tyreese had known how bad it upset her to find out that Daryl couldn't, or so she thought at the time, ever forgive her for what she'd done with Karen and David.

Tyreese knew how Carol felt about Daryl…and he'd never been threatened by it at all.

"Sasha knew how close you were to Daryl," Michonne said. "She's a smart woman…she's capable of figuring out what's right in front of her face, even if you and Daryl weren't."

"Michonne!" Carol scoffed.

Michonne laughed.

"I'm sorry…I'm still shocked that you were shocked. Sasha…she'll get over it. Tyreese loved you. There was no doubt about that…and you loved Ty. And Tyreese would have given his right arm if it would have made you happy," Michonne said. "So…I don't think he'd deny you this if you want it."

She paused a moment.

"Do you?" Michonne asked.

Carol nodded.

"I do," she said. "And I think that Daryl might be serious about this…"

She hated to admit that she was still afraid to put too much confidence in something like this. Maybe Michonne was certain that it had been there for some time, but Carol also knew how Daryl reacted to feelings that were a little overwhelming for him, and this had potential to be overwhelming in more than one way.

"Daryl Dixon told you he loved you?" Michonne asked.

Carol nodded.

"And he's never said it before?" Michonne asked, raising an eyebrow again.

Carol shook her head.

"He's serious," Michonne said. "Daryl's a lot of things…but he's not really a bullshitter when it comes to something serious."

After a moment, Michonne tried to stifle a laugh that finally came out and she backed herself against the wall, leaning there a moment.

"What's so funny?!" Carol said.

"Merle Dixon is doing somersaults in his grave right now!" Michonne declared through her laughter. "His precious baby brother is…on the verge of a relationship with a woman…and you're pregnant with Tyreese's baby!"

Carol couldn't help but catch the laughter from Michonne. She hadn't quite thought about that…there were certainly aspects of this that might have given Merle a thing or two to talk about.

When Carol wiped away her laughter, she started back to work and it wasn't more than minute before Michonne fell in step with her.

"Do you really think that Sasha is going to understand?" Carol asked. "I don't really care what anyone else says…I know they're going to talk, but Sasha is Ty's sister and I don't want her to think that I'm…disrespecting his memory…or…I don't know what she might think…"

Michonne hummed.

"She'll be fine," Michonne said. "And if you'll give me permission to speak, I'll talk to her about it. I think she'll understand, though. Things move fast these days…that's the only way they seem to be able to move. She's going to be protective over that baby, though, so you better warn Dixon to mind his ps and qs with it."

Carol smiled to herself.

"I think he will," she said. "I think…it's going to take him some time…but Daryl loves children."

"And he loves you…looks like a win win situation," Michonne said. "Do you want me to talk to Sasha? Soften the blow?"

Carol considered it.

She considered herself close to Sasha…but she knew that Michonne and Sasha tended to spend more time together, so they might be closer. And it might be easier to hear coming from someone that wasn't Carol…it might give her some time to think about it before they had to discuss it.

And just confessing it to Michonne, a member of the old group, and getting her take on it, was already making Carol feel a lot better about things.

"Yeah," Carol said. "I think I'd like you to talk to her."

"Deal," Michonne said. "I'll find her during dinner."

"I think I'll be sure to eat dinner at home tonight, just in case," Carol said.

"With a dinner guest…no doubt," Michonne muttered, just loud enough that she would be sure that Carol heard her.


	44. Chapter 44

**AN: Here we go, another little chapter as we keep moving along.**

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! **

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Daryl saw Carol when she slipped into the bathhouse. He knew she had running water, but most of the people with running water still chose to bathe in the public houses, reserving the stress on the water and electric supplies as much as possible. She'd been on perimeter duty and he'd been doing clean up for some construction work. And he had the same idea she had about cleaning up when the crowd was still busy. The next day he was going on a run and he had second shift off to rest up for it. He was going to start that with a shower regardless of how he spent the rest of it.

Daryl stepped into the otherwise empty shower house and made his way down to the only running stall. He leaned close to the curtain.

"Carol…" He called, not really wanting to give her a heart attack since she probably wouldn't be expecting him.

"Daryl?" She asked.

"You got soap?" He asked.

Her face, confusion evident, appeared at the curtain.

"Yes…there's some in the basket over there…" She said as though she wasn't sure that it was the right answer. "You ran out?"

"No," Daryl said. "But I seen you coming in here…figured you'd have some."

Carol nodded her head and Daryl turned toward the bench to get the soap out of the basket. But he stopped before he did.

Carol had expressed it in more than one way…did he really mean what he said? Did he mean it enough that he didn't give a shit what people said?

Daryl sucked in a breath and shucked out his dirty clothes faster than he ever had before in the empty shower house and walked back to the curtain. He swallowed and closed his eyes, whispered his own "fuck it" to himself and yanked back the curtain, stepping inside, Carol's surprised scream echoing through the space before he opened his eyes to find her somewhat cowering in the corner of the shower trying to cover herself with her hands and arms.

"What are you doing?!" Carol asked.

Daryl held his hands up.

"Pretty much as damn mortified as I can get right now," he said. "And…I ain't runnin' out."

He sucked his teeth.

"And…I seen you naked before…twice…no…three times," Daryl said.

He was absolutely certain at this moment that his heart was in good condition. If it hadn't been, this would have been the death of him because it was pounding around in his chest hard enough that he was sure it wasn't even staying in the space designated to it.

"What?" Carol asked, but she dropped her hands. "You saw me…naked? When?"

"'Member that…house…we stayed at for a couple nights that had the lil' pond thing outside everyone bathed in? The one right out the back door?" Daryl asked. "You'd go out at night…when you thought everyone was asleep…"

"And you were watching me?" Carol asked.

Daryl chuckled.

"Tell the truth? I was in the damn bushes 'cause you got some bad damn timin' an' you almost caught my ass doin' the same damn thing every time," Daryl said. "Didn't mean ta look…but…"

He shook his head.

"An' then at the prison…but that was an accident…saw Glenn too an' I ain't meant for that shit ta happen," Daryl said.

And much to his surprised, Carol laughed at him. She laughed hard enough that he could do nothing more than stand there and look at her in shock. He'd prepared for angry…but he hadn't prepared for laughter.

"I'm sorry…" Carol said, covering her mouth with her hand. "I'm sorry…but you're…what are you doing in here now?"

Daryl chuckled then, feeling a little relieved by the genuine smile that was left after the fading laughter.

"Takin' a shower…an' I wanted ta talk to you," Daryl said.

Carol offered him a bottle of shampoo. He took it, smiling to himself. Apparently she wasn't going to run him out of the space…after all, they were already naked. There wasn't really any saving modesty for either of them at this point.

"I got a run," Daryl said. "Leave tomorrow with a group. Abe says three days…I say five."

He shampooed his hair in silence in when he was done rinsing it he slung off the excess water and watched as Carol traded places with him, brushing him just barely as she scrubbed at her body with a washcloth, her eyes closed from the water running down her face.

He looked…maybe a little more intently than he had before…but he didn't pretend to think that she might not have done the same thing while he was rinsing his hair.

"That's five days," Daryl said, averting his eyes when he realized he was getting to into his examination and he didn't exactly have anywhere to hide his thoughts right now. "You think about what the hell you gotta think about…do what you gotta do. When we come back…you either waitin' on me at the gate with everyone else…or you ain't. I'll know what it means."

Carol froze in what she was doing and Daryl reached and took the soap and washcloth out of her hands, leaving her looking at the floor.

"Daryl…everyone who gets close to me…dies," Carol said. "I'm…pretty much a living example of the black widow."

At first he wouldn't have thought she was being serious, but when she turned her eyes up at him, he could tell that she was.

"Good damn thing I ain't superstitious," he said. "An'…you shouldn't be neither."

"I never was," Carol said. "But…"

She broke off and laughed ironically.

"But at this point it's not…seeming like a superstition anymore," Carol said. "It's a fact…if you get close to me…this run? It could be a disaster…"

"It's a supply run…ten people," Daryl said. "It ain't gonna be a disaster."

He reached a hand out and brushed his knuckles against her cheek. She didn't flinch and she didn't move away, so he slid the hand down, sliding his knuckles down her neck and bringing his hand to rest on her shoulder.

Her chest was heaving and he didn't doubt that his was doing the same if he could even think about it anymore.

"How close?" He asked, stepping toward her. She backed up a step, but the concrete wall of the stall stopped her. "This close?"

"That's pretty close…" she said.

He ducked his head and kissed her and she returned the kiss, so he stepped closer, bringing their bodies together, the feeling of the skin connecting sending electricity through him and leading him to deepen the kiss enough to bump her head slightly on the wall behind her, but she didn't break the kiss.

"This is about as close as I can get," he said, pulling away from the kiss and resting his head against hers.

"We need to leave," Carol said. "We're…wasting water…and people are going to be coming to shower soon…"

Daryl chuckled.

"I ain't showerin' for five damn days startin' tomorrow," he growled. "We can use all that water."

He slid a hand down and found her breast, her hand moving to go over his like she might stop him and he rubbed her nipple between his fingertips.

"You worried about the water for real or you want me ta stop?" Daryl asked.

She moved her hand and he froze in his movements, but he didn't move out of the position that they were in. They stayed that way for a few seconds before Carol finally reached up and brushed her fingertips at the hair around his temples.

"I don't want you to stop…if you don't want to stop," Carol said, leaning to kiss him again, the first that she had initiated.

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Daryl was pretty damn sure that people were going to question why he was strolling through town with his pack for the run and an extra box of his clothes the day before the run, but he flat didn't give a shit right now.

He threw the box in the tight little hallway of the apartment building beside the sack and went back in to get his crossbow. On his way out of the room, he turned and started at the fact that Will was standing there looking at him.

"You're preparing for the run, Mr. Daryl?" Will asked.

"Yeah," Daryl said. "Somethin' like that…"

"You have a lot of things for a supply run," Will said. "Wouldn't it be more economical if everyone were to take less? Otherwise you're going to have to allow an extra amount of room in the vehicles to transport both what you're taking and what you intend to return with. Given that higeine concerns are typically lax on such runs, it would seem that for a three day run you wouldn't need more than one change of clothes."

"Will!" Daryl barked, cutting Will off with a start. "All a' this shit ain't goin' on the run with me, OK?"

Will looked perplexed and Daryl sighed.

He wanted to choke Will sometimes, but for whatever reason he wasn't really able to ever actually achieve anger when it came to Will.

"You wanna do somethin' Will? Wanna do me a favor?" Daryl asked.

"I assure you, Mr. Daryl, if I were able to do a favor for you, I would…but I don't know what I can do about a run. I've been taken off of rotation supplies since I…" Will sputtered.

"I know! I know…since you shot the guy in the foot…you been off runs a while now, Will," Daryl said. "Ain't got nothin' ta do with a run. Just wait here…can you do that?"

Will nodded and Daryl ducked back into the little apartment. He had one more sack there, but if he'd had something a little larger he could carry absolutely everything he owned in one load with Will's assistance. As it stood, he'd need to make at least one return trip for a few of the things he'd gathered together…he realized now that Oasis had taught them all to live with much more than they actually required.

He brought the other sack out and loaded up as much as he could.

"Grab that box, would'ja Will? Follow me…" Daryl commanded.

Will picked up the box without further question for the moment and followed Daryl out of the apartment building.

"May I ask where we're going? Or is this some kind of surprise that I'm expected to find exciting?" Will asked.

Daryl chuckled.

"We're goin' ta Carol's house," Daryl said. "I'm movin' in there…"

"I didn't know that she was seeking a roommate," Will commented. "It's a good thing, though. Now that Mr. Tyreese is no longer with the community, it would seem that she probably would like some kind of companionship."

Daryl chuckled again.

"Yeah…Will…that's it. I'ma go be her companion," Daryl said. "I'ma send her back for whatever's left in there while I'm on the run. Reckon you could haul the boxes or whatever for her?"

"I could do that," Will said. "Would you like me to do a thorough check to make sure that you've remembered all your possessions?"

"That'll be great," Daryl commented, "whatever you wanna do…it'll be just damn fine, Will. Just haul whatever's left over ta Carol's house…"


	45. Chapter 45

**AN: Here we go, another little chapter. **

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! **

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Carol was rearranging things in the closet and chest of drawers as though there was all that much to move around. Mostly it was giving her something to do to keep her mind busy.

She still couldn't believe that Daryl had showed up in the shower house, or that he'd been so forward about what he wanted. When she'd given him permission, though, to do whatever it was that he had in mind, he'd surprised her even more by making the decision, himself, that he wasn't going to do anything…not there and not like that.

And that made her more nervous than anything.

Because at least in the shower she'd been swept up in the heat of the moment. If anything had happened between them it would have happened out of the adrenaline rush of the whole situation. It would have happened in an excited moment…not in a lull and not with the thought that they were putting into it now.

Now, when they did something, they would both be fully aware of it. It would be a fully conscious decision. It wouldn't be the heat of the moment.

As soon as Carol had felt Daryl's hand on her body…his skin against hers…it had been like her body was burning. She'd dreamed more than once about what it would be like for him to touch her that way…to touch her like he wanted to touch her more instead of like he wanted to break their physical connection as quickly as possible.

She knew that she'd lost in that moment all the resolve she'd gathered together to avoid taking their relationship to some kind of elevated level so quickly. She wanted him to keep touching her…she wanted to touch him…she wanted to be with him the way that she'd imagined being with him for so long. And she handed herself over to him.

And he'd told her to wait. He'd told her to wait until tonight…and now it was making her feel far more nervous than it should have made her feel…

Carol jumped when she heard the sound of her door slamming open, the door flying back and making contact with the wall. Daryl was supposed to be going to pack his bag for the run and he was going to bring it and a few things with him to spend the night…he would leave for the run from her house…she was going to walk him to the gate to see him off.

Carol got to her feet and made her way to the door to find Daryl on his way already toward the living room, his arms loaded down with far more than she'd anticipated for the one trip.

Carol didn't say anything immediately, though. She turned to close the door and found Will standing there, just outside the door, holding a box in his arms.

"Will…is that Daryl's too?" Carol asked, not really sure if Will was with Daryl or had just happened to show up at about the same time…regardless of his reasons, though, it was clear he wasn't coming in without an invitation.

"Yes ma'am," Will said. "I can bring the rest for you while he's on the run. I'm going to do a thorough check of his apartment to make sure that he hasn't left behind any of his personal possessions."

Carol waved him in.

"Would you like to come in?" She asked.

Will nodded and came in with his box, making his way to the living room where Daryl was now directing him to put the box in the spare bedroom…which was a good place for it since it was temporarily just the place to put things you didn't have a place for.

"It appears that you're lacking in the area of furniture," Will said. "If you would like, I could help you make arrangements to have some furniture moved here during Mr. Daryl's absence on the run. I believe that they've got a program in place for those needing furniture. It's also possible that we could arrange to simply move the furniture out of the apartments. It's been some time since we've had any new arrivals that required single housing…"

"We got arrangements already made," Daryl responded to Will, cutting him off in his rambling.

"Daryl…is this all of your things?" Carol asked, pushing in enough to see what he'd put down in the room that was otherwise empty except for the bodies and the sacks that Carol hadn't entirely unpacked from the run that had cost Tyreese his life.

She hadn't expected this at all if that's what was happening here.

Daryl was standing there, chewing his thumb and regarding the few bags and the box.

"Not all of it," Will said quickly. "There are still the things that I will bring. I could bring them this evening if tomorrow isn't sufficient."

Daryl looked at Carol and she decided the best thing might be to just get Will out of the way…and figure the rest out later.

"That's fine, Will," Carol said. "Tomorrow…would be just fine…thank you, Will…for bringing this over."

"It's not a problem, Ms. Carol," Will said.

He stood there then, looking somewhat awkward. He recognized that he was somewhat being dismissed. Either that or he wished to be dismissed, but Will never was much good with escaping a scenario.

"Thank you, Will," Carol said again. "Can I walk you out?"

Will nodded his head with some enthusiasm and Daryl stepped out of the way so that he could pass by. Carol did show him out and closed the door behind him, thanking him again and accepting his wishes for a good evening.

Then she closed the door again.

"Daryl…" She started.

"Before you say somethin'…" Daryl started, "I weren't intendin' on bringin' everything over here…but they ain't that much an' it just didn't make that much sense not ta bring it. You said that we were…doin' this…"

Carol sighed and shook her head.

"No…I did," Carol said. "It's fine…I'll put everything away while you're gone…it's not much and there's plenty of room here. It's fine, Daryl. Really."

She was surprised to find that Daryl was being so forward, but in a lot of ways it was a pleasant surprise, if unexpected.

"Do you…have some…preference about how you want me to unpack your things?" Carol asked.

Daryl chuckled ironically.

"Hell…leave it in the box if you want," he said. "Ain't like I really care…was thinkin' while I hauled it over here there's too damn much there anyway."

Carol shook her head.

"No…I'm taking it out the box," she said. "You should feel comfortable here."

She needed an out for a moment, and she knew it. She needed a moment to process the fact that she felt a little out of control of this situation at the moment. She needed a breath of fresh air.

"Why don't you start…unpacking?" Carol offered. "I'll go and get us something to eat. We can have an early dinner and you can get some sleep. You don't want to start a run exhausted."

"Lemme get it," Daryl offered.

Carol shook her head.

"I'm fine," she said. "I want to go get it, OK? Please?"

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Daryl wasn't sure if he'd grossly overstepped his boundaries at first. But this was what everybody did. They decided they were going to have a relationship with someone and they moved in with them. It had always been the same, really…share a tent, share a cell…share whatever you had. That was the way that everyone seemed to do it.

And really it had been the same way before too…every person he'd ever known that was all about relationships ended up dating someone a couple of times and then it was either they moved in with that person or they moved that person into their place…usually depending on who had the nicer place or who wasn't on the point of being evicted.

And Carol seemed concerned for some kind of proof…some kind of show that he was serious about this and he wasn't suffering from something temporary like heat stroke that might make him act this way.

Why should she trust him, after all, it wasn't like he'd had the balls to say anything before. The closest he'd come was insisting, before they found the prison, that she put her blanket near his at night…and even then he always simply billed it as being something solely about protection.

After all, she couldn't take care of herself. Except now that wasn't as true as everyone had once believed it was.

As the evening progressed, though, she seemed to have calmed to the point that he thought that maybe he hadn't done anything too terribly wrong…likely he'd just surprised her.

They ate dinner together and Carol cleaned up the dishes, piling them in the container that she would use to haul them back to the commissary and Daryl checked his pack, making sure that he had everything that he'd need for the run.

"Do you need anything?" Carol asked, appearing in the living room.

"Nah," he said. "If I ain't got it, I don't need it that damn much."

"Do you want to do something…or go to bed? You need to get some rest before tomorrow…" Carol said.

He nodded his head at her.

"What'd you have in mind if we don't go ta bed right now?" He asked.

Carol shrugged.

"I have books," she said. "Card games…a few board games…"

Daryl chuckled.

"Yeah…I reckon bed sounds 'bout as good as any of that stuff," he said. "I'm…uh…am I sleepin' on the couch tonight?"

She had given him "permission" in the shower to do what he wanted…but it hadn't felt right to him. It had felt like just that…permission to do what he wanted.

And that wasn't exactly what he'd thought it would be like. He wanted her to be with him, not because she felt like she had to or like he expected it, but because she wanted to be with him…and whether that was tonight or it was after the run, he didn't much care, so long as it didn't feel like he was simply getting permission to act.

"I think…you'd sleep better in the bed," Carol said. "It's more comfortable."

Daryl chuckled to himself.

"Yeah…prob'ly would sleep better there…" he said.

Carol nodded her head and went to the bedroom without another word, so Daryl assumed he was supposed to follow her, though he wasn't sure if he was actually just going to sleep now or not.

When he came in the room, Carol was standing awkwardly by the bed as though she didn't know what to do either.

"Which…uh…side you want me on?" Daryl asked.

Carol pointed.

"That one, I guess," she said.

He nodded and shucked off his shoes and then his clothes. What was the point of modesty at this point anyway? And he didn't particularly relish the idea of sleeping in his clothes if he didn't have to. It reminded him too much of being on the road or on runs where you had to keep your shoes on just in case you had to spring into action at any given moment.

He got in the bed and Carol followed suit, taking her clothes off a little slower than he had but getting under the cover a little faster…as though he hadn't had the whole period of a shower to see anything that had been left to the imagination.

Once they were in the bed, though, Carol promptly blew out the lantern. It was dark in the room, but it hadn't gotten fully dark outside so some light filtered through the two small windows.

"We're goin' ta sleep, right?" Daryl asked, biting at his finger. "'Cause…I ain't too damn sure what's goin' on anymore…"

"Daryl, have you ever wanted something…or thought you wanted it…and then you got it and it just wasn't…what you wanted anymore?" Carol asked. "It wasn't…as good as you thought it would be?"

"That what the hell you thinkin' 'bout me right now?" Daryl asked.

"It might be what you think about me," Carol admitted.

Daryl grunted in response to the statement. He should probably say something…but he didn't know what to say at the moment and he felt almost overwhelmed to consider it.

So instead of saying anything, he simply sought Carol out in the bed, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her toward him. And suddenly he was far more nervous than he'd been even moments before, because she moved, kissing him and rearranging her arms to make the embrace more comfortable.

Daryl had let his imagination venture to this moment more than once…all along the way. The very first time he'd ever caught himself thinking about Carol this way, in fact, had been at the CDC. He'd caught a glance of her wandering the hallway in her pajamas…and they hadn't even been anything flashy or particularly sexy. And maybe that's what had made him think that they were sexy. They looked comfortable…and she looked like someone that he imagined would be just that…comfortable.

And maybe for some comfortable wasn't something that wonderful…some people wanted something flashy. They wanted some painted woman…someone who was, as Merle put it, "hot to trot"…but Daryl had that before.

What he'd never had was comfortable.

And now he wasn't sure he trusted comfortable because it never lasted…and believing it might was what led to the greatest disappointments…before and after the turn.

For all the scenarios that his brain had created for him, though, and for all the times that he'd scolded himself for imagining what it would be like to be with Carol…he wasn't prepared for what it was actually like.

She was soft and warm and her body felt small and fragile in his arms…but she didn't feel fragile, not when she found he way on top of him, eventually robbing of his senses entirely, her fingernails digging into the upper part of his arms…into his chest…while he held her hips, harassed her breasts, massaged his fingers into her flesh here and there because he couldn't keep his mind about him enough to know where to put his hands. Her mouth was on his at intervals, robbing him of whatever breath he managed to steal in snatches.

And when she came, it was almost as terrifying as it was satisfying because she let herself go more completely than any woman Daryl had ever been with had done before. When she cried out, he first thought that he'd hurt her, the sound nothing like he'd expected to hear come from Carol, but it took him only a fraction of minute to realize what was happening and immediately forget because he was overcome with his own orgasm…his release accented with profanity instead of the animalistic cry that had accompanied hers.

He'd meant, perhaps, to have some speech prepared for afterwards. He'd meant to say all the right things…everything she wanted or needed to hear…but the words never made their way out of his mouth. None of the words that he had to say in such a situation seemed quite right anyway…so he simply left them unspoken and wrapped his arms around Carol when she curled into him to sleep for the few hours allotted to him before he had to leave for the run.


	46. Chapter 46

**AN: Here we go, another chapter. **

**So I make typos all the time…but there's one I found that's bothering me because it's one of those that just sounds really bad. I put in the last chapter that the "the bodies" and all the "stuff and thangs" were in the room. I meant "their bodies"…as in the living people…not as in a stack of bodies. I reread that and I thought that was unfortunate because it makes it sound like Carol has a stack of bodies or something in her house…that's not the case. **

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! **

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Carol followed Daryl out of the house before the sun was even up. He would go, eat breakfast, pick up his ration bag, and then he would hit the gate to wait for the run. As a show of her dedication to trying to make this work, she was walking him to breakfast and she would stay with him until he left.

"Don't duck your head," Daryl said, turning back to look at her. 

"I wasn't," she protested.

"You were," Daryl said. "You that ashamed a' me?"

Carol shook her head and Daryl dropped back in his steps enough that she had no choice except for to catch up with him.

"I'm not ashamed of you," Carol said. "Myself? Maybe…"

"I don't want you bein' ashamed a' you neither," Daryl commented. "What the hell we done that's so damn bad? What we done that ain't nobody else done here?"

Carol nodded.

She understood what he was saying, but it didn't mean that there wasn't enough of the life they'd known before engrained in her that it felt at least a little wrong.

"It's just something I have to get…through…myself," Carol said.

Daryl chuckled.

"You got about five days," he said. "I'ma expect you to be pretty much done with the whole duckin' thing by the time I get back."

Carol nodded.

When they reached breakfast, they were the only ones there at the moment. They both took a tray of the food that was being offered, slim pickings before runs because the people assigned to prepare it had to be up dramatically early to throw it together for those leaving on the runs, and they made their way to a table where they both sat to eat in fairly guarded silence.

It was difficult to know what to say, but they hadn't really said much at all about the night before.

Carol had thought it was amazing. She'd thought, during the whole time she'd worried about it, that she was going to feel self-conscious or that her guilt feelings would keep her from really enjoying being with Daryl…but in the moment that hadn't been the case at all.

She'd lost herself entirely in the moment. She'd lost herself so completely, in fact, that she could almost convince herself that it had never happened and that it was all a dream. She'd imagined the entire thing just as surely as she'd imagined it a thousand times before. It was just an elaborate dream that had left her body more sharply aware of itself than any of the dreams she'd entertained before.

But it was real and neither of them had said anything about the encounter. And now it didn't seem like the right time or place to say anything as other people began to file in with their trays.

Some of the faces were familiar to Carol, others were ones whose names she might not have even ventured to try to recall. Some people came with their loved ones, others came alone.

Carol saw Abraham come in and take a seat at a corner table, alone, but he was soon joined by Rick.

And she thought she was being paranoid when Rick looked over at them for a moment before he turned to his quiet conversation with Abraham…but Michonne had likely told him what Carol had said about Daryl, and maybe he reserved some kind of judgment for them.

Glenn came in a few moments later, alone, and Carol watched as he took a seat alone at one of the tables to eat.

If she'd been alone she would have moved to sit with him. So she leaned across the table and tapped Daryl on the arm who was obviously still trying to wake up.

"Huh?" He asked.

She pointed toward Glenn.

"Get Glenn? Ask him if he wants to sit with us? Maggie must not have wanted to bring the baby out this early," Carol said.

Daryl turned and looked over his shoulder before he shook his head.

"Too early," he said. "I got a five day run with these people…"

"Daryl…" Carol said. "He shouldn't have to eat his breakfast alone. I would eat with him…I've eaten breakfast with people I don't even know to keep them from eating alone. It's Glenn…"

Daryl rolled his eyes, but he did move enough to turn toward Glenn in his seat and called the man's name out. Glenn looked in his direction, still looking like he wasn't awake himself, and he got up when Daryl gestured for him to come.

"Bring ya food," Daryl said when it was obvious Glenn thought he was just coming over for a quick word.

Glenn came over to the table, looked back and forth between Carol and Daryl, and then sat down, quiet.

Carol was waiting for him to say something. She was waiting for him to make some kind of comment, but it appeared that it was either too early for such things or he was simply not going to make one.

"Is Maggie going to see you off at the gate?" Carol asked, trying to figure out how to start conversation so that it didn't appear that they'd simply invited him to eat in silence with them.

Glenn shook his head and wiped at his face with his hand.

"No…we were up…almost all night," he said. "I told her to stay…sleep."

"No damn sleep an' everybody's gonna be dragging," Daryl commented. "Means we ain't makin' it back in three days no way. Abraham's crazy if he thinks we are."

Glenn hummed.

"I didn't realize I wasn't the only one who hadn't slept," Glenn muttered.

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Daryl could tell that Carol was still a little self-conscious about everything, and he was too…though he was trying his best to pretend that he wasn't. He didn't push for any grand display of affection, though, and neither did she.

When they reached the gates, Daryl knew that he needed to go ahead and move on with Abraham to start organizing things and checking on what the plan was supposed to be to get the people and vehicles organized to move out on the supply run.

"I…got a lot I gotta do," Daryl said, pulling Carol slightly off to the side while everyone else said their goodbyes and got organized.

She nodded her head.

"Be safe?" She asked.

He nodded.

"Yeah," he responded. "Always am…you too…"

She nodded at him and smiled.

"It's pretty safe here," she said. "Not the same kinds of concerns as out there."

Daryl looked around at the group that was going. They were a pretty good group and they were all seasoned on runs. There wasn't anyone that he thought they needed to specifically keep an eye on. They'd roll pretty easily through this run. The most time would be taken up in travel and loading up since they were sweeping through and taking everything they could get their hands on and then some.

"Yeah…not too many concerns out there," he said. "Don't worry 'bout it. You gonna…be here when I get back?"

Carol took her turn to glance around the crowd. Daryl knew already though that no one was paying them any attention, or if they were…they were doing it without being too obvious.

Michonne had come up and she was standing off to the side with Rick, Carl loitering beside them to see his father off, probably pissed because he wasn't going on the run, and Judith standing next to Michonne holding her hand.

Daryl figured she'd be hanging around Carol before they got out the gates good.

"I'll be here," Carol said softly. "I'll unpack your things while you're gone…and I'll ge the rest of your things out of the apartment."

"Don't bother," Daryl said, shaking his head. "Let Will do it. It's somethin' I asked him ta do…he's gonna want ta do it. Just let him."

"Fine," Carol said. "I'll unpack for you, then…and I'll be here when you get back…"

Daryl considered kissing her goodbye. He considered how he might do it without it being something so obvious to everyone. He considered how he might do it so that it didn't look as nauseating to everyone else as it sometimes looked to him when they were preparing for a run and the only thing you saw was someone who looked like they needed you to rescue them from having their entire face eaten off by their significant other.

And Carol wasn't much help because she was looking at him like she was just as uncomfortable with the prospect of the whole thing, chewing her lip and letting her eyes dance around.

But on the other hand…this was the very first instance when they could somehow show that they were…doing whatever it was that they were doing. This was the first platform they had to show that they were doing something that maybe they should have done years ago.

Daryl swallowed and tipped her chin with his fingers. The kiss that he offered her wasn't one of the kisses that some of the others were offering the people that were seeing them off. It was just a quick, soft peck…but hopefully it was enough to get his point across and hopefully it was enough to ensure that she was there when he got back.

When they broke from the kiss, Daryl caught Carol's eyes for another moment and then he turned his back to her and went to join Abraham who was talking to two others so that they could move out…get the show on the road.

The sooner they left, the sooner they made it back, heroes for bringing back everything they'd been sent out to get.


	47. Chapter 47

**AN: Here we go, moving us along.**

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! **

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"We ain't cleared out half that mall," Daryl said. "That's at least another two days if we're going to do it right…this ain't no three day trip an' I been sayin' that since we checked it out."

"I agree," Rick said, spooning another mouthful of beans into his mouth and chewing them quickly before he spoke. "We've got half a delivery truck loaded at that Costco, but if we take our time, we could easily get two or three trucks and that's a lot of supplies."

"I'm not trying to argue with any of you," Abraham said. "I was trying to move us out to cut down on all the slumber party nonsense, but you want more days, we'll take them."

He got up from his spot on the floor of the house that they were staying in and made his way to the bedroom that he'd claimed a spot in where a several others were already sleeping.

"Get some beauty sleep," he grumbled. "You could sure use it."

Daryl was on watch for part of the night, so he got up and excused himself from the people left awake, reminding whoever was supposed to take over that they needed to come and get him in a few hours. He slipped out of the house and sat on the porch in the darkness.

The small city was hardly picked over at all in relation to its size and a thorough search of the place would offer up a wide variety of things in larger quantities than a couple of runs to smaller towns would ever have to offer. They just had to be careful about it and they had to be thorough…they had to take their time. And they had all the time that they needed.

The people of Oasis might start to panic a little if they didn't make it back in three days, and they'd be a little more concerned if they didn't make it back in five, but Daryl had been gone as long as eight days on what was supposed to be a three day run before and he assumed that everyone would know that they were simply taking longer and nothing had happened.

He hoped Carol wasn't going to get the wrong idea…but at least she knew that he'd suspected they'd be gone longer than the planned three days.

When Daryl heard the door to the house open, he turned and barely caught the silhouette of the person coming to join him. It wasn't until the person sat near him and spoke that he knew with any certainty who it was.

"So…you and Carol," Glenn said. "Are you really together?"

Daryl shifted and changed the positions of his feet, but he didn't respond immediately. Glenn had been about to die to talk to him and it had been obvious, but they'd been working and there had been a good number of Walkers to take care of and more to look out for. It hadn't been a proper time for idle chat.

"I mean you kissed her at the gates yesterday morning," Glenn said. "So it looks pretty obvious…"

"If it's obvious, why you askin'?" Daryl asked.

"Because it wouldn't be the first time that I thought it was obvious and was wrong," Glenn said. "I thought that you two were kind of together on the road…before the prison…but then…"

Daryl rolled his eyes to himself and shifted again, seeking comfort from the unforgiving porch that he wasn't going to find.

"You got somethin' ta say about it?" Daryl asked.

"No…no…nothing…well…nothing bad," Glenn said. "If you two are…I think that's great…what are you, exactly?"

Daryl sucked his teeth and lit a cigarette from one of the many packs that he'd found and stashed away for himself during the run so far.

"I don't know what we are," Daryl said. "We're livin' together. She's movin' my stuff in while we gone."

"Wow," Glenn commented.

When Daryl didn't add anything or comment any farther, Glenn continued to talk. That was the peculiar thing about the Korean. If he had an idea to talk about things it didn't matter if you wanted to talk or not. He would talk all on his own.

"I mean, that's great…it's really something…I always thought that you two would end up together," Glenn said.

"Yeah," Daryl commented, hoping that Glenn would be quiet.

"Has anyone said anything?" Glenn asked. "It doesn't seem to me that too many people know, and I haven't heard anyone really saying anything here."

Daryl was struck by the question because it was something that Carol was concerned about. He figured people might comment on the fact that they were together. People had a tendency to be too damn nosy for their own good and these days nothing seemed more fascinating to anyone than the fact that they were with some person or the other, but he wasn't really too concerned with what they had to say…not at this point.

But Carol was quite concerned.

"What the hell people gonna say?" Daryl asked. "What damn business is it a' yours or theirs anyway?"

Glenn made something almost akin to a choking sound in the darkness.

"No, I mean it's not…it's not my business or anyone else's, but it's pretty soon after…you know…Tyreese," Glenn said. "People might think it's too soon."

Daryl sighed.

Too soon.

The thought itself almost seemed humorous too him. Was it too soon for him to up and finally do something about this? After every time that he'd sworn to himself that he was going to say something? After every time that he'd sworn he was going to do something and let Carol know how he felt…let her know what he wanted? Was it really too damn soon?

"Ain't too soon at all," Daryl growled. "Leave it alone. An' don't'cha dare say nothin' ta Carol."

"I didn't mean anything," Glenn said apologetically.

Daryl grunted at him and burrowed out another of the cigarettes, excited by having enough to not think about saving half smoked ones for later.

"What about the baby?" Glenn asked. "What…are you going to do about that?"

Daryl hadn't really had much time to think about it.

When he thought about it, it pissed him off because he knew that it should be his damn kid that Carol was having if she was going to have one…but obviously it wasn't his and it wasn't going to be his.

At least not biologically.

There was nothing to be gained here by being an asshole about the whole thing. Carol was having a kid and he knew how she was with Sophia…he knew how she was with all of the children that seemed to come into her care. They did something to her…breathed some kind of life into her that wasn't always there…and he was pretty sure that this one was going to do the same thing to her, even if she didn't exactly seem super thrilled about it yet.

She wasn't parading around and crowing about it…she wasn't making sure that everyone noticed it and talked about it like a lot of the women who were pregnant around Oasis did. But Daryl figured that was to come…it just hadn't happened yet.

Because this was her kid, and there was no question about it.

And if he was really serious about this? If he was really serious about trying to get out of this relationship with Carol the very thing that he envied when he saw that other men had it with women? The very thing that he envied of Tyreese when he was alive? Then he was going to have to accept that this kid was Carol's…and it was maybe going to be his too, if she wanted to go that far with all of this.

But he still didn't know what he was supposed to say to someone like Glenn about a question like that.

"It's Carol's kid," Daryl said. "That's all there is to it. I'm livin' with Carol…an' she's havin' a baby."

"I don't know how I'd feel," Glenn said. "I really don't…but I guess that I'd learn to love the baby. They're not that bad, you know? You don't sleep much, and sometimes you feel like you're going crazy…but…"

Glenn broke off, obviously not committed to his words at all. Daryl didn't mind his abandonment of the conversation since he didn't really know what to add to it at this point either.

"Are you taking her anything?" Glenn asked.

"Hmmm?" Daryl hummed.

"Carol," Glenn said. "Are you taking her anything?"

Daryl hadn't really thought about it. Whoever went on runs got first pick of any of the things that they brought back and they got anything extra that they picked up. He usually didn't bother to pick too much up if it wasn't something like cigarettes or any nice knife or something that they came across. Sometimes he picked up a book or something for Will, but really he wasn't much into the practice of giving gifts.

"What kinda stuff should I get her?" Daryl asked.

"Depends on what she likes," Glenn said. "I usually get Maggie clothes…things she asks for…things for the baby…really it doesn't matter what you get as long as you come back with something. It's a nice gesture, you know? Women like presents."

Daryl chuckled to himself. Maybe women did like presents, but he'd never had a woman he was interested in getting presents for.

He certainly didn't think he'd know where to begin to get things for Carol. He'd given her a few nice knives over the years…but that was hardly a romantic gesture and even he knew that. It was hard to imagine what he might give her that she'd like…and even though he might have had his pick of all the jewelry around, he'd could never imagine how anyone went about picking out something for someone else out of those boxes and boxes of necklaces and rings and things.

"Yeah…maybe I'll…find her something," Daryl said, even though he still had no idea what in the world to take to Carol.

"You want help?" Glenn asked.

"Mmmm?" Daryl hummed.

"Help…do you want help? I could help you gather up some things? You could pick through them before we head back? Or if we have some time tomorrow…while everyone's still getting their supplies, we could look through some stuff." Glenn said. "I've gotten pretty good at figuring out what Maggie might like and what she's not going to be nuts about."

Daryl chuckled to himself.

"An' why the hell you gonna help me with somethin' like that? Don't mean nothin' ta you," Daryl commented.

"Seems like a good cause," Glenn responded.


	48. Chapter 48

**AN: Here we go, another little chapter to keep us moving along and to let us see what both sides of our couple are up to on this run. **

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think!**

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Carol sat cross legged in the living room floor. She'd spent the majority of her morning putting Daryl's things away, including the box that Will had brought her from cleaning out what was left in his apartment. Will had been thorough, though…and Carol thought he might have been too thorough, so she'd set aside a box of odds and ends that she thought were primarily trash that had never been thrown out instead of things that Daryl likely wanted to keep. He could go through the things after the run.

And then she'd gone through Tyreese's things again. She kept very few of his things. The rest she put into one of the packs that he'd gotten on the last run that he'd been on, along with anything in there she thought might be for Sasha or for Tyreese himself.

The final pack she'd filled with the items that he'd clearly brought for her…or rather for the baby…and she'd put that in the spare room for when she finally brought herself to putting together some kind of space for the baby.

Now she was sitting there, the bag she had to offer Sasha on the floor near the entrance wall to the living room, looking at Sasha who had the appearance of someone who couldn't decide if they were disgusted with her or wanted to kill her.

Michonne sat quietly on the sofa, her feet drawn up beside her, acting as something a silent referee.

"So…you're just throwing out whatever's left of him," Sasha said, her hands on her hips.

Carol was eating a sucker from the bag of them that she'd found in the packs. She shook her head. She was almost tired of discussing this with Sasha and they'd probably only been at it for about half an hour…maybe it had been an hour. Carol wasn't sure…she simply knew that the floor was getting uncomfortable, but she didn't feel like getting up. She wanted Sasha to take the bag and go.

"I'm not throwing anything out," Carol said. She felt like she was repeating herself. Really she was in a way, she was just changing the words. "I'm giving it to you. I thought you might like to have these things and I honestly don't have any use for them."

"He meant that little to you?" Sasha asked, her hand on her hip. "He meant so little to you that…you're moving another man in his house this soon? How do you think that would make him feel?"

"Sasha, he doesn't feel anything," Michonne offered. Carol glanced over at the woman who appeared to be growing as tired of the conversation as she was. Of course, Michonne had apparently been at it a little longer than Carol had because she'd made it to Carol's house before Sasha ever got there to warn her that she was coming, and that she was upset.

And really Carol didn't think that Sasha was all that upset with her. Sasha was upset because her brother was gone, and she needed someone to blame. She needed someone to take those feelings out on…and Carol was a perfect person for her to do that on at the moment.

"Michonne…it's fine," Carol offered. "Sasha…Ty knew how I felt about Daryl. He knew that…I cared for Daryl…I loved Daryl…before I even knew Tyreese at all. He didn't feel threatened by that…and never had a reason to. I never did anything with Daryl or anyone else while I was with Tyreese."

"But now that he's gone you're just completely done with him," Sasha said. "You're getting rid of everything that was his…you're just moving on entirely…"

Carol couldn't help but laugh ironically to herself.

"I'm moving on," she said, "because that's all there is to do now. But I think I've kept a few things around to remember him by. I don't need things anyway, Sasha. I'm not going to just forget Tyreese. That's not how my memory works…"

Carol shifted around then, deciding that she was tired of her position and the aching in her body that the hard floor was causing. She crawled toward the chair…Tyreese's chair…and pulled herself up to sit in it.

"And before you say anything," Carol said, "I'm not replacing him either. Tyreese and Daryl are…very…very different men and they both have very different meanings to me."

Sasha sighed loudly and paced two or three steps in either direction from where she was standing. Carol glanced over at Michonne who couldn't look less bored or annoyed if she'd tried. She probably knew, too, that Sasha's anger at the moment wasn't really anger directed at Carol.

And if there was hurt there that Carol had moved on too quickly? Well, Carol could understand and accept that too, but there was nothing that she could really do about it. She was doing this for herself…not for Sasha.

"And the baby?" Sasha asked.

"Healthy, as far as we can tell," Carol said. "Thanks for asking…"

Sasha glared at her.

"That wasn't what I meant," Sasha said. "What are you going to do about it? Are you going to…pretend that it's…Daryl's child?"

Carol shifted around in the chair.

"If Daryl wants to raise this baby with me," Carol said, "then I'm going to accept his help. Anyone who wants to be part of this baby's life is welcome to be part of it…these days we need everyone we can get in our lives. But, ultimately? This is my baby and it's Tyreese's baby…and Ty isn't here…so that it makes it my baby."

"But you're going to tell it about Tyreese?" Sasha asked.

"I'm not trying in any way to deny that this baby is Tyreese's baby," Carol said. "And I intend to tell him or her about Ty when I can. I thought I could count on you to help me with that…but that doesn't mean that Daryl isn't going to be a big part of its life. If he's raising the baby with me…if he chooses to do that…then he's going to be a father figure to the baby."

"And Tyreese would want that too," Michonne offered. "Sasha…you know that Tyreese would want Carol to be happy and he would want the baby to be happy. And if Daryl does that…then what are we still here discussing this for?"

Carol sighed and got up from the chair. She dropped the sucker stick that she'd cleaned off during the time that had passed on the arm of the chair to pick it up later and crossed the room, reaching a hand out and catching Sasha's rigid shoulder. She turned the woman toward her, against her will at first, and then Sasha loosened up a little.

"Sasha…I loved your brother," Carol said. "I did…I loved him and I am thankful for everything he did for me. I am thankful for the time that we had…and I'm…happy…about this baby. And if Ty were still here then I know that this wouldn't even be a question, but he's not here."

Sasha looked away from her for a moment and Carol could tell that the woman was still dealing with her grief and she still wore it just below the surface. It was threatening to bubble out in more than one form almost constantly.

"I know that you're upset about this," Carol said, "and you have every right to feel however you feel. I'm not going to try to change that…but it's my life and it's my baby. If something were to happen to Bob and you fell in love with someone else…wouldn't you want me…and Michonne…and everyone else to support you?"

"Things happen," Michonne offered. "And they happen fast. We all know these days what happens when you…wait too long."

Sasha sighed and nodded. She scratched at her forehead and then reached to pick up the sack that Carol had packed for her, tossing it over her shoulder before she reached to hug Carol with one arm.

"You're right," Sasha said. "It's not my place to tell you if what you're doing is…wrong…or if it's right."

Carol smiled at the woman. She understood that Sasha was essentially saying that she still thought it was wrong, but she wasn't going to argue any more about it. It was the equivalent of telling someone that they were wrong and they were doing something bad…but that they were grown and you weren't going to stand in the way of them doing whatever it was, although you disapproved.

And at the moment, Carol would take that. It was really all she could ask for because she wasn't entirely comfortable herself yet.

"Thank you," Carol said. "I appreciate you supporting me…I really do."

"I just…need a little time to get used to it all," Sasha said. "The whole thing."

Carol nodded.

"I understand…there's a lot for me to get used to too," she responded.

Sasha offered her something of a smile and started out the house with the sack over her shoulder. Michonne got up from the couch when Carol turned back from closing the door behind Sasha.

"You want to talk about it?" Michonne asked.

Carol shook her head.

"There's nothing to talk about," Carol said. "She's got to adjust…and right now she's grieving and she's hurt…she'll get over it."

Michonne hummed her agreement.

"You want me to stay?" Michonne asked.

Carol shook her head.

"No," she said. "I think…I'd like to take a nap…and I've still got some things to put away."

"Maybe tomorrow we could go down to post? Let you pick out some of your furniture for the baby?" Michonne asked.

Carol sucked in a breath.

"Yeah," she said with a sigh. "We can go and look…I might wait until after the run…you know they were going to bring back all kinds of things…they might bring back something I like more…"

Michonne smiled and nodded.

"Yeah, OK," she said. "Maybe we'll just look then…tomorrow or…whenever you're ready."

Carol thanked her and practically pushed her out of the door, relieved, actually, to be alone for a bit and to have the opportunity to come down from the discussion that had waged on far too long, in her opinion, with Sasha.


	49. Chapter 49

**AN: Here we go, another little chapter.**

**I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think! **

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Carol had been more or less pushing Dr. Tucker and Alice both to finish whatever they were going to ask her or tell her so that she could get out of the little office and down near the gates. She'd promised Daryl that she would be there when he got back, but she'd also promised to come in that morning for an appointment.

She would have been perfectly fine on both counts if Daryl's group had made it back in the three days that they were scheduled to return in…and she'd have even been fine if they'd made it back in the five days that Daryl suggested they might be gone.

But now they'd been gone eight days and the whole community was walking on egg shells about the run. Another group had gone out on a short run and returned in the time that they'd been gone, one man short, reporting increased Walker activity in the area that they'd gone into…apparently a herd was migrating or something of the sort. They'd gone in the opposite direction of Daryl's group…but still it had everyone's hair a little raised.

Carol was trying to remind herself to stay calm. She was trying to tell herself that nothing had happened. There were ten of them out there, more than half of them very able to go on supply runs, and it simply wasn't possible that their whole group had been wiped out and not a single person had lived to return to the community. They were just taking longer than anticipated. That was the only explanation for the delay.

So each day she was more or less camping out near the gates during all of her free time. She was taking books out to read in the shade of nearby trees and she was asking for jobs that would put her closer to the gates so that she'd be one of the first to know as soon as they arrived.

Today was the first day that she hadn't been ready to dart for the gates because she was tucked away in an office succumbing to an examination that was done by one doctor and overseen by another who was "studying" as best she could in this environment.

"No cramps…no spotting, nothing," Dr. Tucker asked for the third time in the tone of voice that said that he now felt like she wasn't being honest with him.

Carol shook her head.

"No…nothing," she said.

"No discomfort…no complaints of any kind?" He asked.

Carol shook her head.

"No! I'm fine. There's nothing to tell you about," she assured him.

He laughed likely and shook his head.

"We just saw Mary Clowers earlier this morning," he said. "And she's about a week or two behind you and she had a laundry list of complaints. You're telling me you've got nothing for me?"

Carol sighed.

She shook her head and shrugged gently.

"I've had a baby before," she said. "I remember what's normal…and I just don't think that I need to complain about the things that I know are just…normal."

He nodded at her.

"That's fair," he responded. "But in general how would you say you are about reporting things that are uncomfortable or unpleasant? Are you a complainer?"

Carol shook her head. There was no reason to lie about it and she wasn't much of a complainer. Ed had taught her not to be. If something was wrong with her, she dealt with it. If she was hurt or bothered by something, she typically just got over it and moved on. It was rare that she ever had a problem, while married to Ed, that was serious enough for her to feel that it merited any kind of medical attention because medical attention would get her more attention from Ed than she ever wanted.

She didn't respond verbally, though, and Dr. Tucker nodded at her somewhat knowingly.

"I want you to promise me that you're going to complain about this, OK? If something isn't right or it doesn't feel…good…or whatever, you're going to let us know, right? The sooner we know things, the better we can handle them and your health and the baby's health are pretty closely tied at this point," he said.

Carol nodded.

"I understand," she said. "I really do…and if there's anything that's not right or…whatever…I'll let you know, but I'm being honest when I say that I feel fine. I feel…good…even. If you want me to complain then I'll tell you that I'm a little tired…that sometimes the food doesn't agree with me…but really I'm fine. My morning sickness is a lot better and I'm feeling more energetic than I was…I'm irritable…sometimes…but I don't have anything to report that I can't say was normal when I was pregnant before."

He nodded.

"Good, that's good," he said. "That's great! If you feel good then that's the best that we can ask for…but you've just got to promise to be honest."

Carol nodded.

"Yeah, I got it," she said. "I promise…but is there anything else? I just need to go…"

He glanced at Alice and she didn't say anything. She was observing more than anything and got involved when he asked, taking his lead.

"You need to take it easy some," he said. "Start now…take this as a vacation. The bigger the baby gets, the more strain it's going to put on you, so put your feet up a little each day. Take advantage of it while you can. And…your pants are tight…you've got some pretty serious marks in your skin that show you're wearing them too tight. It might be time to look into something with a little more give."

Carol nodded.

"OK," she said. "Feet up, take it easy…bigger pants…"

He chuckled.

"And relax some," he said. "You're tightly wound and it's obvious. Your blood pressure's up and none of that's great for you anyway but it's worse right now. Try to relax."

Carol sighed.

"I will…I'm just waiting for this group to get back and I'm a little worked up over that…and over other things…but I will," she responded.

"Then go," he said. "You're free to go…and if you don't have any problems at all then I want to see you back here in about three weeks…but come any time if you think something might be off."

Carol agreed and very nearly ran out of the place, hoping that she hadn't missed, as bad luck or Murphy's Law would have it, the arrival of the group that some were beginning to give up hope on.

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Carol knew as soon as she got out of the office that she hadn't missed anything. Everyone was milling about, always like ants heading in some direction or another, and no one was showing any signs of excitement or of anything out of the mundane happening.

She felt almost let down.

For as much as she wanted to be there when Daryl got back because she didn't want him to think that she hadn't come…she didn't want him to get the wrong idea, she'd almost hoped that being unavailable might somehow "trick" things into working the way that she wanted them to and bringing the group home.

She didn't know how long she could keep trying to convince her mind that he was fine and everything was as it should be when the days kept ticking on and there was no sign at all of return.

The group only had two more days before they were going to send out a search party to look for answers…and that was something they'd always had in place to do if something like this ever happened, but it had never been anything that they'd actually had to do.

Carol hung close to the gates for the rest of the day and she passed back by after dinner and after her shower, but the group wasn't coming in again…so she finally made her way back to her house and curled up on her couch.

She would have, perhaps, liked company to pass the time, but everyone that she might have considered someone to invite over in the evening wasn't likely to come. Sasha was keeping her distance from Carol for the time being and Michonne had her hands full pretending that she wasn't concerned about the run for the benefit of Carl and Judith…but mostly for Carl.

So Carol settled down to try to read a book that she'd read at least ten times before and to pass the night, not sure if she'd actually sleep or not.

But she must have drifted off at some point…

Because when she woke up it was with a violent start, her sleep disrupted by her whole body shifting in a manner that even her subconscious mind must have found disturbing for a night spent alone on the couch. She jerked awake with first the feeling of falling and then the feeling of not being alone before she heard a familiar voice in the now almost pitch black of the living room, her lamp obviously having burned out at some point while she'd slept.

"Shhh…easy…it's OK…ain't nobody but me," Daryl hissed at her.

And Carol realized that the feeling of falling wasn't that of falling at all. It was the feeling of being lifted.

It took her a moment for it to sink in that Daryl was there…and that she had no idea where he'd come from or how long he'd been there.

"Daryl?" She asked, instinctively wrapping her arms around his neck even as he cradled her and carried her through the dark of the house that he was somehow able to navigate while her eyes were still adjusting to the change between sleep and wakefulness.

He chuckled.

"Who the hell else is it supposed ta be?" He asked. "Don't move…I mean that…I'm too damn tired ta catch ya if ya start ta fall…"

"You could have just woken me up," Carol said, shifting her concern about how he'd gotten there to concern about why he was carrying her.

"Whole idea behind this shit was not ta wake ya at all," he grumbled.

And he put her on the bed. Carol shifted around then and climbed under the covers, her eyes adjusting enough to make out Daryl's silhouette as he went around the bed and got in.

"When did you get back?" She asked.

"Just a lil' bit ago," Daryl said. "Was a rough run…I'll tell you about it in the mornin'. When I got in I went ta shower an' I come here. We gonna unload an' all in the mornin'."

Carol felt her stomach churn.

"Did anyone die?" Carol asked.

"Two boys," Daryl responded. "Well…one of 'em died…other one went stark ravin' mad after that an' killed himself…I don't wanna talk about it right now."

"Who?" Carol asked. "The two young boys? The brothers?"

"Mmmm…" Daryl hummed.

He sought her out in the bed and it took a moment for Carol to realize what he was doing and to relax enough to let him pull her body toward him and arrange her how he would.

"I wasn't at the gates," she said. "I meant to be there…when you got back…"

Daryl chuckled.

"It's the middle a' the damn night," Daryl growled in the darkness, his face now close enough to hers that she could feel the dampness of his breath on her face. "Weren't nobody out there but the night watch."

"So you're not mad?" Carol asked, seeking reassurement. It might be the middle of the night, but it had seemed important to Daryl that she be out there when he returned…that she do it as some sort of show of dedication or something.

"I'da been mad if you were out there this time a' night," Daryl said.

He moved enough that she felt his lips brush her cheek and then farther up the side of her face.

"We'll talk in the mornin'…go ta sleep," Daryl declared.

And Carol didn't push it any farther or say anything else at the moment. She simply closed her eyes and tried to do just that for the time being.


End file.
